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switchbladeserenade — October Approaching
Published: 2006-09-29 04:04:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 532; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 3
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Description
The sunlight blinks a pattern,Like seven,
four,
seven...
And Dexter Daddy plays the horn,
Up on Roxbury Drive where
Rustling palms
touch
Heaven
And the tiger lillies shiver.
The Pacific Ocean beats demands,
And gulls
cry
hallelujah
While picking at Cliffhouse bones.
The cold wind moans bequests
Asks 'Be
my
Elijah'
And the tiger lillies shiver.
Rolling, dusty hills alight
The smoke
becomes
rivers,
Just like the one Ella didn't cry.
The dreams stay like acid in my mouth,
And eye
like
slivers,
As the tiger lillies shiver.
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Comments: 20
This is...believable. Wonderfully spoken, artistically placed before the eye...and sad. Very emotionally...present. It grips the throat the reader and squeezes, vicing the breath so that nothing real can be spoken afterward; it's better to simply bask in the glow this poem leaves you with- even though, with all of its resonance, it leaves you feeling a bit hallow. I suppose that's the beauty of this poem...and I'm glad Jen told me about it yesterday.
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Wow, I'd have never expected to get quite this reaction from you. I'm honoured.
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What do you mean, 'this reaction from you'? Why wouldn't you expect it?
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Dunno.. I suppose I expect cynism from you, rather than compliments
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Cynicism? 
Well....complimentary or not, I meant what I said concerning your writing.
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A whisper, my arse. 
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lots
ella-fitzgerald
daddy gordondexter
smoke on the water-deeppurple
"hallelujah"-by leonard cohen (but better by jeff buckley if i do say so myself)
tigerlilly is from something but i cant think where cept peterpan
dusty hills alight? run to the hills by ironmaiden?
there are probably more.
there are actually probably less and im just mad.
eitherway, i like this alot.
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The tiger lillies part is a reference to Stephen King/Peter Straub's 'Black House '. Also Roxbury Drive is a street in Hollywood where the main character from the same book lived as a child.
'Rolling dusty hills alight' is referencing the Ventura 'Day Fire , which has been burning for nearly 30 days now.
The Cliffhouse line refers to a place in San Francisco The Cliff House which was destroyed many years ago, yet the foundation remains there still at the beach, thus the 'bones' bit.
'Be my Elijah' refers to God's prophet.
And the dreams/acid line refers to LSD and the various ways you can take it. (i.e. as eyedrops, or orally)
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good stuff dont get all the refs but i like it
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I like the shivering tiget lillies line that recurrs, and I REALLY like all the references, but I don't get all of them, but I recognise when you use them of course 
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Thank you.
I've been good. I'm trying to get a job and I've been pounding the pavement alot. Also taking care of the house for my gran. I'm going to be going back to school in the spring, to be a dental hygenist.
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wow, that's a neat career!! Good money, I hear. I looked for a job for 5 months before I landed the bank job I started TODAY. 
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... the cadence in this is remarkable, it's one of those poems that demands to be read aloud... the jazz influence in the meter is obvious to me...
... the only references I can identify is Ella (Fitzgerald) and Daddy Dexter (Gordon)...
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I knew you'd be the first one to pick up on those two. 
The visual look of it was intended too, it's supposed to look like a ribbion of smoke rising, in reference to the line about rivers of smoke.
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I can't tell if you want critique or not ... try this: 1. take 'ocean' out of the 2nd stanza and, 2. 'while picking cliffhouse bones'
you have a great rhythm going but those two extra words put me offbeat when I read it aloud.
I am too dim to ever get references! I was not cool in school ...
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Perhaps you and I have different accents, because when I say those words it works perfect, but take them out and it's a verbal stumble-fest.
Aww! I wasn't all that cool in school either.. I think that's why people like us find dA. We're cool here.
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I am not an outloud fan of poetry ... I take it deep inside. I did not think about the cadence. You;re probably right.
How are you anywho?
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