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missingnumbersI am standing
Published: 2014-08-15 16:10:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 2915; Favourites: 117; Downloads: 0
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Description It's been months since I wanted to break out of my body. Okay, that's a lie. But it's been days. Days since I've felt static scorch underneath my skin, felt colours cutting into my eyes, had to explain that these aren't metaphors. There are so many ways you can get used to living. I wonder if anyone else feels empty when they don't have creatures clawing up through their throat.

I don't know what art is, or what okay is. I like to believe I know it when I feel it, but I'm not so sure I would. I think people expect me to be a lot more insightful than I am right now. I don't think they take into account that boredom is stressful, and stress can shatter you like roots in concrete. Maybe I'm growing. But I don't even know if I'm bored. I feel like a lot of different people, or a lot of aspects of different people, all trying to learn how to stand one another.

It's been days since I wanted to break out of my body. I'm watching the sunrise from the wrong side, but I did sleep. I'm not curling in corners or walking alone at 4 a.m. I'm not thinking of my friends talking about me in past tense. I listen to the murmur of the coffee maker, to the droplets of song from backyard birds. And I am not sure where I stand, but I am standing.
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Comments: 41

Shiveringhands [2016-05-21 14:05:46 +0000 UTC]

That was amazing! You write in a wonderous way

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missingnumbers In reply to Shiveringhands [2016-05-22 05:49:11 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much!

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Shiveringhands In reply to missingnumbers [2016-05-22 05:50:44 +0000 UTC]

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missingnumbers In reply to Shiveringhands [2016-05-23 20:15:21 +0000 UTC]

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mare-wrath [2016-03-13 02:09:52 +0000 UTC]

i cant believe how much i relate. this makes me believe i can write again

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missingnumbers In reply to mare-wrath [2016-03-18 02:13:27 +0000 UTC]

you can write! i believe in you too.

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seekerofsigns [2015-02-06 10:10:00 +0000 UTC]

There is a plethora of emotions wrapped up in a conversational, yet powerfully impacting bit of prose. Your words are forthright, and earnest, and you don't dance around complicated vocabulary to evoke these things. Simple in execution. Something that anyone can get wrapped up in.

I know we're total strangers, but I'm glad you were doing okay, and I hope you're still doing okay, and that it stays that way for as long as possible. I know what it's like to be in a neverending battle with your own mind and heart. To see something that speaks so personally about those treasured lulls...well it just makes me smile.

An incredibly well-deserved DD. Incredible work.

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missingnumbers In reply to seekerofsigns [2015-02-10 20:07:27 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much, this is a very kind comment. i'm glad you liked the piece. i'm doing pretty well and i hope you are too

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seekerofsigns In reply to missingnumbers [2015-02-12 07:43:18 +0000 UTC]

It was my honest pleasure. I'm a little rough at the moment, but I'll be flipped around soon I'm sure.

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BornWithTheSun [2015-02-06 01:52:42 +0000 UTC]

Congrats on the Daily Deviation! This is a gorgeous piece, one definitely worth multiple reads. Your last sentence really hits home.

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missingnumbers In reply to BornWithTheSun [2015-02-10 20:06:18 +0000 UTC]

thanks!

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BornWithTheSun In reply to missingnumbers [2015-02-10 23:46:50 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!

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johnjohn610 [2015-01-30 23:21:34 +0000 UTC]

That is a fantastic view of life, whether it be a long drawn out boredom (which sitting still is almost painful for me) or just the mundane day to day grind that wears people out, without anyone noticing. I absolutely love it

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missingnumbers In reply to johnjohn610 [2015-02-10 20:16:04 +0000 UTC]

thanks!

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golden-ash [2015-01-30 11:20:07 +0000 UTC]

this is incredible, I'm in awe, thank you. I feel like this echoes some part of me I was trying to ignore and you've found the words to describe the feeling so beautifully and honestly

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missingnumbers In reply to golden-ash [2015-02-10 20:07:57 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much, i'm glad you like it!

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TheAntiqueClock [2015-01-30 06:19:47 +0000 UTC]

How...how did you manage to take the feelings I didn't even comprehend and manage to turn them into words? Because of you...I think I finally understand what was clawing at my heart. Thank you for writing this!

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missingnumbers In reply to TheAntiqueClock [2015-02-10 20:15:49 +0000 UTC]

i'm glad i could help! thank you for your kind comment.

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ShadowsQuill [2015-01-30 02:57:40 +0000 UTC]

This is phenomenal. It communicates something I've tried to say several times in the past and not been able to do so. Thank you for sharing.

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missingnumbers In reply to ShadowsQuill [2015-02-10 20:08:56 +0000 UTC]

thank you

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ShadowsQuill In reply to missingnumbers [2015-02-11 05:34:37 +0000 UTC]

Sure thing

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angulare [2015-01-30 02:45:27 +0000 UTC]

Jeez. Y'know, it's amazing how well you capture the nebulous haze of emotional confusion; knowing you're feeling something, or that you should be feeling something, but you just don't know what exactly that something is. 

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missingnumbers In reply to angulare [2015-02-10 20:15:14 +0000 UTC]

thank you. i'm glad that came through.

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QueenSheWolf [2015-01-30 02:02:28 +0000 UTC]

'And I am not sure where I stand, but I am standing.' 
You and me both.

I really enjoyed this work. It creates a sort of atmosphere around you, as if you can almost feel the emotions inside you as well.
Great job.
Oh, and congrats on being featured on the Daily Deviations. 

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missingnumbers In reply to QueenSheWolf [2015-02-10 20:05:43 +0000 UTC]

thank you! i'm glad you enjoyed it! <3 

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SarahJPhotography [2015-01-30 01:15:12 +0000 UTC]

 

Wow.

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missingnumbers In reply to SarahJPhotography [2015-02-06 04:37:58 +0000 UTC]

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miss-stuffandthangs [2015-01-30 00:58:01 +0000 UTC]

This is absolutely amazing... do you mind if I put this on tumblr and credit you? I'll link both your account AND this page. It's beautiful... Absolutely beautiful...  

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missingnumbers In reply to miss-stuffandthangs [2015-02-06 04:37:32 +0000 UTC]

thank you! and thanks for asking, you definitely can

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Beltaneh [2015-01-29 18:11:58 +0000 UTC]

A simple, yet beautiful way, to express it

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missingnumbers In reply to Beltaneh [2015-02-05 21:37:16 +0000 UTC]

thank you!

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Beltaneh In reply to missingnumbers [2015-02-06 06:46:17 +0000 UTC]

You are welcome!

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sydhavsprinsessa [2015-01-29 12:44:23 +0000 UTC]

I think I know that. ..set of feelings, good job writing them down ^^

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missingnumbers In reply to sydhavsprinsessa [2015-02-06 04:36:51 +0000 UTC]

thanks~!

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Lintu47 [2015-01-29 10:58:32 +0000 UTC]

Congrats on the DD!
Have a nice day!

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missingnumbers In reply to Lintu47 [2015-02-05 21:36:58 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much! i hope you have a great day too!

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Lintu47 In reply to missingnumbers [2015-02-07 00:21:54 +0000 UTC]

My pleasure, thank you!

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Jomoku [2015-01-29 09:42:51 +0000 UTC]

I much prefer flying, seeing as we humans do that very well. falling and flying.      I find a good cure for boredom, is getting sleep after too much deviant art. -_0

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missingnumbers In reply to Jomoku [2015-02-10 20:17:27 +0000 UTC]

haha, true.

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scheherazades [2014-08-15 22:58:43 +0000 UTC]

this is beautiful

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missingnumbers In reply to scheherazades [2014-08-16 06:21:09 +0000 UTC]

thank you

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