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this is the Thing and it has Stuff in it.
the Thing is still a prototype. our scientists
don’t have a name for it yet.
you understand, sir. they’re only scientists.

tests on land have been promising.
in water, as good as we could hope for.
designed to last as long as 100 years,
its own stupidity notwithstanding.

lots of Stuff in it. very technical Stuff, sir.
i won’t go into the details.
brain, lungs, intestines—Stuff like that.
Stuff within the Stuff too. veins, glands—
you wouldn’t believe how complex—
our builders are demanding you pay them overtime.
they’ve spent hours—what’s that, sir?
oh, yes, of course. pardon me, sir.

as i was saying, the Thing is extremely intelligent.
its prime directive is to survive,
which should be a massive improvement
on the fiasco of the last model.
yessir. that’s right, sir.
we’ve made earning money its second priority this time.
should counteract any suicidal tendencies.

not sure when we can have it ready for integration.
a couple centuries at most, sir.
nothing catastrophic.
and after that, sir, we can all relax!
nothing left but to sit back and watch as—

what’s that, sir?
what’s the point of them? i don’t understand, sir.
must everything have a—a point?

well, i don’t quite remember, sir.
i think a bunch of us were hanging around the office late,
had a little to drink, and—well—
you understand, don’t you, sir?
look, don’t blame me. alcohol wasn’t my idea.
talk to those idiots over in Cultural Development.
well, it turned out all right, didn’t it, sir?
besides, where do you get your inspiration?