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MsCellanea β Entropy
Published: 2007-05-22 05:06:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 356; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 4
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Description
This is the delicate pointWhere this chunk of earth standing solo on a salty precipice
Blinks down at rocks and neon lights
(The waterβs frozen, jump right in- shatter splatter)
This is the moment where the child in bright overalls shakes the cage
Rusted bars
And every point of existence is airborne in grand regalia
(Trumpets blare, confetti- listen carefully)
Glory of entropy
Blind men wear blind folds
And why?
(Donβt look down, up, back- tunnel vision)
We pause to juggle plates
To analyze these glances that we stole
From behind curtains and moons
(There is none to be found- we search)
We are one of a kind, six billion of a kind in one fleeting instant
Tiptoe on lily pads
Stretch out yellow tongues to gauge our own measures of disaster
(Waiting for the falling foot- weighted moments)
Laden with all the truth of this wild world
We are beautiful in disorder.
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Comments: 6
Nice poem. I am always puzzled by how entropy increases chaos in the short term, while working toward a final goal of ultimate order...
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This is the delicate point
Where the chunk of earth, on a salty precipice
Blinks down at rocks and neon lights
Excellent beginning! You don't need that comma after "earth", though. Also, would you consider "Where chunks of earth on a salty precipes/Blink down at rocks and neon lights"?
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Thank you so much for your feedback! I did some tweaking to that first part, and I think it seems to make more sense. I wanted to keep the chunk of earth singular to emphasize the lingering primitive aspects of the world as a whole.
I always do appreciate your commentary on my work-- It's so helpful!
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Very nice--very well done! My only other suggestion would be to consider finding a replacement for the first "this" (but that's a small point).
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By the way, I've been taking chemistry too...the AP has just had a grand hit and run *dies*. But I like the inspiration you found from the subject.
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The poem seems to come in a chaotic blast of images like the entropic processes you describe. I can't confess to understand some of your images, but I especially like the fifth set of lines ("We are one of a kind...") and the couplet at the end is just fantastic. It's nice to see something from you again
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