HOME | DD

Description
do not paint me against your wall.
hands tied. vow spoken to the night.
little we know what's coming.
it's the majesty of one night.
disconnecting from the ordinary.
give in to emotion. let me feel your vulnerability.

slide your way into my heart.
lock out outisders.
kiss my shadow on the wall. the one that's just starting to crawl.

maybe I was... attracted. but thought about it.
maybe it was hot that night.
maybe I wanted to be scared.
a little dominated.

I wanted you to find me.
Amazing isn't it. The anticipation.
The heart. That's racing in your chest.
The encounter. Thinking you've got me cornered like a cat.
Meow.

I know what you're thinking. Because I've thought it too.
Thought I was prepared.
Even though I didn't tell you. Because I was scared.

Scared that the moment it started and the moment it ended. I'd be gone.
Like a pencil mark. Erased.
It wasn't about the sex. I just, wanted to feel safe. Comfortable.
You said all those nice things to me.

Like how pretty I was. Even, asked me for a picture once.
I was just a teen.. Didn't know any better. So I sent one.
Didn't think anything of it. You said I was pretty. 'Gorgeous' even.
Hmm... Maybe I was flattered. That made me smile.
None of the other boys in my class would say that to me.

I remember..
I was coming home from school one night. We started talking online more. I suppose you could call it an infatuation. In love. Smitten. Any of those words would be fine.
So we were talking this one night. You told me you wanted me to send a photo. I did. I wore a pink shirt with white dots on it. And underwear. Also pink. (I like pink, in case you can't tell.) It's my favourite color.
Once I sent it, I was waiting for a reply. I was impatient, I suppose.

That's when you called me pretty. And gorgeous. I said thank you.
There was no one like you at my school. It was my own naivete. You said I looked hot.
My dad had bought me a cell-phone for my birthday. Good ol' 14 you know. The start of my teen years. That some say are the 'best years' of my life.
I would shrug when I heard those words. I didn't care.

Maybe I was just naive. I don't really like talking to people. The classes are boring. Or I'm just not interested. Take your pick.
School, sucked. Honestly.

We started getting.. 'closer' I guess you could say when Summer came. I didn't realize at the time that I was falling downward. Didn't really care.
My parents had no clue. Looking back now, my behaviour wasn't what it was supposed to be. I wasn't acting how I was taught and raised to be..

I convinced myself that I was in love with this guy. He'd said all the right words. Words every girl would love to hear. I was pretty. Gorgeous. Beautiful..
I hadn't really suspected anything. But I should have.

One day I just stopped.
..
Boys are.. too confusing..
Yes, I did just stop. Stopped talking to him.
I had to move on..

I don't know what it means to be pretty. Or beautiful. I'm just a teen.. How can I know what that means. or what love is?...
Maybe part of me wanted it. Part of me did. And I was glad to be hearing those words. That someone would say them to me...

Silly girl. I suppose.
No, it's true..
I don't understand boys..

Maybe I never will..

~End~

Description
do not paint me against your wall.
hands tied. vow spoken to the night.
little we know what's coming.
it's the majesty of one night.
disconnecting from the ordinary.
give in to emotion. let me feel your vulnerability.

slide your way into my heart.
lock out outisders.
kiss my shadow on the wall. the one that's just starting to crawl.

maybe I was... attracted. but thought about it.
maybe it was hot that night.
maybe I wanted to be scared.
a little dominated.

I wanted you to find me.
Amazing isn't it. The anticipation.
The heart. That's racing in your chest.
The encounter. Thinking you've got me cornered like a cat.
Meow.

I know what you're thinking. Because I've thought it too.
Thought I was prepared.
Even though I didn't tell you. Because I was scared.

Scared that the moment it started and the moment it ended. I'd be gone.
Like a pencil mark. Erased.
It wasn't about the sex. I just, wanted to feel safe. Comfortable.
You said all those nice things to me.

Like how pretty I was. Even, asked me for a picture once.
I was just a teen.. Didn't know any better. So I sent one.
Didn't think anything of it. You said I was pretty. 'Gorgeous' even.
Hmm... Maybe I was flattered. That made me smile.
None of the other boys in my class would say that to me.

I remember..
I was coming home from school one night. We started talking online more. I suppose you could call it an infatuation. In love. Smitten. Any of those words would be fine.
So we were talking this one night. You told me you wanted me to send a photo. I did. I wore a pink shirt with white dots on it. And underwear. Also pink. (I like pink, in case you can't tell.) It's my favourite color.
Once I sent it, I was waiting for a reply. I was impatient, I suppose.

That's when you called me pretty. And gorgeous. I said thank you.
There was no one like you at my school. It was my own naivete. You said I looked hot.
My dad had bought me a cell-phone for my birthday. Good ol' 14 you know. The start of my teen years. That some say are the 'best years' of my life.
I would shrug when I heard those words. I didn't care.

Maybe I was just naive. I don't really like talking to people. The classes are boring. Or I'm just not interested. Take your pick.
School, sucked. Honestly.

We started getting.. 'closer' I guess you could say when Summer came. I didn't realize at the time that I was falling downward. Didn't really care.
My parents had no clue. Looking back now, my behaviour wasn't what it was supposed to be. I wasn't acting how I was taught and raised to be..

I convinced myself that I was in love with this guy. He'd said all the right words. Words every girl would love to hear. I was pretty. Gorgeous. Beautiful..
I hadn't really suspected anything. But I should have.

One day I just stopped.
..
Boys are.. too confusing..
Yes, I did just stop. Stopped talking to him.
I had to move on..

I don't know what it means to be pretty. Or beautiful. I'm just a teen.. How can I know what that means. or what love is?...
Maybe part of me wanted it. Part of me did. And I was glad to be hearing those words. That someone would say them to me...

Silly girl. I suppose.
No, it's true..
I don't understand boys..

Maybe I never will..

~End~