HOME | DD

Description
"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Mel asked her roommate for the last time.

"No," Indie laughed, "I'll be fine here, I swear. It's quiet, so I'll get more studying done."

She was perfectly fine, sprawled on her extra long twin bed, her Psychology textbook open but unread, unmarked, unturned.

"But it'll be so lonely and dreary here!" Mel exclaimed, gesturing to the view of the field-turned-marsh and the pouring rain.

"I'll be fine," she repeated.

Mel sighed and kissed Indie on the cheek. "Text me if you meet a Library Cutie, okay?"

"Sure," Indie said, doubting very much that she'd meet someone who interested her. None of the guys had, not since-

Whatever. She wasn't going to think of him. Obviously he didn't think about her anymore.

And she never thought of him either, of course. He might've made a cameo appearance in some of her dreams, but she never remembered those anymore. She didn't remember him, when it rained like this…no, never. Even if it was raining when they first-

Indie slammed her book shut and crisscrossed her legs, leaning to the window. She was so close that her clammy forehead pressed against its iciness. Maybe if the cold consumed her face, heat wouldn't rise to her cheeks at the memory…

***

TWO YEARS EARLIER

"This is going to be so fun," Indie said, grinding the pole even deeper into the ground, making sure her one-person tent was stead. "You know, like, our last childhood camping trip."

"Or our first as high school graduates," Landon pointed out, sitting on the campsite floor with a bag of marshmallows.

"Or our first without family," she said, sitting next to him and popping the white sugary pillow into her mouth.

They'd lived next door forever, but since high school the two of them had grown apart. Originally Landon had planned to take Ian along, but Ian had refused, insisting he wanted to spend the last few days before college a drunken stupor. He'd decided to ask Indie instead, as she was the president of their school's Adventure Club, and he could barely remember Survival 101, yet still wanted the peace of the woods.

"Hey, I forgot to get the sleeping bags, I'll go get them," Indie said.

"I'll go with you."

They walked to the parking lot in silence. Eventually the tension built to where neither of them could take it.

"Hey-"

"Do-"

They laughed together.

"You go first," Landon offered, stopping in front of her and holding out his hand. She smiled, something she rarely did. Whenever she wore no smile, her natural facial expression was fierce. Maybe she was happy he remembered their elementary prince/princess games.

"Why, thank you, gallant sir," she said, taking his hand and sinking into a curtsy, her other hand lifting an imaginary train.

"How's Alisha?" she asked when they had giggled their childhood antics away.

"I wouldn't know," he said, voice sobering, "she dumped me, said she didn't want to be 'tied down.'"

"Huh. I never liked that expression."

"Why?"

"It seems to imply that the other person was trying to trap you or something. It puts all the blame on them."

"Yeah…"

"Anyway, what were you going to say?"

"Um…it was stupid, jus a conversation pusher. Forget it."

"Well, now I have to know."

"Oh, look. My car."

"Landon…"

He opened the trunk and swung both stuffed duffel bags over his shoulder.

"Oh, look, our sleeping bags," he said cheekily kicking the trunk door shut backwards.

"Landon!"

"Present."

"I am going to-"

"Maybe I'll tell you some day."

She rolled her eyes.

"Fine."

***

"Shit!"

Indie's tent was torn to shreds.

"What the hell? How did that even look edible?" Landon asked, not able to suppress a grin.

"Oh, whatever," she muttered, rolling her bag onto the hard-packed earth. "I'll just sleep outside. It's better under the stars anyway."

Landon squinted at the horizon. Sure enough, smudges of deep blue were beginning to develop.

"I'm turning in, too," he said, "Sleep-"

At that exact moment, the sky opened up with a crack and rain was released with a vengeance.

"We'll make it work," he said. Grudgingly, she got into the too-small tent, her usually vibrant orange hair already drenched to an almost-red.

***

"So…"

"So."

"This is awkward," Indie said simply. So it was. Their heads were so close that if they moved to facing each other their noses would be touching. The sides of their legs were touching, only separated by two layers of sweatpants and sleeping bags. Well, three, if you wanted to get technical about undergarments.

"Yep. It's pretty, though."

So it was. The rain rippled the top of the tent and you could see the outline of the drops sliding over the sides.

"Well, now that I have you trapped here, can you tell me what you were trying to say?"

"Go to sleep, Indie."

"Landon."

Landon stretched his long arms and put his hands behind his dark, curly head.

"Landon!"

"Yes, dear?"

"Your elbow is in my ear."

"Doyouevergetafraidsometimes?"

"What?"

"Do. You. Ever. Get. Afraid. Sometimes. That was the question."

"What, you mean in general, or-"

"I mean about the future."

"Well, sure. I mean, doesn't everyone?"

"No, I mean, like, genuinely afraid. Like, hands shaking when you packed up for your dorm sort of afraid."

"Yes. Landon, our lives are totally our responsibility now. It's scary."

Thunder shook and wind snapped the branches.

"Scarier than that, even," she said, "because the storm is out of our control. Our life is within it."

"You know, you're real easy to talk to."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks, Landon."

And they fell asleep, with shadows playing across the fabric of their thin roof.

***

Indie awoke with sunlight streaming into her eyes. She was on something comfortable, so she snuggled into it, but when she felt breathing in her ear her eyes snapped open again. She had moved in her sleep to Landon's chest, and his arm was tucked around her shoulders, holding her close.

She tried to wriggle out, but he just held her tighter.

"Landon," she whispered insistently.

"All I ever wanted was to be close to her," he mumbled, turning his head towards hers. She slapped him lightly on the cheek but he remained asleep.

Tenderly, she moved his bangs from his forehead. His eyelashes swept down to his lightly freckled cheeks.

"It's okay. Alisha didn't deserve-"

"Indie…she wore ice blue to the prom, I saw her across the room, and I wanted to talk to her, ask her to dance, but-"

"What?"

"She's a beautiful girl. Too good for me. Why did I not realize…"

With a start, his eyes opened, blinked once, twice. They both glanced down at their intertwined bodies, then sprang apart.

"Erm…good morning," she said brightly.

"Morning."

He rubbed his eyes, and somehow it made him look younger, more childlike.

"Did I talk in my sleep?" he asked sheepishly. "I do that sometimes.

"Oh. Well…"

"Usually really stupid stuff."

"Right."

"Okay, well, we should probably hit the road.

"Yeah, we probably should."

***

"Oh, God. What else could go wrong?" Indie cried irritably. The break in the storm had been an illusion, and the rain was pounding so hard she could barely see.

Landon turned the radio on. Almost every station had a weather advisory, and the last one warned, "Stay off the road tonight, folks. There's a wind advisory, lightning advisory, and hail advisory. It's a triple-threat, as we say here in the-"

Landon punched it off when Indie groaned at the DJ's cheesiness.

"We need to stop," he said firmly.

"We're not going to make it to your orientation in the morning if we stop."

"Orientation is overrated. Our lives aren't."

"Oh, stop being so melodramatic. I'm a good driver, I can handle a little-"

BOOM!

"-bad weather, so just-"

"There," he pointed to an exit sign that said it had lodging.

"No."

"GO INTO THE GODDAMN EXIT, INDIE!!!"

"FINE!"

She flicked on the signal and made the sharpest turn Landon had ever seen outside of action movies.

***

They ran out of the car to the lobby with their backpacks above their heads.

"Hi," Indie said, breathless. The receptionist's eyes widened at her completely soaked white t-shirt. "Do you have a room with two beds, perchance?"

"Let me check," he said, flustered. Indie drummed her fingers on the table as he clacked away on his keyboard.

"No, we only have a few left with queens."

"Outstanding." She turned around to face Landon. "Pay up, Princeton boy."

"Why do I have to pay up?"

"If you've been paying any attention to my life, you would know I'm going to RISD on a scholarship. My parents told me going to art school is akin to flushing money down a toilet, therefore, I am getting no financial help whatsoever. That being said, I'm guessing your AmEx is loaded."

Shamed, he handed the receptionist his credit card. In turn he handed the room card and said, "Room 220, on your right, have a nice stay!"

***

"That guy was staring at you," Landon said as he punched the pillows to perfection.

"So?"

"So…I don't know. It was just kind of perverted. It bugged me."

"Whatever. Can I take a shower first?"

"Sure."

"God, this is just totally sticking to me! Hold it?"

"Hold what?"

He turned around to get a wet t-shirt in his face. When it fell to the floor in a dissatisfied squelch, he saw Indie. Her bra shimmered purple, and her waist fell gracefully under it, sloping to her hips and stopping at her jeans. She put her hands on her hips.

"What?"

"N-nothing."

"Good."

***

"Your turn," she said a few minutes later, her hair dripping onto her oversized RISD sweatshirt. She slipped into the bed and turned to face him, hand on ear and elbow-upright.

"You know, I'm actually okay. I had some tea. I'm pretty warm," he said, turning a page in the magazine left over from some previous guest.

"Okay then. G'night." She turned off the bedside lamp.

"Indie?"

"Shut up, I want to go to sleep."

"Indie, what did I say this morning? When I was asleep, I mean.?

"Nothing. Stupid stuff, like you said."

"Well, you know, it's not all stupid, like when we're asleep dreams are supposed to be symbols from our subconscious, so-"

"What are you trying to say, Landon?"

"Well, maybe it was kind of important."

"Yeah, and maybe it wasn't."

"But maybe it was."

"Go to sleep, Landon."

"You know, I don't think I will."

"Fine by me."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?"

"You know like what."

"I want to hear you say it."

"Why are you being so bitchy?"

"Well, if a guy held you in his sleep and said you were beautiful and that he yearned for you at prom and that he should've taken a chance with you and then wakes up and looks at you like you're Raggedy Ann and says he only says stupid stuff in his sleep, you would be bitchy too."

"Wait…what?"

"You heard me."

Landon reached out and grabbed both of her hands.

"What?!" she snapped.

"Listen to me. I have always wanted you. But you never showed any interest in me. What was I supposed to do?"

"Well, you never showed any interest either."

"Of course I didn't! You're the most intimidating girl on planet earth. The Dalai freaking Lama couldn't talk to you without getting a written invitation."

"You had a girlfriend, what was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. You could've said hi. You could've asked how I was. You could've smiled or given me something in return, but all you did was leave me with boners and then ignore me."

"That's way too much information…"

"You wanted to know the truth, didn't you?"

"Landon?"

"What?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

***

"Landon?" Indie called when she awoke. His pillow was dented and smelled of him.

She slipped out of bed and saw a piece of paper on the bedside table, a paper clip holding something else to it.

Indie-

This is really hard to write. I think I might love you. But we're going different places, and I don't want to hold you back.
I bought you a Greyhound ticket and a ferry ticket to Rhode Island. Going on the rest of this trip with you and having to say goodbye when I got to Princeton would be too hard.

I hope you get everything you ever wanted.

Your Friend,
Landon

***

THE PRESENT

She heard a knock on her door. Could it be the nosy RA? She thought she was going on vacation, but maybe not.

Indie let the textbook slide to the floor with a loud thump and went to answer the door.

It wasn't, it couldn't be. But it was. Him. Two years older, his hands in his pockets, his eyes red-rimmed.

"How did you know where to find me?" she demanded, still in shock.

"I asked your friend. Does it matter?"

"I guess not. Why the hell are you here, Landon? You can't just show up. You could've written, or called, or texted, or something, but you never did, and now you just want to talk in person?"

"Yes. But you never did, either."

"I was waiting for you! I was stupid and hopeful and I've been waiting for you but you never did, and I lost hope."

"Can I come in?"

"I don't think so."

"Indie…I missed you too much. I wanted to give you freedom. I'm sorry."

"You're a coward."

"Yeah, I am. But I'm a coward that still loves you."

She looked at him, waiting for a slap or a sign or something. She could've made him wait forever, but she knew how hard that was.

"Come inside, Landon. You have a lot of explaining to do."

Description
"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Mel asked her roommate for the last time.

"No," Indie laughed, "I'll be fine here, I swear. It's quiet, so I'll get more studying done."

She was perfectly fine, sprawled on her extra long twin bed, her Psychology textbook open but unread, unmarked, unturned.

"But it'll be so lonely and dreary here!" Mel exclaimed, gesturing to the view of the field-turned-marsh and the pouring rain.

"I'll be fine," she repeated.

Mel sighed and kissed Indie on the cheek. "Text me if you meet a Library Cutie, okay?"

"Sure," Indie said, doubting very much that she'd meet someone who interested her. None of the guys had, not since-

Whatever. She wasn't going to think of him. Obviously he didn't think about her anymore.

And she never thought of him either, of course. He might've made a cameo appearance in some of her dreams, but she never remembered those anymore. She didn't remember him, when it rained like this…no, never. Even if it was raining when they first-

Indie slammed her book shut and crisscrossed her legs, leaning to the window. She was so close that her clammy forehead pressed against its iciness. Maybe if the cold consumed her face, heat wouldn't rise to her cheeks at the memory…

***

TWO YEARS EARLIER

"This is going to be so fun," Indie said, grinding the pole even deeper into the ground, making sure her one-person tent was stead. "You know, like, our last childhood camping trip."

"Or our first as high school graduates," Landon pointed out, sitting on the campsite floor with a bag of marshmallows.

"Or our first without family," she said, sitting next to him and popping the white sugary pillow into her mouth.

They'd lived next door forever, but since high school the two of them had grown apart. Originally Landon had planned to take Ian along, but Ian had refused, insisting he wanted to spend the last few days before college a drunken stupor. He'd decided to ask Indie instead, as she was the president of their school's Adventure Club, and he could barely remember Survival 101, yet still wanted the peace of the woods.

"Hey, I forgot to get the sleeping bags, I'll go get them," Indie said.

"I'll go with you."

They walked to the parking lot in silence. Eventually the tension built to where neither of them could take it.

"Hey-"

"Do-"

They laughed together.

"You go first," Landon offered, stopping in front of her and holding out his hand. She smiled, something she rarely did. Whenever she wore no smile, her natural facial expression was fierce. Maybe she was happy he remembered their elementary prince/princess games.

"Why, thank you, gallant sir," she said, taking his hand and sinking into a curtsy, her other hand lifting an imaginary train.

"How's Alisha?" she asked when they had giggled their childhood antics away.

"I wouldn't know," he said, voice sobering, "she dumped me, said she didn't want to be 'tied down.'"

"Huh. I never liked that expression."

"Why?"

"It seems to imply that the other person was trying to trap you or something. It puts all the blame on them."

"Yeah…"

"Anyway, what were you going to say?"

"Um…it was stupid, jus a conversation pusher. Forget it."

"Well, now I have to know."

"Oh, look. My car."

"Landon…"

He opened the trunk and swung both stuffed duffel bags over his shoulder.

"Oh, look, our sleeping bags," he said cheekily kicking the trunk door shut backwards.

"Landon!"

"Present."

"I am going to-"

"Maybe I'll tell you some day."

She rolled her eyes.

"Fine."

***

"Shit!"

Indie's tent was torn to shreds.

"What the hell? How did that even look edible?" Landon asked, not able to suppress a grin.

"Oh, whatever," she muttered, rolling her bag onto the hard-packed earth. "I'll just sleep outside. It's better under the stars anyway."

Landon squinted at the horizon. Sure enough, smudges of deep blue were beginning to develop.

"I'm turning in, too," he said, "Sleep-"

At that exact moment, the sky opened up with a crack and rain was released with a vengeance.

"We'll make it work," he said. Grudgingly, she got into the too-small tent, her usually vibrant orange hair already drenched to an almost-red.

***

"So…"

"So."

"This is awkward," Indie said simply. So it was. Their heads were so close that if they moved to facing each other their noses would be touching. The sides of their legs were touching, only separated by two layers of sweatpants and sleeping bags. Well, three, if you wanted to get technical about undergarments.

"Yep. It's pretty, though."

So it was. The rain rippled the top of the tent and you could see the outline of the drops sliding over the sides.

"Well, now that I have you trapped here, can you tell me what you were trying to say?"

"Go to sleep, Indie."

"Landon."

Landon stretched his long arms and put his hands behind his dark, curly head.

"Landon!"

"Yes, dear?"

"Your elbow is in my ear."

"Doyouevergetafraidsometimes?"

"What?"

"Do. You. Ever. Get. Afraid. Sometimes. That was the question."

"What, you mean in general, or-"

"I mean about the future."

"Well, sure. I mean, doesn't everyone?"

"No, I mean, like, genuinely afraid. Like, hands shaking when you packed up for your dorm sort of afraid."

"Yes. Landon, our lives are totally our responsibility now. It's scary."

Thunder shook and wind snapped the branches.

"Scarier than that, even," she said, "because the storm is out of our control. Our life is within it."

"You know, you're real easy to talk to."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks, Landon."

And they fell asleep, with shadows playing across the fabric of their thin roof.

***

Indie awoke with sunlight streaming into her eyes. She was on something comfortable, so she snuggled into it, but when she felt breathing in her ear her eyes snapped open again. She had moved in her sleep to Landon's chest, and his arm was tucked around her shoulders, holding her close.

She tried to wriggle out, but he just held her tighter.

"Landon," she whispered insistently.

"All I ever wanted was to be close to her," he mumbled, turning his head towards hers. She slapped him lightly on the cheek but he remained asleep.

Tenderly, she moved his bangs from his forehead. His eyelashes swept down to his lightly freckled cheeks.

"It's okay. Alisha didn't deserve-"

"Indie…she wore ice blue to the prom, I saw her across the room, and I wanted to talk to her, ask her to dance, but-"

"What?"

"She's a beautiful girl. Too good for me. Why did I not realize…"

With a start, his eyes opened, blinked once, twice. They both glanced down at their intertwined bodies, then sprang apart.

"Erm…good morning," she said brightly.

"Morning."

He rubbed his eyes, and somehow it made him look younger, more childlike.

"Did I talk in my sleep?" he asked sheepishly. "I do that sometimes.

"Oh. Well…"

"Usually really stupid stuff."

"Right."

"Okay, well, we should probably hit the road.

"Yeah, we probably should."

***

"Oh, God. What else could go wrong?" Indie cried irritably. The break in the storm had been an illusion, and the rain was pounding so hard she could barely see.

Landon turned the radio on. Almost every station had a weather advisory, and the last one warned, "Stay off the road tonight, folks. There's a wind advisory, lightning advisory, and hail advisory. It's a triple-threat, as we say here in the-"

Landon punched it off when Indie groaned at the DJ's cheesiness.

"We need to stop," he said firmly.

"We're not going to make it to your orientation in the morning if we stop."

"Orientation is overrated. Our lives aren't."

"Oh, stop being so melodramatic. I'm a good driver, I can handle a little-"

BOOM!

"-bad weather, so just-"

"There," he pointed to an exit sign that said it had lodging.

"No."

"GO INTO THE GODDAMN EXIT, INDIE!!!"

"FINE!"

She flicked on the signal and made the sharpest turn Landon had ever seen outside of action movies.

***

They ran out of the car to the lobby with their backpacks above their heads.

"Hi," Indie said, breathless. The receptionist's eyes widened at her completely soaked white t-shirt. "Do you have a room with two beds, perchance?"

"Let me check," he said, flustered. Indie drummed her fingers on the table as he clacked away on his keyboard.

"No, we only have a few left with queens."

"Outstanding." She turned around to face Landon. "Pay up, Princeton boy."

"Why do I have to pay up?"

"If you've been paying any attention to my life, you would know I'm going to RISD on a scholarship. My parents told me going to art school is akin to flushing money down a toilet, therefore, I am getting no financial help whatsoever. That being said, I'm guessing your AmEx is loaded."

Shamed, he handed the receptionist his credit card. In turn he handed the room card and said, "Room 220, on your right, have a nice stay!"

***

"That guy was staring at you," Landon said as he punched the pillows to perfection.

"So?"

"So…I don't know. It was just kind of perverted. It bugged me."

"Whatever. Can I take a shower first?"

"Sure."

"God, this is just totally sticking to me! Hold it?"

"Hold what?"

He turned around to get a wet t-shirt in his face. When it fell to the floor in a dissatisfied squelch, he saw Indie. Her bra shimmered purple, and her waist fell gracefully under it, sloping to her hips and stopping at her jeans. She put her hands on her hips.

"What?"

"N-nothing."

"Good."

***

"Your turn," she said a few minutes later, her hair dripping onto her oversized RISD sweatshirt. She slipped into the bed and turned to face him, hand on ear and elbow-upright.

"You know, I'm actually okay. I had some tea. I'm pretty warm," he said, turning a page in the magazine left over from some previous guest.

"Okay then. G'night." She turned off the bedside lamp.

"Indie?"

"Shut up, I want to go to sleep."

"Indie, what did I say this morning? When I was asleep, I mean.?

"Nothing. Stupid stuff, like you said."

"Well, you know, it's not all stupid, like when we're asleep dreams are supposed to be symbols from our subconscious, so-"

"What are you trying to say, Landon?"

"Well, maybe it was kind of important."

"Yeah, and maybe it wasn't."

"But maybe it was."

"Go to sleep, Landon."

"You know, I don't think I will."

"Fine by me."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?"

"You know like what."

"I want to hear you say it."

"Why are you being so bitchy?"

"Well, if a guy held you in his sleep and said you were beautiful and that he yearned for you at prom and that he should've taken a chance with you and then wakes up and looks at you like you're Raggedy Ann and says he only says stupid stuff in his sleep, you would be bitchy too."

"Wait…what?"

"You heard me."

Landon reached out and grabbed both of her hands.

"What?!" she snapped.

"Listen to me. I have always wanted you. But you never showed any interest in me. What was I supposed to do?"

"Well, you never showed any interest either."

"Of course I didn't! You're the most intimidating girl on planet earth. The Dalai freaking Lama couldn't talk to you without getting a written invitation."

"You had a girlfriend, what was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. You could've said hi. You could've asked how I was. You could've smiled or given me something in return, but all you did was leave me with boners and then ignore me."

"That's way too much information…"

"You wanted to know the truth, didn't you?"

"Landon?"

"What?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

***

"Landon?" Indie called when she awoke. His pillow was dented and smelled of him.

She slipped out of bed and saw a piece of paper on the bedside table, a paper clip holding something else to it.

Indie-

This is really hard to write. I think I might love you. But we're going different places, and I don't want to hold you back.
I bought you a Greyhound ticket and a ferry ticket to Rhode Island. Going on the rest of this trip with you and having to say goodbye when I got to Princeton would be too hard.

I hope you get everything you ever wanted.

Your Friend,
Landon

***

THE PRESENT

She heard a knock on her door. Could it be the nosy RA? She thought she was going on vacation, but maybe not.

Indie let the textbook slide to the floor with a loud thump and went to answer the door.

It wasn't, it couldn't be. But it was. Him. Two years older, his hands in his pockets, his eyes red-rimmed.

"How did you know where to find me?" she demanded, still in shock.

"I asked your friend. Does it matter?"

"I guess not. Why the hell are you here, Landon? You can't just show up. You could've written, or called, or texted, or something, but you never did, and now you just want to talk in person?"

"Yes. But you never did, either."

"I was waiting for you! I was stupid and hopeful and I've been waiting for you but you never did, and I lost hope."

"Can I come in?"

"I don't think so."

"Indie…I missed you too much. I wanted to give you freedom. I'm sorry."

"You're a coward."

"Yeah, I am. But I'm a coward that still loves you."

She looked at him, waiting for a slap or a sign or something. She could've made him wait forever, but she knew how hard that was.

"Come inside, Landon. You have a lot of explaining to do."