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Published: 2006-03-02 01:47:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 95; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
He was therejust there
lying on the cold, wet pavement
the black night of it
wet at his back, his side, his front;
his head at an unnatural angle
tilted towards the sky
nose up:
a last snub at the world,
his formal business suit,
blue with small pin-strips
to match his starring eyes;
a business man,
prosperous by his dress,
his black shoes freshly polished
so shiny they reflect the light—
the light from the streetlamp
pouring over his body:
it’s night,
cold and raining—
a drizzle of rain
merely mist in the sky
plastering his blond hair to his face,
making his pants stick to the skin;
the warm blood from his open wound
dripping,
forming a pool of sticky blood—
a pile of muck—
thinned by the cool rain,
his body surrounded by it,
yet left unstained;
the stench of him
fills the air
suffocating the lungs—
the heated smell of raw flesh
slowly starting to rot;
the powerful scene
bites at the heart:
the young man,
can easily be a boy—
of only nine or ten—
dead on the ground
with no reason at all,
another war,
another innocent gone,
too close to home.
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Comments: 4
crazypotatoeOo [2006-03-02 11:29:31 +0000 UTC]
I'm not sure if I've read the original version you wrote...but this one is really good Oo
I love how you describe his "physical situation" and slowly unfold the story..and it's so sad...but good.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SenselessDancer In reply to crazypotatoeOo [2006-03-02 19:13:26 +0000 UTC]
Thank you...as I recall, you didn't leave any comment on my original, so I would naturally assume that you didn't. But trust me...this one=much better!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
crazypotatoeOo In reply to SenselessDancer [2006-03-04 12:40:39 +0000 UTC]
okay I'll take your word for it
👍: 0 ⏩: 1








