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Ten Things You Want to Say to Ten Different People

( 1 ) You. I fucking hate your guts. To quote a song from Tool, “I want your balls smashed” -- and preferably wrenched off with a pair of rusty pliers and force-fed to you. I don't know why the fuck you're invading my mind as of late, but I refuse to even possibly accept the fact that you could be human. Hell, I'm not even sure what you were. All I know is that you hurt me, and as a result, made me hurt others. You know what they say – do unto others what has been done to you. Trust me; if I could do unto you what had been done to me? I wouldn't even hesitate.

( 2 ) Just to let you know – I spent most of the bike ride behind you, wondering if I could possibly somehow bump into your back tire and send you flying while staying steady on my own bike. Oh – and I don't think your outdated references are cute either. They're annoying and they fucking need to stop. And when you text people, you really need to lay off the ellipses and – believe it or not – the zero doesn't function the same way as a simple “o”. Figure out where the “o” button is on your phone and use it, asswipe.

( 3 ) I don't know what we had, if anything at all. But I'm pretty sure we had something going on there for a while, and so let me say this to you. I'm not sure if what we... no, well, what I had for you (not sure if you reciprocated or felt even close to the same way I felt for you) may or may not have been love. I'm not sure what the hell it was, but I figured I'd tell you that I cared for you. Even to this day, I feel some sort of protective urge whenever I hear about things you've gone and done. I'd even go as far as to say that I feel jealousy and hatred to the other bitches you kept around. I don't know what the hell all that is, but it's something.

( 4 ) I miss you. I missed you then, I miss you now. I wish I could say more, but right now, this is all I can say. I'm sorry.

( 5 ) A lot of people think I'm a bit odd for considering you my hero. But there is a specific reason why. You were given a choice – you could die, or your whole family could die. You picked yourself so that your family could live. God forbid if I was ever in that situation, I hope that I could make that same choice, that I could be brave enough to say I want to die so that my family may live.

( 6 ) I know I said this to you when you came and visited, but I want to say it again – I don't know what he did, I don't know if he even did anything. But I'm sorry for what he may have done to you. And trust me, hearing you say “It's not your fault; he isn't you and you aren't him” was possibly the best thing I could've heard from you.

( 7 ) If you're coming crawling back to me hoping for another chance? I am almost 99 percent positive that I don't want to give you that chance. That other 1 percent is morbidly curious about how we would be together.

( 8 ) Thanks for being there for me for seven years and being a damn good friend. I'm still amazed that the day I had the breakdown, you came looking for me to see how I was doing. I still can't believe that someone would do that for me.

( 9 ) We've been through hell and back, haven't we? Ah well. At least we can survive whatever this life throws at us now!

( 10 ) FOOD ME.