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Description
The Before the After and the Present

my glazed eyes
as though commanded
by you
by myself
my own secret desires
a futile attempt
slowly building,
but not fast enough
I am ravenous
plundering,
no kindness
in my touch
and yet putting in
half effort
never felt so right
it hurts so much
halting the process of healing
but it feels so good

The chills
cutting to my very core
it would seem that I made a mistake
again
like never before
I grew up with this
like a curse
slowly expanding
never bettering
could I possibly be surprised
when it got worse?
you indulge in it
as I do
maybe all this is just masking me
from the only chance I could have ever gotten
in our industry
it sells
am I forever destined to be its mistress?
when it will only separate me from
everything I could ever care about?
or will it bring me closer?
it hurts so much
halting the process of healing.
but it feels so good

guilt making me weary
once again broken
though not by regret
it slips off of me
dripping from my pores
my very essecence
breath coming faster
in an attempt to recollect any thoughts
and know Ive loved you all along
the perfect way to describe it
as tears of a different kind
become absorbed into this
cushion of sanity
it was there before you
but I pray we will last longer
it hurts so much
halting the process of healing
but it feels so good

Description
The Before the After and the Present

my glazed eyes
as though commanded
by you
by myself
my own secret desires
a futile attempt
slowly building,
but not fast enough
I am ravenous
plundering,
no kindness
in my touch
and yet putting in
half effort
never felt so right
it hurts so much
halting the process of healing
but it feels so good

The chills
cutting to my very core
it would seem that I made a mistake
again
like never before
I grew up with this
like a curse
slowly expanding
never bettering
could I possibly be surprised
when it got worse?
you indulge in it
as I do
maybe all this is just masking me
from the only chance I could have ever gotten
in our industry
it sells
am I forever destined to be its mistress?
when it will only separate me from
everything I could ever care about?
or will it bring me closer?
it hurts so much
halting the process of healing.
but it feels so good

guilt making me weary
once again broken
though not by regret
it slips off of me
dripping from my pores
my very essecence
breath coming faster
in an attempt to recollect any thoughts
and know Ive loved you all along
the perfect way to describe it
as tears of a different kind
become absorbed into this
cushion of sanity
it was there before you
but I pray we will last longer
it hurts so much
halting the process of healing
but it feels so good