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Raspberrythebat55 — Chloe

Published: 2012-05-03 03:40:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 1067; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 10
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Description READ THE DESCRIPTION!!
I know I messed up on the application in a way but......hey! It's worth another shot in my opinion.
EDIT: And I'd like to thank Pokemon08196 for helping me out on this and saying what really needs to be changed....look at her work as well, it is adorable and fabulous.....I really hope I can have a second shot at this. *fingers crossed*
Edit 2: ......so apparently I got banned from the group, mainly because I'm ADD and I can't seem to remember certain rules........I'm not mad about being unable to join, but all of this because I'm ADD and the person has to assume I'm just someone who can't follow directions!? REALLY!? Theres a lot of things that grinds my gears and denying me because i'm ADD is one of them. I don't want to start anything but......since this person wants to think that way and make me feel offended by this.....I'm going to put it in words that THEY can read with ease:

SCREW. YOU.

and what's even funnier.....the groups now private....so now it's harder for them to get more members than any other club......kind of screwed yourselves there huh? So now.....excuse me while I make of more use to this OC. Same story line...a little bit edited.....except now she's in the city making more of a living now.

Name: Chloe
Nickname: nothing yet......
Age: 18
Birthday: October 31
Gender: Female
Nature: Hardy
Pokemon/Human: Simisage (shiny)
Hometown: Undella Town

History: The shiny Pansage, Chloe, was originally born to a family who owned a dance studio in Undella Town. Her parents thought she would be the talk of the town, being a shiny and all, and boy was she something to talk about! She was one of the most energetic, and silliest monkey pokemon throughout the beach town. Chloe and her best friend, a Mincinno named Malynn, would sometimes cause mild mischief and create shows for money on the beach. Her friend would sing while Chloe would dance thanks to her parents business. The two were show stoppers and brought laughter to the crowd and a grand amount of attention towards the dance studio.
But one day, Chloe received terrible news that Malynn had accidentally came across a wild Scolipede and got poisoned from it's attacks and died. Ever since then, Chloe lost her love for dancing and her energetic self. And to make things worse, her parents went through a divorce (it's complicated), and Chloe and her mother ended up running the studio by themselves. Even with all of this sadness and loss of passion for dancing and being happy all of the time, Chloe always stuck by her mother's side no matter what.
By the time Chloe evolved into a Simisage, the business was running low on money and had her mother having to work for this rich family in the beach town. Chloe wanted to help, so she figured she can make more money working there as well. However, that really wasn't working out so well since Chloe tended to talk back to the parents and acted like a smart-allic towards the three 'perfect' daughters.
One day, when the three daughters performed a dance routine at a banquet, Chloe's mother suggest that she should dance with them. Then, Chloe remembered the one thing that Malynn made Chloe promise before passing away were two things: Keep on making those around you happy and never forget who you are. Chloe HAD to keep that promise for her best friend and her mother! However, the three daughters prohibited her to be in the spot light. They thought they were the best, and deserved it more than anyone else. The eldest of the three even told Chloe's mother that she was prettier than she was. That was it for Chloe! Thanks to her being a Simisage, her energy and anger intensified, making her cuss the girl out, saying she will be more famous than the three, that she'll find fame on her own and for her mother, and that nothing will stop her.
As Chloe packed her things and setted out through Unova, she began searching from cities to towns for any opportunity she could find. But she had no luck. However, the thought of her mother and best friend kept her motivated and thinking positive. By the time the shiny Simisage was about to go to her next destination, she was kidnapped and brought into a circus. Chloe was a tumbler (she knows the move Acrobatics) and got very little food and water. All of the other performers were miserable and treated badly as well. Chloe felt bad for them and mad that she was being bossed around too. So she decided to make them happy by messing with the strict instructors by physically hurting themselves or saying really smart (sometimes offensive) comments towards them, which led to punishment for the shiny Simisage.
One day, Chloe overheard a few of the performers talking about this one town called Pokette Town. She grew curious, knowing she'd never heard of it before, and wanted to learn more. Chloe heard of how kind, generous, modest, and simple the growing town was and made up her mind. She was going to go to Pokette Town and make money there. That night, Chloe was not only able to get directions, but she was able to free herself and all of the performers from that retched circus; she had to remember those times she and Malynn had to get out of sticky situations for that stunt.
When Chloe was out of sight, she made her merry to Pokette Town. She had to pass through Poketopia City and being a big city and all, the shiny Simisage definitely got lost multiple times. She tried looking for opportunities there, but they all just wanted her as a model for advertisement, which really didn't work for the shiny Simisage.
When the sun went down, she walked across the wrong alley and ran into a gang that meant trouble to her. Thinking they wanted her money or bag, she tried to escape for a little bit, but got caught again. However, when she thought she was a goner, someone turned on the music and a Quilava, started to dance. They wanted a dance off with her! Chloe had no idea why until a Raichu pointed out that they were the top dance group on the streets, and wanted to dance off with those they thought couldn't dance just to make them look good. After a while, their arrogance was getting pretty annoying to Chloe, so she had no choice but to dance...for the first time in a long time. She definitely shutted the gang up, and also gained their respect. Not only that, Chloe finally got her love for dancing back and she turned into the energetic Pansage she was back home. The gang offered to help by saying to go to the town by bus and wished her luck on her journies. Now, the shiny Simisage, Chloe, waits for the bus to Pokette town in high hopes.
Unfornately, bad luck came about when the Simisage saw that bus ride there was too expensive for her. She felt lost now, having nowhere to go and nothing to eat. Then, the dancers from earlier noticed this and felt bad for her. So they decided to offer her to stay at their hideout, and make her one of them; they felt like they can mentally and physically learn a thing or two from the Simisage. Chloe was hesitant about the offer but she had no choice; maybe she could make money by being with them for a while in order to get to that town. However, when some of the dancers/artists (musicians, graffiti, etc.) started to become really nice and showing their gratitude, Chloe started to grow pretty fond of them and left the whole 'going to Pokette Town' plan behind her. As time passed a little bit, the Simisage once again became the talk of the city, along with her new artistic friends.

Hobby: Dancing, playing video games (she'd be delighted to have anyone come over and play with her in SSBB)
Job: Used to work at a dance studio....now she's looking for something that will actually suit her.
Favorite Food: Any kind of Pasta dishes.....the girl loves her food!
Favorite Berry: Liechi Berry
Catchphrase: "Oyi"
Accessories: Necklace of her mother's and hair barrette from her best friend
Extra:
*Chloe has indigo (blue violet) eyes.
*Her hair is not as stiff or straight as a normal Simisage.
*Chloe is a huge video game fan, hence the Sonic the Hedgehog plush, Rayman hoodie, and triforce belt buckle.
*Even as a great dancer, Chloe is still open to learn any new dance move. So, she's still learning in a way.
*She LOVES really corny puns! So don't be surprised if you catch her cracking a pun or two.
*Chloe tends to call anyone that's a friend to her "beautiful" mainly because she believes everyone is beautifully unique inside and out. She likes to make others feel great about themselves if they're having a bad day.
*She HATES poison bug type pokemon. They remind her of the tradegy of her best friend.
*Chloe may have the ability Gluttony, but she's surprisingly skinny.
*Based on the energetic personality, she should NOT have a rare candy or any sort of sugared food.
Moveset: (only if necessary)
-Acorbatics
-Energy Ball
-Grass Knot
-Sunny Day


............OKAY! Let's....try this again. And yeah, I gave this app a complete make over. My brain...is DEAD!! lol
So yeah, even though she's not in Pokette Town, I'm having live in the city in MY story. You're welcome to RP with her if you want though. And I may write a fanatic about her related to this story in the future....we'll see.


Chloe (c) me
Pokemon (c) Satoshi Tajiri
Related content
Comments: 58

Raspberrythebat55 In reply to ??? [2012-07-17 16:38:59 +0000 UTC]

You know....I was actually going to do that. She can most certainly start something there. So by the time I get a secured connection, I'll definitely get on to that.

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NaboNaba In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-07-17 16:40:29 +0000 UTC]

awesome, 10 spaces left in the group anyways. ^^

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to NaboNaba [2012-07-17 16:47:15 +0000 UTC]

Oh I got plenty of time!.....hopefully. Lol

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NaboNaba In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-07-17 16:50:56 +0000 UTC]

yeahh alot of people are getting intrested now >X<

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to NaboNaba [2012-07-17 17:03:25 +0000 UTC]

Nnno! Lol
Move people! I wanna spot! Lol

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NaboNaba In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-07-17 17:05:56 +0000 UTC]

XD better hurry~

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to NaboNaba [2012-07-17 17:08:05 +0000 UTC]

Well, freaking august 18th needs to hurry up then....cause that's when I go back to college, and I have my own secured Internet connection there. Lol

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NaboNaba In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-07-17 17:15:59 +0000 UTC]

lol well by then we will most likely have another opening anyway

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to NaboNaba [2012-07-17 17:25:57 +0000 UTC]

Lol well alright.

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Nip-Nips [2012-05-05 23:26:57 +0000 UTC]

Okay, I'll just make a list of the few things I saw wrong:

1.) First off, I don't think the nature really fits her. 'Quirky' is just another way of saying that she's different from everyone else, which is Mary Sue-ish. If you want to stick with that nature, try giving her a trait that's really weird...like she bites her fingernails and stacks them in a row. Some type of strange hobby or personality trait she has. If you can't think of a trait, I suggest giving her a new nature.

2.) In terms of her backstory, I don't think that you can use Pokette in your background like saying that she danced at one of the festivals, but I'm unsure about that. I'd also change it around a bit since being 'orphaned'/having the parents involved in a 'tragic incident' is typically viewed as Mary Sue-ish. Sometimes people can play if off if it relates to how their character acts now. Try explaining what this tragic accident was. I'll use Soleus as an example: while his background involves leaving home and his parents leaving, I never stated the true reason his parents had gone. I left it a mystery that Soleus could, hopefully, find out on his own.
Another suggestion for the backstory could be that maybe, through some event, she lost the ability to dance and is hoping to somehow get rehabilitation for it in Pokette? You want to give the character faults to try and avoid her being a Sue.

3.) Speaking of personality and traits... The fact that you gave her two different colored eyes is a no-no, to me, because its uncommon in her species. Personally, I think you should stick with eyes of the same color. Try giving her more faults as well because without them she'd seem too 'perfect'. What are some of her fears? Is there something in her past that she can grow from? *This is why more backstory helps!*

4.) Finally, I think that you should give her a new name, age, and birthday since her current ones are your own. Any type of information like that, even if little, can be considered a 'self-insert'.


Phew, I hope this helps some! @w@

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 00:34:46 +0000 UTC]

1) hmmmmm......I guess the nature changing won't hurt.....I'll have to include it somewhere in her history...

2) I actually used BehindtG's example of her Ampharos and it included that tiny detail in there....but I think I can possibly tweak it in a way. I do want her to be a good dancer though, but I WILL include something else besides the Pokette thing if it helps.

3) ....I honestly do NOT know what color eyes a simisage has in reality...lol As for the faults?.....I can do that.

4) .......FUDGE! I'm going to have to go through the names list online AGAIN! lol oh well. ..........can i make her a Halloween baby? That'd be awesome! Lol

...........aight! I can work with that. Lol

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 01:13:09 +0000 UTC]

2.) All right! And you know, lengthening the history would be fine too! ^^ It helps your chances when mods have more to work with in terms of variety and background~!

3.) Well, default color would probably be red, but making it a different color is okay (like blue, green, brown, etc), I would just recommend keeping both eyes the same color.

4.) xD Haha, you just might have to. That'll be fun! Soleus may not stick around for too long for any birthday/Halloween parties of hers though! Lol


Happy to help!<3

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 01:19:02 +0000 UTC]

2) .....ya know...now that I'm editing it now......it's harder than I thought. Lol

3) I'll.....see what 'eye' can do (yea I went there, and I'm keeping the pun one of hers too)....and if not, I'll have to leave it as it is.

4) nah don't worry....she's most likely to be throwing a costume party. ^^

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 01:23:41 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, it gets like that xD That's why time helps! And I'm sure I could help in whatever way I can!

Haha, you're funny lol.

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 01:39:22 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I'm glad I made you happy with that pun......guess who's also a fan of chuggaaconroy?

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 02:06:09 +0000 UTC]

I guess that 'who' is you? :3

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 03:00:46 +0000 UTC]

Yes.....lol
I'm actually getting her history sorted out now.....hard to do so when watching LP's of Rayman Origins though....lol

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 03:02:08 +0000 UTC]

I have faith in you! You can do it! ^^

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 03:22:37 +0000 UTC]

You are too sweet!

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 03:44:53 +0000 UTC]

-^^-

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 05:48:43 +0000 UTC]

Done! I....think I put in too much history...^^'

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 06:04:26 +0000 UTC]

Wow! Now that's more like it! It's better! Very detailed~!

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 06:22:34 +0000 UTC]

YES! THUG LYFE!!
.....now what? lol

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 16:33:22 +0000 UTC]

You could send in the application to a mod via noting the group to ask for some critique or that you want to join. :3

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 17:19:19 +0000 UTC]

Hmmm....alright. But I'm not going to do that just yet due to unsecured connections I'll have over the summer.

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 17:20:47 +0000 UTC]

Aww, all right.

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 21:24:52 +0000 UTC]

......so yeah. I couldn't wait, so I sended a note.......and I kinda messed up. ^^' lol ....go me! Lol

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 21:28:37 +0000 UTC]

You messed up? D: How so?

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 21:36:50 +0000 UTC]

Well......being the dumbass I sometimes am.....I sent a note to the mod itself and not the group.......so I did it again, but to the actual group this time. I'm dead........like I said....GO ME! Lol ^^'

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 21:43:41 +0000 UTC]

Oh... Err...maybe my directions weren't clear enough? Sorry.

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 21:52:27 +0000 UTC]

Oh don't blame yourself! I.....should've looked at the rules again. Apparently I missed that little detail when I read them last time while applying....and that was a while back. Ao it's not your fault.

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 22:02:58 +0000 UTC]

:c I'm still sorry though...

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 22:04:36 +0000 UTC]

It's okay! It's not your fault! Everyone makes mistakes......everyone has those days..........oh crap! I'm gonna start singing that song now. Lol

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-06 22:37:49 +0000 UTC]

Haha. xD Still, I hope the mods consider you!

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-06 23:02:31 +0000 UTC]

You and me both.....*prays to jesusgrandma.....yes I watch JoshJepson too*

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-07 20:58:00 +0000 UTC]

*Crosses my fingers* >.<

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-07 21:01:01 +0000 UTC]

Hehe....does it usually take a while for mods or whoever to critique on an app?

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-07 21:28:32 +0000 UTC]

I think so, yeah.

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-07 21:37:47 +0000 UTC]

Great....last time I applied a class field trip in DC kept me distracted....now what do I do?.....oh wait! I'm going home tomorrow and I have Rayman Origins to complete.....nevermind. Lol
......my ADD is magical.

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-07 23:35:27 +0000 UTC]

Oh I see...
I have a friend who has ADD :3 I'm used to random topic changes~.

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-07 23:54:01 +0000 UTC]

Nice...lol
My friend has a mild case of autism and ADHD......he's a silly person....lol

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-08 00:12:59 +0000 UTC]

Oh really? ^^ That's interesting.

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-16 20:11:13 +0000 UTC]

Well.....if you look at thedescription again, you can see that I didplan so ethingfortheshiny outcast simisage.......
Told you I can think of something forher.

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-16 21:15:08 +0000 UTC]

xD I see now!

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-16 23:51:39 +0000 UTC]

And.....I don't like it when people insult my disorder, even if it's relatively mild. Lol

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-17 00:42:42 +0000 UTC]

owo ? Who's insulting your disorder?

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-17 02:06:57 +0000 UTC]

That banning.......I thought I got banned because they would think I wouldn't follow the rules when in reality, I actually have ADD that makes me forget certain stuff like that....:/

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-17 02:44:15 +0000 UTC]

Oh... ;w; *Hugs you* I'm sorry, Raz (if I may call you that for short?).

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Raspberrythebat55 In reply to Nip-Nips [2012-05-17 02:54:26 +0000 UTC]

Oh my best friend calls me that or Razzy for short in real life, I don't mind at all.

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Nip-Nips In reply to Raspberrythebat55 [2012-05-17 11:37:30 +0000 UTC]

Yay!

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