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Twilight Rewrite: A Bromance Tale
Chapter 2

I should've just avoided that girl's gaze and gone in the opposite direction.

As soon as we made eye contact, a slightly-unsettling grin came across her face, and all throughout the day, she hovered around me, looking at me like a piece of meat. I've wondered what it would be like to be looked at as prey instead of as a predator, and I've found that I don't like it at all. It wouldn't have been so bad if this girl, Isabella (or "Bella", as she insisted on being called), was even slightly interesting, or had any sort of redeeming personality.

But no; she was as dull as a rusty sword, intellectually stifling, and was clearly interested in my body, and nothing else. Given the fact that I look like an unremarkable, albeit slightly more pale than usual, teenage boy, I had to wonder just what was it that made me so appealing to her eyes. You might think that vampires look like unearthly beautiful, effortlessly elegant, godlike beings, but you'd just be fooling yourself; the entire point of disguising yourself as a human is to not attract attention, and looking like everyone else.

Bella wasn't taking the hint that I was ignoring her to the best of my ability, and couldn't get it through her skull that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with such a boring girl. Unfortunately, my "siblings" were of no help. Alice thought that it was cute, Emmet and Jasper looked like they would tease me mercilessly about it later, and Rosalie, as was her wont, said nothing, although she thankfully didn't seem to like Bella much, either. As if that wasn't enough, Jacob was glaring at me all day with murder in his eyes, no doubt assuming that I've "seduced" an "innocent" girl, to either feed upon or turn. Hasn't that stupid mutt figured out yet that I don't even prey upon humans? Furthermore, I wouldn't turn her if she was the last hope for the vampire race.

It got worse when school ended for the day. Bella was nattering on and on about absolutely nothing, when I noticed a pickup truck coming our way at full speed, presumably because the truck's brakes had failed. I considered just jumping out of the way and letting Bella get crushed into a greasy spot on the pavement, but I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I just let her die; Carl showed me compassion as I laid dying more than a century ago, so how would I be able to face him if I allowed her to perish for no reason? Cursing myself for playing the hero, I grabbed Bella and jumped out of the way just before the truck crashed into some poor schmuck's unoccupied car.

The girl was shell-shocked for a moment, then realized what had just happened. She latched onto my arm and tried to purr sensually that I was her hero, in her shrill, nasally voice. I couldn't help but facepalm; one of the dark deities must be taking perverse delight in tormenting me. After the Sheriff arrived onto the scene to find out what happened, Bella finally detached herself from my arm, and latched onto the Sheriff's, instead. I was a bit surprised when he thanked me for saving his daughter. At long last, she was taken home.

I declined getting a ride from Alice, as I really wasn't in the mood to be around people at the moment. I figured a nice, leisurely stroll through the woods would help me cool off. After I was out of sight of the school, I pulled out the cigarette pack and the lighter I had smuggled inside of my pants; if a good stroll wouldn't cool me off, a good smoke would.

Hey, I'm over a century old. I think that makes me entitled to my own vices.

The solitude of the woods washed over me as my lungs were filled with soothing tobacco. I was feeling better already. Naturally, that wouldn't last, because as I exhaled the lungful of smoke, the unpleasant odor of wet dog stung my nostrils. It looks like Jacob hasn't caught on to the fact that he sucks at stealth.

"Can this wait, Jacob?" I growled to my surroundings. "I'm in a bad mood right now." Sure enough, Jacob skulked out from behind one of the trees. "Oh, I'm sorry" he replied, his voice full of sarcasm. "Are you still feeling put out because you were robbed of your meal?" By the Dark Ones, he really was that stupid. That, or he was trying to provoke me into a fight; I wasn't going to let him know that it was working, damn his eyes. "Do you take me for a fledgeling, dog?" I curtly shot back. "The last thing I need is a corpse drained of all it's blood in these woods for someone to find." Jacob gave me an ugly look, clearly not believing me. "No, of course not. Why eat her, when you can just turn her instead? After all, the world needs more vampires SO much." I couldn't help but stare in amazement. Surely, Jacob wasn't being so stupidly predictable on purpose, was he?
Unless...
Oh, Hell's Bells, let me be wrong.
"No, no, of course not; I wouldn't dream of turning a mate you've got your eyes on." I snarked back. At this, Jacob looked down his nose in disgust. "Don't lower me to your level, leech." I couldn't help but sigh in relief. If he did fancy her as a mate, the situation could've been much more complicated. "I'm merely watching out for the sheep, making sure they don't get eaten by bloodsuckers." I barked a laugh at his choice of words. "That's rich; a wolf playing shepherd! You can have her, for all I care." I spat out the cigarette butt from my lips and ground it with my boot, annoyed that Jacob didn't even let me enjoy it. "If that's all you wanted to talk about, get out of my way. I'm done talking to dogs for today."

Jacob glowered at me and growled "Fine, but this isn't over, vampire. I've got my eye on you." With that, he shifted into a regular wolf and bounded off. I always wondered how they were able to shift their clothes along with their bodies; outwardly, I shrugged. It wasn't important now, and thanks to his grilling, he completely soured any chance of a stroll through the woods calming me down. I elected to just sprint home, instead.

While the serenity of the woods can be calming, the cool rush of air billowing against your face also has it's merits. A vampire's speed is one of his greatest assets, whether it's used for hunting, escaping, or from getting away from smelly, annoying dog people. In no time at all, I made it back to the lair of the coven; a charming manor in a remote location in the middle of the forest. It's generally unwise for a vampire coven to hide among human dwellings. Nocturnal activity can be explained away, but the smell of blood can't. It's a mistake fledgelings tend to make, and more often than not, it's their last. Hence, why Carl decided to build this manor in the middle of nowhere. Being a billionaire means you can build a home wherever you want, within reason, so not many questions were asked.

As I reached the front door, Esme was waiting for me with a tankard full of blood, Dark Ones bless her. After my real mother perished shortly before I turned, she filled the role of coven mother quite nicely. Presumably, one of my "siblings" had told her about Bella the dullard, and how she absolutely refused to leave me alone, and took pity on me. After such an aggravating day, and narrowly avoiding a fight with a werewolf, I truly needed it. After making small talk with the other members of the coven, and enduring the teasing of Emmet and Jasper (after all, that's what brothers are for), I retired to my room to slip into more comfortable clothes, don my favorite smoking jacket, light up a Cuban cigar, and settle into reading Bram Stoker's Dracula.

Yes, I'm aware of the irony of that last statement. Shut up.

Description
Twilight Rewrite: A Bromance Tale
Chapter 2

I should've just avoided that girl's gaze and gone in the opposite direction.

As soon as we made eye contact, a slightly-unsettling grin came across her face, and all throughout the day, she hovered around me, looking at me like a piece of meat. I've wondered what it would be like to be looked at as prey instead of as a predator, and I've found that I don't like it at all. It wouldn't have been so bad if this girl, Isabella (or "Bella", as she insisted on being called), was even slightly interesting, or had any sort of redeeming personality.

But no; she was as dull as a rusty sword, intellectually stifling, and was clearly interested in my body, and nothing else. Given the fact that I look like an unremarkable, albeit slightly more pale than usual, teenage boy, I had to wonder just what was it that made me so appealing to her eyes. You might think that vampires look like unearthly beautiful, effortlessly elegant, godlike beings, but you'd just be fooling yourself; the entire point of disguising yourself as a human is to not attract attention, and looking like everyone else.

Bella wasn't taking the hint that I was ignoring her to the best of my ability, and couldn't get it through her skull that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with such a boring girl. Unfortunately, my "siblings" were of no help. Alice thought that it was cute, Emmet and Jasper looked like they would tease me mercilessly about it later, and Rosalie, as was her wont, said nothing, although she thankfully didn't seem to like Bella much, either. As if that wasn't enough, Jacob was glaring at me all day with murder in his eyes, no doubt assuming that I've "seduced" an "innocent" girl, to either feed upon or turn. Hasn't that stupid mutt figured out yet that I don't even prey upon humans? Furthermore, I wouldn't turn her if she was the last hope for the vampire race.

It got worse when school ended for the day. Bella was nattering on and on about absolutely nothing, when I noticed a pickup truck coming our way at full speed, presumably because the truck's brakes had failed. I considered just jumping out of the way and letting Bella get crushed into a greasy spot on the pavement, but I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I just let her die; Carl showed me compassion as I laid dying more than a century ago, so how would I be able to face him if I allowed her to perish for no reason? Cursing myself for playing the hero, I grabbed Bella and jumped out of the way just before the truck crashed into some poor schmuck's unoccupied car.

The girl was shell-shocked for a moment, then realized what had just happened. She latched onto my arm and tried to purr sensually that I was her hero, in her shrill, nasally voice. I couldn't help but facepalm; one of the dark deities must be taking perverse delight in tormenting me. After the Sheriff arrived onto the scene to find out what happened, Bella finally detached herself from my arm, and latched onto the Sheriff's, instead. I was a bit surprised when he thanked me for saving his daughter. At long last, she was taken home.

I declined getting a ride from Alice, as I really wasn't in the mood to be around people at the moment. I figured a nice, leisurely stroll through the woods would help me cool off. After I was out of sight of the school, I pulled out the cigarette pack and the lighter I had smuggled inside of my pants; if a good stroll wouldn't cool me off, a good smoke would.

Hey, I'm over a century old. I think that makes me entitled to my own vices.

The solitude of the woods washed over me as my lungs were filled with soothing tobacco. I was feeling better already. Naturally, that wouldn't last, because as I exhaled the lungful of smoke, the unpleasant odor of wet dog stung my nostrils. It looks like Jacob hasn't caught on to the fact that he sucks at stealth.

"Can this wait, Jacob?" I growled to my surroundings. "I'm in a bad mood right now." Sure enough, Jacob skulked out from behind one of the trees. "Oh, I'm sorry" he replied, his voice full of sarcasm. "Are you still feeling put out because you were robbed of your meal?" By the Dark Ones, he really was that stupid. That, or he was trying to provoke me into a fight; I wasn't going to let him know that it was working, damn his eyes. "Do you take me for a fledgeling, dog?" I curtly shot back. "The last thing I need is a corpse drained of all it's blood in these woods for someone to find." Jacob gave me an ugly look, clearly not believing me. "No, of course not. Why eat her, when you can just turn her instead? After all, the world needs more vampires SO much." I couldn't help but stare in amazement. Surely, Jacob wasn't being so stupidly predictable on purpose, was he?
Unless...
Oh, Hell's Bells, let me be wrong.
"No, no, of course not; I wouldn't dream of turning a mate you've got your eyes on." I snarked back. At this, Jacob looked down his nose in disgust. "Don't lower me to your level, leech." I couldn't help but sigh in relief. If he did fancy her as a mate, the situation could've been much more complicated. "I'm merely watching out for the sheep, making sure they don't get eaten by bloodsuckers." I barked a laugh at his choice of words. "That's rich; a wolf playing shepherd! You can have her, for all I care." I spat out the cigarette butt from my lips and ground it with my boot, annoyed that Jacob didn't even let me enjoy it. "If that's all you wanted to talk about, get out of my way. I'm done talking to dogs for today."

Jacob glowered at me and growled "Fine, but this isn't over, vampire. I've got my eye on you." With that, he shifted into a regular wolf and bounded off. I always wondered how they were able to shift their clothes along with their bodies; outwardly, I shrugged. It wasn't important now, and thanks to his grilling, he completely soured any chance of a stroll through the woods calming me down. I elected to just sprint home, instead.

While the serenity of the woods can be calming, the cool rush of air billowing against your face also has it's merits. A vampire's speed is one of his greatest assets, whether it's used for hunting, escaping, or from getting away from smelly, annoying dog people. In no time at all, I made it back to the lair of the coven; a charming manor in a remote location in the middle of the forest. It's generally unwise for a vampire coven to hide among human dwellings. Nocturnal activity can be explained away, but the smell of blood can't. It's a mistake fledgelings tend to make, and more often than not, it's their last. Hence, why Carl decided to build this manor in the middle of nowhere. Being a billionaire means you can build a home wherever you want, within reason, so not many questions were asked.

As I reached the front door, Esme was waiting for me with a tankard full of blood, Dark Ones bless her. After my real mother perished shortly before I turned, she filled the role of coven mother quite nicely. Presumably, one of my "siblings" had told her about Bella the dullard, and how she absolutely refused to leave me alone, and took pity on me. After such an aggravating day, and narrowly avoiding a fight with a werewolf, I truly needed it. After making small talk with the other members of the coven, and enduring the teasing of Emmet and Jasper (after all, that's what brothers are for), I retired to my room to slip into more comfortable clothes, don my favorite smoking jacket, light up a Cuban cigar, and settle into reading Bram Stoker's Dracula.

Yes, I'm aware of the irony of that last statement. Shut up.