doolhoofd [2014-07-20 14:29:51 +0000 UTC]

Emotions: hatred, disgust, sadness.
Flows well: yes; clear divide: yes.
Sound amount of images and literary devices: yes. Forced: no.

Personal thoughts: it's just sad. I read that if the Rothschild family were to evenly redistribute their wealth, every person on Earth would get 70 million dollars. That's just absurd. Why are the rich allowed to stay so rich while the poor are kept artificially poor...

The table is tilted... The game is rigged...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsL6mK… from his show Life Is Worth Losing

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Chezzy-Am [2014-07-19 05:23:29 +0000 UTC]

Although your poem is open ended with respect to the theme - poverty incities is generally in the same pattern as you've described here - the narrative itself was honest and sincere to the presentation of the opinion. The minimalist approach as well as the defined observations are good, and I feel they convey New York's aspect of money division really well. All in all its a good work in my opinion. Mundane because everybody it is an oft conversed topic but still good.

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LanaParadise [2014-05-28 16:53:58 +0000 UTC]

It was sad vision of New York and I think you're right when you write about rich men from Broadway and lust for money. That's because this poem is so real. 
Good job

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ListlessMachine [2014-05-26 23:40:23 +0000 UTC]

The flow is great, and I thought the imagery beautifully captured the unfairness and brutality of a broken system.

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Pereyga [2014-05-26 11:27:48 +0000 UTC]

I think that's not just a problem in the United States ._.
And I got your contrasts well. I especially liked "The gleaming gold - The beggars for apples"

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dragonlizard89 [2014-05-26 00:38:46 +0000 UTC]

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

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badmanatee [2014-05-25 21:53:43 +0000 UTC]

I grew up in the city area, and this portrays it pretty accurately. The contrasts are very strong in this poem and it emphasizes the gap that exists between what one might call the two sides of the coin. I really liked the contrast of the rich man enjoying Broadway, and the poor man having to preform, it gives a really clear image of the struggle of some, and the luxury of others. I also really liked how you brought up that wealth is inherited, while that the poor/homeless work for minimum wage. It describes the unfairness that exists in the business world and in the city, but also how it tends to remain in the state that its in. Rich people remain rich and the poor people remain poor.

There was one line that I did not really follow, line fifteen, not really sure how the new face connects. That is unless you were using it to connect to the preceding stanza.

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Atomograd [2014-05-25 17:53:49 +0000 UTC]

I'm actually in the City for two weeks. I've lived beside it for quite a while and rarely come here for a lot of reasons, some of them being what you've touched upon.

I felt familiarity. Knowledge that this is how life is, only an hour's train ride away, but still, remain unaccepting that this is how it should be.
This piece does flow well, the contrasts are made without droning on about any particular subject or individual.
The imagery isn't forced - In a work like this, I may often say I'd like to see something with more words spent on the imagery, but the pacing the way it is now fits the hustle and bustle of the City itself anyway rather well.
All in all, you've done very well on this poem and I do love politics, and I think it's interesting that you've been able to grasp something so many that can stand to live here for years still don't want to admit to seeing. These parts of New York have always been like this, everyone with true talent on the street or with their profession secure the past ten years. It's a place advertised as always hiring in the creativity department, but the only way to make it anywhere is to become a district attorney, own a business, be involved in politics. Willingly become yet another faceless big name, exist only through that and never through yourself.

Likewise, there are good things to be said about this place, but they don't make up for the negatives.

Keep up the fantastic work.  

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DazzlingEnd [2014-05-25 17:06:34 +0000 UTC]

I don't read a lot of poetry, but I really enjoyed your use of imagery here - it gives a very heavy sense of the divide you're trying to convey. Good work!

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sheepyblue [2014-05-25 16:48:02 +0000 UTC]

I really like the use of contrast and colour in this -powerful imagery
One line that sounded a little jarring was 'due to a new face' not sure if it was just me, but it doesn't quite flow. Otherwise, really well written

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