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Warning: triggering content, gore

From that moment on, things got better. Your constant anger lessened drastically, your behaviour improved and you felt happy again. Especially since, one week later, Gallagher got to go home. You received permission to go home for two weekends to see him, but of course it couldn’t last. Instead, you two constantly wrote letters, talking about all kinds of stuff. He even wrote that Moody had told him of your ambition to become an Auror, and wrote that you didn’t have to worry about those things yet. He told you to focus on school, so you did. Very slowly your Potions were improving, but professor Slughorn assured you that the improvement itself was most important, not the rate at which you were doing so.

Your friends noticed your change of mood as well. You joked around more, pranked some people (all good of course, you kept it innocent enough), and hallelujah, you laughed again! The Marauders were back on track, and everyone knew it.

There were two things however that had visibly changed. Firstly, you spent more time in the library. You wanted to know as much as you could on subjects involving the Dark Arts. You didn’t exaggerate though; you still spent a lot of time with your friends, but let’s just say that if no-one had seen you, you were definitely in the library.

The second thing that had changed was your sleeping pattern. Nightmares of your injured brother sometimes plagued your sleep, after which you woke up in the middle of the night. Finding that you couldn’t rest anymore, you quietly snuck out of your room and into the boys’ dormitories. There you’d find rest with one of the boys, mostly Remus. He was the one who took care of you the same way you did with him. However, when he wasn’t there because of the full moon, you’d sleep with Sirius. None of them minded, none of them spoke about it since it was clear you didn’t want to, and you always made sure to be back in your room before anyone else woke up. They never even knew what you dreamt about. This only happened when you had had a bad day though, so usually once a week, and overall you slept well enough.

It was in this state that you went to your Defence Against the Dark Arts class with the others. It was mid-April, on a Thursday afternoon, and it was your last class of the day. When you walked in, the classroom was empty except for one big closet, standing in the middle in the room. Professor Jigger stood next it, waiting until you had all come in, after which he closed the door with a flick of his wand.

“Good afternoon everyone” he started. “Since last Friday and this Monday we have been talking about Boggarts, today we will actually put that knowledge into use. Do you all remember the spell we talked about?”

You all nodded.

“Okay, good! Now, for those who don’t but are too shy to say so; the spell is Ridikkulus. While saying this, you must think of a way to turn your greatest fear into something funny. Now remember; a boggart takes shape of what you fear most, so keep that in mind when you try to think of something funny.”

Your hand shot up.

“Yes, miss (l/n)?”

“What if you don’t know what your greatest fear is?” you asked.

“Try improvising. Just don’t let the fear take over you, and you’ll be fine. Know this; a boggart primarily means to scare you, not to harm you.”

You nodded in understanding.

“Any more questions? No? Then I would like you all to listen very carefully before we start. This lesson will be very intimate; your fellow students are going to face their greatest fears, and no matter what that fear is, you will respect them. There will be no teasing one another, and whatever happens in this classroom today, it stays in this classroom. Am I clear?”

“Yes, professor” you all replied.

“Very good! Okay then, everyone, form a line!” the professor said. Sirius and James went to stand in front, excited to try, whereas you, Peter and Remus and Lily stood somewhere in the middle of the line. James went first.

The closet opened, and a dense fog came out. It stayed on the ground for a second, until it started to move and take the shape of a hooded figure. It had white, bony hands and though you couldn’t properly see their face, red eyes seemed to be piercing you all from underneath the cloak. James raised his wand and said the spell. The figure tripped over its own cloak and fell on its face, making a ridiculous ‘oomph’ sound. You all laughed, James clapped Sirius on the back, and went to stand on the side.

The figure looked at Sirius next, got up, and transformed. It didn’t change all that much really; the figure was still cloaked, but wore a mask this time and held out a wand. You thought you recognised him- it was definitely a boy- but couldn’t place him until he spoke. “Sirius” it said in an acknowledging tone. Regulus. “Ridikkulus” Sirius said, and the figure shrank. The boggart turned into what appeared to be Regulus when he had been a toddler, sitting on the ground, covered in chocolate. The sight was adorable and hilarious at the same time, and once more made you laugh. Sirius joined James at the side, letting a Hufflepuff girl step forward- the same on whose parchment you had doodled last year.

The boggart shifted into a swarm of wasps, buzzing angrily. She quickly said the spell as well, making the swarm fly synchronically while the Waltz of the Flowers was playing. You all laughed and she grinned, walking over to the other two while doing a slight pirouette on the way. You all clapped for her slight performance while the next girl, also a Hufflepuff, took her place.

Next, the wasps stopped dancing, and instead turned into darkness. A cold void spread over the room, but before it could reach her she uttered the spell and a light switched on. In the middle of the now not so dark void, there stood a funny looking man on a stool, having just pulled on a chain to turn on a light bulb. He looked at all of you, saw you staring, and let out a confused “What?”. As she walked over to the rest, Lily stood in front of the boggart.

A voice started shouting in the distance, but became clearer as the boggart changed form. A girl with blonde hair stood in front of her, shouting “You’re a freak, Lily! I hate you! I hate you, and your freak friends!! You’re a fre-“ “Ridikkulus.” The girl had turned into a cat, making the funniest screeching noises. Lily clasped her arms around herself in a comforting manner, but managed a smile anyway as she walked over to the rest.

Next up was Remus. It didn’t surprise you when the boggart turned into a full moon. He swiftly muttered the spell, making the moon turn into a balloon, flying around the room before it landed in front of him again. When he walked to the side, it was your turn.

You had no idea what to expect, but when the thing started to change, you felt an immediate sense of dread coming over you. Especially when it took its final shape.

Oh.

Oh no.

You thought you would have been able to handle this, but seeing the scene in front of you, you realised that you couldn’t. Not this.

In front of you stood Gallagher, hands clasping his stomach. Blood was pouring from between his fingers, but not only that. His entrails dangled down, were spread across the floor, and blood was spreading fast. You froze seeing the pain on his face, and your wand slipped from between your fingers.

He was like this.

This happened to him.

Those were the thoughts running through your head as you felt your breathing speeding up, seemingly not being able to get oxygen in your lungs anymore, and you fell to the ground. Tears rolled down your cheeks, and you didn’t even notice the hustle around you.

“For Merlin’s sake boys, give her some space” you vaguely heard a voice say. “Let me handle this.”

You didn’t recognise who it was that helped you up and brought you to the corridor, all you knew was that suddenly you were outside, slumped against the wall with an unfamiliar voice talking to you.

“Listen to me (y/n). It is (y/n), right?” she said.

You tried to nod, and she must have understood.

“Nice to properly meet you, (y/n). My name is Marlene. (Y/n), I want you to breathe with me okay?”

You were curled up in a ball. Your lungs were aching, and your breathing sped up even more. Panic overwhelmed you, and you felt like you were going to pass out.

“Focus on me, (y/n), focus on my voice. It’s okay, I’m here with you. Breathe with me. Do you think you can do that?”

You nodded again.

“Okay, very good. Now breathe in-“ she slowly breathed in through her nose. You tried to mimic her, but your breaths were still a lot faster.

“-and out.” She slowly let out the air. Repeating this process several times, your lungs weren’t aching anymore, but your breath still wasn’t normal.

“Okay, (y/n), now talk to me. Tell me random things you know, anything at all. I’ll start, and then you can go, okay? Today is Thursday.”

“It’s April” you choked out.

“Very good” she encouraged you. “I’m a Hufflepuff.”

“I- I’m a Gryffindor.”

“That’s it, keep going” she smiled.

“The symbol of my house i-is a lion. M-my colours are red and gold. M-my favourite colour is (f/c). The common room i-is up in Gryffindor tower.” You whipped your tears and calmed down a little, but that sense of panic still hadn’t completely left, so you kept going. “I hate that. I don’t like stairs. I sometimes wish I could be a Hufflepuff, so that my common room would be close to the kitchens.”

“Wait, you know where the kitchens are?” Marlene asked.

“Yeah, they’re in the corridor to your common room. There’s a painting of a fruit basket. If you tickle the pear, a door handle appears. A house elf told me that once. It was after my first night here, I ran into her in the common room. Her name is Pommy, and she’s very nice. She keeps calling me ‘miss’, I think it’s cute. I like her. Even now I sometimes go to the kitchen to talk to her. And to get some food too of course, but I like how she talks to me. She’s kind.”

You stopped talking, wiping the last tears form your cheeks.

“Thank you” you muttered.

“That’s okay” she said. “It’s normal. Have you ever had a panic attack before?”

You shook your head. ‘So that’s what just happened.’

“I have. They suck, but there are some tricks to get through them. Like forcing your breathing to calm down, and talking about random stuff. At least, that’s my experience.”

“This happen t’you often?”

“No, mostly during the exams.”

You kept on talking about all different kinds of stuff until you felt ready to go back inside. One thing was for sure: Marlene was one hell of a person, and you were immensely grateful she was there for you.