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orangecloudsraining — marrowless
Published: 2012-08-04 22:52:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 172; Favourites: 11; Downloads: 4
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Description in the dirt of the afternoon

ringed with grime

i am heavy-eyed and empty.

a cylinder weighing more than its contents.

the gentle swaying of every body

is unsettling. i lurch in the constant movement.

careful thick hands pre-write and form

my fuzzed scuzzy tongue.

a film of fine hair grows

i am a constellation

a hydroponic garden

of clumsy souls.
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orangecloudsraining - aftermath
Comments: 5

i-am-a-bridgewalker [2012-08-12 02:18:45 +0000 UTC]

last three lines really bring it home. the way it moves in and out of the "self" to the "others."

and I liked the way "fuzzed/scuzzy" jumped out with these different and almost coarse sounds.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

orangecloudsraining In reply to i-am-a-bridgewalker [2012-08-12 17:23:51 +0000 UTC]

thank you! this is a really helpful comment.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Anthony-Ryan [2012-08-06 08:51:22 +0000 UTC]

i always love your lines.
"a cylinder weighing more than its contents."

by all means. let it rain.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

orangecloudsraining In reply to Anthony-Ryan [2012-08-08 04:26:55 +0000 UTC]

thank you so, so much.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Anthony-Ryan In reply to orangecloudsraining [2012-08-08 20:24:38 +0000 UTC]

my pleasure.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0