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Sleeper-Desolate — __BODYBAG
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Published: 2005-01-06 06:16:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 138; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
I'm losing all my inhibitionsWrapped them up in old newspaper
Confused by forced new religions
Just longing for something safer
And so I'm following the tide
Of calls from then and since
Hurrying to chose a side
Before I fall off this picket fence
I want you so badly
Just to sit and pass the hours
But it won't be, and sadly
I'll still try just as hard
Years and lifetimes separate
The things I wish I had
From what I've got to live with
And what could be so great
I will never get older
I'll never be enough
And though I'm getting bolder
I'm still not up to snuff
You say you've got everything
But I see between the sighs
You say you need nothing
I could make you happy
If you would let me in
I'd swallow up your regrets
And overlook your sins
But old habits hold fast
You're ruined, so am I
You're falling, holding onto the last
Face down in your pillow of lies
And what of girls who just give in
Too shallow to stay alive?
I'll paint your walls with that crimson
Til you can't be revived
I hate you more than anything
More than the scars of time
And the more I see less of you
The more I feel this rhyme
You try to be what you are not
You've lost yourself along the way
Are you pleased with what you've got?
I don't care. Just stay away.
The one thing that I need,
You try to take that too
I'll end this poem with a smile
And precious thoughts of killing you
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Comments: 6
A rather bold, worrying ending. I think all three scenarios are familiar - a mentor who can never be a friend, a lost relationship, and a complete and utter bitch. Rather abstract until you read it the second time, in which case all becomes rather clearer. The diction is clear, even if the meaning isn't necessarily so. And the metaphors - of rolled newspaper and so on - are very well done.
Poetry can be cathartic.
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And the ending was very... erm... violent? I think that it was sort of a culmulation of all of those situations and the frustration that comes with dealing with them, and that last little bit just set me off. 
Thanks again. Your comments are always greatly appritiated.
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--culmination?
Oh hell.
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Ooh my gosh. I really hope you aren't mad at ME. I don't know if it's about me, probably not, I don't know. I feel guilty for everything lately. So, if I hurt you, I'm sorry. I dunno if this even applies to me, but as I feel guilty for everything, it hurts me if I hurt you. We have some weird connection that is totally awesome, so I hope I didn't screw that up somehow. Anyway, I hope you feel better now that you wrote this. I'm sure there are a few more things to work out before you feel complete again, but I hope this poem helped you.
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I can't believe you would... this is not in any way shape or form about you. The first bit is about my youth pastor and his wife, whom I really want to just be friends with and things but know that I'll never be 'old' enough and crap... And the second bit is about a friend that I've lost and how I just can't seem to accept that, and the last part is about a bitchy girl at my former school whom I've been competeing with all my life and whom I just really can't stand.
You are seriously one of the (k/c)oolest people I've ever met, and one of the nicest, but not in that fake, big-hair-having, frilly-pink-dress-wearing, overly-sweet-cake-baking type of way. 
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*sigh of relief*
Thank you for saying all those nice things about me, and slightly side-stepping a comparison to a Stepford wife...or was that just me?
Anyway, I'm glad to see you writing like yourself again. Hope everything is okay with you. If it's not, it will be.
Keep in touch, I know I will. I'm not studying as hard as I thought I would be for those finals. *grin*
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