HOME | DD
mistsofavalon4ever β Will You Marry Me?
by-nc-nd
Published: 2010-01-08 03:18:45 +0000 UTC; Views: 465; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 2
Redirect to original
Description
I would,Except that last time
The light got in my eyes
And my fingers moved
On their own accord
It was a full moon night,
And we all know
The moon changes us
Our bodies are made
Of water and the moon
Controls the tides
To you I whispered:
"I'll give you
Whatever you want."
And I traced the
Seams of your shirt
With my hands,
As if I could make you
Into something you're not
Why make it harder
When neither wants to
Work for it?
Maybe "perfect"
Is too much to ask forβ¦
I don't think I can
Wear that white dress
Related content
Comments: 13
nice poem, the beauty of your words is strong.
π: 0 β©: 1
aww thankies
π: 0 β©: 1
This is definitely one of your best. I really liked the ending. The idea of 'second thoughts' during this scene described oh so perfectly, was developped in a strange, unpredictable way. Try studying punctuation use and spacing for your next piece.
π: 0 β©: 1
I will, thanks so much.
π: 0 β©: 1
oh, thanks! I've been worried most about that the most so good 2 hear.
π: 0 β©: 0
Wicked job!
I love the lines about how the moon and tides change us.
I wouldnt change the title because I like the way the first line continues on from it. But that's just me
π: 0 β©: 1
Thanks for your advice.
π: 0 β©: 1
Ooh. I really like it. I might change the title, like you were considering. If you change the title, the idea that he's proposing won't be obvious until the last line, the "white dress" phrase which references a wedding. As a reader, I personally like being made to think a little harder, so I like the idea of the title not giving everything away. But I love the content of the poem!
π: 0 β©: 1
awww thanks I'll think about it.
π: 0 β©: 0