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Description
Title: Whiskey Nightmares
Warnings: Adult Language, Sexual Content, Violence, Dark Themes, Drug/Alcohol Abuse,Prostitution
Disclaimer: I own nothing and am owned by no one.
Author's Notes: Thanks to everyone who reads my stories!

Warning: This is a Harry/Draco fanfiction. Meaning boy/boy. If you don't like, don't read. That is all.

Double Warning: This story is not like my other stories! It contains dark themes, talk of drug/alcohol abuse and does not come with my normal cheery ending!

The hot August night air stuck to Harry's skin as he made his way up the stairs to the room on the third floor of the inn where he was staying. Sweat rolled down the side of his face, which he wiped away with the back of his hand. The night had not gone well. None of his nights were going well recently. The only thought Harry had at the moment, though, was reaching his room where his flaxen haired, angel faced lover was waiting for him.

The room was shabby and in a state of disarray. The walls were a sickening yellowish color. Clothes had been flung haphazardly on the ground, as well as a few books which were nostalgic of their school days. The bed, which was old and not without a squeaky spring or two, was pressed up against the wall across from the door. Draco lay curled on one side of the bed. His breathing was light and feathery. He was only wearing a pair of silky white boxers. His hand was lying across his bare stomach which was rising and falling evenly. The lit candles that were on the nightstand and window sill illuminated Draco's sleeping face. Even after all of the hardships they were facing he was still so beautiful. He looked like an angel.

Harry ignored the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and quickly closed the door behind him. Draco stirred from the noise.

"Harry, is that you?" Draco's voice called softly.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," Harry said. "Go back to sleep."

"I wasn't sleeping," Draco answered. He sat up and stretched. "What time is it?"

"I don't know," Harry snapped.  "Late."

"More like early," Draco shot back. Harry looked over at him and their eyes connected for the first time since Harry had walked into the room. Draco smirked. Harry let out a huff and began untying his shoes. Draco smirked again at this. "Why don't you come over here and let me take the rest of your clothes off for you?" Draco suggested, tapping the bed seductively.

Harry ignored him and began stripping down himself. He removed article after article of sweat soaked clothing until he was in a plain white t-shirt and white boxers. The soiled clothing lay in a pile on the floor, forgotten.

Draco sighed. "I take it tonight was an off night," he said.

"They've all been off nights lately," Harry said.

"You'll start earning money again, soon," Draco told him.

"You said that last night, too," Harry said. "I don't know what's wrong with me! If I don't get any money tomorrow I don't know what I'll do. It's been four days without the pills, Draco, and I'm already starting to lose it."

Draco nodded solemnly, understanding exactly what that meant.  He carefully rolled to the side of the bed with the nightstand and pulled a bottle of whiskey out of the drawer. He held it out to Harry.

"It's just Muggle whiskey," Draco said. "But it's alcohol all the same."

Harry shook his head. "Booze just doesn't do it for me, anymore."

Draco shrugged, unscrewing the cap and taking a huge swig. Harry made his way over to the bed and sat down. Draco leaned in and kissed him rather roughly on the mouth. Harry pulled away, wrinkling his nose.

"You taste like alcohol," he said, taking the bottle from Draco. Draco rolled his eyes as Harry took a drink.

"I thought booze didn't 'do it for you'," Draco said, mockingly.

"It doesn't," Harry gasped. "But it's better than nothing." With that Harry threw back the bottle again taking huge, fast gulps.

Draco watched him for a moment before reaching for the bottle. "All right, Harry," he said. "I think you've had enough." He attempted to drag the bottle back but was thwarted in his efforts by Harry slapping his hand away.

Draco could do nothing but watch as Harry nearly drained the rest of the bottle. When Harry finally pulled away there was only little film of alcohol left at the bottom.

"Brilliant, Potter!" Draco exclaimed, sarcastically. "That was the last of the booze. Now we really don't have anything."

"This just adds to the rest of our 'nothing collection'," Harry shouted. "We're out of pills, out of booze, out of money and out of luck!" On the word 'luck' Harry threw the whiskey bottle against the wall. It shattered upon impact and lay in a confused mess on the ground.

"All right, Harry," Draco tried to say soothingly. "All right."

He scooted behind him and wrapped his arms around Harry's neck.

"Sorry," Harry apologized, weakly. "I'm just so frustrated. And I think I'm beginning to lose my mind."

"We both are," Draco assured him. He began lining Harry's neck with small kisses.

"Ah! Draco, not now," Harry said. "I'm not in the mood."

"Well, then, let me warm you up," Draco said, flipping Harry onto his back and pinning him there.

"Draco, you tosser, let me up! It's too hot for this."

Harry's pleas were ignored, however, as Draco covered his mouth with his own, kissing him fiercely. Harry tried to kick Draco off of him, but Draco was much stronger, at the moment, and held him in place, easily. Draco plunged his hand into Harry's boxers, taking Harry's pulsing cock in his hand. Draco broke the kiss.

"This part of you doesn't think it's too hot," Draco hissed in Harry's ear. "In fact, this part of you thinks it's just the right temperature." Draco began stroking Harry, roughly.

"Wanker!" Harry gasped. "Is this how you talk to your lover?" Harry once again tried to break free in vain. Draco pushed harshly on his chest, sinking him into the mattress.

"You're getting turned on by this and don't you dare deny it," Draco growled.

Harry couldn't deny it because Draco was right. Being treated so crudely was exciting him. Maybe he was turning into masochist, after all. Draco's hand squeezed Harry a little too hard. Harry threw his head back in a mixture of pleasure and agony.

"Fucking prat!" Harry cursed. "Fine! Have it your way."

"I do, thank you very much," Draco said, smirking. "On most nights, too."

"Oh, sod off, Malfoy! You fucking poof!"

"Language, Potter," Draco chastised, lightly. "You'll have to be punished for that."

"Take points away from Gryffindor, then," Harry said, sarcastically. "Just like the good old days." His voice was laced with sarcasm and regret.

"I was thinking more on the lines of screwing you into the mattress."

Draco went about doing exactly that. He screwed Harry as if he was trying to split him in two and still it didn't seem like enough. Draco kept pounding into Harry as if hoping that it would make them both forget their troubles. It didn't, of course. It never did. By the end of it both of them were so exhausted they could barely move. Still holding onto each other they pulled on their now soiled boxers and collapsed down into the mattress.

"Draco," Harry breathed, drawing Draco as close as he could get, not caring about the heat or their sweaty bodies.

"Harry," Draco murmured. "My Harry. No one else's. I don't care what you do on the outside but in here you belong only to me."

"Only yours," Harry repeated. "And you'll always be mine. I love you too much."

They were silent for what seemed like an eternity. They were both thinking the same thing, however. It was Draco who finally broke down and said what was on both of their minds.

"We're in trouble."

"I know we are," Harry said, softly. "I just want to lie here like this forever. I don't ever want to move again."

"We need money."

"You think I don't know that?" Harry spat. "What we really need are some pills! Then I would be able to earn the money, again."

"I could have gotten some today," Draco said, matter of factually.

Harry bolted upright. "What do you mean?" he almost shouted. "How? Who?"

"The innkeeper," Draco said. His voice we still calm and cool. "He was in here while you were gone and he offered me some."

"The innkeeper?" Harry sneered. "He knows how broke we are. We owe him for the past two weeks."

"Well, he would have given me some."

"What do you mean?"

"You know," Draco said. He gave Harry a suggestive look.

Harry was out of the bed in an instant, pacing back and forth wildly. "I can't believe he was trying to get with you, again!" Harry nearly screamed. He pounded his fist on the wall. Harry suddenly froze and turned to face Draco who was lying on the bed in his calm and arrogant way. "Did you. . . What did you do?" Though Harry was almost too afraid to ask.

"I told him to get the fuck out," Draco said, as if it was obvious. "What the hell do you think I told him?"

"God, Draco," Harry said, relieved. "If we had any other place to go I would have gotten us out of here the night you told me he was after you. That bastard!"

"We might not have to wait too long for that. He's going to kick us out, you know," Draco said. His voice was still calm and smooth.

"What?"

"Well," Draco continued. "That is, unless. . ."

"Unless what?" Harry said, already knowing the answer and dreading it.

"Come now, Harry," Draco said. "Don't be so naïve. You know what. He's into me and would be willing to let us stay here. We would at least have a place to sleep."

Harry was back on the bed in a second. He grabbed the back of Draco's neck and held him, tightly. Tightly enough to leave a mark.

"Don't ever let me hear you say that again!" Harry growled in his face. "You think I'd let you??"

"Well, I let you, don't I?" Draco shot back.

"That's different!" Harry exclaimed. "I never want to hear that again!" The close contact made Draco's groin stir and he smirked, raising his eyebrows seductively. Harry released him and backed away. "God, it's hot in here."

"Harry, we're not going to make it if we carry on like this. We have nothing left. We can't go back to the wizarding world and we can't make the things we need with magic. We've got to do something. And if you can go out every night and whore yourself out, I don't see what difference it makes if I bang the damn innkeeper!"

"I'll get some money, then!" Harry exclaimed. "My luck will change. You don't understand what you're saying. I won't let you do it."

"We've been waiting for your luck to change for some time now, Harry," Draco said, rather unkindly. "But it hasn't. And I'm not going to wait around to die slowly. We've got to live. And if doing this is the only way, so be it. You should see how they look at me whenever I go out. I've got them lining up down the street to be with me. It's easy money and if you can't anymore that just means that I have to. That's it."

"But Draco listen to me," Harry said, kneeling in front of Draco and clasping Draco's bare feet in his hands. "I love you too much to let you do that. I can go out. It's my sacrifice to you. My way of showing you how much I love you. To me you're clean and sacred. You can't destroy that. Do you understand?"

"I guess," Draco answered, haughtily.

Harry climbed onto the bed like a cat and clasped Draco around the middle from behind.

"Tell me you love me," Harry demanded. "I want to hear you say it."

Draco took one of Harry's hands and stroked it with his thumb. He lifted the hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "I love you," he said. "But we do have to live and this might be the only way."

"No!" Harry exclaimed, shoving Draco away and scrambling off the bed. "I'd rather starve to death before I see you do that and I'd let you starve to death, too!"

Harry sank to the floor and buried his face as far as he could into the dirty carpet. The whole place stank of dirt, sweat, semen and cheap cologne. Not even the dozens of candles burning in the room could mask the smell. Harry was tired. He was too tired to do anything, laugh, cry or sleep. Suddenly Draco was the floor next to him, wrapping his arms around him and kissing the back of his neck.

"Hush, Harry, hush," Draco breathed. "We don't have to decide anything tonight. Just hush." "And they always thought I was the selfish one," Draco mused to himself under his breath.

He turned Harry around onto his back and kissed him. This kiss was soft and sweet. Almost too gentle to be a kiss from Draco Malfoy and yet it was. Draco nudged Harry's legs apart and laid his hand over Harry's covered groin. He stroked Harry teasingly through his boxers. Harry was surprised by the inadvertent moan he let out. He really was turning into a proved wanton. And he was ashamed.

Nevertheless he threw his arms around Draco's neck and kissed him desperately, pulling him closer.

"Is someone ready for round two?" Draco asked.

"Please!" Harry moaned.

"All right, love," Draco said, scooping Harry up in his arms and carrying him over to the bed. He laid him down gently. "All you had to do was ask."

This lovemaking was, in fact, lovemaking in every sense of the word. Draco worshipped Harry's body until Harry was certain he would go mad. The tenderness and the pleasure was enough to drive Harry to his breaking point. Harry was convinced that with everything combined their death was assured that night. Draco's cold hands were everywhere. Touching, petting and gently caressing every inch of Harry's body. When it was over they lay together as they had earlier, however, this time they were side by side, hands laced, staring up at the ceiling. And this time their minds were occupied with much happier thoughts.

Harry sighed as he thought of a long ago memory. "Remember the ball during our seventh year?" He said. He closed his eyes, recreating the scene in his mind. The memory was so distant and far away that it seemed like another lifetime. No, not seemed, it really was another lifetime.

"Celebrating your defeat over the Dark Lord," Draco breathed, closing his eyes as well.

"I'd never seen the Great Hall look so beautiful . . . not even the very first time I saw it."

"You were beautiful. I don't think I'd even really seen you before that moment," Draco said. "I thought for sure I was dreaming." He rolled over onto his side and nudged Harry to do the same, so they could be face to face. Harry's eyes were still closed. Draco took Harry's face in his hands and tilted Harry's chin up. Harry opened his eyes. All air seemed to disintegrate around them and neither of them dared to breathe for a moment.

"You walked over and asked me to dance," Harry said softly. He placed a hand on top of Draco's hand on his face.

"I was certain you would tell me to go to hell," Draco told him.

"But I didn't." Harry pressed his forehead against Draco's.

"I thought Weasley was going to die of shock," Draco said, letting out a small laugh.

"Everyone else in the Great Hall, too, for that matter," Harry added, allowing himself to grin a little.

"Yes," Draco agreed. "My parents didn't know quite what to do."

"Nobody did!" Harry exclaimed, throwing his hands up and flinging himself onto his back. He began laughing, almost wildly. Draco joined in, dragging Harry by the armpits onto his chest. They laughed together for what seemed like hours. It was the first time they had done this in months. Harry buried his face in the crook of Draco's neck. Their laughter subsided and they both grew silent and still. Draco smoothed his hand through Harry's dirty hair.

"At that moment I was truly happy," Harry whispered, as if afraid that speaking any louder would cause the memory to disappear. "The happiest I'd ever been in my whole life."

"Well, we had our whole lives ahead of us then," Draco said. He was still absentmindedly running his hand through Harry's hair.

"To think things could turn out so evil after what seemed like such a happy ending," Harry said.

It was true, too. Even without the Dark Lord his Death Eaters were still able to rage havoc. Draco's parents had been killed the very next week after the celebration ball. Everything Draco had was stolen away, as well. His money, his possessions and even Malfoy Manor were all gone. The only thing he had left was Harry. Harry had lost many people as well. Not wishing to see any more of his friends die, Harry had left the Weasley's home with Draco and had stolen away into Muggle London. It was only there, in a city so big, that Harry and Draco were able to conceal themselves.

Both sides were undoubtedly looking for them. It was for this reason that neither of them was able to keep a real job. Harry had resigned himself to going to the red-light district every night and finding customers who would pay handsomely for a go with him. After all, prostitution in England was still legal. Draco had wanted to go with him, insisting that he could make good money, too. Harry, however, had refused this pointblank. This ensued in a fight, which Harry won. So Draco was forced to stay home every night while Harry went to the district to whore himself out to the highest bidder. It had worked at first, too. Harry was bringing home plenty of money to keep them going. But suddenly the customers had stopped and so had their money.

Harry remembered the first man he had prostituted himself to. He had been big and ugly with too much hair on his body. The worst of it was his smell. He reeked of rotten meat, dirt and something sickeningly sweet. Harry had cried through most of the session, largely out of fear and humiliation, not to mention his feelings of guilt that he was betraying his love. It wasn't long after the first customer that Harry had been introduced to pills. There was Amphetamine to pick him up and make it possible to make it through the nights with smelly old men and Valium to bring him down and allow him to sleep during the day. He knew that without the pills he wouldn't be able to do any of it. The prostitution or the sleeping. Because of the shame and guilt Harry overdosed on both . . . frequently.

The Amphetamine increased his libido and self-confidence. This helped him to hook his customers. But it also made him agitated and paranoid. This combined with the Valium, which made him hallucinate caused Harry to be pushed to his limit. In his hallucinations he saw Draco running off with an unidentified lover and he saw himself dying alone in the street. This, in turn, caused Harry to become obsessed with Draco. His greatest fear was Draco leaving him. Each hallucination for Harry became a nightmare.

Draco had also started to take the pills. Not being able to handle the pressure of seeing Harry fall apart. He wasn't quite as addicted as Harry was, though. No, he preferred alcohol, which he became accustomed to drinking large quantities of.

"I never imagined we could go so low . . . there's nothing left for us now," Harry said so quietly Draco almost didn't hear him.

"Nothing but each other," Draco said, firmly.

"Is that really enough?" Harry mused. But it didn't sound like he was talking to Draco anymore.

"Yes," Draco said. "We'll figure something out. After all, we've got to live. . . Don't we?"

Harry was quiet for a long time. He pondered over Draco's question.

". . . No," he finally said.

"What do you mean, 'no'?" Draco snapped.

Harry propped himself up on his elbows on Draco's chest so that he could look into Draco's eyes.

"I don't see a reason why we should live," he said.

"God, Potter," Draco said, pushing Harry off of him and getting up from the bed. "I knew you were sick, but this is just crazy." He went over to the window and stared blankly out of it to the empty street below.

Harry came up behind him, moving so delicately it was hard to tell he was there. He rested his head against Draco's shoulder. Draco tried to shake him off but Harry held on tight.

"Oh Draco," Harry said. His voice sounded distant. "My Draco. I don't think there will ever be another person in the world who will love you as much as I do." Draco remained silent, not having any retort for this. It was most likely true. "You are my world now. My whole world. There isn't anything else for me."

"I know that, Harry," Draco said.

"And we've had some good times, haven't we?" Harry asked.

"Yeah," Draco agreed. "Some of it wasn't too bad."

"And I love you more than my own life," Harry stated.

"I know you do."

"What do you say we don't go on with it?" Harry murmured in Draco's ear.

"What are you playing at?" Draco asked wearily.

"Let's end it all . . . tonight!" Harry breathed.

"I know what you're getting at," Draco snarled, finally managing to throw Harry off of him. "And the answer is no!"

Draco stalked over to the bed and threw himself down onto it. Harry wasn't phased by this in the slightest and merely closed the blinds on the window, engulfing them in more darkness. When this task was complete Harry turned to face Draco, a dangerous look on his face.

"Are you afraid to die?" Harry asked.

"I'm not afraid of anything!" Draco snapped.

Harry took a few steps closer. "What have you got to live for?"

"A lot of things, actually, thank you very much," Draco sneered. "God, I need a drink!"

"Oh, Draco!" Harry exclaimed. "You're farther gone than I thought."

"I'm not that far," Draco shot back.

"You're pretty far," Harry retorted. "You can't even see that your own life is over. You are nothing. You are even less than nothing. We both are. It's just that I can see it where you cannot. You don't really want to keep living. It's only your fear of death that's stopping you."

"That's not true!"

"Yes it is. And if it isn't, die with me tonight," Harry said, kneeling in front of Draco. "I'm not afraid. Look at me!" Draco turned his swollen eyes to face Harry. "Think of the trouble it takes to live. I can't do it anymore, Draco, and I won't leave you behind to live without me. What will happen to you without me?"

"I don't know," Draco answered honestly. "There is no me without you."

"I can't go on anymore. I'm too tired. Aren't you tired? I can't face the daylight again. There's no guessing what will happen, and I don't want to face it."

"I don't want to kill myself," Draco said. "It goes against nature."

"Why are you so afraid?"

"I'm not a bloody Gryffindor prat like you!"

Harry smiled a little and climbed into the bed. He curled up by Draco's feet, holding onto them, tightly.

"You've got to die in the end anyway." Harry murmured. "And when you do, it won't matter how long you've lived. It's as if you'd never been born."

"You're mental!" Draco spat.

Harry raised himself up to hover over Draco's tense body. "You really are scared!"

"Fine!" Draco snapped. "Let's do it! I'll show you whether I'm scared or not!"

"Oh Draco!" Harry exclaimed. He swooped down and kissed Draco soundly on the mouth.
Draco pushed Harry off of him and sat up, his patented sneer on his face.

"So how are we going to do this?" he asked. "If you recall I don't like pain. And I'm certainly not doing anything that involves blood."

"Not to worry, love," Harry said. He jumped off the bed and went over to the pile of clothes he'd discarded earlier that night. From the pocket of the pair of shorts he had been wearing he extracted a small vile of an amber colored liquid. "I may not have gotten any money tonight but some old tosser gave me this. All I had to do was wank him off."

"What is it?" Draco asked, already knowing what it was.

"Don't be so naïve, Draco," Harry said, smirking. "You know what this is. It's poison. And there's just enough here for me and for you."

Draco looked at the vile. Harry walked slowly over to him, cradling the vile in his hand as if it were a baby. The light from the burning candles illuminated his face in an appalling way. Draco was suddenly fearful of him.

Harry stopped at the foot of the bed, the light still flickering over his face. "Well?" he said. "Are you ready?"

Draco raked a hand through his hair. Damn Gryffindor rashness! He knew it would be the death of him, someday. "I've already agreed to it, haven't I?"

Harry sat down on the bed facing Draco. He twisted the cap off the vile and put the poison to his lips. His green eyes never left Draco as he drank exactly half of it. He then held the vile out to Draco who took it begrudgingly. Draco hesitated for a moment until he saw the look on Harry's face. He was no longer the demon he'd been only moments ago. He was now just a frightened little boy, understanding what death was for the very first time. However, when Draco looked into Harry's eyes he found that everything was alright. Or everything could be alright. With that, Draco threw back the vile and drained the rest of it. The poison had a strange, bitter taste to it, he thought. And just a faint whisper of what Draco believed tasted like whiskey. Draco let the vile fall from his hand. It tumbled off the bed and landed on the floor with a small ping.

Harry smiled and took Draco's hand, pulling him down to lay next to him on the bed. They remained in silence for a few moments.

"How long will it take?" Draco finally asked.

"I don't know," Harry answered. "Not long. . . I think. Let's not talk about it." He paused a moment. "Draco? Do you think I have the right to take you with me?"

"With you?" Draco asked, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Now," Harry said. "Like this. I just couldn't bear for anyone else to have you."

"I'm yours, Harry, always," Draco assured him, pulling him onto his chest. He noticed Harry was shaking. "You're trembling. You're scared now, too."

Harry shook his head. "I'm not scared. I'm happy."

"Happy?"

"I thought I'd lost you," Harry said. "Now I get to keep you forever."  Draco didn't have anything to say to that so he remained silent. "Draco?"

"Hmm?"

"My angel," Harry breathed, running his hand down the side of Draco's face.

"God!" Draco exclaimed, rubbing his forehead with the heel of his hand. "This isn't easy. . . How long do think it'll take them to find us?"

"Who knows . . . we've let everyone down, haven't we?"

"We already had, Harry," Draco said.

Harry nodded and huddled closer to Draco, curling around him. Harry let long exhale. "Draco," he murmured. "My love, my light, you've made me so happy."

Draco pulled Harry closer to him, as close as he possibly could. Draco never did understand how anyone could be happy in dying. But lying there with Harry so close, he could admit that it wasn't such a bad way to go. Even if he wasn't quite ready to die, yet. Listening to Harry's shallow breathing and his faint heartbeat, Draco closed his eyes and allowed himself to be carried away into the blackness.

                                              ~~~

Draco's eyes fluttered open. Time had passed, though he wasn't sure how much of it. Draco looked around for the clock on the nightstand. It was seven fifteen . . . which meant that it had been about five hours since they took the poison. Draco didn't know too much about poison but he figured that if he was still alive after sleeping for five hours it wasn't going to work.

Harry shifted next to him. Draco felt relief wash through him. They were both still alive.

"Harry," Draco said, softly. He shook Harry's arm a little. Harry stirred and sat up slowly.

He blinked, looking around him in bewilderment. "Are we dead?" he asked.

"Not unless Hell is this damn inn room," Draco answered, unable to conceal the glee in his voice.

Harry bounded out of the bed. "Then we're still alive?" He sounded absolutely horror-stricken.

"It would appear so," Draco said. He fished the empty vile from the floor and began examining it.

"But this is all wrong!" Harry exclaimed. "We can't still be alive!"

"We can if this isn't actually poison," Draco said. He sniffed the empty vile and then stuck his finger in, pulling out a lone drop that had been left behind. He then lifted the finger to his lips and cautiously tasted the drop. He almost laughed in relief. "I thought this tasted familiar."

"What are you talking about?"

"See for yourself," Draco said, tossing Harry the vile.

Harry smelled it and looked up at Draco in confusion. "So?"

"It's just watered down whiskey," Draco told him. "With, I don't know, salt and few other home spices mixed in. Other than give you heartburn it's not going to do much else."

"But that's ridiculous," Harry said. "What can we do?"

"There's nothing we can do."

"But we've got to do something," Harry said, collapsing onto the bed. He curled up into the fetal position, pulling the blankets around him to cover his head.

"It just wasn't meant to be," Draco said. "That's all. Come on, get up and get dressed. Let's see what we can do about finding some money today."

Draco walked over to the window and drew back the blinds. The clean, crisp morning sunlight shown down like a beacon. At that moment Draco wasn't sure he'd ever seen anything so wonderful in his life.

~~The End~~

Description
Title: Whiskey Nightmares
Warnings: Adult Language, Sexual Content, Violence, Dark Themes, Drug/Alcohol Abuse,Prostitution
Disclaimer: I own nothing and am owned by no one.
Author's Notes: Thanks to everyone who reads my stories!

Warning: This is a Harry/Draco fanfiction. Meaning boy/boy. If you don't like, don't read. That is all.

Double Warning: This story is not like my other stories! It contains dark themes, talk of drug/alcohol abuse and does not come with my normal cheery ending!

The hot August night air stuck to Harry's skin as he made his way up the stairs to the room on the third floor of the inn where he was staying. Sweat rolled down the side of his face, which he wiped away with the back of his hand. The night had not gone well. None of his nights were going well recently. The only thought Harry had at the moment, though, was reaching his room where his flaxen haired, angel faced lover was waiting for him.

The room was shabby and in a state of disarray. The walls were a sickening yellowish color. Clothes had been flung haphazardly on the ground, as well as a few books which were nostalgic of their school days. The bed, which was old and not without a squeaky spring or two, was pressed up against the wall across from the door. Draco lay curled on one side of the bed. His breathing was light and feathery. He was only wearing a pair of silky white boxers. His hand was lying across his bare stomach which was rising and falling evenly. The lit candles that were on the nightstand and window sill illuminated Draco's sleeping face. Even after all of the hardships they were facing he was still so beautiful. He looked like an angel.

Harry ignored the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and quickly closed the door behind him. Draco stirred from the noise.

"Harry, is that you?" Draco's voice called softly.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," Harry said. "Go back to sleep."

"I wasn't sleeping," Draco answered. He sat up and stretched. "What time is it?"

"I don't know," Harry snapped.  "Late."

"More like early," Draco shot back. Harry looked over at him and their eyes connected for the first time since Harry had walked into the room. Draco smirked. Harry let out a huff and began untying his shoes. Draco smirked again at this. "Why don't you come over here and let me take the rest of your clothes off for you?" Draco suggested, tapping the bed seductively.

Harry ignored him and began stripping down himself. He removed article after article of sweat soaked clothing until he was in a plain white t-shirt and white boxers. The soiled clothing lay in a pile on the floor, forgotten.

Draco sighed. "I take it tonight was an off night," he said.

"They've all been off nights lately," Harry said.

"You'll start earning money again, soon," Draco told him.

"You said that last night, too," Harry said. "I don't know what's wrong with me! If I don't get any money tomorrow I don't know what I'll do. It's been four days without the pills, Draco, and I'm already starting to lose it."

Draco nodded solemnly, understanding exactly what that meant.  He carefully rolled to the side of the bed with the nightstand and pulled a bottle of whiskey out of the drawer. He held it out to Harry.

"It's just Muggle whiskey," Draco said. "But it's alcohol all the same."

Harry shook his head. "Booze just doesn't do it for me, anymore."

Draco shrugged, unscrewing the cap and taking a huge swig. Harry made his way over to the bed and sat down. Draco leaned in and kissed him rather roughly on the mouth. Harry pulled away, wrinkling his nose.

"You taste like alcohol," he said, taking the bottle from Draco. Draco rolled his eyes as Harry took a drink.

"I thought booze didn't 'do it for you'," Draco said, mockingly.

"It doesn't," Harry gasped. "But it's better than nothing." With that Harry threw back the bottle again taking huge, fast gulps.

Draco watched him for a moment before reaching for the bottle. "All right, Harry," he said. "I think you've had enough." He attempted to drag the bottle back but was thwarted in his efforts by Harry slapping his hand away.

Draco could do nothing but watch as Harry nearly drained the rest of the bottle. When Harry finally pulled away there was only little film of alcohol left at the bottom.

"Brilliant, Potter!" Draco exclaimed, sarcastically. "That was the last of the booze. Now we really don't have anything."

"This just adds to the rest of our 'nothing collection'," Harry shouted. "We're out of pills, out of booze, out of money and out of luck!" On the word 'luck' Harry threw the whiskey bottle against the wall. It shattered upon impact and lay in a confused mess on the ground.

"All right, Harry," Draco tried to say soothingly. "All right."

He scooted behind him and wrapped his arms around Harry's neck.

"Sorry," Harry apologized, weakly. "I'm just so frustrated. And I think I'm beginning to lose my mind."

"We both are," Draco assured him. He began lining Harry's neck with small kisses.

"Ah! Draco, not now," Harry said. "I'm not in the mood."

"Well, then, let me warm you up," Draco said, flipping Harry onto his back and pinning him there.

"Draco, you tosser, let me up! It's too hot for this."

Harry's pleas were ignored, however, as Draco covered his mouth with his own, kissing him fiercely. Harry tried to kick Draco off of him, but Draco was much stronger, at the moment, and held him in place, easily. Draco plunged his hand into Harry's boxers, taking Harry's pulsing cock in his hand. Draco broke the kiss.

"This part of you doesn't think it's too hot," Draco hissed in Harry's ear. "In fact, this part of you thinks it's just the right temperature." Draco began stroking Harry, roughly.

"Wanker!" Harry gasped. "Is this how you talk to your lover?" Harry once again tried to break free in vain. Draco pushed harshly on his chest, sinking him into the mattress.

"You're getting turned on by this and don't you dare deny it," Draco growled.

Harry couldn't deny it because Draco was right. Being treated so crudely was exciting him. Maybe he was turning into masochist, after all. Draco's hand squeezed Harry a little too hard. Harry threw his head back in a mixture of pleasure and agony.

"Fucking prat!" Harry cursed. "Fine! Have it your way."

"I do, thank you very much," Draco said, smirking. "On most nights, too."

"Oh, sod off, Malfoy! You fucking poof!"

"Language, Potter," Draco chastised, lightly. "You'll have to be punished for that."

"Take points away from Gryffindor, then," Harry said, sarcastically. "Just like the good old days." His voice was laced with sarcasm and regret.

"I was thinking more on the lines of screwing you into the mattress."

Draco went about doing exactly that. He screwed Harry as if he was trying to split him in two and still it didn't seem like enough. Draco kept pounding into Harry as if hoping that it would make them both forget their troubles. It didn't, of course. It never did. By the end of it both of them were so exhausted they could barely move. Still holding onto each other they pulled on their now soiled boxers and collapsed down into the mattress.

"Draco," Harry breathed, drawing Draco as close as he could get, not caring about the heat or their sweaty bodies.

"Harry," Draco murmured. "My Harry. No one else's. I don't care what you do on the outside but in here you belong only to me."

"Only yours," Harry repeated. "And you'll always be mine. I love you too much."

They were silent for what seemed like an eternity. They were both thinking the same thing, however. It was Draco who finally broke down and said what was on both of their minds.

"We're in trouble."

"I know we are," Harry said, softly. "I just want to lie here like this forever. I don't ever want to move again."

"We need money."

"You think I don't know that?" Harry spat. "What we really need are some pills! Then I would be able to earn the money, again."

"I could have gotten some today," Draco said, matter of factually.

Harry bolted upright. "What do you mean?" he almost shouted. "How? Who?"

"The innkeeper," Draco said. His voice we still calm and cool. "He was in here while you were gone and he offered me some."

"The innkeeper?" Harry sneered. "He knows how broke we are. We owe him for the past two weeks."

"Well, he would have given me some."

"What do you mean?"

"You know," Draco said. He gave Harry a suggestive look.

Harry was out of the bed in an instant, pacing back and forth wildly. "I can't believe he was trying to get with you, again!" Harry nearly screamed. He pounded his fist on the wall. Harry suddenly froze and turned to face Draco who was lying on the bed in his calm and arrogant way. "Did you. . . What did you do?" Though Harry was almost too afraid to ask.

"I told him to get the fuck out," Draco said, as if it was obvious. "What the hell do you think I told him?"

"God, Draco," Harry said, relieved. "If we had any other place to go I would have gotten us out of here the night you told me he was after you. That bastard!"

"We might not have to wait too long for that. He's going to kick us out, you know," Draco said. His voice was still calm and smooth.

"What?"

"Well," Draco continued. "That is, unless. . ."

"Unless what?" Harry said, already knowing the answer and dreading it.

"Come now, Harry," Draco said. "Don't be so naïve. You know what. He's into me and would be willing to let us stay here. We would at least have a place to sleep."

Harry was back on the bed in a second. He grabbed the back of Draco's neck and held him, tightly. Tightly enough to leave a mark.

"Don't ever let me hear you say that again!" Harry growled in his face. "You think I'd let you??"

"Well, I let you, don't I?" Draco shot back.

"That's different!" Harry exclaimed. "I never want to hear that again!" The close contact made Draco's groin stir and he smirked, raising his eyebrows seductively. Harry released him and backed away. "God, it's hot in here."

"Harry, we're not going to make it if we carry on like this. We have nothing left. We can't go back to the wizarding world and we can't make the things we need with magic. We've got to do something. And if you can go out every night and whore yourself out, I don't see what difference it makes if I bang the damn innkeeper!"

"I'll get some money, then!" Harry exclaimed. "My luck will change. You don't understand what you're saying. I won't let you do it."

"We've been waiting for your luck to change for some time now, Harry," Draco said, rather unkindly. "But it hasn't. And I'm not going to wait around to die slowly. We've got to live. And if doing this is the only way, so be it. You should see how they look at me whenever I go out. I've got them lining up down the street to be with me. It's easy money and if you can't anymore that just means that I have to. That's it."

"But Draco listen to me," Harry said, kneeling in front of Draco and clasping Draco's bare feet in his hands. "I love you too much to let you do that. I can go out. It's my sacrifice to you. My way of showing you how much I love you. To me you're clean and sacred. You can't destroy that. Do you understand?"

"I guess," Draco answered, haughtily.

Harry climbed onto the bed like a cat and clasped Draco around the middle from behind.

"Tell me you love me," Harry demanded. "I want to hear you say it."

Draco took one of Harry's hands and stroked it with his thumb. He lifted the hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "I love you," he said. "But we do have to live and this might be the only way."

"No!" Harry exclaimed, shoving Draco away and scrambling off the bed. "I'd rather starve to death before I see you do that and I'd let you starve to death, too!"

Harry sank to the floor and buried his face as far as he could into the dirty carpet. The whole place stank of dirt, sweat, semen and cheap cologne. Not even the dozens of candles burning in the room could mask the smell. Harry was tired. He was too tired to do anything, laugh, cry or sleep. Suddenly Draco was the floor next to him, wrapping his arms around him and kissing the back of his neck.

"Hush, Harry, hush," Draco breathed. "We don't have to decide anything tonight. Just hush." "And they always thought I was the selfish one," Draco mused to himself under his breath.

He turned Harry around onto his back and kissed him. This kiss was soft and sweet. Almost too gentle to be a kiss from Draco Malfoy and yet it was. Draco nudged Harry's legs apart and laid his hand over Harry's covered groin. He stroked Harry teasingly through his boxers. Harry was surprised by the inadvertent moan he let out. He really was turning into a proved wanton. And he was ashamed.

Nevertheless he threw his arms around Draco's neck and kissed him desperately, pulling him closer.

"Is someone ready for round two?" Draco asked.

"Please!" Harry moaned.

"All right, love," Draco said, scooping Harry up in his arms and carrying him over to the bed. He laid him down gently. "All you had to do was ask."

This lovemaking was, in fact, lovemaking in every sense of the word. Draco worshipped Harry's body until Harry was certain he would go mad. The tenderness and the pleasure was enough to drive Harry to his breaking point. Harry was convinced that with everything combined their death was assured that night. Draco's cold hands were everywhere. Touching, petting and gently caressing every inch of Harry's body. When it was over they lay together as they had earlier, however, this time they were side by side, hands laced, staring up at the ceiling. And this time their minds were occupied with much happier thoughts.

Harry sighed as he thought of a long ago memory. "Remember the ball during our seventh year?" He said. He closed his eyes, recreating the scene in his mind. The memory was so distant and far away that it seemed like another lifetime. No, not seemed, it really was another lifetime.

"Celebrating your defeat over the Dark Lord," Draco breathed, closing his eyes as well.

"I'd never seen the Great Hall look so beautiful . . . not even the very first time I saw it."

"You were beautiful. I don't think I'd even really seen you before that moment," Draco said. "I thought for sure I was dreaming." He rolled over onto his side and nudged Harry to do the same, so they could be face to face. Harry's eyes were still closed. Draco took Harry's face in his hands and tilted Harry's chin up. Harry opened his eyes. All air seemed to disintegrate around them and neither of them dared to breathe for a moment.

"You walked over and asked me to dance," Harry said softly. He placed a hand on top of Draco's hand on his face.

"I was certain you would tell me to go to hell," Draco told him.

"But I didn't." Harry pressed his forehead against Draco's.

"I thought Weasley was going to die of shock," Draco said, letting out a small laugh.

"Everyone else in the Great Hall, too, for that matter," Harry added, allowing himself to grin a little.

"Yes," Draco agreed. "My parents didn't know quite what to do."

"Nobody did!" Harry exclaimed, throwing his hands up and flinging himself onto his back. He began laughing, almost wildly. Draco joined in, dragging Harry by the armpits onto his chest. They laughed together for what seemed like hours. It was the first time they had done this in months. Harry buried his face in the crook of Draco's neck. Their laughter subsided and they both grew silent and still. Draco smoothed his hand through Harry's dirty hair.

"At that moment I was truly happy," Harry whispered, as if afraid that speaking any louder would cause the memory to disappear. "The happiest I'd ever been in my whole life."

"Well, we had our whole lives ahead of us then," Draco said. He was still absentmindedly running his hand through Harry's hair.

"To think things could turn out so evil after what seemed like such a happy ending," Harry said.

It was true, too. Even without the Dark Lord his Death Eaters were still able to rage havoc. Draco's parents had been killed the very next week after the celebration ball. Everything Draco had was stolen away, as well. His money, his possessions and even Malfoy Manor were all gone. The only thing he had left was Harry. Harry had lost many people as well. Not wishing to see any more of his friends die, Harry had left the Weasley's home with Draco and had stolen away into Muggle London. It was only there, in a city so big, that Harry and Draco were able to conceal themselves.

Both sides were undoubtedly looking for them. It was for this reason that neither of them was able to keep a real job. Harry had resigned himself to going to the red-light district every night and finding customers who would pay handsomely for a go with him. After all, prostitution in England was still legal. Draco had wanted to go with him, insisting that he could make good money, too. Harry, however, had refused this pointblank. This ensued in a fight, which Harry won. So Draco was forced to stay home every night while Harry went to the district to whore himself out to the highest bidder. It had worked at first, too. Harry was bringing home plenty of money to keep them going. But suddenly the customers had stopped and so had their money.

Harry remembered the first man he had prostituted himself to. He had been big and ugly with too much hair on his body. The worst of it was his smell. He reeked of rotten meat, dirt and something sickeningly sweet. Harry had cried through most of the session, largely out of fear and humiliation, not to mention his feelings of guilt that he was betraying his love. It wasn't long after the first customer that Harry had been introduced to pills. There was Amphetamine to pick him up and make it possible to make it through the nights with smelly old men and Valium to bring him down and allow him to sleep during the day. He knew that without the pills he wouldn't be able to do any of it. The prostitution or the sleeping. Because of the shame and guilt Harry overdosed on both . . . frequently.

The Amphetamine increased his libido and self-confidence. This helped him to hook his customers. But it also made him agitated and paranoid. This combined with the Valium, which made him hallucinate caused Harry to be pushed to his limit. In his hallucinations he saw Draco running off with an unidentified lover and he saw himself dying alone in the street. This, in turn, caused Harry to become obsessed with Draco. His greatest fear was Draco leaving him. Each hallucination for Harry became a nightmare.

Draco had also started to take the pills. Not being able to handle the pressure of seeing Harry fall apart. He wasn't quite as addicted as Harry was, though. No, he preferred alcohol, which he became accustomed to drinking large quantities of.

"I never imagined we could go so low . . . there's nothing left for us now," Harry said so quietly Draco almost didn't hear him.

"Nothing but each other," Draco said, firmly.

"Is that really enough?" Harry mused. But it didn't sound like he was talking to Draco anymore.

"Yes," Draco said. "We'll figure something out. After all, we've got to live. . . Don't we?"

Harry was quiet for a long time. He pondered over Draco's question.

". . . No," he finally said.

"What do you mean, 'no'?" Draco snapped.

Harry propped himself up on his elbows on Draco's chest so that he could look into Draco's eyes.

"I don't see a reason why we should live," he said.

"God, Potter," Draco said, pushing Harry off of him and getting up from the bed. "I knew you were sick, but this is just crazy." He went over to the window and stared blankly out of it to the empty street below.

Harry came up behind him, moving so delicately it was hard to tell he was there. He rested his head against Draco's shoulder. Draco tried to shake him off but Harry held on tight.

"Oh Draco," Harry said. His voice sounded distant. "My Draco. I don't think there will ever be another person in the world who will love you as much as I do." Draco remained silent, not having any retort for this. It was most likely true. "You are my world now. My whole world. There isn't anything else for me."

"I know that, Harry," Draco said.

"And we've had some good times, haven't we?" Harry asked.

"Yeah," Draco agreed. "Some of it wasn't too bad."

"And I love you more than my own life," Harry stated.

"I know you do."

"What do you say we don't go on with it?" Harry murmured in Draco's ear.

"What are you playing at?" Draco asked wearily.

"Let's end it all . . . tonight!" Harry breathed.

"I know what you're getting at," Draco snarled, finally managing to throw Harry off of him. "And the answer is no!"

Draco stalked over to the bed and threw himself down onto it. Harry wasn't phased by this in the slightest and merely closed the blinds on the window, engulfing them in more darkness. When this task was complete Harry turned to face Draco, a dangerous look on his face.

"Are you afraid to die?" Harry asked.

"I'm not afraid of anything!" Draco snapped.

Harry took a few steps closer. "What have you got to live for?"

"A lot of things, actually, thank you very much," Draco sneered. "God, I need a drink!"

"Oh, Draco!" Harry exclaimed. "You're farther gone than I thought."

"I'm not that far," Draco shot back.

"You're pretty far," Harry retorted. "You can't even see that your own life is over. You are nothing. You are even less than nothing. We both are. It's just that I can see it where you cannot. You don't really want to keep living. It's only your fear of death that's stopping you."

"That's not true!"

"Yes it is. And if it isn't, die with me tonight," Harry said, kneeling in front of Draco. "I'm not afraid. Look at me!" Draco turned his swollen eyes to face Harry. "Think of the trouble it takes to live. I can't do it anymore, Draco, and I won't leave you behind to live without me. What will happen to you without me?"

"I don't know," Draco answered honestly. "There is no me without you."

"I can't go on anymore. I'm too tired. Aren't you tired? I can't face the daylight again. There's no guessing what will happen, and I don't want to face it."

"I don't want to kill myself," Draco said. "It goes against nature."

"Why are you so afraid?"

"I'm not a bloody Gryffindor prat like you!"

Harry smiled a little and climbed into the bed. He curled up by Draco's feet, holding onto them, tightly.

"You've got to die in the end anyway." Harry murmured. "And when you do, it won't matter how long you've lived. It's as if you'd never been born."

"You're mental!" Draco spat.

Harry raised himself up to hover over Draco's tense body. "You really are scared!"

"Fine!" Draco snapped. "Let's do it! I'll show you whether I'm scared or not!"

"Oh Draco!" Harry exclaimed. He swooped down and kissed Draco soundly on the mouth.
Draco pushed Harry off of him and sat up, his patented sneer on his face.

"So how are we going to do this?" he asked. "If you recall I don't like pain. And I'm certainly not doing anything that involves blood."

"Not to worry, love," Harry said. He jumped off the bed and went over to the pile of clothes he'd discarded earlier that night. From the pocket of the pair of shorts he had been wearing he extracted a small vile of an amber colored liquid. "I may not have gotten any money tonight but some old tosser gave me this. All I had to do was wank him off."

"What is it?" Draco asked, already knowing what it was.

"Don't be so naïve, Draco," Harry said, smirking. "You know what this is. It's poison. And there's just enough here for me and for you."

Draco looked at the vile. Harry walked slowly over to him, cradling the vile in his hand as if it were a baby. The light from the burning candles illuminated his face in an appalling way. Draco was suddenly fearful of him.

Harry stopped at the foot of the bed, the light still flickering over his face. "Well?" he said. "Are you ready?"

Draco raked a hand through his hair. Damn Gryffindor rashness! He knew it would be the death of him, someday. "I've already agreed to it, haven't I?"

Harry sat down on the bed facing Draco. He twisted the cap off the vile and put the poison to his lips. His green eyes never left Draco as he drank exactly half of it. He then held the vile out to Draco who took it begrudgingly. Draco hesitated for a moment until he saw the look on Harry's face. He was no longer the demon he'd been only moments ago. He was now just a frightened little boy, understanding what death was for the very first time. However, when Draco looked into Harry's eyes he found that everything was alright. Or everything could be alright. With that, Draco threw back the vile and drained the rest of it. The poison had a strange, bitter taste to it, he thought. And just a faint whisper of what Draco believed tasted like whiskey. Draco let the vile fall from his hand. It tumbled off the bed and landed on the floor with a small ping.

Harry smiled and took Draco's hand, pulling him down to lay next to him on the bed. They remained in silence for a few moments.

"How long will it take?" Draco finally asked.

"I don't know," Harry answered. "Not long. . . I think. Let's not talk about it." He paused a moment. "Draco? Do you think I have the right to take you with me?"

"With you?" Draco asked, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Now," Harry said. "Like this. I just couldn't bear for anyone else to have you."

"I'm yours, Harry, always," Draco assured him, pulling him onto his chest. He noticed Harry was shaking. "You're trembling. You're scared now, too."

Harry shook his head. "I'm not scared. I'm happy."

"Happy?"

"I thought I'd lost you," Harry said. "Now I get to keep you forever."  Draco didn't have anything to say to that so he remained silent. "Draco?"

"Hmm?"

"My angel," Harry breathed, running his hand down the side of Draco's face.

"God!" Draco exclaimed, rubbing his forehead with the heel of his hand. "This isn't easy. . . How long do think it'll take them to find us?"

"Who knows . . . we've let everyone down, haven't we?"

"We already had, Harry," Draco said.

Harry nodded and huddled closer to Draco, curling around him. Harry let long exhale. "Draco," he murmured. "My love, my light, you've made me so happy."

Draco pulled Harry closer to him, as close as he possibly could. Draco never did understand how anyone could be happy in dying. But lying there with Harry so close, he could admit that it wasn't such a bad way to go. Even if he wasn't quite ready to die, yet. Listening to Harry's shallow breathing and his faint heartbeat, Draco closed his eyes and allowed himself to be carried away into the blackness.

                                              ~~~

Draco's eyes fluttered open. Time had passed, though he wasn't sure how much of it. Draco looked around for the clock on the nightstand. It was seven fifteen . . . which meant that it had been about five hours since they took the poison. Draco didn't know too much about poison but he figured that if he was still alive after sleeping for five hours it wasn't going to work.

Harry shifted next to him. Draco felt relief wash through him. They were both still alive.

"Harry," Draco said, softly. He shook Harry's arm a little. Harry stirred and sat up slowly.

He blinked, looking around him in bewilderment. "Are we dead?" he asked.

"Not unless Hell is this damn inn room," Draco answered, unable to conceal the glee in his voice.

Harry bounded out of the bed. "Then we're still alive?" He sounded absolutely horror-stricken.

"It would appear so," Draco said. He fished the empty vile from the floor and began examining it.

"But this is all wrong!" Harry exclaimed. "We can't still be alive!"

"We can if this isn't actually poison," Draco said. He sniffed the empty vile and then stuck his finger in, pulling out a lone drop that had been left behind. He then lifted the finger to his lips and cautiously tasted the drop. He almost laughed in relief. "I thought this tasted familiar."

"What are you talking about?"

"See for yourself," Draco said, tossing Harry the vile.

Harry smelled it and looked up at Draco in confusion. "So?"

"It's just watered down whiskey," Draco told him. "With, I don't know, salt and few other home spices mixed in. Other than give you heartburn it's not going to do much else."

"But that's ridiculous," Harry said. "What can we do?"

"There's nothing we can do."

"But we've got to do something," Harry said, collapsing onto the bed. He curled up into the fetal position, pulling the blankets around him to cover his head.

"It just wasn't meant to be," Draco said. "That's all. Come on, get up and get dressed. Let's see what we can do about finding some money today."

Draco walked over to the window and drew back the blinds. The clean, crisp morning sunlight shown down like a beacon. At that moment Draco wasn't sure he'd ever seen anything so wonderful in his life.

~~The End~~