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saevuswinds — Spineless
Published: 2012-11-08 03:06:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 419; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 6
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Description If Leroy Pangle was a book, he'd be that crumpled, beat up paper-back in the forgotten corner of the classroom shelf. It wasn't to say no one knew that corner of the shelf existed; everyone in the classroom always knew about that one book laying alone there. It was for that reason, however, that whenever the teacher told them of the next assignment, the students' in one in a panicked madness would dash to the shelf, shoving people out of the way, as if the books were the last food reserves on Earth, and the last reserve was full of garlic. Of course, it was Leroy Pangle who always got there last and sure enough that book was waiting for him. Its spine was starting to peel and the print too faded to see next to the yellowed pages, and as Leroy picked it up, he felt the rest of the classroom quietly laughing, thinking to themselves, "Even the books he touches have problems."

He sighed, starting to strut back to his seat, when David stuck out his foot, tripping him. He crashed to the ground with a hard thud and this time the class burst out in laughter. Leroy scrambled back to his seat, noticing Tate whispering to the girl who sat next to her. The other girl seemed a worried, shaking her head.  Tate smirked and purposely dropped her favorite glitter pen. It rolled its way right under Leroy's desk.

Leroy hunched his back, reaching for the pen from under his desk, and glanced at the love of his life. With wide eyes the color of the incoming tide and nappy red hair, she was just as darling as her name suggested. His hands trembled, a miniature tsunami swirling in his blood stream as he handed Tate back her pink glitter gel pen.  

"P-prom is comin' soon," he stuttered as he tried to start up simple conversation.

"Yep," she said, snatching her pen back.  Leroy held an embarrassed but hopeful glance,
like a Labrador retriever waiting to play fetch.  

"Who are you going with?" She asked, still grinning.

"Uh," Leroy uttered. He tried several moments to let the words "will you come with me" out of his mouth, but instead, he stammered, "S-sorry. Can't go," and rushed into the restroom.

When Leroy got home, he dropped his book-bag in the middle of his bedroom floor and tore up the gold lettered prom invitation once meant for Tate.

"Not like it mattered anyway, of course she'd go for football-brained David Drew," he mumbled to himself, as the pieces fell into the trash bin. "Besides, I had other things planned."

Sighing, he turned to his book shelf. It was the only interesting part about his room, mainly because any moment, one of the shelves was bound to buckle over, like a dam opening its flood gates and force the books to flood his small bedroom floor.

"Maybe I should take some of my favorites out and put them on my desk, that way they won't get damaged if the bookshelf caves," Leroy said, stepping towards the bookshelf.

  Leroy's hands instantly picked up Inkheart. Over the course of the nine years he had this book, he couldn't recall how many times he had read it. It was the first American hardback edition, still in mint condition and probably worth a good amount on Ebay, but Leroy had never checked. He never felt the need to sell it.  
He smiled a bit, cracking open Inkheart for a quick moment, reading the page he happened to open it to. The expression on his face reflected a small child peeping out of the hallway, giddy from looking at all the presents under the Christmas tree. Instead of wonder, endearment filled his face. His lips twisted into a tilted smile as he revisited the world that he felt comfortable in. He treasured the few moments he was able to escape his own world for a while, and pretend it was possible to live inside another story's spine.

"If only," Leroy said, walking to his desk when he tripped over his backpack, causing all his binders and school books to spill out and slide against the beige carpet.

"Darn it," Leroy sighed, setting his book down on the desk and quickly scooping his papers up and shoving them into random binders and throwing them on his bed. Under all the papers, pencils, and binders, laid the worn out book of Oliver Twist, that forgotten book in the shelf corner. The front cover was now only attached to the book only by an inch.
Leroy bit the side of his cheek, scrambling around his room to find any sort of tape. On the bottom drawer he found some, and then started to carefully tape the cover back to the rest of the book. He looked at the weak spine of the book, and then how secure the front of the book was to it. Leroy started to tape the rest of the spine and lose front pages and a roll of tape later, the book was just as strong as the other books, and the words could still be seen if you looked hard enough.

Leroy opened up the pages of the book, reading each page slowly and with care, focusing on the story, in a daze until he heard the doorbell ring. He sat the book down, and walked to the front door. He opened it.

"Hey," Marge said, twirling her peanut brittle hair between her fingers, "I saw what happened in English class."

"Oh, well," Leroy shrugged, "It's okay, I mean...the book is fixed now."

"What? Wait, you were the one that Tate was talking about? Leroy right?" she asked.

"That's me," he said, a dumb smirk appearing on his face, "I'm Leroy."

"I'm so sorry," she said, "I mean, I don't think that your face would be better off
if you glued that book to your face, and I don't think you're a spineless freak either. You're just, soft-spoken."

Leroy's face grew pink, then pale, "O-oh. Thanks."

"So, um, I came to just sorta," Marge looked up at the sky, "Well, I dunno."

"What?" Leroy asked, defeated.

"Well, I personally hate dances or anything that involves me in dresses," she started, "but I know that on prom night, that new Marvel movie comes out at midnight."

Leroy's eyes opened a little wider, and he blushed. "How did you know I wanted to see that movie?"

Marge laughed, "I didn't. I was just hoping you were as much as a geek as I was."

"Whoa, really?" Leroy smiled for a moment, but then fumbled, "I mean, you don't look like a geek or anything."

"It's fine. I am a geek. No shame being someone you're not. Anyways, want my extra ticket?" she asked.

Leroy's stomach felt as if it had been filled with sharp rocks, cutting him from the inside out. He knew that he wanted to say yes, but he couldn't even nod his head. He just looked at her as he awkwardly bit his lip.

Marge shook her head, "Alright, maybe you are a little spineless. Here's your ticket. I'll see you at the front of the movie theater at a quarter to twelve."

Leroy watched her leave, getting back into her burgundy, beat-up truck. Leroy blinked, and looked at the movie ticket. He thought about what Tate had apparently said earlier, and then recalled all the times David had always knocked him around and mocked him. It became clear that he wasn't that type of person, the one most people his age are or like, but that was okay. As Marge drove off out of the driveway and back into town, Leroy shook his head.

"Yes, I'll go," he sighed, "Marge, I'm sorry I didn't ask you."
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Comments: 12

Ambrea2Paris [2012-11-15 23:52:13 +0000 UTC]

Hey there! I'm here from with the critique that your requested!

Alrighty, so let's begin by first addressing those few questions in your description:
Was it too rushed?
I don't think so. Your story actually had a really nice flow to it. You basically re-told the events of his day-minus the really minute details. It was nice.

Were the characters developed?
Taking in the fact that this was a short story, I'd say that your character development wasn't too bad. I think that Leroy was perhaps the most developed character of them all (considering how he is the MC); The additional characters,Tate, David, and Merge, weren't really developed as much though (but that's okay). Minor suggestion: It would be nice to know a little bit more about Leroy (physical appearance, family, friends-if any-et cetera). But then again, with this being a short story and all, there probably wouldn't be enough room for that sort of info.

Was the imagery okay?
Imagery isn't really a strong point of mine, so...

Was the girl appearing too random?
Too random, no. Random, just a little. As *Rovanna suggested in their comment below, you could mention Marge earlier on in the classroom scene- maybe you could make her the girl that Tate was whispering to?? Just to make her appearance at the end a bit less random.

Is the connection to the books and Leroy's confidence apparent enough?
If you're referring to the actual books themselves, then I'm not really sure how to answer this-I'm not familiar w/ either book (might've watched the movies though??). However, if you're referring to the condition of the books, then yes, I can somewhat see a connection.

Okay, so to avoid making this into a reaaallly boring and long comment, I'll be as brief as possible in my critique.
The writing itself: You're a wonderful writer so I didn't really see a lot of problems here. My only concern was that a few of your sentences seemed to be worded the wrong way-or they could have been re worded in a way that would better express your point. For example:
... [the students' in one in a panicked madness] would dash to the shelf, shoving people out of the way, as if the books were the last food reserves on Earth, and the last reserve was full of garlic.
^Not sure what happened here but I think this correction should help -> ...the students, in a panicked madness, would dash to the shelf, shoving people out of the way, as if the books were the last food reserves on Earth, [and the last reserve was full of garlic.] I feel as if that last part should be tweaked a bit also but that's all up to you as to whether or not you'd like to change it.

Characters & Plot: The plot was simple but easy to relate to (well for me anyways). I absolutely love your MC, Leroy. He's the type of character who you just cant help but feel sympathy for and when he managed to obtain just a bit of joy at the end, I felt very happy for him (Lol I so love Geeks xD). Your minor/ secondary characters were okay as well. :]

Overall Enjoyment: I thought this was a really cute story, mainly because of your character Leroy- again, I love Geeks . Great job!

~Ambrea2Paris

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

saevuswinds In reply to Ambrea2Paris [2012-11-17 17:27:17 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

BrittanyJustus [2012-11-08 22:19:55 +0000 UTC]

Well, you definitely have a talent for writing. I like all the descriptions you were giving. It really helped me get sucked into the story line.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

saevuswinds In reply to BrittanyJustus [2012-11-17 17:27:32 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, it means so much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Rovanna [2012-11-08 05:53:30 +0000 UTC]

I think this is really cute! I really love the opening paragraph with the book metaphor. The descriptions of the books are great and i really like how Leroy is unpopular and geeky, but not pathetic.

Here are some suggestions:

I think you should put Tate and David in the story at the start. Like, have there in the classroom and maybe have David shove him. And have somebody say that insult that Marge mentions to Leroy, cos when I read that, I flipped back up to see if I'd missed anything. Also, I think Marge should be mentioned in the classroom too. Foreshadowing.

I reckon it would seem less random if Marge was turning up at his door to give him something as well as to ask him out, like if he dropped his pen/notebook in class.

Could I request a critiquie from you? :U

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

saevuswinds In reply to Rovanna [2012-11-12 16:17:29 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much! And yes. What would you want critiqued?

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Rovanna In reply to saevuswinds [2012-11-12 22:55:12 +0000 UTC]

This one here: [link] . What I'd mainly like to know is if it sounds melodramatic anywhere. And anything else if you think of it. C:

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

saevuswinds In reply to Rovanna [2012-11-16 01:02:26 +0000 UTC]

I'll do it I'm sorry about being so tardy with this...I have a lot of important things going on in my life right now But I will read your story and critique it! I'm sorry for this inconvience :/

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Rovanna In reply to saevuswinds [2012-11-16 01:06:41 +0000 UTC]

Definitely no hurry. Any time is fine, and if you just don't have time at all, then that's okay too.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

saevuswinds In reply to Rovanna [2012-11-17 17:28:10 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for your patience.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Vagrant-Inventor [2012-11-08 03:39:48 +0000 UTC]

I'm so happy!!! When you wrote the first story with Leroy in it, I felt so bad for him, even if I could relate. This kinda goes off that well, considering I think Leroy has found a better girl than the one from before.

I do kinda feel like Marge was just brought in a bit suddenly, she wasn't mentioned before. Maybe an off hand reference during the rush to the bookshelf. But then again, her appearance may reflect the fact that sometimes people do just drop into our lives.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

saevuswinds In reply to Vagrant-Inventor [2012-11-17 17:27:50 +0000 UTC]

Thank you~

👍: 0 ⏩: 0