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Published: 2012-04-19 16:16:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 448; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 2
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Description
I remember how you moved;Teetering ever so slightly fawn-like
On butterfly legs and four-inch heels--
All swirls and currents of fabrics,
Black lace and satin layered tempest.
A coffee heart and alcohol soul
Cupcake frosting and cats eyes.
I knew then I loved your intoxication;
And then hated you for just that.
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Comments: 10
ShadowedAcolyte [2012-05-25 19:55:13 +0000 UTC]
"...and alcohol soul" has gorgeous sonics to it. That's the best thing here, and worth exploring.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
rockgem In reply to ShadowedAcolyte [2012-05-25 21:22:24 +0000 UTC]
thankyou for the compliment i guess its the best description i could come up with to describe an intoxicating personality - its an idea that i might develop - or if its a phrase thats inspired you have at it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
rockgem In reply to Apheline [2012-04-24 20:26:07 +0000 UTC]
i think this was a little bit of a strange mix in all fairness - pieces of who i was mixed in with pieces of other people
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Apheline In reply to rockgem [2012-04-25 02:56:26 +0000 UTC]
Sounds like I good way to make poetry!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
rockgem In reply to Apheline [2012-04-27 11:24:37 +0000 UTC]
sometimes it works sometimes it don't - might try others like this sooner or later
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
OpaquelyMysterious [2012-04-20 17:39:19 +0000 UTC]
What do you think of my haiku The Pacific:
Warmth spreads
Through soul
Memory gone
Feeling pacified
For oneself
I thought it might be choppy, but i entered this revised version of my poem in a contest. What do you think?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
rockgem In reply to OpaquelyMysterious [2012-04-21 19:55:26 +0000 UTC]
i like it but i thought haiku were three lines? i know there are different structures of haiku over the three lines with the syllables but the only one i am really familiar with is the 5- 7 - 5 syllable structure
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OpaquelyMysterious In reply to rockgem [2012-05-02 22:41:06 +0000 UTC]
yeah, they are supposed to be three lines, but the contest rules were no less than five lines, so i improvised using the original one i wrote.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
rockgem In reply to OpaquelyMysterious [2012-05-03 08:30:51 +0000 UTC]
ah- i was about to get very confused for a few moments then rockgem BC (before coffee!) is not the sharpest tool in the shed
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