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PerrinSloop — Under Wraps
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Published: 2013-09-27 10:00:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 196; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
ShameI show my family a video I found hilarious of men putting makeup on each other blindfolded. I am grounded for having watched it and told to "Pray for those poor confused souls."
Bargaining
Maybe I can just not let anyone know who I really am and everything will be okay.
Secret
Asking classmates what they think on the LGBT community, I discover the group consensus is well captured in a quote from one. Namely, "I don't agree with it and don't think it's right, but I'm not going to say anything to someone who is; after all it isn't MY life."
Quiet
Is this what they think? I start to argue but bite my tongue, contenting myself on mentally underlining their condescension.
Dejection
My thoughts in class are not on lessons, but on my first ex-girlfriend who got bored of me and decided to drop me like I was nothing.
Betrayal
I'm being bombarded with whisperings of "You know he's bi, right?" There is only one person I ever told. It is clear to me now that I misplaced my trust in her.
Miscreant
Discussions around me constantly turn to the bible and state laws. After deciding this God of theirs is none of mine I discover that homosexual relationships are illegal in my state.
Denial
It's just coincidence the discussions turned to this. They don't actually feel this way, they are just quoting their parents and preachers.
Unwanted
A central part of my being is rejected by my family, my classmates, and my society. I long to spend time with friends but they are out of state.
Gossip
My classmates are discussing some celebrity who has come out. "isn't it sad?" "What a waste." "I'll pray that God puts him on the right path."
Depression
I can no longer concentrate on anything except feelings of loathing who I am.
Determination
My grades are well below where they should. I have to do something to get past what I am going through for the sake of my future.
Anger
Who the fuck are my classmates to be so above everyone else? What right do they have to crush me under their heel in such a way? Am I not a man?
Ostracism
Preferring not to send someone to the hospital, I cut all ties with my classmates, focus on classwork in order to tune out their discussions. I find a group of strangers to sit with at lunch.
Hope
My new acquaintances don't seem to care about who I am. Whether this is indifference or something else it lifts me.
Acceptance
I can say tentatively that I have friends in state. So long as they--and my out-of-state friends--accept me, I can not give two shits about the opinions of my classmates.
Reflection
How might my grief and depression have spiraled had I not been allowed into my new group? I shiver at the answer.
