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Pocky-Machine — Whisperer Preview
Published: 2009-03-02 05:53:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 190; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 8
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Description Rushing water frothed and churned through boulders and rapids. The spray cooled the moss and stone above as birds dipped down to fill their beaks. They beat their wings furiously, voices rising with them as they flew high above the narrow canyon and away. The canyon was eternal, providing home to many a strange creature, and channeling fresh snowmelt into the valley. Father and Mother and I lived in the valley. Our town was small, built around our farm and the farm belonging to Neighbor Carter. It served mainly as a resting place for merchants, and it was through these merchants that I received my knowledge of the outside world. They liked, mostly, to talk of the river. How much snow would make its way down to us, the best places to fish, and above all, how many lives the river had taken in the past year.

In the year previous to the beginning of my story, the river claimed six men and two young girls. This wasn’t very surprising; the river was a master at lying. It looked calm on the surface, almost inviting, and certainly refreshing during the summer’s relentless heat. But underneath the surface was a monster called the current, and the current was what pulled people in. It sucked them down into the black and blue depths and dashed them against the rocks. Then, when they were broken and bloody, it claimed them. Lots of people feared the river. Father and I did not.

Father and I could hear the river from up on the canyon rocks. The heat brushed our backs, and we wished that we were low enough to feel the river’s cooling spray. But we were not, and neither would our reason for coming here be. We were quiet, our eyes half closed as we took in the sounds of the world. Silence was as important to us as it was to our prey. No... not prey, I had to remind myself. We did not kill to eat or for skins. We were on the canyon that day to protect our herd. The cattle on our farm did not just support us, but the lives of many others. We could not lose them, and if what the merchants had said recently was true, we would.

Many traders and travelers claimed to have seen a large bull dragon in the canyon. One caravan was even short three of it’s members, and claimed that they had been taken by the beast. Many villagers thought they were just embarrassed  to have lost family to the river. But father was worried for the cattle, and so he and I went out to the canyon. My job, because I am a girl, was to run home and alert the village should anything happen to him. I was frightened The sandy gravel crackled on a ledge above us, and my breath caught. Up on the cliff, I could make out the shape of a huge male drake. His scales rippled silver and black in the sun, and I shivered at the sight. My heartbeat was erratic, and I feared the beast would hear it. I wanted to run. A grimace painted on his face, father cocked his gun. The shining head snapped up, eyes following the noise. My eyes met his, and my heart nearly stopped. A deep thrumming invaded my head, and I clutched my temples in pain. I could not close my eyes, could not look away. I heard my father step out in front of me, blocking my view. And as the thrumming stopped, I watched him fire the gun. At the same instant, the Drake leapt into the air, and what would have been a fatal shot hit his belly. As his blood speckled the rocks, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach as well, and cried out.
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Comments: 4

CorialFord [2009-03-02 06:13:24 +0000 UTC]

I think this is a great start to a story and i would love to read more if you choose to write it. Your writing is more interesting and better written than a lot of other authors, I think the writing here is better than the writing in 'Brisingr' and a lot of other published stories. (sorry to pick on 'Brisingr' but the writing bothered me)

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Pocky-Machine In reply to CorialFord [2009-03-02 06:17:48 +0000 UTC]

I couldn't even get through 'Eldest' >_<

Thanks so much ^_^ I have a lot more planned for this story. Maybe I'll be evil and post everything up to the climax, and then publish it so people will have to buy it to find out what happens...

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CorialFord In reply to Pocky-Machine [2009-03-02 06:20:48 +0000 UTC]

Lol that's mean but smart. It's amazing how some things get published, im sure with your writing that if you try long enough youll be able to publish your work.

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Pocky-Machine In reply to CorialFord [2009-03-02 06:26:18 +0000 UTC]

I sure hope so ^_^

If nobody will publish them, I'll just self publish them and sell them online.

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