HOME | DD

ScribbledNotes — They Say Budapest Is Lovely...
Published: 2008-09-15 08:13:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 573; Favourites: 15; Downloads: 5
Redirect to original
Description She came into the cafe, ordered a
lowfat something, sat crossing legs; skirt
was short, legs were smooth and she
was all types of stunning bathing in afternoon
sunlight. Pulled a chair and sat across from
her, said, "I know you from somewhere,
you're so familiar." "I'm every girl
you never talked to," she said. "How
bout the lips?" I asked. She tapped
them, "Every pair you never got the guts
to kiss." I leaned over, we kissed for a
moment, sat back, talked about
politics, named dropped Sarah and Barack
till we both disclosed we were bored,
hated politics and politicking.
Moved on to travels, said for you to come with me to
Budapest. You said, "Haven't had a bath in
weeks." Got me a lowfat, double shot something
to go, we skipped the joint and headed for the airport.
Cities looked like bioluminescent beings in the twilight
hour at that height, the smell of her hair swept
over my shoulder relaxed me, cleared my mind some.
Watched her steady rhythm breathing as I realized
I didn’t even know her name, imagined it to be Rolga,
but knew we were going to be in some sort of
high-leaning arts driven love affair that wouldn’t end
with either of us in rehab, I was relieved before I
could get aggitated. A hunch I felt was right
for once, such is, such is these things. The cities were
so bioluminescent, so beautiful, wow.
Related content
Comments: 26

Awasteof-paint [2009-04-24 22:56:02 +0000 UTC]

this ones really great

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScribbledNotes In reply to Awasteof-paint [2009-04-26 21:27:30 +0000 UTC]

thanks a bunch, ma'am.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Awasteof-paint In reply to ScribbledNotes [2009-04-26 22:50:03 +0000 UTC]

you're welcome.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yeatsgrave [2009-03-06 02:27:06 +0000 UTC]

I really like it. I admire your writing.
but, I just want to know, if that's okay:

why you don't introduce yourself when you say "Pulled a chair ... said, ..." because I'm thinking the girl, the only one who has been introduced yet, pulled a chair, and when she sat beside "her" I thought it was another girl. Realized after of course, but not for a little while, and I had to reread it a couple times.

also, why you change in the centre to "You said". I read it and felt it was lovely until it went directly back to the old pronouns. It was like this bump I hit and then it didn't go anywhere and I had to wonder why. It would have been neat if the change in pronoun went somewhere, or you took it further.

Forgive me and tell me if I'm being overcritical (or dumb). It was just one of those slight distractions for me during reading.

But again, I really like the movement other than that. I love the "lowfat something"s and "politics and politicking", and I like the repetition of "bioluminescent" (what a good word). And I like the whole concept of it. It's nice.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScribbledNotes In reply to yeatsgrave [2009-03-08 18:14:47 +0000 UTC]

goodness! I'm glad you said something because I really didnt even notice those errors. my tenses changed, thank you for catching that. and I put a I in front of, "pulled chair" for ease of reading.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

MarkMonosyllabic [2008-11-25 17:59:15 +0000 UTC]

This is a really great poem, you know, the way it just goes, it really takes off.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScribbledNotes In reply to MarkMonosyllabic [2008-11-27 19:15:30 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. I had that idea of someone, two people actually, with a whole lotta confidence in themselves meeting and just having fun, ya know?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

myheartsong [2008-09-21 03:19:41 +0000 UTC]

I really like this...

And I really like the new Bloc Party a lot, still. haha...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScribbledNotes In reply to myheartsong [2008-09-21 14:59:30 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!!! And yes, Bloc doens't get old for me, still. HEY! It officially comes out in a few weeks, too! That's cool.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

myheartsong In reply to ScribbledNotes [2008-09-23 03:51:34 +0000 UTC]

Cool indeed!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Alexa88 [2008-09-17 01:49:31 +0000 UTC]

nice flow

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScribbledNotes In reply to Alexa88 [2008-09-17 04:54:23 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

IsabellaMichel [2008-09-15 22:32:06 +0000 UTC]

Yes! Awesome.
I thoroughly enjoyed every line!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScribbledNotes In reply to IsabellaMichel [2008-09-16 00:50:04 +0000 UTC]

Wow! Thanks much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

IsabellaMichel In reply to ScribbledNotes [2008-09-16 00:58:40 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome!!!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

hauntingmewithsmiles [2008-09-15 18:44:37 +0000 UTC]

Cities looked like bioluminescent beings in the twilight
hour at that height, the smell of her hair swept
over my shoulder relaxed me, cleared my mind some.



Wow. Nice.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScribbledNotes In reply to hauntingmewithsmiles [2008-09-16 00:50:15 +0000 UTC]

I liked that section, too.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

YouInventedMe [2008-09-15 16:51:00 +0000 UTC]




xo!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScribbledNotes In reply to YouInventedMe [2008-09-16 00:50:21 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

powgrl [2008-09-15 14:50:51 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScribbledNotes In reply to powgrl [2008-09-16 00:50:26 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

powgrl In reply to ScribbledNotes [2008-09-16 15:21:46 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

CrinaPrida [2008-09-15 10:50:50 +0000 UTC]

just wonderful - sorry I never replied to your note - had a most complicated weekend - but I will because I am in love with your 'Budapest'

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScribbledNotes In reply to CrinaPrida [2008-09-16 00:50:50 +0000 UTC]

Oh, that's perfectly fine. I was VERY busy the weekend too.

Glad you like this, though!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

magical-frog [2008-09-15 08:52:41 +0000 UTC]

Sounds like something that would happen to some billionaire...

I like your writing style, every piece is refreshing.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScribbledNotes In reply to magical-frog [2008-09-16 00:51:22 +0000 UTC]

THANK YOU! I always feared that my style was too varied, but I'm glad more persons are liking it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0