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Description
A cell in Arkham Asylum. White padded walls. The light seems to emit from everywhere, making the white room glow garishly. In one corner a thin man sits, his arms wrapped in a straight-jacket; he has vivid, wild green hair, face as white as chalk, shockingly red lips curved into a rabid grin, and wide, blood-shot eyes.

I’ve been here. Far. Too. Long. (pause) This place is usually quite fun y’know, pulling the odd prank here n’ there, maybe pulling the leg of a guard… I remember killing one before, doing just that. Oh that was a hoot! (laughs madly) I was sitting in the TV room, cos the psychiatrists thinks it’s ‘good’ for us to ‘socialise’. More like cause mayhem. Ha. Anyway, I was sitting with old Harl, and the guard left the room due to my planned commotion, to give me time to set up my prank, if you weren’t keeping up, so, I got up quick as a flash and set up one of the oldest tricks in the book – a bucket of water above the doorway. Hahaha! He came back in and opened the door, lo and behold, the water fell on top of him, he performed a spectacular classic slip-up, and landed hard on his head. CRACK. And that’s what really happened to Humpty Dumpty kids! Hahahahaha! (Fits of laughter for a minute or less) Such a shame. He would have made a great clown if he hadn’t given up the ghost (pause) But you should have seen him trip up – I could have bust a gut! (Cracks up again)

Anyway, those were the fun times when a lunatic could simply have fun here, but now… Oh no. They just lock us up in straight-jackets, alone, with no one and no toys to play with – if you get what I mean. It’s so dull. What’s the point in this? Just answer me that. Even the psychiatrists have agreed; I’m far too… moonstruck for therapy. (Smiles secretly) Mmmhmm. They think my practical jokes are dangerous. Well, where’s the fun without a bit of risk, eh? That’s just the tip of the iceberg though. I won’t bore you with the details.
So, I ask you, what’s the point in me being here? By law I should be killed if I can’t be treated, because I just keep on escaping! And causing ever more chaos. (Smiles sentimentally) It’s so easy to escape, bless them. They try so hard. So many guards. They think they scare us, but oh contrare mon ami, they are just the funnest toys you could ever dream to have… So easily manipulated… So easily broken. So naïve of what a bad life - what madness is like… thinking their petty lives are horrible and tragic. I just feel I should give them a glimpse into my world. Into our world. Y’have to give ‘em credit though – most people’s lives are far better than those of a typical Gothamer. So I salute them. (Tries to slaute, but is unable to. Sighs irritably, and escapes the jacket easily then salutes) You see! So simple. No wonder Houdini could do it. Now I’m not so hot anymore. (Stretches arms) Ah.

(Paces the room) I could so very easily escape this place. Just it was too fun! But now... Oh the boredom. I might just go mad all over again being stuck here… with me. And you of course. But I don’t even know that you’re really here – you could of course be a figment of my imagination. Then again, I see people like you every day. You never usually talk back, just listen. I always wonder why. I don’t mind though – I have plenty of people to talk to. Psychiatrists are always clammering to listen to me. Oh, you know, that’s just me. Always attracted attention. Except after that first run-in with batsy, and I was dunked into a frothing mass of deadly toxins… and I came out – like this! A face to match my mind. My soul. Whatever you want to call it. And I attracted double as much! (pause) Well, being honest here, in my early years I wasn’t as much as a hoot as I am today. Oh I tried, yes, I tried with my whole heart, but no. Not a giggle. (Long pause. Looks at the floor, lost in memories) And that’s why I have to be so grateful to my ol’ pal batty boy! He gave me a new life! A new start if you will – and of course, a new look (poses) (sighs) Life is such an endless loop… The same thing happens again and again. For example, I escape. I cause mayhem. I fight Batman. I get caught. I’m here. (pause) (laughs madly) It’s just one big joke! The whole of it! But what the heck. Life’s short. Live hard die young. Yep. Go for it. (pause) Well I’m off now. See you later no doubt. Oh yea, one more thing – keep an eye out for the bunny in the moon.
(fade out)

Description
A cell in Arkham Asylum. White padded walls. The light seems to emit from everywhere, making the white room glow garishly. In one corner a thin man sits, his arms wrapped in a straight-jacket; he has vivid, wild green hair, face as white as chalk, shockingly red lips curved into a rabid grin, and wide, blood-shot eyes.

I’ve been here. Far. Too. Long. (pause) This place is usually quite fun y’know, pulling the odd prank here n’ there, maybe pulling the leg of a guard… I remember killing one before, doing just that. Oh that was a hoot! (laughs madly) I was sitting in the TV room, cos the psychiatrists thinks it’s ‘good’ for us to ‘socialise’. More like cause mayhem. Ha. Anyway, I was sitting with old Harl, and the guard left the room due to my planned commotion, to give me time to set up my prank, if you weren’t keeping up, so, I got up quick as a flash and set up one of the oldest tricks in the book – a bucket of water above the doorway. Hahaha! He came back in and opened the door, lo and behold, the water fell on top of him, he performed a spectacular classic slip-up, and landed hard on his head. CRACK. And that’s what really happened to Humpty Dumpty kids! Hahahahaha! (Fits of laughter for a minute or less) Such a shame. He would have made a great clown if he hadn’t given up the ghost (pause) But you should have seen him trip up – I could have bust a gut! (Cracks up again)

Anyway, those were the fun times when a lunatic could simply have fun here, but now… Oh no. They just lock us up in straight-jackets, alone, with no one and no toys to play with – if you get what I mean. It’s so dull. What’s the point in this? Just answer me that. Even the psychiatrists have agreed; I’m far too… moonstruck for therapy. (Smiles secretly) Mmmhmm. They think my practical jokes are dangerous. Well, where’s the fun without a bit of risk, eh? That’s just the tip of the iceberg though. I won’t bore you with the details.
So, I ask you, what’s the point in me being here? By law I should be killed if I can’t be treated, because I just keep on escaping! And causing ever more chaos. (Smiles sentimentally) It’s so easy to escape, bless them. They try so hard. So many guards. They think they scare us, but oh contrare mon ami, they are just the funnest toys you could ever dream to have… So easily manipulated… So easily broken. So naïve of what a bad life - what madness is like… thinking their petty lives are horrible and tragic. I just feel I should give them a glimpse into my world. Into our world. Y’have to give ‘em credit though – most people’s lives are far better than those of a typical Gothamer. So I salute them. (Tries to slaute, but is unable to. Sighs irritably, and escapes the jacket easily then salutes) You see! So simple. No wonder Houdini could do it. Now I’m not so hot anymore. (Stretches arms) Ah.

(Paces the room) I could so very easily escape this place. Just it was too fun! But now... Oh the boredom. I might just go mad all over again being stuck here… with me. And you of course. But I don’t even know that you’re really here – you could of course be a figment of my imagination. Then again, I see people like you every day. You never usually talk back, just listen. I always wonder why. I don’t mind though – I have plenty of people to talk to. Psychiatrists are always clammering to listen to me. Oh, you know, that’s just me. Always attracted attention. Except after that first run-in with batsy, and I was dunked into a frothing mass of deadly toxins… and I came out – like this! A face to match my mind. My soul. Whatever you want to call it. And I attracted double as much! (pause) Well, being honest here, in my early years I wasn’t as much as a hoot as I am today. Oh I tried, yes, I tried with my whole heart, but no. Not a giggle. (Long pause. Looks at the floor, lost in memories) And that’s why I have to be so grateful to my ol’ pal batty boy! He gave me a new life! A new start if you will – and of course, a new look (poses) (sighs) Life is such an endless loop… The same thing happens again and again. For example, I escape. I cause mayhem. I fight Batman. I get caught. I’m here. (pause) (laughs madly) It’s just one big joke! The whole of it! But what the heck. Life’s short. Live hard die young. Yep. Go for it. (pause) Well I’m off now. See you later no doubt. Oh yea, one more thing – keep an eye out for the bunny in the moon.
(fade out)