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paintausea — Depression Override
#emotional #anime #blink #blood #death #depression #dissociation #endlesscycle #gif #manga #murder #override #rain #revenge #suicide #paintausea
Published: 2016-05-13 20:17:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 27416; Favourites: 524; Downloads: 0
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Description
Awake,Blink away the pain.
And soak it in the rain.
Silence,
Hush.
Shush.
Again,
The next drop will fall.
And you won't recall it all.
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Comments: 70
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I have no words for your art, truly. I feel words do no justice, your art truly speaks for itself. I can feel such strong emotion from it.
I am so, so so very sorry... for the pain you've had to go through, and have to deal with still. I know full well I'm just a stranger, and my words may not mean much, but truly. I am just so pained that you have been through so much suffering. No one deserves such a thing...
I can tell you're a very strong person, and I find it so brave of you to share your story through your art. Thank you for sharing it, truly. Every time I come to your gallery I honestly find it so hard to leave. I simply don't want to, your art is so captivating, there's so much story being told in every piece. I just want to stay and look at it all for hours, and I do. I feel a strong connection to it. It's so sorrowful, but beautiful. It's like I can hear it.. There's so much emotion involved in the making of all of your pieces... again, I am just so... so sorry. I look up to you in so many ways. Not just your artistic abilities, but your strength as a person.
Thank you again for sharing your beautiful work, and I dearly wish you the best, truly..
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A stranger has more power than the stranger themselves think..
It is a pure action of small kindness that can move people to big decisions.
And it is a comment like this, that makes me feel very honored and thankful as well..
I have yet to find something that could represent how many friends on here share their own feelings and true thoughts in these comments..
It is not an everyday thing and should be cherrished...
Thank you, truly!!
It is with viewers and friends like you that I am able to move forward in this pain.. (:
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I am very, very glad to know that my words have meant something to you, and
are able to make you feel better even if just a bit.
Your art really does bring people together, I always see many people supporting you and each other
here and I think that's truly a wonderful thing.
My pleasure, thank you again for sharing your beautiful works to the world. Also again, I truly
hope the best for you, and that you may find happiness in everything you do. <3
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Now I remember why I wanted to come back to this piece..
Too familiar, thats why, in a literal sense.
I'm used to the empty, dead-eyed stare. Sadly, the only source of precipitation is only ever my own tears soaking into whatever surface I've fallen onto when it happens. I'd like it if it rained more (though I guess I wouldn't be pleased for it to literally rain inside my room...)
Now I remember why I didn't say anything the first time.. because I'd suppressed my memories, and my feelings, and until recently (literally three or four days ago) I didn't realize that they were being suppressed at all.
But here I am awake, realizing I was in the same spot, with the same sensation of feeling dead inside, for the who knows how many'th time, and thats when I remembered this clearly and came back to it.
My life hasn't been terrible. My biggest struggle has been people thinking I'm a murderer 'cos of my skin color, or an idiot because of my size (the stereotype of 'big and stupid.' just because I'm physically strong.)
My ability to make friends is stunted, and I have terrible, horrible luck when I DO find friends, because they're the people who, next to my parents, put me in THIS state, more than the people who openly hate me. At least if some one calls me out on my skin, or my size, I know where they stand, and it doesn't come as a surprise. Its when your friends rip your heart out and throw it on the ground and step on it nonchalantly, I think, thats the worst.
Now I remember this piece all too well. laying there feeling like I'm already dead, until I eventually just get up, 'cos thats all there really is to do, just to find myself on the floor again.
Because friends like them just remind me of why I wanted to die in the first place. Not allowed to feel or be vulnerable, but you're a monster if you DONT have feelings. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, there is no right answer, you're ridiculed for existing at all.
Either some one's slave or some one's punching bag, and if you're neither, you're a monster.
Now I remember the tears that spawned my rage.. when I got tired of feeling like dying was all I deserved... of being reminded no one cared. When I got tired of seeing them hurt me, and watching them get away with it...
I can't claim to know how to understand or interpret art, but I couldn't recall why this was important to me some how. Now I do.
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As painfully horrible this may have been for you,
and as rage inducing this may have caused,
it is they that are truly the monsters,
not you.
No one has the right to judge and treat you in such a manner.
But from all of this, you will come out stronger than they ever will be.
Art is just that. This piece may have slithered in your heart to make you realize this or guided you into understanding yourself better.
That's all that I could ever hope for-- you should thank yourself for getting up time and time again to find something that was lost inside of you.
This is a victory... not a defeat.
Great job, really.. I hope you will continue to fight..
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I really don't know what to say to that.
However, I believe you are right. A victory indeed.
While its more literal, it is still evidence: my enemies have always been frustrated that they could only hurt me for so long, never break me. In the end, indeed, I ended up stronger.
Naturally, I will always continue to fight.
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As we've noted each other.. we can now freely talk!
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I hope this is alright 
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(: .. That's very sweet of you.
I'm a bit of a hard case. I tend to disappear from time to time when I'm not doing well..
I am worrisome woman hehe.. I don't want to make your life a pain with me around!
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*hugging you*
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Why is it you are so interested?
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I think I can gain by knowing, and I belive it will not harm you, but I might be able to bring you relief or peace.
Ether way I don't think it will harm you. Many positives, few negatives for you.
Simply, I want to know. I have a need to know.
I respect you, you can say No.
You can refuse me.
Please don't.
tell me?
please?
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I have had bad experiences with telling people about these things...
I am too scared.. I am tired of being picked apart by people who have no idea what I go through and suggesting simple self-help things that supposedly will alleviate my pain.
I don't want to be compared to other people, to other situations and having me told of how grateful I should actually be.
The pain is there and I am dealing with it as I can-- but mostly, those who tried to help only made things worse for me.
I am not suggesting that you are the same, but I can't manage another blow in the face with lose words. I am already barely holding on.
I'm not sure what this need is for you, but I need to start protecting myself.. I hope you can understand.. I'm so sorry for being like this..
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I understand.
I still wish an interview of my group.
Also I don't wish to advise, I want to listen.
I think that.. would be the best help I can be. A chronicler and a friendly ear to hear you.
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Sorry if I had offended you in any way with that.. I get quite anxious to open up nowadays..
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You have not offended me, you have been through a lot.
My desire is: to know what you have gone through?
I don't want to hurt you or offend you, or analyze or cure you.
I see your work, it generaes theories and Ideas in my head.
I just like to know the truth and put down the record.
But you have probably done that so often... it makes you sick.
I do understand... so... could you allow me to talk to those whom you have talked to...
Tell them to tell me what you have said... happened... Is happening... to you.
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Mhh.. I don't really want to put this down here in public...
It might trigger a lot of things if I go into detail about it.. but I can note you a summary of it all if that's alright...
Friends might be able to you more about their experience with me and what I have said..
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If you would grant that permison, allow me to speak to your friends.
..and even a short version of the story, I would treasure forever.
My group, SCC, are arcivests, your words and your friends words, would be stroed fro 100 years.
With your permission, at that late date, long after we are both dead... your story will be known.
If.... you allow it.
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May I have a qote from you, a key I may carry with me to your friends?
Can you point me to one who knows you and protects you best?
May I ask you to go ahead of me and ask them to open to me, and spare you any further annoyance?
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I have let MR-NIK and Vladimir32 know about this if you have further questions...
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I thank you.
I wish, I could embrace you, as a friend. Take some of the pain for you.
I would wish to take all of it for you, and let you be happy, but I know that might be impossible.
I appreciate everything you tell me.
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I'm usually to nervous to comment on peoples artwork, but I just wanted to express how much I love this piece. I find it fascinating that the girl who is bleeding out seems to be staring at the person who is blinking, like "You did this to me." It's like she's staring into their soul or like her eyes are them into a black abyss. The quick speck of orange as the eye closes seems to almost be saying "a part of me still lives/survives" or something like that. I'm sorry if I am bothering you with weird ranting, it's just this piece really spoke to me and the darkness in my head.....I don't know...Sorry and thank you.
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You are not bothering... Exactly the opposite..
I am happy to read your thoughts on this..
I always appreciate it very much, even if I don't reply immediately or not at all..
Thank you for taking the courage to comment and share.. Thank you!
The darkness is less dark, when it spills to the hands of held ones..
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It's utterly beautiful, but also in the same way sad. It really shows well how it feels, when you're all down and you can't do anything against it.
When I still was very depressed a few years ago I felt like I was wounded and wasn't able to do anything really beside laying on the ground, or my bed. I didn't draw, I didn't play the piano. I just layed there doing nothing.
It's so sad to know that people who suffer from mental illness will never look like they're wounded, they will never show, they will try to hide it from everyone and even if they ever would want to show it they still wouldn't be able to show it. Even though in reality they are very wounded. They need help like every other wounded person on this planet. Every other person who is ill... I wish more people would be aware of this rising problem in our society and I will do my very best to raise awarness to help everyone who feels like they're wounded and isn't able to pull themselve up...
I just want everyone to feel happy and loved and I will not stop trying to make people who matter to me feel that way. Even if I don't always succeed I won't stop trying!
Thank you so much for this beutiful animation. It's stunning. I hope though that you are doing well today... Thanks so much for sharing!
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I have had a bit rough lately myself. I'm sure your experience is entirely unique, but I still find this comforting some how. I guess I see it as acknowledgement of depression, a sort of recognition I suppose.
Again, you create emotion so well in your pieces. I love the animation of the rain and the blinking of the eye. It makes me ask so many questions about who is watching? It's very unique: art isn't usually drawn from a first person perspective like this. Keep on!
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Thank you so much..
I take a lot of time in these things... too much time maybe.. time that gets discarded anyways..
Who is watching.. who has been watching you? Where have you been to be watched? Is the watched also the watchers?
>killme.
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Well... minus the blood, this is probably my favorite place to be after a crash. I guess its mostly because no matter how many times I fall, I get back up again, and like my friend told me, when you reach rock bottom, there really is no where else to go, but back up. So I find some security in that...
Otherwise though, its pretty surreal with the blinking, whats it imply? that they're looking at their self? that some one else is right there beside them? Without explicitly saying so, it gives it a sorta... I dunno, haunted feeling if you ask me.
Or, the inspiring moment for a heroic resurgence, in a sad story.
Anyway, just stuff on my mind.. (I tend to be fond of the concept of a death, causing some one to realize potential they didnt know of before.)
Now I wish it were raining..
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Rain...rain...rain...rain...thundermyheartoooooutt.....
If what is watched, you will watch towards that watching in the waaattchessssss...time...time...tick-tock-tick-tock.
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I'm sorry for this terrible response.
I was out of mind during that time... I apologize.
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Oh don't worry about it at all. Just take care of yourself.
Its normal for me to appear and disappear and just leave messages or thoughts for my friends and people who are familiar with me. So, don't ever feel like you must respond immediately, or at all, to anything I happen to wander by and leave behind.
I appreciate that you respond at all.
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That lessens my anxiety.. thank you. I'm always afraid to be neglecting my friends and viewers on here..
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i can't think of a better depiction of human suffering than the way you portray it - i'm sad you're the one that knows it so well. but i am glad you continue to fight.
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Thank you, Momo... for still being here.. and supporting me...
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of course 
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Sorry I didn't get to this earlier. I haven't been keeping up with my watch stacks lately.
It's been a while since I've seen you make something animated. The work on its own is weighty enough, but I feel like the animation brings it to a new dimension. It captures quite well the sensation of crashing. Though as opposed to the common expression of "crash and burn", I feel that the rain does a much better job of expressing how something like this really feels.
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Don't worry about it...
Has it been this long..? Hm...
I wish I could do more.. but my CD keeps me from doing many things...
ssksksksksk--amistillalive?-skksksk
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I don't know. Maybe it just feels like a while.
I know that feeling, though...
Plastered against the floor or a couch or a bed without the motivation to haul myself up...
Like some prehistoric beast in a tar pit...
But one thing I've learnt is that sooner or later, a vine with which I can pull myself out of that pit will make an appearance.
A vine in the form of a friend, a piece of music, an event...
Here's to you finding your own vines.
Thpf. I'm waxing poetic again, aren't I?
And while we're talking about rain, I'd like to leave this here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAG35b…
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Beautiful song.. (:
And yes, I am trying to look for those vines as well.
I am trying to accept myself and my current state more and trying to find more moments to have more quiet moments with myself...
Since I tend to have anxiety attacks when lying in bed sleeping, I'm practicing the relaxation part of being in bed. Sometimes my PTSD kicks in, but I've learned to calm down a bit more and just think about things and listen to music or people blabbering on youtube. It's almost become quite a endearing "let's be lazy" hobby of a sort of mine.. xD
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The best of hobbies! ^o^
"Lift your head and look out the window.
Stay that way for the rest of the day and watch the time go.
Listen! The birds sing!
Listen! The bells ring!
All the living are dead, and the dead are all living
The war is over and we are beginning...
Here it comes! Here comes the first day!
Here it comes! Here comes the first day!
It starts up in our bedroom after the war."
Stars - "Up In Our Bedroom After the War"
I mean, I know that the war is yet to be truly over, but it appears that a much-needed ceasefire has been granted, at least for the time being. (ahem... extended metaphors FTW...)
Plus, I really am glad to hear about that progress you've been making with your sleep and anxiety.
That sentence doesn't convey nearly the amount of emotion I want it to, but trust me, hearing about these things makes my heart go all fuzzy! I know it's still a long road ahead, but it always makes me so happy to hear when things are taking a new turn.
And I know I keep sending you loads of music, but if you need something new to listen to and have the time to check it out, I'd recommend We Lost the Sea, Jakob, and Oh Hiroshima. I've found that their music tends to be rather fitting for times when you need to just be with yourself.
Stay cozy! ^-^
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