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shadowsofthought — The Last Rite
Published: 2009-05-25 06:24:55 +0000 UTC; Views: 301; Favourites: 8; Downloads: 1
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Description Stress of the heart
Betrayed
Torn apart

Begging to hit restart
But only to be left apart

As the light drains
From this world
And only darkness seems
To remain

We unworthy humans
Are left chained
Out in a relentless rain

For we go against
Those who have built a defense
No matter, for we all know better

They need us
So they can keep up
Their unholy fuss

For they see not
Through the veil
Where their god
Rots
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Comments: 3

greenbloodglenn [2010-03-15 19:50:22 +0000 UTC]

As the light drains
From this world
And only darkness seems
To remain
is a bit cliche
but for the rest
you use good punctuation and spacing
nice words
i think you don't really need to rewrite it
kinda would undo the work you did then right

nice job and keep em coming

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

shadowsofthought In reply to greenbloodglenn [2010-03-15 19:54:18 +0000 UTC]

hehe I knew it was cliche but when i wrote it out...It was fitting still is. Thank you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

greenbloodglenn In reply to shadowsofthought [2010-03-15 20:20:20 +0000 UTC]

remember cliche doesn't mean it's bad

👍: 0 ⏩: 0