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ShutterbugShots — Bells
Published: 2009-10-12 22:04:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 183; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 4
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Description
She’s a smearOf angry red lipstick
On the back of his neck
She lies beneath
The charcoal sky
Of swallowed dreams
As heaven oozes out
From a million pinpricks
Gouging the atmosphere
The angels peek through
With a curious stare
A thousand eyes
On the girl staring back
An angel with no wings
And no song to call her home
She’s finding another ride home
Inhale
Another drag
Exhale
Her thoughts
Are higher than home tonight
Mascara staining
Paled cheeks
Unseeing eyes
Following different lights
Stop signs
One way
(WRONG WAY!!)
Dead end: scraping her off the pavement
She’s home again
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Comments: 4
i love the concept of angels, and wings, staining and pricking. Very creative. Love it to piecess.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I burned up the thesaurus trying to get all the right words here
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
The first stanza uses the word sky three times. I'd try Gouging the heavens in place of Gouging the sky makes it flow more. Overall I like the word usage here and it paints a vivid mental picture for your reader. Nice!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1