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Published: 2009-07-24 03:10:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 144; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 2
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You and I together could be the ultimate bliss,My hand held in yours, and the way that we kiss,
The connection is instant and I wish I could stay,
But this is not right, not now, not today,
So give me one kiss, just a non-lasting farewell,
And I hope very soon we can remove our shell,
How I long for the day, when everyone knows,
When everyone see's how much our love shows,
The day will come soon, if you just take the risk,
For you I have waited, love, there's nothing you'll miss.
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Comments: 6
Angels-Losing-Sleep [2009-07-24 06:48:52 +0000 UTC]
Well done yet again, Chase.
In lines seven and eight, where you use "everybody," it just seems to me that "everyone" would help it flow a little nicer. Just a thought though.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Pre-Existence In reply to Angels-Losing-Sleep [2009-07-24 19:57:21 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, I think I may change that!
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Angels-Losing-Sleep In reply to Pre-Existence [2009-07-24 21:38:32 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome! Lemme know what you think if you do. ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Faust-XVIII [2009-07-24 03:11:52 +0000 UTC]
Psh, it rhymes and it's good. Well done, I like it =]
+fav.
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