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prevail — Transience
Published: 2003-06-25 23:28:20 +0000 UTC; Views: 1873; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 9
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Description
steps echo down halls, alonewith visions of Northern skies
and borderlines
clocks set to July with an exchange
at age twenty-two
we loved, once
when fingers flowed
electric
that channeled ardent luster
through our Jacob’s ladder
as I disappear down
glass corridors
run, the way is lit
to taste the salt
of the only tears I cried
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Comments: 10
i like
theres not a lot that i can pick out by myself
short and nice
not much to say
but good
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nice!
I can't say i totally understand it, but this piece is amazing in its seeming simplicity and later intricacy, and the way its not the words that are important, but the feeling. Kinda like a literary "mulholland drive"
4LW
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Appropriate title for this piece. It gives one the feeling of being alone, and remembering loneliness, but not bitterness... I really like how you captured this emotion. I noticed that you titled one of your deviations "Ardent Luster" awhile back, and then those words are used in here. Nice work.
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Very well crafted. I like the subtle rhyme that is in it. Very nice indeed!
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Much love. Can't say there's anything I dislike about it.
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I try to stay away from emotional poetry, but this is good. The feeling in it is conveyed without trying to drown someone in it. That and I like the mention of Jacob's ladder.
Haven't thought about that song in a while...it sets up the whole bit nicely.
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A very interesting read and well written, good job!
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