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EDIT: ALL COMMENTS AND FAVORITES ABSOLUTELY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME.

FEEL FREE TO SAY ANYTHING ON THIS DEVIANTION EVEN IF ITS JUST RANDOM, I WANNA SEE WHAT U THINK!

I said it once, i said it twice.... i said it a million times that a design of mine is a possible sona but they never end up making the cut cause i just don't connect with them. I Really love all my sonas but they definitely didn't 100% represent me
so

I'm happy to introduce Oz !

He came at a time that I wasn't expecting him to, I didn't even think of him as my Fursona when i first made him. So, Why him? Im often scared of showing any parts of myself or even expressing myself in any way other than art. Even when i drew i knew that it just wasn't me until now. I was stuck in an abusive household for so long i never even considered my body image other than i was fat and i hated absolutely anything and everything about myself. Ever time i looked in the mirror i didn't even feel like I was looking at myself, all the time i feel like I "forgot" what i looked like and when i did decide to make eye contact with myself it just felt so painful. I didn't take care of myself, I just ate and ate until i felt like throwing up every night because i was stuck at home constantly. When food and drugs are the only dopamine i could get my hands on I over did it and treated myself mentally and physically like shit. I over used and constantly just sat in my room wishing i was dead for 18 years straight and the only sliver lining of my long drawn situation was my cat.

But then i moved out, my world and perspective changed so fast and so far i dont even feel like the same person i was a year ago. I was so restricting on everything i did when i was first on my own i noticed i couldn't even draw without judging literally every single line that i laid down on the paper. I couldn't eat without feel guilty, along with everything else, because when i took a step back i felt selfish for leaving my family and everything i thought i loved. Everyone acted like they were gonna miss me or they just completely turned their back on me because i was moving away, I didn't understand it and maybe i still don't but, they just acted like it was such a big deal i was leaving and now no one from my homestate even keeps in contact with me other than my grandma. I think it was ridiculous that my family couldn't even been understanding and even a little bit accepting before i left because i know deep down inside they knew that, that was going to be the last time that they saw me.

I guess maybe me moving away was my last cry for help after being suffocated and neglected for my whole life and I dont know why but im shocked and still surprised about how extra badly they treated me before i left, just to burn the final bridge between us when all i wanted to do was get closer to my family. I thought with me being so far away they would feel sad and maybe even guilty with how they treated me, but it just got worse and worse the closer my flight date came .

I convinced myself i was being stupid for wanting my own happiness and my own space without constantly having it invaded and always feel like I'm under attack. My mom put me in this mindstate that every human is bad and a threat, even her. She put so much fear into my heart i never left the house unless i was practically dragged out of it for some reason, i feared her so much i did everything to make her happy and everything to make her satisfied and love me because i was being a good kid, and i was. I never disobeyed her until i was in my middle teens and then i started to act out because i just wanted attention and for her to stop ignoring me and with every interaction turning into a huge blow out fight over nothing.

I regret trying to please her. I regret wasting my life and childhood to a mother that couldn't even give me a hug at the end of the day and say shes proud of me when she knows that i've been through hell and back in front of her own eyes. I regret giving all my love and attention to a mother that didn't even care that i was traumatized to the point i didn't speak, eat or leave my room for days upon days. I regret living my life behind closed doors because my father was gone and my mother was ashamed to even have a family after he left. I regret trying to mend a broken family from a young age that was completely out of my control and took up my entire childhood and teen years.

Everyday I wished i was either dead, wisked away by the love of my life, or the rest of my family noticed i was being abused but year after year.... it just became more hopeless. I felt like i was so depressed and so dissociative that everything in my life was grey and bleak. I had no interest in anything but drawing because it was quiet and i could express myself as loud as i wanted on the paper but remain so silent at the same time. Drawing was the only time i felt good, it was the only time i feel like i had control over my life...

Now Im over 1000+ miles away from that abusive household..

From where i am now vs when i first moved out, i realized that i wasn't being selfish i wasn't being anything negative. I had the right to leave, i HAVE the right to my happiness and fulfillment in my life. It was so hard at first because i was so used to not even thinking one thought about myself and how to take care of myself to having to do it everyday every minute. I still struggle with it, i really do. But thankfully I'm moved out and on my own and i could say that my boyfriend, greyxm is really a life saver. He helped me move out and supported me a whole two years of long distance dating because i was a minor and couldn't leave my mom's place. He was there for me everyday and especially when i needed him most. He's been the most kind, supporting person I've ever met. He's everything that i looked forward to after a long 2 years of him hearing about getting abused over and over. I can say that i want to give credit to myself because i kept telling myself even if it was a two years or longer wait... the freedom was worth it. Being on my own with a completely understanding and actually someone who cares about me and what i have to say or do.. absolutely a complete shock to me. I've been treated kinder in the year and some months that I've been with Grey than i have my whole life. I really wish it was an understatement but its not. Grey is the reason why im here, Grey a big part of the reason why im getting the help i need and im even getting better.

If it wasn't for his help and his dads, I really dont think that i would be here. Everyday he's helping me see myself in a more positive manner, everyday i see his efforts to make me happy and try to improve my life anyway that he can. As he knows, I'm happily returning it back to him. I feel so happy and safe with him its unbelievable... He's been through some rough stuff as well so I feel very connected to someone for the first time in my life.

Thank you to my present and future self because right now i actually want to keep waking up everyday and kicking lifes ass. I want to get better, I want to become the person that i actually wanna see in the mirror and be able to recognize my own face. I'm slowly getting there.

Thank you for my past self, even through I've been through every single type of abuse I still told myself one day I'll be where I want to be.

And Oz, is a good boy. He looks a ton like me and somethings that i want to be. Hes very colorful and positive, a comfort character aswell as a fursona. He feels really right to me...
I think it shows a lot of personal redirection to what i thought i was, it might be hard to understand how special he is because you might not know me personally but oh man my identity has been a mess for well over 12 years and to actually get a character thats personally connected with me... is so rare. Hes amazing and i cant wait to keep drawing him. I hope you guys can feel the positivism and excitement that i got while drawing his ref.

HIS TOYHOUSE: toyhou.se/6392595.oz

We a humans are working on ourselves all the time, sometimes for worse sometimes for better. Do something to better youself today and feel good tomorrow.
Keep repeating it, keep being positive even if it feels like you're being annoying because of it. People will push and throw positive around and always twist it but you can just as easily do it with the negatives as well and turn it into maybe a slightly good thing.

Be kind to yourself, be as nurturing to yourself as you would your pet, partner, or loved ones. You deserve it just as much as they do.

ALSO PLEASE SHOW SOME LOVE TO greyxm HE REALLY DESERVES IT, HES A SWEET LAD WITH A LITTLE SPICY KICK SOMETIMES BUT HES DOIN HIS BEST. !!!!
-

Please check out my other works and experience them !:

Where to find me:
Deviantart: SLOBGODD instagram: SLOBGODD Twitter: SLOBGOD Toyhouse: SLOB

MY COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN PLEASE CHECK THEM OUT HERE:

N/SFW OPEN COMMISSION SLOTS (3/3)MARCH/APRIL COMMISSIONS
Hello! I'm reopening from last month!
Thank you so much from last time my commissions slots sold in less than 24 hours, you guys are seriously such a blessing and so supportive. I love each and everyone one of you : )
You voted on my poll, and the most popular: Full body (NSFW as an option)
Granted >: )
WHATS AVAILABLE THIS MONTH?
HEADSHOTS
$15
Super HQ and a unique, bold expression for each one!

SFW FULL BODY

Description
EDIT: ALL COMMENTS AND FAVORITES ABSOLUTELY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME.

FEEL FREE TO SAY ANYTHING ON THIS DEVIANTION EVEN IF ITS JUST RANDOM, I WANNA SEE WHAT U THINK!

I said it once, i said it twice.... i said it a million times that a design of mine is a possible sona but they never end up making the cut cause i just don't connect with them. I Really love all my sonas but they definitely didn't 100% represent me
so

I'm happy to introduce Oz !

He came at a time that I wasn't expecting him to, I didn't even think of him as my Fursona when i first made him. So, Why him? Im often scared of showing any parts of myself or even expressing myself in any way other than art. Even when i drew i knew that it just wasn't me until now. I was stuck in an abusive household for so long i never even considered my body image other than i was fat and i hated absolutely anything and everything about myself. Ever time i looked in the mirror i didn't even feel like I was looking at myself, all the time i feel like I "forgot" what i looked like and when i did decide to make eye contact with myself it just felt so painful. I didn't take care of myself, I just ate and ate until i felt like throwing up every night because i was stuck at home constantly. When food and drugs are the only dopamine i could get my hands on I over did it and treated myself mentally and physically like shit. I over used and constantly just sat in my room wishing i was dead for 18 years straight and the only sliver lining of my long drawn situation was my cat.

But then i moved out, my world and perspective changed so fast and so far i dont even feel like the same person i was a year ago. I was so restricting on everything i did when i was first on my own i noticed i couldn't even draw without judging literally every single line that i laid down on the paper. I couldn't eat without feel guilty, along with everything else, because when i took a step back i felt selfish for leaving my family and everything i thought i loved. Everyone acted like they were gonna miss me or they just completely turned their back on me because i was moving away, I didn't understand it and maybe i still don't but, they just acted like it was such a big deal i was leaving and now no one from my homestate even keeps in contact with me other than my grandma. I think it was ridiculous that my family couldn't even been understanding and even a little bit accepting before i left because i know deep down inside they knew that, that was going to be the last time that they saw me.

I guess maybe me moving away was my last cry for help after being suffocated and neglected for my whole life and I dont know why but im shocked and still surprised about how extra badly they treated me before i left, just to burn the final bridge between us when all i wanted to do was get closer to my family. I thought with me being so far away they would feel sad and maybe even guilty with how they treated me, but it just got worse and worse the closer my flight date came .

I convinced myself i was being stupid for wanting my own happiness and my own space without constantly having it invaded and always feel like I'm under attack. My mom put me in this mindstate that every human is bad and a threat, even her. She put so much fear into my heart i never left the house unless i was practically dragged out of it for some reason, i feared her so much i did everything to make her happy and everything to make her satisfied and love me because i was being a good kid, and i was. I never disobeyed her until i was in my middle teens and then i started to act out because i just wanted attention and for her to stop ignoring me and with every interaction turning into a huge blow out fight over nothing.

I regret trying to please her. I regret wasting my life and childhood to a mother that couldn't even give me a hug at the end of the day and say shes proud of me when she knows that i've been through hell and back in front of her own eyes. I regret giving all my love and attention to a mother that didn't even care that i was traumatized to the point i didn't speak, eat or leave my room for days upon days. I regret living my life behind closed doors because my father was gone and my mother was ashamed to even have a family after he left. I regret trying to mend a broken family from a young age that was completely out of my control and took up my entire childhood and teen years.

Everyday I wished i was either dead, wisked away by the love of my life, or the rest of my family noticed i was being abused but year after year.... it just became more hopeless. I felt like i was so depressed and so dissociative that everything in my life was grey and bleak. I had no interest in anything but drawing because it was quiet and i could express myself as loud as i wanted on the paper but remain so silent at the same time. Drawing was the only time i felt good, it was the only time i feel like i had control over my life...

Now Im over 1000+ miles away from that abusive household..

From where i am now vs when i first moved out, i realized that i wasn't being selfish i wasn't being anything negative. I had the right to leave, i HAVE the right to my happiness and fulfillment in my life. It was so hard at first because i was so used to not even thinking one thought about myself and how to take care of myself to having to do it everyday every minute. I still struggle with it, i really do. But thankfully I'm moved out and on my own and i could say that my boyfriend, greyxm is really a life saver. He helped me move out and supported me a whole two years of long distance dating because i was a minor and couldn't leave my mom's place. He was there for me everyday and especially when i needed him most. He's been the most kind, supporting person I've ever met. He's everything that i looked forward to after a long 2 years of him hearing about getting abused over and over. I can say that i want to give credit to myself because i kept telling myself even if it was a two years or longer wait... the freedom was worth it. Being on my own with a completely understanding and actually someone who cares about me and what i have to say or do.. absolutely a complete shock to me. I've been treated kinder in the year and some months that I've been with Grey than i have my whole life. I really wish it was an understatement but its not. Grey is the reason why im here, Grey a big part of the reason why im getting the help i need and im even getting better.

If it wasn't for his help and his dads, I really dont think that i would be here. Everyday he's helping me see myself in a more positive manner, everyday i see his efforts to make me happy and try to improve my life anyway that he can. As he knows, I'm happily returning it back to him. I feel so happy and safe with him its unbelievable... He's been through some rough stuff as well so I feel very connected to someone for the first time in my life.

Thank you to my present and future self because right now i actually want to keep waking up everyday and kicking lifes ass. I want to get better, I want to become the person that i actually wanna see in the mirror and be able to recognize my own face. I'm slowly getting there.

Thank you for my past self, even through I've been through every single type of abuse I still told myself one day I'll be where I want to be.

And Oz, is a good boy. He looks a ton like me and somethings that i want to be. Hes very colorful and positive, a comfort character aswell as a fursona. He feels really right to me...
I think it shows a lot of personal redirection to what i thought i was, it might be hard to understand how special he is because you might not know me personally but oh man my identity has been a mess for well over 12 years and to actually get a character thats personally connected with me... is so rare. Hes amazing and i cant wait to keep drawing him. I hope you guys can feel the positivism and excitement that i got while drawing his ref.

HIS TOYHOUSE: toyhou.se/6392595.oz

We a humans are working on ourselves all the time, sometimes for worse sometimes for better. Do something to better youself today and feel good tomorrow.
Keep repeating it, keep being positive even if it feels like you're being annoying because of it. People will push and throw positive around and always twist it but you can just as easily do it with the negatives as well and turn it into maybe a slightly good thing.

Be kind to yourself, be as nurturing to yourself as you would your pet, partner, or loved ones. You deserve it just as much as they do.

ALSO PLEASE SHOW SOME LOVE TO greyxm HE REALLY DESERVES IT, HES A SWEET LAD WITH A LITTLE SPICY KICK SOMETIMES BUT HES DOIN HIS BEST. !!!!
-

Please check out my other works and experience them !:

Where to find me:
Deviantart: SLOBGODD instagram: SLOBGODD Twitter: SLOBGOD Toyhouse: SLOB

MY COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN PLEASE CHECK THEM OUT HERE:

N/SFW OPEN COMMISSION SLOTS (3/3)MARCH/APRIL COMMISSIONS
Hello! I'm reopening from last month!
Thank you so much from last time my commissions slots sold in less than 24 hours, you guys are seriously such a blessing and so supportive. I love each and everyone one of you : )
You voted on my poll, and the most popular: Full body (NSFW as an option)
Granted >: )
WHATS AVAILABLE THIS MONTH?
HEADSHOTS
$15
Super HQ and a unique, bold expression for each one!

SFW FULL BODY