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Sarrow — Decisions
Published: 2004-06-05 02:09:17 +0000 UTC; Views: 121; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 8
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love is a toolin the hands of God
it comes and goes
like a hammer from above
it hits me deep inside
and bears His name
sometimes its true
sometimes it is in vain
you have to wonder
whether its her face
or maybe its her hair
or perhaps something else there
can you fell that?
its my love from inside
not pleasure nor lust
but my love that is tried
As mad as she makes you
love her still
your heart is in contempt
as you try to fight His will
waiting for eternity
to drop on one knee
pour out my love
and hope she loves me
you see her in the morning
hope for her in the afternoon
love is that attachment
wanting to see her soon
I crying at night
because it can not be
Why does He temp me
with this one way stream
Fight with all your might
to not love her
His hammer hits
but only you
Why only me?
and not her
Someone loves me you say
but I know not who
Then test your love
see if it is true
ask her for her prayers
the only love you ever knew
How can I do this?
Where would I begin?
She can not love me
because of my remembered sin
O, she may love thee
and you will never know
because you are afraid
love that you never show
You do not help me
but your words are true
I will never confess
not even to you
But I am your friend,
I know the Begotten Son
and yet you will not tell me
what is in your heart
I would rather be alone
and sit here in silence
then to have open rebuke
so I will never tell you
embrace it my friend
show your affection
love rejected is better
than a love never known
I am confused, my friend?
I can not do what I want
the consequence is to great
this risk I can not take!
Then it is your will!
your agency will condemn you
to stay alone for time and eternity
in permanent misery
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Comments: 3
hmmm. *goes to read Proverbs 27:5* yeah, it is reminiscent of it, since you more or less quoted it three stanzas from the end.
I like the conversation, and while it's obvious who is who and that it changes every other stanza I would have indented/spaced/italicized the second speaker to make it more obvious.
it's kind of lengthy, but I guess it could have been worse, and you needed all you put in. the rhyme is inconsistent but it flows well. the one thing I have a problem with is the "thee" in the 13th stanza.... it's the only one and in the next line he goes right back to you, which is a little confusing.
on the other hand, it is full of emotion and it's very well done. 
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When I wrote this I was just typing away and when I was done i realized that that one stanza sounded A LOT like the scripture, so i looked it up and it happened to be very simular and I guess that the scripture was in the back of my mind when typing
I do not believe that i need some sort of idened/spaced/or italicized because of the structure of the pom. There is no reason to chop up the poem. It was written the way it was because it is the way it needed to be.
The reason that the poem does not rhyme everwhere is because it isn't supposed to. If you look at it the only parts that hae rhyme are when the two speakers are talking and love and have acertain emotion, because love seems to make you feel different and happy as if you are floatng (rhyming is but a symptom). I purposly choose the "thee" because I made a distinct diction choice. I felt that the poem needed the thee or else it would not have the same touch and expression that the one speaker needed to get across to the "one in love". I think you have to read this poem wth emotion in order to undstand the rhyme scheme. I thank you for your comments and hope you will read my mine in return.
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