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Published: 2004-06-13 07:59:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 184; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 14
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Description for awhile
i let you go
but you've returned
stronger than ever

i dreamed
of kissing you
and holding you
making you mine

anything was possible

and then you left
i left
we moved on

you were too real for me
i was a coward
please forgive me
i can't handle you
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Comments: 27

Pendragon2879 [2004-06-14 04:36:57 +0000 UTC]

Wow, its like every relationship if you can call them that. Yup, all of them. And its a very small number. As for society, let them go. Society is not you. Society can never be true to you because it doesn't know you. Society is the commonly agreed upon opinion of those who are easily manipulated. Its times like this when I think about society, that I want to smoke, even though I don't smoke, and it would probably kill me so fast that its just sad. I wonder how long I would live if I started smoking. Another 10-15 years. Not that long when you think about it. Of course, that is just a rough estimate. Scared to ask a doctor how bad I would be if I started smoking. But times like this I just don't care. I am not even looking while I type. Staring into nothingness. Just letting go...

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moldygrape In reply to Pendragon2879 [2004-06-14 04:46:39 +0000 UTC]

you know...i think you need to get out more. lol, staring into nothingness while typing is not much to be proud of ^^ lol, actually i do it too so...hhahahaa!
i've kind of let society go...i dont care what they think of me anymore. if i still wanted her, i'd ask her to be with me. but i dont...she's hurting me too much...

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Pendragon2879 In reply to moldygrape [2004-06-14 04:51:11 +0000 UTC]

I don't know, I like being in my own world. Then I am happy when I am alone. Sad that she's hurting you. Society, lol, where has society gone?

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moldygrape In reply to Pendragon2879 [2004-06-14 04:53:01 +0000 UTC]

TO THE SHITTER!! bah, i hate them all. so does she. she hates them because of me... god, i hate remembering what i did to her. i was a bitch. still am.

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Pendragon2879 In reply to moldygrape [2004-06-14 04:56:01 +0000 UTC]

lol, well you can't undo the past. But you were so cruel to her. Played yo yo with her heart in all. How can you make it up to her? Seriously. How can you make it up to her?

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moldygrape In reply to Pendragon2879 [2004-06-14 04:57:30 +0000 UTC]

...i dont think i can. i lead her on and then pulled away...hate myself for that. i've tried, but i dont think she really trusts me anymore.

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Pendragon2879 In reply to moldygrape [2004-06-14 05:03:09 +0000 UTC]

Well I wouldn't trust you anymore, but I am a bastard. Sorry, probably not saying anything you want to hear right now. Let me shut up a minute.

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moldygrape In reply to Pendragon2879 [2004-06-14 05:04:37 +0000 UTC]

naw, i deserve this. i think we're all a bunch of bastards and whores. i'm not quite sure which one i am yet ^^

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Pendragon2879 In reply to moldygrape [2004-06-14 05:07:38 +0000 UTC]

We all have our days don't we?

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moldygrape In reply to Pendragon2879 [2004-06-14 05:09:19 +0000 UTC]

yahp. you know i think i'm a whastard. lol, yah thats good.

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Pendragon2879 In reply to moldygrape [2004-06-14 05:13:57 +0000 UTC]

lol. great compilation.

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sparklesatine [2004-06-13 18:43:40 +0000 UTC]

Thats really good. You should talk to her about it??? I know how thats hard though. I hate telling people what I feel for them... I feel so vulnerable when I do that...

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moldygrape In reply to sparklesatine [2004-06-13 19:08:51 +0000 UTC]

yah. plus...its like...well sometimes i'm all for being with her and everything...then the feeling dies. i dont really know how to explain it. i'm just not all up for risking so much i guess.

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sparklesatine In reply to moldygrape [2004-06-14 01:01:45 +0000 UTC]

Well if you think about it-you're already losing what you're risking (I'm assuming its the friendship your risking) and I dunno maybe things would change it you officially were together. I dunno. The way things happen are the way things are meant to be. I understand though.

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moldygrape In reply to sparklesatine [2004-06-14 01:14:48 +0000 UTC]

yah...it's all fucked up betond belief. which sucks. we dont talk at school anymore. like i friday i waslk up to her cuz i see her walking toward me in the hall...she glances away from me and quickly walks on.

that hurt.

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sparklesatine In reply to moldygrape [2004-06-14 01:41:51 +0000 UTC]

awww-that really hurts. She is prolly really insecure then.

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moldygrape In reply to sparklesatine [2004-06-14 02:13:51 +0000 UTC]

yah. makes me hurt inside...but sometimes it seems like she wouldn't have been my friend anyway if it wasn't for her crush on me.

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sparklesatine In reply to moldygrape [2004-06-14 02:55:01 +0000 UTC]

Out of curiousity-how did the whole crush thing get started???

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moldygrape In reply to sparklesatine [2004-06-14 03:36:29 +0000 UTC]

i'm not sure actually.

one day she gave me this not that simply said, "i have a crush on someone...and i dont know if the person likes me back". of course i assumed it was a guy, so i was all asking her who it was and all that crud. After school she had a wrestling meet and i went, just to hang out w/ friends. i asked aron (her best friend) if he knew anything- of course he did. he refused to tell me because he'd promised kelli he wouldn't somehow i figured out it was a girl, and i was thinking, "what if its me?" so i kept pushing it. finally she took me aside in the girls locker room. she was shy about telling me, and i told her i liked girls before (but not in a way to want to go out with them) which make her bolder. so she blurted it that she liked me. all night i wondered, "do i like her back like that?" in the beginning, i just wanted to be her friend. but now that she liked me...it changed everything basically. she began to hang off me in a flirtatious way, which made me feel loved. for awhile i thought i wanted her, but was too frightened by society to actually be with her. i still dont know if i really wanted to be with her, or if i forced myself to because she liked me first so i thought i had to return the favor or something.

its pretty depressing.

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sparklesatine In reply to moldygrape [2004-06-14 06:04:55 +0000 UTC]

You know, now that I think about it-its pretty gutsy to tell you best friend (of the same sex) that you have a crush on her. I would imagine ever moreso than telling a guy-friend. I don't think I could ever do that...

Anyway... wow. Thats definitely something. Did you know she "liked" girls before??

Everything sounds really complicated. In terms of society-don't give a rats ass.... Its not really the end of the world.

And I've had experiences where someone tells me that they like me and because of that I start liking them. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I think you know for sure whether you "like" someone though.
I dunno-do you think your bi or straight or lesbian?
And it doesn't really matter which you are-just as long as you know. And I went through that whole questioning thing around 13-14 too actualyl now that I think of it.

Its still depressing though.

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moldygrape In reply to sparklesatine [2004-06-14 22:39:33 +0000 UTC]

...right now i think i'm dangling between bi and straight. seriously, i've spend HOURS thinking about this...and sometimes i want her, other times i dont. for now i'm sticking with straight. not because society wants me to, but because i'm just not attracted to any girls at this moment.

as for society...i'm more concerned with the fuckers that actually huint down gay and lesbian people and BEAT THEM. other than that...well i hate them.

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sparklesatine In reply to moldygrape [2004-06-15 05:11:36 +0000 UTC]

Well... the way I think about it is that you fall in love/in like with the person's mind/personality and it has nothing to do with their gender. You like who you like-you can't really help who you fall in love/like with. Bi and straight and gay are just labels to put on it I suppose.

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moldygrape In reply to sparklesatine [2004-06-15 22:46:13 +0000 UTC]

yah, ur right. all of those are just labels...and when people days stupid stuff like "dyke" or "faggot" to replace lesbian and gay...it only makes people want to hide more.

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MoonlitShadow [2004-06-13 16:04:35 +0000 UTC]

tis wonderfu. the flow is great...and i can def relate.

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moldygrape In reply to MoonlitShadow [2004-06-13 17:36:57 +0000 UTC]

yay1 thanks ^^

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SlientSecret [2004-06-13 08:57:52 +0000 UTC]

Wow, I like this alot.
I can realate to it. Its wonderful. Thank you.

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moldygrape In reply to SlientSecret [2004-06-13 17:38:59 +0000 UTC]

ur welcome

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