HOME | DD
ShihSnTz —
Up In Me
Published: 2018-08-23 18:16:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 1795; Favourites: 29; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Skin, bones, sunken bloody red cheeks
Carried some guilt for what I speak
Jesus says the truth will set us free
There ain't nothin' free here for me
I'm twistin', shakin', burnin' in this skin
Still grippin' to this thread
Life hasn't found a way to ditch me yet
But I can't let go, can't forget
Oh hell, hell's been talkin'
And the sun, she won't set
My ship is settin' off on the sea
But it’s sailin' out without me
I'm left here sittin' by myself on
An island raised on up to sink
And hell, hell's been talkin'
To me
I can't change who I am
And we're all here alone
But hell's been talkin'
I’ve done come runnin' out
Of a hole all alone
My fingers worn, bled
Down to yellowed bone
I can’t move
This here place is cold
And the chorus, the chorus sings
We're all home
A bag bones, red swipes on my cheeks
Went looking, found the guilt I seek
Jesus once said the truth would set me free
There ain't nothing here though but me
Oh, hell’s here talkin'
In me
Related content
Comments: 30
Out of all your recent updates, this one speaks to me most. I love how the ideas of the previous parts are brought back in the last paragraph. It is really beautiful.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Is this about something that happened to you?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
In a way, most of my work is about personal experiences or dreams but heavily couched in symbolic language to make it more general for others to enjoy.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
What else is bothering you?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Very nicely done!!
Congratulations on your much deserved DD!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
From title to last line, it reads like gospel music with a difference. hell's here talkin' -and that's the truth. Oh, Memnalar has it - blues. Which often seems to come from or influence gospel music. It's a grand poem, encompassing lots; the choice we seem to have and what we really have, the toll life takes. It's well done, very much so. Like a song, and I love discovering art that sings. Thanks! (: And congrats on the DD!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I started writing many years doing lyrics for local bands in my hometown so when I set my hand to freestyle poetry it tends to come across as very spoken word/lyrical. 
I'm really glad you enjoyed it and thank you for the support.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Love it. Bluesy. All of it, but
Went looking, found the guilt I seek
is one hell of a line, and a human thing.
Congratulations on the feature!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Many thanks, I really appreciate all the support.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Many thanks, it's my first one so I'm fairly excited.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You're very welcome!!! 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh wow I didn't even realize till you mentioned it. Thanks a lot.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Seconding the praise for the second stanza. There's some cracking imagery there!
Just one little thing:
'A bag bones, red swipes on my cheeks
CWent looking found my the guilt I seek' - looks like a couple of typos in the last few lines here?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Absolutely correct on those typos, thanks for catching those for me.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I really like this part:
My ship is settin' off on the sea
But it’s sailin' out without me
I'm left here sittin' by myself on
An island raised on up to sink
It conveys such helplessness at the situation
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
But, the last paragraph has me a bit confused... maybe my brain isn't processing it right?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Not really what I was thinking but we all put our own spin on what we read.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1