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Published: 2011-12-09 17:53:17 +0000 UTC; Views: 1001; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description
My name is Sophie Quail, and something has been bothering me for the past ten years.A decade ago, I was driving to work when I ran over and killed someone. I never found out who it was. I remember the day clearly in my mind... Thursday, July 21st, 8:42 A.M. according to my dashboard clock. I was driving the blue Jetta, license number MMF-1986. I was driving down Pine Street, about five MPH above the speed limit, and approaching the intersection with Fifth Avenue. I couldn't brake in time.
I never forgave myself for taking that life. And now I have the means to do something about it.
After making my final checks, I carefully stepped into the chrono-chamber. The destination was set for ten years ago, July 21st, 8:30 A.M., less than fifteen minutes before the incident.
The chrono-chamber hummed with energy as I prepared for the jump. Any second now it would send me back. Any second now... and just like that, there I was. I didn't even feel anything or hear any noise, it was like I just blinked and I was there.
I knew I couldn't look suspicious. I had to act casual. I began a slow walk down to the corner of Fifth and Pine, where the accident happened, checking my watch on occasionally, then switching to catching glimpses of the time in nearby store windows and clock towers once I realized my watch was still on present time.
On the way, I contemplated how I would prevent the accident. Perhaps I could act distracted and knock them down. Or strike up a friendly conversation.
Finally I arrived at the intersection. It was 8:37 or 8:38 according to the clock tower down the street. I had five minutes.
I leaned against the lamppost on the corner and looked down Pine Street, waiting for my foolish younger self to come screaming my way in the blue Jetta.
The unfortunate thing was I had nothing to do to kill time. I'd contemplated bringing a newspaper to read, but leaving a newspaper from ten years later in the past was a sure way to wreak havoc on the future.
I glanced down every sidewalk I could see. People were coming and going, but nobody came near. And 8:42 A.M. was getting closer every second.
When the minute came, the sidewalks were clear, as pedestrian rush hour seemed to have passed. Not a single person in sight. My heart pounded furiously as I glanced around to see where the mystery victim was.
Wait... yes! There was one person coming out of the café across the street, and turning to come towards the street corner. He was the only person around, he had to be the one!
I rushed down the crosswalk to intercept him, shutting everything else out of my mind. I had to prevent him from crossing the street until...
The next thing I felt was a car bumper impacting my side. After that I was in freefall, and after that I felt my head strike solid concrete, sending excruciating pain shooting through my head as my skull fractured.
Before the last bit of life seeped out of me, I glimpsed the license plate of the car that'd struck me. Of course, it was MMF-1986.
Drive carefully.
The life you save could be your own.
Related content
Comments: 24
SilverInkblot [2011-12-11 21:19:54 +0000 UTC]
Overall
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Impact
I'm a huge fan of The Twilight Zone, which is what this brought to mind for me. Fantastic twist!
I think I'd love to see some expansion for this one - more details. Like, how could her younger self not realize who she killed? Hit and run? Didn't the guy at the cafe see all this go down? Surely he would have reported something? That would also go a long was to solving my other issue with this piece - it moves so quickly. It seemed like I finished reading just after starting e.deviantart.net/emoticons/x/x… " width="15" height="15" alt="
" title="XD"/> I'd really like to see it fleshed out and building tension as the time of the accident approaches. Even some details on the future would be interesting.
There are a few little things like "Before the last bit of life seeped out of me" that I find cliche, but it's not too terribly distracting, just kinda nitpicky. I don't really care for the bolded bit at the end though - I would save that for the Artists Comments instead.
Hope this was helpful!
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sonicinterface In reply to SilverInkblot [2011-12-11 21:23:40 +0000 UTC]
Actually, the bold bit at the end was meant to be a major focus point. A new twist on a classic piece of advice, you could say.
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SilverInkblot In reply to sonicinterface [2011-12-11 21:30:09 +0000 UTC]
Yes, but it doesn't feel like part of the story :/ I'd keep it, just reloacte it to the comments instead. But it's your work, not mine It's all opinions from me.
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sonicinterface In reply to SilverInkblot [2011-12-11 21:32:56 +0000 UTC]
You know what? I picture this story as a sort of advert or some such advising people to drive safely.
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SilverInkblot In reply to sonicinterface [2011-12-11 21:39:43 +0000 UTC]
It would make a fantastic PSA if you could film it into a few minutes
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Tori-the-Sand-Cat [2011-12-11 11:20:59 +0000 UTC]
Hm, seems you've sparked off a big hoo-ha about time travel rules. I don't really care about those. Simplistic story, basic morals, but very effective. Perhaps inject more emotion into the next mini-story installment, to give it a bigger kick. Good baseline idea, makes me think of an advert or mini film shown to kids to emphasize safe driving in future. It would be a pretty good script, actually.
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sonicinterface In reply to Tori-the-Sand-Cat [2011-12-11 13:18:43 +0000 UTC]
I think it was a good twist on the last line.
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Sleeves1991 [2011-12-09 21:52:56 +0000 UTC]
Not hitting herself would have caused a paradox. She would have no reason to go back in time, therefore it was either impossible for her to stop or she'd now be living in a universe where there's two of her. So now she has the memory of killing someone and no longer has a "life" to live, her past self going about her business.
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sonicinterface In reply to Sleeves1991 [2011-12-09 21:59:14 +0000 UTC]
What is this a response to?
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Sleeves1991 In reply to sonicinterface [2011-12-09 22:22:31 +0000 UTC]
There's a story up there somewhere.
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sonicinterface In reply to Sleeves1991 [2011-12-09 22:32:31 +0000 UTC]
From your comment it was hard to tell you'd really read it instead of using it as an excuse to discuss the ramifications of time travel.
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Sleeves1991 In reply to sonicinterface [2011-12-10 01:39:26 +0000 UTC]
The story is about time travel though!
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Tmaneea [2011-12-09 18:20:15 +0000 UTC]
Interesting idea, though I saw the twist coming early on, mostly because the victim wasn't described nor was it explained how Sophie escaped manslaughter charges. How was it that Sophie could run over herself and not recognize herself as the pedestrian? Did she not stop to see what she could do? Because that would be very irresponsible of her, and thus she deserves what she got.
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sonicinterface In reply to Tmaneea [2011-12-09 18:25:59 +0000 UTC]
...Well, when you put it that way...
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Touma-the-Wolfdog In reply to sonicinterface [2011-12-09 18:29:48 +0000 UTC]
Killing your future self?
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sonicinterface In reply to Touma-the-Wolfdog [2011-12-09 18:31:44 +0000 UTC]
No, it's killing your past self that causes a paradox.
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Wolfertech In reply to Touma-the-Wolfdog [2011-12-11 06:49:02 +0000 UTC]
Well actually ragtagwarrior is corect, in order for him to go back intime he needs to have killed the future self in the past
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Touma-the-Wolfdog In reply to Wolfertech [2011-12-11 10:42:04 +0000 UTC]
I am ragtagwarrior.
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Wolfertech In reply to Touma-the-Wolfdog [2011-12-12 04:28:26 +0000 UTC]
and I'm Tech I was replying to the whole stack
or trying to.
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Touma-the-Wolfdog In reply to Wolfertech [2011-12-12 04:32:46 +0000 UTC]
Nice to meet you, Tech.
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