HOME | DD

GamerDeeJay [2011-04-26 08:54:32 +0000 UTC]

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact

Hello there shadowyzman! This is your friendly GamerDeeJay here to give an 'insightful' and 'very detailed' critique on this deviation here. Just like I said. Also sorry it's late. e.deviantart.net/emoticons/a/a… " width="19" height="19" alt="" title="Sweating a little..."/> Anyway, if you've read any of my other critiques then this is the point where I say, I *may* be a bit blunt here and there. So no hard feelings. Now then grab a notebook, some soda, and get comfy. 'Cause I'm gonna break it down for you.

Vision: 4 Stars, but why?
+1 Star: ...Interesting. Why is...What is that going to...Is it going to do to her what I think it...oh my.
+1 Star: Y'know I don't see very many deviations...executed...like this...yeah. Tentacles, half-naked woman clad in (torn) leather, guns, and some blood. Huh. Glad I'm making a critique on it.
+2 Stars: You know I wonder what the main idea behind this is, and yet I don't. Because the more I seem to think about it, the more in-the-gutter my thoughts get. All I can say is that there's a part of me laughing with immature glee right now. Not exactly sure if that's a good thing.
-1 Star: Some glaring flaws in the picture, but we'll get to that in 'Technique'. Just hold on for the ride until we get there alright? e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s… " width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Smile)"/>

Advice: If I was you I'd be really careful on submitting more deviations of this manner. Now this is fine, but I'm saying if you decided to get a bit more...liberal with what the tentacle is doing and/or erase a few parts of the outfits in some key spots...well then this might become an adult-only picture. And I don't think that would fly too well with dA admins. Just something to keep in mind, dA wasn't intended to be a pornographic site. (Again, this picture is fine though I'm just saying tread lightly.)

Originality: 4 Stars, but why?
+1 Star: I get a good vibe of danger by how the tentacles are drawn, the gun helps too.
+1 Star: So I notice it's ORIGINAL CONTENT. e.deviantart.net/emoticons/c/c… " width="20" height="20" alt="" title="Clap"/> Always good to see.
+1 Star: Those tentacles, their design is so...yeech. Glad I'm not Jane, they look disgusting, and perfect for a scene like this.
+1 Star: Well this kind of picture is something I don't come across everyday. Then again I'm not searching for anything like it.
-1 Star: Okay a two in one denomination. First, I'm not a fan of 'loose' brushing. Which is essentially just simple brush strokes and can lack definition in some areas. The tentacles are a good example for this, most of the colors are pretty solid in some parts and has more definite shading in others. Look at the tentacles around the legs and then the one holding her arm, I prefer the one grabbing her arm in terms of aesthetics; it has good shading, color, and shape.
Second, I believe the picture could've been done better in execution. The pose looks awkward (I know she's being held hostage, but that's beside the point). Her face doesn't exactly say "Oh no I'm in danger", "I'm really angry, taste lead" or even "I'm confident I can get out of this" more like "I'm gonna glare at you while raising my upper lip, grrr". Real threatening. Because of the way you designed the tentacles and the way you painted them, it's kind of hard to determine the coiling in the legs are.

Advice: Put yourself into the situations you draw, try to picture what pose you would do, what your face would be like, etc. Then you can use that new knowledge to base it off for your drawing. Which in turn would make it look more believable.

Resources and Useful Stuff:
Here's an expression reference for you: [link]
You can use this reference as a, well, reference. It'll show you what to look for in fear, shock, anger, etc. Apply it to your OC for A+ results.

Technique: 3 Stars, but why?
+1 Star: The colors you used are nice, not distracting, and do their job at being colorful. I especially like the color scheme for the tentacles.
+1 Star: A good grasp on shading, but there is an issue with the light. I'll get to it soon.
+1 Star: A star for having a bit better grasp of the female anatomy than me, ripping leather, and I like how you added some extra details (like goo on the tentacles and the gun). But...
-0.5 Star: That pose...I don't know if it looks correct or not. Her neck/head looks anatomically impossible angle-wise, and the back looks like it should be arched more.

Her right leg is...gone. Just gone. I can't tell where it is from the ripped leather or the light. I know she has one though there's a hint of black behind her left leg between the coiled tentacles.

The position for the right arm hurts to recreate. Not really the bending of the arm, but holding a gun perfectly sideways for the camera just plain hurts the wrist with the arm like that. Try it. So, I would try to make a pose that would seem more comfortable to do. If I was in a situation like this I'm sure my arm would NOT be level with the ground, and it would not be in a position that's too stressful on the muscles to be in. So apply some foreshortening to the arm a bit, and don't be afraid of bending the wrist. Maybe have her aim lower? Be sure to draw the gun not perfectly sideways for extra depth (that means in 3-D, bud).

-0.5 Stars: The anatomy. Besides the back not being arched, the missing leg, and the neck...

Some strains of hair look like they're coming from other strains, kind of like branching off. For hair it's best to start from a common location, so be careful with the highlights, and follow the hairline.

Her left arm is thicker than her right. Also she's an assassin right? Well I would expect to see a bit of muscle on her arms, and not have them be mostly straight (muscle-wise). Be that's just me.

Her breasts are fairly busty looking, but I'm terrible at drawing breasts at this moment, so I'm sure that was an intended thing. Right Plan B, be sure to use references.

Her ribcage and stomach have a sudden transition, so I would round it out a bit, because right now it's a bit straight. Arching the back might help too.

-0.5 Stars: The gun. Okay Weapons 101 crash course inbound.
When a pistol is fired the slide (which is a majority of the top of the gun) slides back, releases the empty case, and loads a new one. Your gun doesn't do that. It should since it's just firing a bullet. Also, gunfire is an explosion escaping a small hole. So the fire at the end should be bigger, and note: fire = light. That's a secondary light source you need to take into consideration. You did for the gun, but not Jane. Well maybe the legs (they have some light), but definitely not the body (it's mostly shaded).

Guns recoil also, the wrist would bend back at around 10+ degrees, give or take. Or you can bend the arm slightly too, but I believe with the arm the way it is, that might not help.

Also bullets travel at around 1000 feet a second, making it *very* difficult to see mid-flight with a normal camera. Even if you did the bullet would have some distortion around it for going so fast and it wouldn't leave a trail unless it has some leftover particle effects from say, a rail gun or something. Which isn't what the gun looks like at all.

-0.5 Star: The light source. Where exactly is it coming from? Because my first guess was from above, but her legs, face, and breasts are mostly illuminated. So my next guess is from the front, but her back shouldn't be as illuminated. Try to keep a consistent light source, and don't make the source too big. Usually a side or corner is where one could set the light source, but don't make it be 2 sides and a corner. Too many angles.

The shading on the body is odd, she has a blotch of lighter color in the dark area. Was that intended? Be sure to have the shading contort with the body, be consistent with it and not have it stop suddenly without good reason. Like near the hip are (below her left elbow) it's all light and then it suddenly transitions to a darker shade. Be sure to keep that in mind. Also using a lighter color to divide areas (like the armpit area) is a no-no. If your shading is good you wouldn't need that to divide areas, as the darker shading will note the viewer that it's a different area of the body.

I'll tell you right now I can't draw lighting on leather, let alone critique it on how to do it. However, I believe it might be a bit more glossy that how you did it. And I'm not too familiar with leather ripping like that. Again, when in doubt use references.

Advice: Use References. When drawing tentacle-like things in the future make sure they have some form, as the one tentacle in the top-right corner looks a bit sloppy with the end having too solid of lines and practically no form. Don't be afraid to add some texture to it by using Noise in Photoshop or add some light brush strokes of a lighter color. Adding a gloss like you did for the leather on the tentacles might help add some realism. Anything to give more depth would help. A better background might help too.

Resources and Useful Stuff:
Here's a guide to flexibility to reiterate on the posing: [link]

Impact: 3.5 Stars, but why?
+1 Star: Nice concept, and good to look at...well if you're into tentacles that is.
+1 Star: Original Content. Yay!
+1 Star: 1800+ word critique, 2 hours of time, and two cups of coffee. I'd say this deviation made quite an Impact alright. You're welcome.
+0.5 Star: Your skills with the female anatomy are better than mine. As well as shading.
-0.5 Star: The gun. Tsk.
-1 Star: The issues I've found throughout the critique, work on them and it'll get better.

Advice: Not much else to say. Practice, use references, and have fun with every attempt in your art. Also triple-check everything to be sure it's right. It's not fun to catch a mistake when you upload it to dA.

e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w… " width="25" height="17" alt="" title="Phew!"/> Okay, I think I got it all. It was fun critiquing this picture, and I thank you for the opportunity. Your picture is good and all, but if you look at some of the things I've mentioned you'll refine it to be even better! Sorry if I was a bit brash here and there; but it is to help you, correct? So take my advice into consideration, and always strive for your best!

And to that I say, good luck with your future artistic endeavors!

~GamerDeeJay

p.s. Again sorry for the delay.

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

leatherskirtKitten [2015-10-22 19:53:14 +0000 UTC]

I'm watching ur page...some good kinky stuff lol

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

kadeathnas [2014-06-16 23:25:32 +0000 UTC]

she looks very sexy in that angry face

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

whiteknight222 [2012-01-08 16:15:55 +0000 UTC]

I like how they have her arm tied up, this is very good.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Kelly-ART [2011-06-19 15:09:38 +0000 UTC]

A strong female lead... I love! haha She'll totally kill it... unless she runs out of ammo! :/

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Chaosfive-55 [2011-05-09 01:08:35 +0000 UTC]

And this got a Critique as well!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Kittyillustrations [2011-04-11 13:04:13 +0000 UTC]

nothing seems to be able to stop her.
great work

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

hany-khattab [2011-04-10 13:00:14 +0000 UTC]

looking cool

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Branded-Curse [2011-04-10 07:38:59 +0000 UTC]

I have a feeling a lot of people will enjoy this

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Maxi-knows-2-much [2011-04-10 06:22:19 +0000 UTC]

really cool

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Levia-the-Dragon [2011-04-10 05:01:03 +0000 UTC]

The question thought is where did it come from...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Madam-Lofty [2011-04-10 03:06:28 +0000 UTC]

LOL! She is shooting back, I love it

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Chaosfive-55 [2011-04-09 23:47:40 +0000 UTC]

Well done!!!Thank you!!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

kclcmdr [2011-04-09 23:16:25 +0000 UTC]

Looks like she's very annoy with the beastly that stretch'd and torn'd her outfit...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Fireinthedarkest [2011-04-09 23:01:24 +0000 UTC]

love it

👍: 0 ⏩: 1