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Published: 2013-01-27 13:24:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 247; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 2
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Description
imagine your body is a kingdom, a city, a governmentand you were told it would be beautiful
it would be magnificent, it would fit perfectly
it would be perfect, and it isn't, you were lied to
everything is brilliant at first, then
you look a little closer, see the cracks
that are only getting bigger, imagine you are a dystopia
a dictatorship, your body is a communist and
you're not allowed to leave, slander it, or make any changes
i have taught myself not to listen to my voice
when it comes tumbling out my mouth
because i will never like how it sounds
it will never sit right in my ears, so yeah
maybe sometimes i say stupid things
maybe sometimes i talk too much
but my voice is not my own, and you can't imagine
what that feels like, you can't imagine
the coping methods i have spent years perfecting
you cannot escape from your own voice, believe me, i have tried
it's not like your body, you can't avoid mirrors
you have three options at your disposal: cut your vocal chords,
smash your ear drums, or grin and bare it
i have come so close to ripping at my throat
with a carving knife some nights, maybe then it'll sound right
maybe then i won't hear myself talking and marvel at my own words
because i don't recognise my voice, even when
it's still tumbling out of my own mouth, maybe then
i'll feel comfortable doing anything other than covering my mouth
imagine your voice has been replaced by a stranger's
whilst you were sleeping, imagine how wrong it feels
now live like that. now like the entirety of your life like that.
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Comments: 9
queuentity [2013-02-07 01:56:25 +0000 UTC]
Do you know what would be immensely confusing? If you cannot stand something about yourself like your voice, and everyone else absolutely adores it.
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scripturiency In reply to queuentity [2013-02-07 16:47:41 +0000 UTC]
confusing, and unfortunate.
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little-supernova [2013-01-27 16:30:37 +0000 UTC]
I reverberate with that first stanza so much, I think I just went up in vibration.
You and your dysphoria, me and my broken body.
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scripturiency In reply to little-supernova [2013-01-30 16:25:07 +0000 UTC]
i hope not, that'd be unfortunate.
what a pair we make.
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little-supernova In reply to scripturiency [2013-01-30 19:57:20 +0000 UTC]
Why? Going up in vibration only means I'm that much closer to traveling into the next dimension.
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scripturiency In reply to little-supernova [2013-01-30 20:08:38 +0000 UTC]
my brain jumped more to... you ever seen buffy? that scene in 'once more feeling' where she dances so hard she starts to catch fire, that's where my brain went. vibration means you've got energy and energy's got to go somewhere, said the little scientist voice in my head i usually smother under body pillows of fantasy characters.
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little-supernova In reply to scripturiency [2013-01-30 22:55:54 +0000 UTC]
Haha, nice. I haven't seen that Buffy, but I get what you're getting at. No, I was thinking more spirit sciencey stuff.
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scripturiency In reply to little-supernova [2013-01-31 17:28:12 +0000 UTC]
ah, of course. i really need to look into that more. i shall add it to my to-do list, s'not like it's already as long as my arm or anything.
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little-supernova In reply to scripturiency [2013-01-31 18:46:46 +0000 UTC]
I was thinking it was more as long as your small intestine, but that works too.
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