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Sleeper-Desolate — ::Untitled::
Published: 2004-09-20 03:55:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 93; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 6
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Description
It's the little things that hurt the mostLike when she'd finished typing her homework
And the printer broke
Or when she was going to paint her nails
In yellow, to brighten her day
And she spilled the nail polish on the floor and her hands
And it left a stain and a stench
And she realized that it didn't smell so bad.
So she took a deep whiff of it
And she tried to stop crying
She took another whiff
And thought about dying
And she thought about him; this boy from long ago
And she took another whiff
For all of the things that he'd never know
For all of the nights she dreamt about him
And all of the words she wished he'd say
She took one final whiff
One last lingering look out the window
To where the sun was bringing up the day
And she thought of her family
As her head tilted back
And she thought of that boy
Who was everything that she lacked
And they found her late that morning
Pale and cold and a soft shade of blue
And there, written on the dresser, in putrid yellow ink
Were the words: "I'll always love you."
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Comments: 5
Very cool format, And a great poem. The one thing i think you coul improve on is the flow you have too many breaks.
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I was thinking about using this in a portfolio for a music program... and I will definately make it a lot better.
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:claps: Cool!!! This is really deep and I can really feel that. A suggestion on the name maybe? Stained Death?
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:claps: Cool!!! This is really deep and I can really feel that. A suggestion on the name maybe? Stained Death?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I like the idea of this, you took several pieces of one day, that I think it can reconstruct to the person who is reading it,
the thing that I didn't like is that you used to much "she" so, it isn't flows*
Im not sure if Im making a point, I think is good, and it can develop a lot
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