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Published: 2005-02-12 06:43:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 395; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 5
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Description
When I fall asleep, I'd like to say you're all I seeAnd I could speak about the times your eyes captivate me
In the glow of being near you I feel like I am finally free
But when I'm alone you're only maybe
I'd like to talk about the way your hair falls on your face
And I could tell you 'bout the way I dream of just one warm embrace
When I see her by your side, I wish I could take her place
But tonight you're just a maybe
Maybe I could love you
Maybe we could be
Maybe you could be the one
To complete me
Maybe I could save you
Make you feel so free
Maybe it's destiny
Only maybe
I'd like to say I dream of your smile
Cause it illuminates my life, but only for awhile
Pictures of your shining face I would compile
But I feel like only maybe
Now I'd love to feel your lips
Brush against my fingertips
Drink you up in endless sips
But you're fading into maybe
Maybe I could love you
Maybe we could be
Maybe you could be the one
To complete me
Maybe I could save you
Make you feel so free
Maybe it's destiny
Only, only
Only for a little while
Only when I see your smile
The happiness inside my heart
Just fades away when we part
It's only maybe
Maybe I could love you
Maybe we could be
Maybe you could be the one
Could you complete me?
Maybe I could save you
Make us feel so free
Maybe it's destiny
Only maybe
Maybe I could love you
Maybe we could be
Maybe you could be the one
To complete me
Maybe I could save you
Make you feel so free
Maybe it's destiny
Only maybe
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Only maybe
Yeah, yeah, yeah
You're only maybe
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Only maybe
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Could you complete me?
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Comments: 12
circumlocution [2005-03-25 06:07:06 +0000 UTC]
I love the idea of this one, it takes a common theme and twists it just enough so that it can still be recognized, but is VERY different. Well-done, bravo on that. Lines like
"When I fall asleep, I'd like to say you're all I see" and
"I'd like to say I dream of your smile" really bring out the theme without beating it to death.
In a couple of places, this falls into cliche a bit, but mostly it's a fresh take on an old topic and I really like it. Good job! I'd love to hear it someday...tell me when you put out your first album
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Sleeper-Desolate In reply to circumlocution [2005-03-25 06:46:00 +0000 UTC]
:d Wow... thank you! I love this comment... this is what all comments should model themselves after! Pointing out specific things that you like, and being honest...
THANK YOU!
Some bits were cliche, and as I'm reading it over I'm grimmacing at bits. Ah well... I have this strange need to have everything rhyme perfectly, and sometimes I get lazy and use older rhymes that I know sound good.
Alas... maybe someday I'll revamp all this stuff, once I find my Rhyming Thesaurus!
I'd love to put out an indie CD for kicks, because my voice isn't any great shakes at all. But I wouldn't feel writing about someone else singing my stuff... eh.
I'm learning guitar; I just wrote some music to two new songs, so hopefully I can write music for EVERYTHING and record a lil something.
But I'll definately give you tickets to my first farewell tour.
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circumlocution In reply to Sleeper-Desolate [2005-03-25 21:12:55 +0000 UTC]
Heh you're welcome, I believe in comments that are somewhat useful, I'm glad someone appreciates them.
I know what you mean about rhyming and laziness, I get in that trouble a lot lol.
Huzzah for guitar players! Stringsters, UNITE! I play, too. Good luck with writing music for your songs. I definitely expect those tour tickets!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Sleeper-Desolate In reply to circumlocution [2005-03-28 22:21:39 +0000 UTC]
YAY! Guitar is so amazing! I'll definately have to check out your gallery... how long have you been playing?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
circumlocution In reply to Sleeper-Desolate [2005-03-29 05:28:51 +0000 UTC]
Hmmm...*counts on fingers* I've been playing for, um, 26 months ha ha. I'm a total addict, though - I just got done being sick for a week and being too weak to play my guitar was my biggest complaint, ha ha. (it's sad when throwing up isn't all that bad, except as a sign that you can't play guitar...)
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shaundj [2005-02-15 20:35:46 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
i can see the goo goo dolls singing this!!!!, it has a real pop rock sound to it.
very very good....as usual
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Sleeper-Desolate In reply to Drowning-Sun [2005-03-25 06:42:00 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! Eep... I'm sorry it's been so long since I commented on this... but I really apprecitate the favourite.
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Leherae [2005-02-14 02:17:58 +0000 UTC]
"...Now I'd love to feel your lips
Brush against my fingertips
Drink you up in endless sips
But you're fading into maybe..."
Beautiful...that was my favorite part. Keep up the good work, kid...I love your works.
Oh...and as a side note....
CALL ME DAMMIT :-P love ya
And good job, again.
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urlilpixie [2005-02-13 03:45:10 +0000 UTC]
Oh wow.
A bit too pop-ish for me, but I could definitely hear it. It works really well.
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Sleeper-Desolate In reply to urlilpixie [2005-03-25 06:41:29 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, it is sort of pop-ish. But it still sounds nice. I used some cliched-rhymes just because they fit well. EEP.
Sometimes I hate the freaky rhyme-obbsessed girl in me. I need to find my RHYMING THESAURUS, DARN IT!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
urlilpixie In reply to Sleeper-Desolate [2005-03-25 18:22:34 +0000 UTC]
there are rhyming thesauruses online I just tried to put an x in thesauruses...whoa.
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