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Published: 2004-07-12 06:52:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 998; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 69
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“I have to talk to you,” Jasmine shouted. The music was loud and pounded painfully in her ears. She speaker was two feet away and the floor beneath her rumbled to the beat. The air was oppressive with the heat of two hundred dancing bodies and colored lights danced playfully across the walls.“What?” Shawn too was trying to yell over the noise.
“I said I have to talk to you!”
She avoided his eyes when she spoke. Even now, she couldn’t bring herself to look directly at him. Her voice was unsteady and her whole body was shaking involuntarily. It had been a complete mystery to her why she decided to do this, but it was definitely too late to turn back now. Jasmine didn’t want to be here, partly because she had never liked dance clubs much and partly because it was painful seeing him again. Jasmine bit her lower lip out of nervous habit and tried to keep her breath steady.
“Okay,” Shawn said nonchalantly. Jasmine knew that none of this seemed peculiar to him. He was never very observant, but she was blind to most of his faults.
The two grabbed their coats and headed out of the noisy building. The night air hit them forceful gust. It was quieter outside, but the beat from the music and the distant rumble of car engines still lingered in the background. There didn’t seem to be anyone around and Jasmine was grateful for it. She and Shawn sat down on a nearby bench. The metal felt cool against her thighs. Jasmine was shivering, though she suspected it was from the anxiety rather than the cold. She ran her hands up and down her arms to keep warm. She opened her mouth many times, trying to say the words she had rehearsed repeatedly in her head. But despite the fact she had lived this scenario over and over in her mind, the words seemed to be stuck in her throat. Minutes passed, and finally Shawn broke the pervasive silence.
“What was it you wanted to talk about?” he asked, whipping out a cigarette and lighter.
Jasmine felt his eyes on her, but she didn’t raise her gaze to meet them. Her mouth felt dry and she swallowed hard.
“I…” she began, hoping he would interrupt her, but instead he waited patiently for her to continue. Damn his good manners, Jasmine thought silently. She took a few deep breaths, smelling the smoke from Shawn’s cigarette, and tried to calm her nerves before beginning her sentence again. It didn’t help much.
“I don’t want to like you anymore,” Jasmine whispered, realizing how strange that must sound. Shawn looked mildly surprised.
“I didn’t realize you still did.”
Jasmine could feel her cheeks flush a rosy pink and her eyes burn with the prospect of tears. “I never really stopped, if you wanted to know,” she said, feeling her pulse speed up.
“Ah,” he mumbled and fell into silence again.
“Is that all you have to say?” Jasmine asked, feeling rather hurt. She wished that she could just leave and forget about the whole elaborate plan. Jasmine had never liked confrontational discussions, but this… this whole situation that she had gotten herself into… it was driving her insane. She wanted to end it finally.
“Why?” he asked placidly.
“What?”
“Why do you still like me?”
This was not what she had expected him to say. To tell the truth, she didn’t know why herself. Jasmine ran her hand through her hair nervously. She hadn’t even been talking that long and already this situation was already spinning out of her control.
“I don’t know,” she said. The two teenagers fell into a terse silence. She felt like a fool for starting this all again, but since it didn’t seem like things could get any worse, so she did the only thing that seemed logical to her.
“Do something to make me hate you,” said Jasmine.
“Pardon?”
“Slap me, insult me, do something!” Jasmine was yelling now.
“I don’t want you to hate me, though.” He wasn’t shouting, but Shawn had clearly lost his sense of cool.
Jasmine stood up abruptly. “God, I don’t want to fucking like you anymore!” Her tears had finally begun to spill effusively onto her cheeks and her eyelashes glistened underneath the dull yellow glow from the streetlights. Jasmine tried desperately to calm herself and wiped her bloodshot eyes with the back of her hand, smearing her mascara and eyeliner. She collapsed onto the bench and covered her face with her hands. Her ebony hair covered her eyes, but Shawn could tell she was still crying.
“God, you must think I’m a crazy bitch,” she whispered, massaging her temples. He was silent, staring at his friend with pity.
“I don’t want you to hate me,” he repeated.
“I know you don’t,” said Jasmine. “And to tell the truth, I don’t want to. But, it’s driving me insane. Don’t you see that?”
“See what, though? You’re not making sense, Jasmine.”
Jasmine breathed in deeply. The icy air burned her lungs, but it made her feel calmer.
“You don’t get it. All I have to do is see you and it starts all over again.”
Shawn didn’t understand what she meant by this, Jasmine could tell. He wore the same puzzled expression he always did when he was confused. She wiped her eyes again before proceeding.
“I really meant to explain this all to you in a more rational fashion,” she said and gave a nervous laugh. Despite the fact she was crying, her voice remained steady and calm.
“To tell the truth, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s sort of like whenever I see you, I’m reminded of how things were. I don’t even need to talk to you… just see you. I don’t mean for it to happen, it just does, and all of a sudden everything begins to remind me of you. Everything. Books, movies, phrases, pictures… all sorts of things. It’s horrible! It’s like you’re some sort of virus infecting my brain. You’re all I think about.”
Jasmine smiled weakly and wiped more tears from her eyes. “And I think to myself… that maybe you’ll take me back. And that’s why I’ll call you all of a sudden. I think that I can get back what we had before.”
She laughed feebly again. “But then I talk to you and I hear about your girlfriend and I remember…” she paused again, and tried to wipe the continuous stream of tears, but finally conceded and let them flow down her cheeks. Jasmine’s voice had become continuously unsteadier the more she talked.
“I remember that you’re not mine to have.” She sniffed and bit her lip again. Jasmine leaned forward and her tears began to drip onto her hands.
“Do something to make me hate you,” she requested again. “I don’t want to pine over you forever.”
There was a long pause and Jasmine finally looked at Shawn straight in the eye.
“Please,” she said. “It’s the only way I can think of to let you go.”
Shawn stared back at her. Jasmine only held the gaze for a moment and then dropped her glance to the ground. He was quiet at first, but finally said something.
“I don’t want you to hate me,” he said. “I really don’t. And I want you to be happy because you’re my friend. But I can’t be with you. It’s not possible. You know that, and I wish you could accept that. I’m really sorry, Jasmine. But you need to let go. Just move on.”
Jasmine squeezed her eyes shut and then relaxed them again. She chewed on her bottom lip and stood up slowly from the bench. She had a sad smile on her face. Before she left, she turned to him and said softly, “That’ll work.”
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Comments: 21
WirvermissenDich [2009-03-30 23:58:26 +0000 UTC]
god i hate those kinds of brake ups. ive had 1 like that befor i broke up with this guy he got a gf and i trully never got over him. to bad i didnt think like that to get it over with i just went out with him like 5 other times... and i dated other people which never works
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BloodyRaven23 [2007-04-02 02:15:58 +0000 UTC]
I am some what speechless from ur story!
Its soo well written!! Its soo sad and cute! Never had an exprience like that before (love to be single) and hope I wont. But Damn that was kickass!
MUST LOOK IN UR GALLERY NOW!
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scatteredstars1323 [2005-03-07 03:51:22 +0000 UTC]
Definitely been in that situation before...the hating usually only lasts for a week. Good work !!!
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SaveYourGrace [2004-11-08 04:46:35 +0000 UTC]
I endured that exact situation the other night...its painful, but you have an accurate representation of it.
good job.
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Ria-DeVrai In reply to SaveYourGrace [2004-11-08 23:55:49 +0000 UTC]
Thank ya much. I'm sorry you had to go through this. It's horrible.
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SharpEdge [2004-10-08 01:32:22 +0000 UTC]
Awww.. this is so sweet.. It's an instant fav. I don't know what else to say.. I absolutely love it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Bendy89 [2004-09-03 23:53:05 +0000 UTC]
Im in the exact same posission now... im fine for a few weeks and then i see Hannah (my ex,we were going out for 17 months and 3 days, i remember because i beat myself to remember it) and i saw her last friday for the first time for 3 months and it started again, everything reminds me of her now and time goes really slowly, she has no idea what so ever how i feel and she has a boyfriend. Music,Movies, quotes, places we went and posters i saw when i was with her.
And i can say you did get it spot on but you need to make the story bigger, because it never feels that small and it never is, describe more of the surroundings and the things the characters do. Like how he smokes his cigarette, if it was a slow silent toke using his two last digit fingers to hold it and small things like that because in a situation like that it's basically the 'fight or flight' feeling you get. everything is taken in.
But great job still, much liked. Im putting it to favourites.
P.S
Sorry to chat on about that.
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Ria-DeVrai In reply to Bendy89 [2004-09-04 05:49:56 +0000 UTC]
Aw, I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. I can't say that I've ever been in the exact situation because I've never had a boyfriend, but I see my friends go through the exact same things and I do pine over crushes sometimes. Thanks for the advice. I always love constructive criticism. ^.^ And thanks so much for the fav! You have my undying gratitude.
~Ria
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missyssim [2004-07-29 23:30:35 +0000 UTC]
I absolutely enjoyed that, though it brought back some memories that weren't that great =/ This was wonderfully written.
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BellaStella88 [2004-07-25 17:07:58 +0000 UTC]
Yes. This sucks. (Obviously not the story, that was beautiful.) The situation. Surprising you've never felt it, because you wrote it so well. Touching!
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my-soul [2004-07-22 15:52:56 +0000 UTC]
wow...i've been in that situation before...u pretty much nailed it. it almost made me cry cuz it brought back some sad memories. no worries tho...it was really well written. u have a knack for research and getting things down perfectly. i really enjoyed this story altho it was sad. i knew how the grl felt. awesome job ^.^
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damia [2004-07-14 02:36:33 +0000 UTC]
cute, sad, can't say i haven't been in that position myself hehe.
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GothZombie [2004-07-13 01:18:52 +0000 UTC]
*dead*
you killed me...oh wow...I've never even had a brake up before, and, yet, i kno, from what my friends have told me of their troubles....oh wow....you better become a novelist or something...short story author or something....i wanna buy ur books...
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Ria-DeVrai In reply to GothZombie [2004-07-13 03:49:34 +0000 UTC]
Wow, you have no idea how big a compliment that is to me. I want to become an author. I'm actually planning out a novel now. Thank you so much!
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GothZombie In reply to Ria-DeVrai [2004-07-13 19:21:15 +0000 UTC]
well, i give praise when it is earned. and you've earned it! ^^
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Chronus [2004-07-12 21:25:46 +0000 UTC]
I'm really not one for romantic stories or anything, but this was alright. Really well written. Realistic, too.
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Zora-Girl [2004-07-12 16:27:13 +0000 UTC]
that was so great!i love it.it was deep to me.hehe im gonna it!
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DragonLily4 [2004-07-12 14:44:58 +0000 UTC]
wow...it made me want to cry at the end....awesome work as always....
Peace be with you
HUGS!
Lindsey
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