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sofielle — Apocalypse.
Published: 2006-05-19 21:21:55 +0000 UTC; Views: 198; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description
The world spins on its axis,ball of fire with
tiny little dolls flailing about on the
surface.
We drown like small rats, once human beings now
tiny armless mannequins, helpless in the storm.
We retch -
mouthful after
mouthful of
contaminated earth. A small girl suffocates in an under-water grave -
She has no breath to call for Mother.
Trees rush by, such enormous and strange silent creatures,
no longer able to fulfill. No longer able
to provide
Oxygen for once busy lungs -
like machines they rust in our chests.
The end of the world, it's the end of the world.
You fool.
We died so long ago.
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Comments: 7
If this isn't your best.... I must agree with Exan.. the imagery is so vivid, and your "storytelling" is very compelling. If this is just an "automatic" writing (meaning that you just put your pen to paper and write the words that comeout as they come), then I'm impressed. There seems to be a bit of structure as well as how well illustrated your vocabulary literally pops out. I looked at this piece because of the first line, it snared me with just that. I hadn't even read the title until after I'd finished. So what do you consider your best?
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Wow, thank you so much! That definitely made me smile...ahh, thank you. I love when I do that with poems - I tend to do that a lot with Plath's poetry (read the poem, then the title...and I love when it makes more sense after reading the title).
I consider my best something that takes more time, that I put more effort into, try to perfect, etc.
Thanks again : )!
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I love the end. This is good! The only thing I might change would be the layout. Other than that I love the expression. I have the same kind of issue myself... so many ideas in my head, but it doesn't always come out right. I find it best to write it out & refer to it later down the road w/ a fresh perspective. Even if they don't come together perfectly, it may give you direction for some other form of expression... a photo, painting, etc.
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Thank you : ). I definitely relate to that (ideas in head, etc.). Good idea to refer to it - I think I'll start keeping a notebook. Don't want to let good ideas come to waste!
Thank you for the suggestion, love
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I just like the words used in this one, and the imagery is great.
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