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MissObsession — third period, physics
Published: 2011-09-23 01:55:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 610; Favourites: 17; Downloads: 1
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Description truly,

there is no such thing as touching.

no such thing

as a sheet's cool sigh

or your heart beating

against my spine.

there is no desperation with which

i could press my hand into yours

and close the distance between

our electrons screaming against each other,

the distance between our eyes,

locked across a room,

the distance between our voices

carried on the crests of

radio waves.

there is no distance i could

carry myself as to be indifferent

to your gravitational field because

it is infinite, and my inertia, too great.
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Comments: 13

toxic-nebulae [2013-05-24 20:16:15 +0000 UTC]

this is incredibly beautiful

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

rober2 [2011-10-15 23:59:45 +0000 UTC]

This is really good! One thing I'd change is the bit about eyes meeting across the room, it is cliche and doesn't add much to the piece - In fact, I'd argue that it actually weakens the piece by being too direct, thus shattering both the theme of physics/love and also the longing you are otherwise doing a great job of expressing. Another thing is the "a sheet's cool sigh" - it doesn't add much to the theme of love, even if it is a pretty good expression of the physics of it, and the next two lines far outshine it at any rate.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

MissObsession In reply to rober2 [2011-10-28 01:57:41 +0000 UTC]

i see what you mean about the line with the eyes meeting; teenage angst just really likes to talk in cliches, haha (but WOW is that an intense moment, locking eyes with someone).

with "a sheet's cool sigh" i was trying to set up a scene with two people just chilling out in a bed, but i see how that didn't quite translate and so that line just sticks out.

thanks for stopping by!

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PurpleWallflower [2011-10-13 21:54:21 +0000 UTC]

so fantastic

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MissObsession In reply to PurpleWallflower [2011-10-28 01:57:45 +0000 UTC]

<3

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velocity07 [2011-09-28 15:38:35 +0000 UTC]

i like your brain. can i come visit it for a while?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

MissObsession In reply to velocity07 [2011-09-29 02:08:52 +0000 UTC]

please do! i love visitors

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

velocity07 In reply to MissObsession [2011-09-29 12:15:26 +0000 UTC]

yay! i shall be coming to see your brain very soon.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ohsostarryeyed [2011-09-25 02:40:52 +0000 UTC]

can i borrow your writing talent please

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

MissObsession In reply to ohsostarryeyed [2011-09-25 05:17:32 +0000 UTC]

yaaaaaah trick i am renting it out actually c:

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

BlaireAllegrio [2011-09-23 02:46:26 +0000 UTC]

Hi, Bonny, my name is Dani and I love you.
And I love your photography but I desperately want you to write more because the way you string words together is so inspiring.
This makes me want to smash my writer's block.

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

Angelalala923 In reply to BlaireAllegrio [2011-09-25 14:48:41 +0000 UTC]

The more you write the less writer's block you'll get! (;

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

MissObsession In reply to BlaireAllegrio [2011-09-25 05:19:20 +0000 UTC]

adsfadsfadgadgasdfa;sk aw thank you!!!!!!!!! c: this comment makes me feel like dancing

👍: 0 ⏩: 0