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Description
I guess I have been doodling now for the whole day. The last rays of sunshine are pushing through the clouds just on the horizon, the day’s way of saying good bye. The clip clap of the train keeps in perfect rhythm with the raindrops that are hitting the window.
I pause from my work to actually look at it. Like so many things I have done as of late, it looks complete, it just seems wrong. So I set it on the chair to my right and look out the window, in hopes the passing landscape will in some way inspire me. After all that’s why I chose to sit in here, to inspire me, seems nothing else does anymore.

I look out the window, but it is an attempt in futility. As the sun sets and the clouds continue to gather, the darkness behind the glass creates a mirror effect, blocking my view of the world. Instead of the passing landscape I find myself staring at my own reflection. Like my drawings, still, lifeless with all the parts, just not right, like a puzzle that has been assembled incorrectly, all the pieces, just in the wrong spots.

So I decide to rest a bit and close my eyes. I take in the environment around me. I can hear the laughter of other people who are sharing this car with me. I can smell the food they have brought in with them. I can hear the rhythmic thump of the train over the tracks and the noise of the air coming in through the vents. As I settle into my chair I for the first time begin to take in all my surroundings. With my eyes closed I allow my other senses to take over. Now the sounds begin to fill my body and I can feel what I can hear. The cool air on my skin the wheels of the train car over the connections in the track even the leather of the chair makes itself clear with its cool touch on my skin. Just as all the sounds and smells of the car have introduced themselves, a new member joins the party. Out side against the cars roof and the huge windows in front of me I hear the unpredictable symphony of raindrops and I see them dance in my head.

For the first time this train trip is becoming what I wanted. I waited so long for this trip as I saved up for it. I was becoming disheartened with the lack of atmosphere I had anticipated. In all fairness to the trip though, I have yet to leave the train even once and we have passed nearly ten different cities. I just looked forward to sitting in this car and watching the world go by. I thought that this trip would help me find my place in this world I so want to be part of. Yet as it passes me by, I don’t know if I will ever find my spot.

As if someone were reading my mind the power goes out. Even with my eyes closed I can see the change. The hum of the lights go missing as does the sound of the air in the vents. Almost immediately the air becomes warm and is filled with the stale feel of death an air conditioner leaves behind. I hear the people begin to stir from where they were resting. Soon the cursing begins as people bump their knees on chairs in the dark as they try to find a more comfortable place to be.

I open my eyes for the first time since I set down my drawing pad and am greeted with a flash of lightning. It briefly fills the car with light before it takes back its false sense of guidance. On the window the rain dances in streams of waves as the air pushes it the opposite direction the train is moving. Each drop that hits the window quickly becomes an unwilling participant in the great dance on the glass. The participants in this window waltz seem to have it in their head to block my view. Perhaps they think they are helping me by hiding the world. The world that I wish to be part of but, keeps itself ever elusive. The teasing brunette at the bar who will never actually say hi. Yes, the rain is simply trying to ease my pain by blurring my vision, doing its part to make it all seem a little less attractive. But still I can’t block out that voice that still seems to call to me, that siren song that is the world asking me to join. Just as I began to lean, as if I could just slip through the window, a flash of lightning arcs through the sky, reminding me that the world is an ever dangerous place.
To my left the door opens from the next car. I hadn’t notice it open or close for awhile now and I thought everyone had decided to leave me to myself. Just to prove my thinking wrong a beam of light finds me and stays on me as an unknown individual approaches. As the light gets close it gains a voice.
The voice calls out to me and asks, “Sir, are you aware the power has gone out? Everyone needs to vacate this car.”
I can’t help but wonder as to what other quality employees I might come across on my trip. Perhaps he thinks I am blind and cannot see that there is no light in this whole car. Perhaps he also thinks I am numb and cannot feel the beads of sweat now forming on my neck and forehead. But I can’t sit here and wonder all day, he want a response. So I take a breath and try and not look directly into the light pointed right at me. “I am not uncomfortable, so I decided not to go. I’m fine all alone, thank you.”
As to verify that I was alone he shines the light around the interior of the car. After he is satisfied that I am alone, he once again focuses on me. “I understand sir, but it’s not a matter of comfort, but a matter of safety. I need you please to vacate this car until the power can be restored.”
I can see that he is going to persist until he gets his way and I am in no mood to get into a fight over this. Without looking into the light a second time I ask him, “How much time can you give me to get my things together and get out?”
He thinks for a minuet before he responds. Then he points the light over to the door leading to the next car. “Well sir I have two other cars to clear before I come back this way. You have until I finish my sweep, okay?”
I look up at him for the first time without a light in my eyes. But before I can respond he is already on his way. Still I want him to know I heard him. “Okay thank you.”
As he leaves I close my eyes and envision myself elsewhere. That place where people just leave you alone and the people who do not, love you.
After only a few seconds the door opens to my right. I can not believe he moved so fast. I look up to apologize that I am not ready when I see it is not him. It is a woman. She must be a passenger that was also asked to leave. Her entrance to the room is bizarre to me. Even though she is coming from a car with no power there is light pushing its way into my car around her. Her features are obscured by the light but her silhouette is shown perfectly. I can see she is quite beautiful. It seems to me like an angel entering your dream with an important warning in regards to your future. And as if to prove the point she walks right up to me. I am amazed by the ease that she does this in the dark. Not once does she trip or his she hindered by anything in the way. She moves through the car as if she could see perfectly or had done it many times.
When she gets to my seat she smiles at me. I can see her very clearly despite the darkness. She moves closer and hands me a drink. I hadn’t seen her holding anything before but there it is right in front of me clear as day. I take it from her and look at it in disbelief. I look up at her and she is taking a drink from her own glass. Not knowing what it is, I am careful as I drink it, I don’t want to react badly if I don’t like it. As the liquid moves over my lips I find it is the sweetest tea I have ever tasted. I tip the glass and empty it without another thought. The woman goes to sit down next to me, but before she can she moves my pad to the next seat.
She sits right next to me, our hips and legs touching, and places her hand on my knee. I am still holding the now empty glass, and so I move it from my right hand to my left and then onto the seat next to me. I then place my right hand on top of her left on my knee. I turn and look at her, she is quite beautiful and familiar some how. She smiles at me and lifts her eyes to look at me.
With the back of my left hand I brush her cheek. She lets out a sigh of approval and nuzzles into my hand. I run my hand up her jaw to her ear and follow her hair to her forehead. I then open my hand and run it over her whole face. She is as beautiful to the touch as she is to the eyes. As all but my middle finger fall from her face, I take her chin in between my thumb and index and pull her to me.
As I kiss her on the lips my mind explodes with memories I have never experienced. I see her and me as children together playing in a lake splashing water at each other and swimming all through the afternoon. Then the two of us are walking through a park hand in hand as the leave in a rainbow of colors shower us gentle. Next we are on a frozen pond skating to the music of a live band surrounded by others, but still alone with each other. Finally I see us atop a flower covered hill beneath a mighty tree just as the sun is setting. Then I see her again looking at me.
I open my lips to say something, but she quiets me with her finger. Then slowly kisses me again. As before my head is filled with visions of times that have yet to come. I see us dressed in black and white, surrounded by people celebrating and crying. Then we are together looking at a child sleeping peacefully in our bed. I see us together at a ceremony where people are throwing hats into the air. Then with another couple, tears are rolling down her face with a newborn in her arms. As the visions move along they pass faster and I can see us aging until the visions become just a blur. I blink my eyes and there she is again smiling.
I pull her to me and kiss her on her forehead. She moves my hand to her breast above her heart and I can hear, more than I can feel, our hearts beat as one. She rests her head on my chest and I rest my head on hers. The smell of her hair fills my senses and I close my eyes. I get caught up in this perfect moment, the last rays of the sun over the tree tops, the rhythmic thump from the track below the song of the rain on the rooftop and this woman in my arms. I take a breath and a streak of lightning fills the sky.
Suddenly a voice fills the air, not a women but a man. “Sir, sir wake up!”
It takes me a minuet to figure out what is going on. I am blinded by a bright light and feel groggy like I just woke from a sleep that lasted days. I realize that the light is from the train attendant’s flashlight and it is he who talked to me. I shake my head to clear my thoughts and look around. I am alone, aside from the attendant; there is no one else in the entire car.
Once again the light talks to me. “I have made my rounds sir. It is time for you to go. You don’t have to go to your cabin though; there is still power in the dinning car. Maybe you would like a nice cup of tea?”
I try weakly to wave him off and grunt some sort of response. I also begin to gather up my things that have some how scattered themselves around. Tea why does that sound so good, and what does he know about tea?
I have that feeling that I am being stared at so I stop and look up. Sure enough the attendant is looking at me with a queer expression on his face. I am a bit uncomfortable so I ask him. “Is there some problem?”
He notices that he is staring when I ask thins and he stirs uncomfortably. “I mean no disrespect sir; I just thought I smelled perfume. Are you wearing perfume?”
What a stupid question. I do not even respond past the dirty look I give him. I am not really paying attention any way. I am busy looking for my drawing pad. It is not here where I left it.
I see the light begin to move around the room. It is no longer focused on me. Then the light speaks again. “Sir, I have to go. I can’t keep waiting. I trust you will leave once you’ve gathered your things?”
I wave him off with my hand and continue looking for my drawing pad. With the sudden loss of the flashlight in my eyes, I am very blinded by the dark. I stop for a moment and let my eyes adjust to the dark. As my eyes become more accustomed to the dark I look around for her. There is no evidence of her anywhere. It must have just been a dream. Yet I can still feel the kiss on my lips and it haunts me.

With one last look around I leave the car and enter the dinning car. I find a seat and settle in. It took a bit of effort because the car is so full. Seems no one decided to go back to their cabin. They are scattered about in their booths giggling, cuddling and kissing. It makes me feel very alone. I find it funny that these same people were just moment ago cursing and complaining about how inconvenienced they were. Seems a little alcohol is all it took to better their lives.
I sit back in my chair as I see the waitress approach. She smiles politely and asks, “Would you like a drink sir?”
I shake my head no. I do not think she has what I want, on the menu. She nods that she understands and skips along oblivious to my pain. I take a minuet to look at the people in the car. Everyone seems to be laughing and having a good time. The smell of alcohol fills the room. The empty bottles litter all the table tops. I guess one might do me well so I wave to the waitress. She does not see me so I will wait until she comes back by. In the meantime I think I will start a new drawing.
I start flipping through the pad to find here I was when I stop on my last work. It seems it has been finished for me. What others may have called a smeared mess I call complete. In the middle of the page my drawing has been obscured by a watermark left by a round object. The kind of mark a glass would leave behind.
I close my book and turn to the window. Outside the rain falls and the lightning flashes. I close my eyes and wait for the power to go out.

by Alfred Campa 2005

Description
I guess I have been doodling now for the whole day. The last rays of sunshine are pushing through the clouds just on the horizon, the day’s way of saying good bye. The clip clap of the train keeps in perfect rhythm with the raindrops that are hitting the window.
I pause from my work to actually look at it. Like so many things I have done as of late, it looks complete, it just seems wrong. So I set it on the chair to my right and look out the window, in hopes the passing landscape will in some way inspire me. After all that’s why I chose to sit in here, to inspire me, seems nothing else does anymore.

I look out the window, but it is an attempt in futility. As the sun sets and the clouds continue to gather, the darkness behind the glass creates a mirror effect, blocking my view of the world. Instead of the passing landscape I find myself staring at my own reflection. Like my drawings, still, lifeless with all the parts, just not right, like a puzzle that has been assembled incorrectly, all the pieces, just in the wrong spots.

So I decide to rest a bit and close my eyes. I take in the environment around me. I can hear the laughter of other people who are sharing this car with me. I can smell the food they have brought in with them. I can hear the rhythmic thump of the train over the tracks and the noise of the air coming in through the vents. As I settle into my chair I for the first time begin to take in all my surroundings. With my eyes closed I allow my other senses to take over. Now the sounds begin to fill my body and I can feel what I can hear. The cool air on my skin the wheels of the train car over the connections in the track even the leather of the chair makes itself clear with its cool touch on my skin. Just as all the sounds and smells of the car have introduced themselves, a new member joins the party. Out side against the cars roof and the huge windows in front of me I hear the unpredictable symphony of raindrops and I see them dance in my head.

For the first time this train trip is becoming what I wanted. I waited so long for this trip as I saved up for it. I was becoming disheartened with the lack of atmosphere I had anticipated. In all fairness to the trip though, I have yet to leave the train even once and we have passed nearly ten different cities. I just looked forward to sitting in this car and watching the world go by. I thought that this trip would help me find my place in this world I so want to be part of. Yet as it passes me by, I don’t know if I will ever find my spot.

As if someone were reading my mind the power goes out. Even with my eyes closed I can see the change. The hum of the lights go missing as does the sound of the air in the vents. Almost immediately the air becomes warm and is filled with the stale feel of death an air conditioner leaves behind. I hear the people begin to stir from where they were resting. Soon the cursing begins as people bump their knees on chairs in the dark as they try to find a more comfortable place to be.

I open my eyes for the first time since I set down my drawing pad and am greeted with a flash of lightning. It briefly fills the car with light before it takes back its false sense of guidance. On the window the rain dances in streams of waves as the air pushes it the opposite direction the train is moving. Each drop that hits the window quickly becomes an unwilling participant in the great dance on the glass. The participants in this window waltz seem to have it in their head to block my view. Perhaps they think they are helping me by hiding the world. The world that I wish to be part of but, keeps itself ever elusive. The teasing brunette at the bar who will never actually say hi. Yes, the rain is simply trying to ease my pain by blurring my vision, doing its part to make it all seem a little less attractive. But still I can’t block out that voice that still seems to call to me, that siren song that is the world asking me to join. Just as I began to lean, as if I could just slip through the window, a flash of lightning arcs through the sky, reminding me that the world is an ever dangerous place.
To my left the door opens from the next car. I hadn’t notice it open or close for awhile now and I thought everyone had decided to leave me to myself. Just to prove my thinking wrong a beam of light finds me and stays on me as an unknown individual approaches. As the light gets close it gains a voice.
The voice calls out to me and asks, “Sir, are you aware the power has gone out? Everyone needs to vacate this car.”
I can’t help but wonder as to what other quality employees I might come across on my trip. Perhaps he thinks I am blind and cannot see that there is no light in this whole car. Perhaps he also thinks I am numb and cannot feel the beads of sweat now forming on my neck and forehead. But I can’t sit here and wonder all day, he want a response. So I take a breath and try and not look directly into the light pointed right at me. “I am not uncomfortable, so I decided not to go. I’m fine all alone, thank you.”
As to verify that I was alone he shines the light around the interior of the car. After he is satisfied that I am alone, he once again focuses on me. “I understand sir, but it’s not a matter of comfort, but a matter of safety. I need you please to vacate this car until the power can be restored.”
I can see that he is going to persist until he gets his way and I am in no mood to get into a fight over this. Without looking into the light a second time I ask him, “How much time can you give me to get my things together and get out?”
He thinks for a minuet before he responds. Then he points the light over to the door leading to the next car. “Well sir I have two other cars to clear before I come back this way. You have until I finish my sweep, okay?”
I look up at him for the first time without a light in my eyes. But before I can respond he is already on his way. Still I want him to know I heard him. “Okay thank you.”
As he leaves I close my eyes and envision myself elsewhere. That place where people just leave you alone and the people who do not, love you.
After only a few seconds the door opens to my right. I can not believe he moved so fast. I look up to apologize that I am not ready when I see it is not him. It is a woman. She must be a passenger that was also asked to leave. Her entrance to the room is bizarre to me. Even though she is coming from a car with no power there is light pushing its way into my car around her. Her features are obscured by the light but her silhouette is shown perfectly. I can see she is quite beautiful. It seems to me like an angel entering your dream with an important warning in regards to your future. And as if to prove the point she walks right up to me. I am amazed by the ease that she does this in the dark. Not once does she trip or his she hindered by anything in the way. She moves through the car as if she could see perfectly or had done it many times.
When she gets to my seat she smiles at me. I can see her very clearly despite the darkness. She moves closer and hands me a drink. I hadn’t seen her holding anything before but there it is right in front of me clear as day. I take it from her and look at it in disbelief. I look up at her and she is taking a drink from her own glass. Not knowing what it is, I am careful as I drink it, I don’t want to react badly if I don’t like it. As the liquid moves over my lips I find it is the sweetest tea I have ever tasted. I tip the glass and empty it without another thought. The woman goes to sit down next to me, but before she can she moves my pad to the next seat.
She sits right next to me, our hips and legs touching, and places her hand on my knee. I am still holding the now empty glass, and so I move it from my right hand to my left and then onto the seat next to me. I then place my right hand on top of her left on my knee. I turn and look at her, she is quite beautiful and familiar some how. She smiles at me and lifts her eyes to look at me.
With the back of my left hand I brush her cheek. She lets out a sigh of approval and nuzzles into my hand. I run my hand up her jaw to her ear and follow her hair to her forehead. I then open my hand and run it over her whole face. She is as beautiful to the touch as she is to the eyes. As all but my middle finger fall from her face, I take her chin in between my thumb and index and pull her to me.
As I kiss her on the lips my mind explodes with memories I have never experienced. I see her and me as children together playing in a lake splashing water at each other and swimming all through the afternoon. Then the two of us are walking through a park hand in hand as the leave in a rainbow of colors shower us gentle. Next we are on a frozen pond skating to the music of a live band surrounded by others, but still alone with each other. Finally I see us atop a flower covered hill beneath a mighty tree just as the sun is setting. Then I see her again looking at me.
I open my lips to say something, but she quiets me with her finger. Then slowly kisses me again. As before my head is filled with visions of times that have yet to come. I see us dressed in black and white, surrounded by people celebrating and crying. Then we are together looking at a child sleeping peacefully in our bed. I see us together at a ceremony where people are throwing hats into the air. Then with another couple, tears are rolling down her face with a newborn in her arms. As the visions move along they pass faster and I can see us aging until the visions become just a blur. I blink my eyes and there she is again smiling.
I pull her to me and kiss her on her forehead. She moves my hand to her breast above her heart and I can hear, more than I can feel, our hearts beat as one. She rests her head on my chest and I rest my head on hers. The smell of her hair fills my senses and I close my eyes. I get caught up in this perfect moment, the last rays of the sun over the tree tops, the rhythmic thump from the track below the song of the rain on the rooftop and this woman in my arms. I take a breath and a streak of lightning fills the sky.
Suddenly a voice fills the air, not a women but a man. “Sir, sir wake up!”
It takes me a minuet to figure out what is going on. I am blinded by a bright light and feel groggy like I just woke from a sleep that lasted days. I realize that the light is from the train attendant’s flashlight and it is he who talked to me. I shake my head to clear my thoughts and look around. I am alone, aside from the attendant; there is no one else in the entire car.
Once again the light talks to me. “I have made my rounds sir. It is time for you to go. You don’t have to go to your cabin though; there is still power in the dinning car. Maybe you would like a nice cup of tea?”
I try weakly to wave him off and grunt some sort of response. I also begin to gather up my things that have some how scattered themselves around. Tea why does that sound so good, and what does he know about tea?
I have that feeling that I am being stared at so I stop and look up. Sure enough the attendant is looking at me with a queer expression on his face. I am a bit uncomfortable so I ask him. “Is there some problem?”
He notices that he is staring when I ask thins and he stirs uncomfortably. “I mean no disrespect sir; I just thought I smelled perfume. Are you wearing perfume?”
What a stupid question. I do not even respond past the dirty look I give him. I am not really paying attention any way. I am busy looking for my drawing pad. It is not here where I left it.
I see the light begin to move around the room. It is no longer focused on me. Then the light speaks again. “Sir, I have to go. I can’t keep waiting. I trust you will leave once you’ve gathered your things?”
I wave him off with my hand and continue looking for my drawing pad. With the sudden loss of the flashlight in my eyes, I am very blinded by the dark. I stop for a moment and let my eyes adjust to the dark. As my eyes become more accustomed to the dark I look around for her. There is no evidence of her anywhere. It must have just been a dream. Yet I can still feel the kiss on my lips and it haunts me.

With one last look around I leave the car and enter the dinning car. I find a seat and settle in. It took a bit of effort because the car is so full. Seems no one decided to go back to their cabin. They are scattered about in their booths giggling, cuddling and kissing. It makes me feel very alone. I find it funny that these same people were just moment ago cursing and complaining about how inconvenienced they were. Seems a little alcohol is all it took to better their lives.
I sit back in my chair as I see the waitress approach. She smiles politely and asks, “Would you like a drink sir?”
I shake my head no. I do not think she has what I want, on the menu. She nods that she understands and skips along oblivious to my pain. I take a minuet to look at the people in the car. Everyone seems to be laughing and having a good time. The smell of alcohol fills the room. The empty bottles litter all the table tops. I guess one might do me well so I wave to the waitress. She does not see me so I will wait until she comes back by. In the meantime I think I will start a new drawing.
I start flipping through the pad to find here I was when I stop on my last work. It seems it has been finished for me. What others may have called a smeared mess I call complete. In the middle of the page my drawing has been obscured by a watermark left by a round object. The kind of mark a glass would leave behind.
I close my book and turn to the window. Outside the rain falls and the lightning flashes. I close my eyes and wait for the power to go out.

by Alfred Campa 2005