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ProjectMetanoia In reply to LittleMissUnholy [2014-08-03 03:36:34 +0000 UTC]

Oh, I can't remember the details now. He's just been to the big city for a check up - he was disappointed to hear that he can't have surgery until December!! Right now his entire waste disposal system isn't working/ is mending - I guess you could call him a cyborg because he has technology attached to ..um empty his bowels >.>' That's the most dignified way of putting it. So in December the technology will be taken out, bowel mended and he'll be able to go to the toilet properly Hopefully anyway.
My brother's a cyborg~

(hehe I love 4 too )

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ProjectMetanoia In reply to Unmoored [2014-06-03 08:10:36 +0000 UTC]

Is my style looking not-shit?
I've been surprised too - I have had zero re-occurrence of school pressure as I always just naturally get the Meta drawings done and with collateral.
It hasn't continued today, and it wasn't a blast like I remember some sessions being like as a kid. I feel like 70% of the 'rust' from not drawing is gone. I think I'll be ultra fulfilled by drawing when a. it's fully habitualised AKA all the rust is gone b. I'm well versed in my subject matter and consistently drawing it well/ adequate c. there is an ultimate purpose like a comic (think robo-fighters) or even just 'upload to dA and get feedback' may be enough. Even just 'improve' might be enough of a purpose.
I understand why you'd feel annoyed. Speak to me more about it if you wish.

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Unmoored In reply to ProjectMetanoia [2014-06-06 01:53:13 +0000 UTC]

I see tiny improvement. With your more recent stuff I see good body improvement.
I can't remember how I felt drawing as a child. It must have been rewording since we'd do it so damn often. I remember getting in the zone back then but no clear emotions.
restating the obvious: I'm annoyed because it's coming easier to you. I guess I'll elaborate. I want to be a comic artist too and I know the key to that is actually drawing. You seemed to be clearing the debris of school better. Though you seemed to have less of an issue around it than I did remember? You were on Artspots and everything whereas I'de largely stopped drawing. You drew animals mostly in art (closer to your comfort zone), but I was trying more humans and as a result was viciously attacking myself and afraid of other's judgments of it. 

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ProjectMetanoia In reply to Unmoored [2014-06-07 10:58:43 +0000 UTC]

Mm, well we used to do it together quite often remember. And show and explain to each other stuff. More so primary aged, when we were tweenages we branched off to our desks kind of. A little after we committed to learning Manga this occurred.

Mm, I remember. I did humans for one of the assignments (that smaller like 20 or 40 page limit one). I couldn't stomach the 'judgement' doing it for the bigger assignments. Plus I think I'm generally more interested in animal subject matter.

I think it all ties in with my willingness to try too. How I'd be diligentish before due dates etc and you wouldn't. As I've said before you were generally grumpier and I made a point of being cheerier than you. Discovery of the Lib community would have also been distracting. You also had the ability to torrent etc.

Mm. I can't think of much more to say, you're making progress though? I was slightly surprised by your level of liberation when you moved, you may have been in more pain than I realised. It seemed like moving to Adelaide released you into the level of happiness I already had. It's making me feel sad saying it.

The two big steps I'm focusing on now is 'proving' my independence and lack of anxiety with a few events like the trip. That and actually taking the action required to gain a fulfilling, enjoyable income source.
Then moving out. Travel. Perhaps more mental work. For the first time in ages I'm questioning the point of it all at the moment. Feeling aloof/ down with myself tonight

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Unmoored In reply to ProjectMetanoia [2014-06-07 11:34:45 +0000 UTC]

We did draw together a lot didn't we... I still cant remember details >_<
I get a weird sense of not wanting to do that though. That our styles would mesh. idk. I'm def open to it, especially if it increases motivation. 

I realised when writing that I wasn't phrasing it to give you due credit but couldn't be stuffed editing. 'lib community' what? 

Likewise I'm surprised by your tolerance of SB. It makes sense if you already had that higher benchmark of happiness that. I was pretty damn depressed, I just assumed you were the same. I know you were at least a bit depressed... Weren't you? Write more on this if you can. I'm surprised by this possibility also, it seems true, it makes sense. I remember head-desking after trying to draw back then. I would lye there and write out insults at myself. I did this maybe four times.

I dont even have a focus except maybe keeping dA active. Vague desire to get a job but eh, vague. I'll flutter around learning about my interests from time to time but it's hardly focused or consistent. What are you specifically questioning? I've been questing my own desires and feeling unable to know what I want. 

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ProjectMetanoia In reply to Unmoored [2014-06-07 11:55:34 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, we did, I forgot about it too.
Haha they probably would. I wasn't really suggesting it but idk. See what happens.

libertarian community.

Definitely a bit depressed. I've always tagged it 'mildly depressed'. You've always seemed 'grumpier' than me. Stubborner, more willing to attack Mum over things like shopping and her dishing out chores. I went dog walking with Mum every known again and during learning to drive mostly we had a beach walking phase. Horse riding is another activity which involved just me and Mum...hrm. Too neutral right now to continue digging but this could be a lead.

Holy whatnow. Write insults to yourself!!!!! Rhia! *Stef voice: Tell me more! What types of things would you write? What age?

I think I'm feeling bad about putting off a Marg email and about putting off my desire to try and get published in kid's lit. Why is it so hard to actually just do shit.

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Unmoored In reply to ProjectMetanoia [2014-06-07 12:34:34 +0000 UTC]

In the past I believed it to be mild depression - as I thought it was normal for me to feel that way. But looking back it was at least moderate, maybe even bad. I couldn't get out of bed for christ's sake. I HATED waking up in the morning, the dread of school. Loss of sleep would have had an effect. Leaving assignments later than you probably increased stress and anxiety. As well as hiding my screen from teachers and bullshitting that I'de actually worked on assignments. Your contact with mum would have also been a factor in you seeming to care more than me about dad and her's relationship. It would explain why I was more fierce than you at her. It surprised me when you first said I was more crabby but it's true. It could have possibly given you more dopamine or whatever if you spend more time with her. 

I'll note them when I could be bothered. Remind me. They aren't too-too bad, but yeah, don't want it chilling around for all to see.

You said this is the longest you've gone without Marg. After my James sesh I got a weird surge of happiness. No increase in motivation (we didn't talk about that though.) I'm surprised your expressing difficulty to that extent, I would have thought you were mostly cured of such lack of motivation. Don't look to me for answers obviously. I'm in a worse place than you. 

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ProjectMetanoia In reply to Unmoored [2014-06-18 07:54:42 +0000 UTC]

I feel like moderate would be an accurate tag maybe 60% of the time, the rest mild, not anything more than moderate (perhaps one or twice a year though). We've already established the happiness deficit.
I forgot about your open dread of school/waking up/ staying up late to avoid it. That's how I'd feel on exam days maybe, but it's still not exactly the right feeling.
Mm... We've talked about all this since >w<'

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Unmoored In reply to ProjectMetanoia [2014-06-20 11:19:22 +0000 UTC]

We have.

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ProjectMetanoia In reply to SNAPPAKAPPA [2014-06-02 13:03:00 +0000 UTC]

HAHA, as usual I drew the hands too big so I clawed em up and threw on a greed sheen~
Thanks ;3; You really think so?
Nuuu I'm not qualified to teach you ;0;
*Saiji voice: 'I'm not close to being good enough'

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SNAPPAKAPPA In reply to ProjectMetanoia [2014-06-07 01:34:35 +0000 UTC]

LMAO of course "XD
YES I REALLY THINK SO
LMAOLMAO

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ProjectMetanoia In reply to SNAPPAKAPPA [2014-06-12 06:40:56 +0000 UTC]

>//U//>'

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