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YOU ARE NOW TALKING TO A RANDOM FUCKASS. SAY SOMETHING, ASSHOLE!

▼: I KNOW YOU'RE THERE, YOU SORRY SACK OF SHIT! I CAN ALREADY SMELL MY OWN DISAPPOINTMENT.
▼: SPOILER: IT IS A SMELL I KNOW TOO WELL.
▲: oh my kar
▲: calm dowwn
▲: keep your bulge in check
▲: /mysterious wwink
▼: MY BULGE IS SO IN CHECK IT'S UNDER CONTINUOUS INVESTIGATION, ASSHOLE.
▼: AND IF YOU EVER.
▼: AND I MEAN EVER.
▼: ROLEPLAY A MYSTERIOUS WINK AT ME AGAIN.
▼: I WILL SCREAM SO LOUD AND SO LONG YOUR HEARING CANALS RUN VIOLET WITH BLOOD.
▲: oh
▲: oh my kar
▲: i
▲: am so sorry kar
▲: kare
▲: kar
▲: kar
▲: i cant-
▲: /sensual wwink
▼: OH, MY GOD!
▼: WHAT DID I JUST SAY, DOUCHEMAGICIAN??
▲: i cannot hear you over my immense swwag
▲: forgivve me
▼: WHY DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE "SWAG", IMMENSE OR OTHERWISE, TODAY.
▼: DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD?
▲: probably
▲: might as wwell have
▲: havve
▼: SERIOUSLY, IF YOU'RE CONCUSSED YOU CAN DIE OF IT, SO IF I FIND YOU LATER A COOLING CORPSE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
▲: god i can't even get my fuckin quirk right
▲: evven
▲: fuck
▼: YEAH, YOU'RE DRUNK.
▼: DRUNK OR CONCUSSED.
▲: fef is being a total glubbin problem
▲: kar come on givve me some sympathy
▼: LET ME PRETEND LIKE I ASKED YOU ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.
▼: GIVE ME A SEC.
▼: OK.
▲: this is stupid
▼: TELL ME ABOUT YOUR VAST RANGE OF PROBLEMS WITH FEFERI.
▲: she is all crushin my feelins and shit
▲: its tantalizin
▲: im usually super cool
▼: NO, YOU'RE NOT.
▲: okay maybe not that cool
▼: YOU'RE NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY COOL, ADMIT IT.
▲: you see this
▲: here you are
▲: demeanin me
▲: i am fuckin royalty
▲: and here i am bein demeaned by a mutant blood
▲: this is hilarious
▲: hilariously pitiful of me
▼: AND YET YOU KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE.
▼: YOU KNOW WHY?
▼: BECAUSE I AM THE ONLY ONE GIVING YOU SENSIBLE ADVICE, YOU DUMB FISHY FUCK.
▲: because fef is unfeelin
▼: AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE EXTRA "PITIABLE" OR WHATEVER, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T SEE THAT.
▲: and that too i guess
▲: fuck
▼: NO. LOOK. BRO.
▼: I GET IT. IT'S A COMPLICATED TIME. IT GENUINELY SUCKS WHEN YOUR QUADRANT'S NOT GETTING RECIPROCATED, BUT YOU NEED TO GIVE HER SOME SPACE.
▼: IF YOU KEEP ON GOING BACK DEMANDING HER TIME OR HER ATTENTION YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE THINGS WORSE THAN YOU HAVE ALREADY, AMPLY, MADE THEM.
▼: LAY OFF FOR A BIT, ALRIGHT?
▲: shes ovver there
▲: lovvin it up wwith sollux
▲: fuckin sollux
▲: itd be easier if she didnt choose king dick
▼: HE'S NOT ACTUALLY THE GIGANTIC BULGEMUNCH YOU KEEP MAKING HIM OUT TO BE. IT'S JUST THAT HE CAN'T STAND YOU.
▼: PLATONICALLY, MIND!
▲: oh wwoww i cant evven be hated
▲: wwhat about you kar
▲: kar
▲: do you hate me kar
▼: THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.
▲: /mysterious ww-
▼: YOU JUST COME RIGHT OUT AND ASK IT, DESPERATELY.
▲: wwhat do you mean
▲: oh
▼: AND TRY TO GIVE ME A MYSTERIOUS FUCKING WINK AGAIN.
▲: its not desperation
▲: its casual
▼: HOW IS "DO YOU HATE ME" NOT A SMELLY, FLYSECT-RIDDEN DUMP OF DESPERATION?
▲: i brought that up so fuckin casual
▼: HOW DO YOU NOT EVEN KNOW THESE THINGS??
▼: IT HAD NO LEAD-UP!
▲: kar i live in the ocean
▲: i talk to sea horses
▼: OK. THAT'S ACTUALLY A GOOD POINT.
▼: FUCK.
▼: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS, BUT.
▼: I AM TAKING IT UPON MY OWN MAGIFICENTLY WISE, BRUTAL SHOULDERS TO EDUCATE YOU.
▲: oh wwoww
▼: SOMEONE HAS TO. YOU'RE CREEPING EVERYONE THE FUCK OUT.
▲: teach me your wways
▲: master of the quadrants
▼: GOD AND SAGE OF THEM, YOU IGNORANT GODDAMN SHITHEEL.
▼: OK. THERE WILL BE SOME READING, I WARN YOU.
▼: I AM A HARSH TASKMASTER.
▲: oh fuck nevvermind then
▲: readin is out of line
▲: no not really go on
▼: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS. WE CAN START OFF WITH A FEW EDUCATIONAL MOVIES IF YOU PREFER.
▼: A COUPLE TROLL JULIA ROBERTS, GET THE CLASSICS OUT THE WAY.
▲: hahahahahaha
▼: WHAT. WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING.
▼: THIS IS SERIOUS!
▲: kar youre fuckin adorable
▲: im not watchin fuckin troll casanovva movvies
▼: EXCUSE ME????
▼: ONE, YES YOU GODDAMN ARE.
▲: ovver my hot body
▲: dead*
▲: sorry it just slips out
▼: TWO, I AM ABOUT AS ADORABLE AS A BULLET TO THE THINKPAN. A BULLET OF QUADRANT KNOWLEDGE AND INTELLECT.
▼: NO.
▼: YOU MEANT TO TYPE 'HOT'.
▼: THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM.
▲: wwoops
▼: INSINCERITY OOZES OUT OF YOUR EVERY SAC, DIPSHIT.
▲: evvery orifice
▼: WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR ORIFICES NOW OR EVER.
▲: mmm
▲: okay wwhatevver
▲: /suavve hair flip
▼: PLEASE IMAGINE THAT I JUST ROLEPLAYED A WHOLE, NOISY HOST OF NOISES AT YOU LIKE 'GAGGING' AND 'BILIOUS RETCHING.'
▲: lets wwatch your creepy films
▲: oh shut it kar
▲: you knoww you dig it
▼: I DO NOT WANT TO DIG ANYTHING OTHER THAN AN INFORMAL CORPSE PIT TO JUMP IN AT THE THOUGHT OF TRYING TO GET THE CONCEPT OF 'ROMANCE' THROUGH YOUR SKULL.
▼: BY THE WAY, YOU'LL BE BRINGING A NOTEPAD AND A PEN.
▼: I DON'T EXPECT, LIKE, PARAGRAPH SUMMARIES BUT I DO EXPECT YOU TO TAKE NOTES.
▲: okay bullet points
▼: YEAH, SURE, WHATEVER. MAYBE SOME DIAGRAMS.
▲: can i doodle
▲: i like to doodle wwhen i take notes
▲: kar am i going to cry
▲: i really dont wwant to cry
▼: YES, YOU ARE GOING TO CRY.
▼: LONG AND HARD.
▼: UNTIL YOU ARE EXHAUSTED AND CAN CRY NO MORE.
▲: i knoww somethin else thats long and hard
▲: okay im sorry
▼: NO.
▼: NOT YET SORRY ENOUGH.
▼: IF I HEAR ONE MORE SHITTY SEXUAL INNUENDO OUT OF YOU I WILL CEASE YOUR TRAINING.
▲: okay
▲: aww man
▲: from here on out
▼: AND, BY THE WAY, NO WEIRD COMMENTS DURING ANY LOVE SCENES OR PASSIONATE KISS MOMENTS, DON'T MAKE A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT ODD FOR ME.
▲: sigh
▲: that wwas gonna be the best part kar
▲: you are seriously no fun
▼: ROMANCE IS NOT MEANT TO BE FUN, DOUCHELORD.
▼: IT'S A SERIOUS MATTER WORTHY OF INTENSE CONSIDERATION.
▲: intense
▲: got it
▲: /wwritin this dowwn no joke
▼: GOOD. SEE? YOU CAN LEARN, IT JUST TAKES ITS SWEET FUCKING TIME TO GET THROUGH YOUR LOBES.
▼: I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED NOBODY COULD BE THIS OFFENSIVELY STUPID UNLESS THEY WERE ALSO IGNORANT.
▼: THIS PROBABLY CALLS FOR SOME TROLL MEG RYAN FIRST THING, TOO.
▲: oh damn
▲: i quit i cant handle this
▲: i wwill just resume my life of lonesome
▼: NO. NO, WE'RE DOING THIS. WE ARE DOING THIS AND YOU WILL GOD DAMN LIKE IT.
▼: SO HELP ME. I'M COMMITTED.
▲: im just
▲: gonna copy and paste that into wword
▲: and savve it
▲: those twwo lines
▲: brb
▲: no seriously okay i wwill try
▲: ill wwatch wwhatevver terrifying movvies of lovve and loss you havve to show me.
▼: THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG WITH YOU THAT I CAN'T ACTUALLY BEGIN TO PINPOINT WHERE THE TRUE ROT LIES. BUT IT WILL BE FINE. SOON YOU WILL LEARN TO APPRECIATE MEG RYAN'S CHARACTERS WITH ALL THEIR NUANCED VULNERABILITY HIDDEN UNDER QUIRKY EXTERIORS.
▲: that period is there to show sincerity
▼: QUIRKY EXTERIORS ONLY TROLL KEVIN KLINE CAN PENETRATE.
▲: jesus help my soul
▼: YOUR SOUL CAN BELONG TO WHATEVER MENACING TROLL GOD YOU CHOOSE, BUT YOUR ASS BELONGS TO ME NOW.
▼: AND PLEASE DON'T TAKE THAT SEXUALLY.
▲: im also savving that
▼: YOU ALREADY TOOK IT SEXUALLY, DIDN'T YOU.
▼: FUCK.
▲: you can just assume
▲: and it wwould be correct
▲: /mysterious wwink
▼: ERIDAN, I'VE SEEN YOU 'WINK.' IT JUST MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE BLINKING REALLY HARD.
▼: IT IS A FUCKING ATROCITY.
▲: its actually a fuckin birth defect
▲: asshole
▼: OH.
▲: no not really
▲: but thanks for lowwerin my self conscience buddy
▼: I HOPE YOU DIE IN A RAVENING BULGE FIRE.
▲: wwere makin progress here i can see it
▲: lovve you too kar
▼: THE OTHERS BETTER APPRECIATE THE LENGTHS I AM GOING TO, HERE.
▼: WELL.
▼: NOT THAT WATCHING ROMCOMS IS A HARDSHIP.
▼: BUT THERE ARE STILL LENGTHS AND I AM GOING TO THEM.
▲: it must be so difficult for you
▲: to bear me
▼: STOP POUTING, I DON'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.
▲: im cryin kar
▲: purple tears
▲: runnin down my wwell sculpted cheeks
▼: LOOK, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. YOU'RE ONLY SEVENTY PERCENT UNBEARABLE, OK?
▼: THAT MEANS YOU'RE THIRTY PERCENT BEARABLE TO ME.
▲: +4 self confidence
▲: awwesome
▼: MAYBE SEVENTY-FIVE FOR THE 'WELL-SCULPTED CHEEKS' COMMENT.
▲: i cant help it
▲: my fingers have thinkpans of their owwn
▲: seriously its becomin a problem
▼: ONLY THE UGLY CURIOSITY THAT RIDDLES MY HIDEOUS, MALFORMED BODY DEMANDS I ASK: EXPLAIN.
▲: i havve a slight problem
▲: of speakin before i think
▲: nothin too big
▼: OH. YEAH. WE ALL KNOW THAT ONE, MAN.
▼: IT'S PRETTY BIG, HOWEVER.
▲: god forbid
▲: all you do is yell and tell me wwhats wwrong wwith me
▲: wwhat about that
▲: thats not a very good personality trait
▲: vvery
▼: HEY. HEY! IT'S EDUCATIONAL. OTHERS WOULD BE THRILLED TO HAVE ME AROUND TELLING THEM EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH THEM.
▲: look at me gettin all emotional
▲: i get that from evverybody else too
▲: i dont need the wwhole fuckin caste to do it
▼: NO, THEY JUST TELL YOU YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MESS THEY DON'T WANT TO BE NEAR, KISS OR ENDURE.
▼: I AT LEAST GIVE YOU ADVICE.
▲: i wwould put a sad face emoticon
▼: PLEASE, DON'T.
▲: if i could swwalloww my pride
▲: actually
▲: i havve no pride kar
▲:
▼: FOR.
▼: FUCK'S.
▼: SAKE.
▼: DON'T DO THAT.
▼: IT'S WORSE THAN PITIFUL.
▲: look its multiple
▲: (
▼: OH MY MISERABLE LUMPSHITTING GOD, I DIDN'T SAY THE 'P' WORD EITHER.
▼: NO, NOW YOU'RE DOING A CATGIRL.
▲: signifies just howw deep my depression runs
▼: LOSES SOMETHING IN THE DOING.
▲: ((
▲: 33:
▲: y':
▼: HOW MANY MOUTHS IS YOUR DEPRESSION CAUSING YOU TO GROW??
▲: ))))))))))))))))))))))));
▲: too many kar
▲: too many
▲: i am run ragged here
▲: growwin mouths by the dozens
▼: RIP OFF THE EXTRANEOUS MOUTHS RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. I'M NOT HAVING YOU HIT UPON SOME NEW QUIRK BECAUSE YOU THINK IT WILL MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BAD FOR YOU.
▼: CHEER UP, YOU RUINOUS SHITSMEAR.
▼: I WILL FIX YOU.
▲: this is my neww quirk
▲: it wwill remain this wway
▲: until you say i am 45% bearable
▼: THIS IS EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL.
▲: or 0%
▲:
▲: shhh kar its okay
▲: wwell not for me
▲: im in tatters
▲: (((((((
▼: I THINK YOU MEANT "100%," BUT I'LL TAKE THAT ONE AND RUN WITH IT OFF INTO THE BACKDROP.
▼: OH MY GOD, JUST STOP THAT.
▼: I CAN'T LOOK AT IT ANY MORE.
▲: no
▼: IT IS GIVING ME A PHYSICAL PAIN.
▲: i meant 0
▲: /mysterious wink
▲: /wwwwink
▲: /wwwwwwwwwwwink
▼: ERIDAN, MANY PEOPLE WOULD SAY YOU WERE ZERO PERCENT BEARABLE.
▲: im drawwling out the wwink
▲: thatll fill at least one quadrant
▼: THERE IS NO QUADRANT DEVOTED TO FINDING PEOPLE TEDIOUS, YOU FUCK, OR EVERYONE WOULD BE CLAMORING FOR YOU IN IT.
▼: JUST STOP THE WINKING AND THE MOUTHS.
▼: THEY DO NOT APPEAL TO ANYONE.
▲: are you sure kar
▲: are you sure
▼: THOROUGHLY.
▲: wwe're gettin nowhere
▲: you are a horrible teacher
▲: wwhat the fuck vantas
▲: vvantas
▼: YOU DEFINE 'GOOD TEACHER' BY 'WILL LET YOU HIT ON ME', DON'T YOU.
▲: haha that sounds adorable
▲: " waantas"
▲: perhaps
▼: I LOATHE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.
▲: hot
▲: come on kar take a joke
▲: i hate you just as much
▼: NO, YOU DON'T.
▼: YOU CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO PRETEND YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD.
▲: i dont wwant to pail wwith evvery bipedal creature
▲: only the special ones
▲: kar
▼: JUST THE ONES YOU TALK TO.
▲: /myst--
▼: NO!!!!!!!!!
▼: I WILL FUCKING EXPLODE.
▼: MY BONES WILL SHATTER OUT MY CHESTCAGE IN A FURIOUS WHIRLWIND EXPLOSION OF 'NO.'
▼: I WILL EXTRUDE ACRID ANGER-PISS FROM MY FURY BLADDERS.
▼: I WILL DO ANYTHING.
▼: JUST.
▼: DON'T.
▼: WINK.
▲: /bloww kiss
▲: // ooo mr vvantas oo
▼: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.
▲: ahhh
▲: ahhhhhhhh
▲:
▲: im sorry kar i tried
▼: I GIVE IN. I DON'T THINK YOU'RE TEACHABLE.
▲: no no no
▲: you are the best teacher
▼: I TRIED MY DAMNDEST.
▲: dont givve up on me kar
▲: im a lost soul
▼: IT WAS A LONG, WHAT, TEN MINUTES.
▲: all of these other trolls are idiots
▲: come on
▲: i need your advvice
▲: as much as i hate to say it
▼: GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD PASS ON TO YOU - AN INCORRIGIBLE BULGEGRIEFER -- THE FULL WEIGHT OF MY WISDOM.
▼: BETTER THAN THAT.
▼: BECAUSE THAT WAS AN ALRIGHT REASON.
▲: because
▲: i wwill be culled if i dont get help
▲: do you wwant me to die kar
▲:
▼: IF I TAKE PITY ON YOU, WILL YOU AGREE TO NEVER CYBER-WINK AT ME AGAIN.
▼: NO. SCRATCH THAT. VOW IT.
▲: thats a stretch for me
▼: PROMISE. SWEAR AN OATH.
▲: ..
▲: i swwear on my gills
▲: i wwill not cyberwwink at you
▼: IS THAT A LEGIT SEADWELLER PROMISE.
▲: the most legit
▲: wwithout our gills
▲: wwe are no longer highbloods
▲: i think wwe are evven considered lowwbloods
▲: like
▲: beneath you
▲: fuck
▼: YEAH, YEAH, YOU DON'T NEED TO GIVE ME A LONG, LOVING DESCRIPTION OF THE BLOOD CASTE AND HOW BENEATH IT YOU WOULD BE.
▲: im just showwin sincerity
▲: i knoww howw much you care about small things
▼: I KNOW YOU'RE SINCERE. YOU'RE SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
▼: I'LL DO IT.
▼: NO MORE TAKE-BACKS.
▲: hey can i wwink if its a sad face
▼: WHY WOULD YOU BE MISERABLE, YET WINKING??
▼: EXPLAIN THAT, DIPSHIT.
▲: you know
▲: w
▲: its like
▲: a
▲: comeee onnn
▲: face
▲: fuck kar i dont knoww
▲: nevver mind
▲: );<
▲: example
▲: purely an example
▼: IT LOOKS AS THOUGH ONE OF YOUR EYES HAS BEEN POKED OUT, BUT WHAT THE FUCK EVER, I DON'T CARE.
▼: MISERY-WINK IF IT FLOATS YOUR AQUATIC VESSEL.
▲: okay cool
▲: that makes it better for me
▲: wweakens the bloww
▲: youre so nice
▲: oo mr vvantas ooooo
▲: wantas
▲: haha
▲: cant get ovver that
▼: OH, I'M ALREADY OVER IT.
▼: LONG SINCE OVER IT, IN FACT.
▼: I WAS ABOUT TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON DISCOVERING I DID, IN FACT, HAVE A SOFTER, KINDER SIDE, BUT THEN YOU REVEALED THE DEPTHS OF YOUR SARCASM.
▼: SO: FUCK YOU TWICE.
▲: not today
▲: /glub yeah
▼: I AM IGNORING THAT FOR MY OWN PERSONAL SANITY.
▼: ON TO MORE IMPORTANT MATTERS, I HAVE ONE LAST QUESTION FOR YOU.
▲: shoot
▼: THIS QUESTION WILL DICTATE AS TO WHETHER YOU ARE ACTUALLY TEACHABLE OR NOT, SO DON'T JUST THINK YOU CAN SAIL ON THROUGH AND GET IT RIGHT FIRST THING.
▼: THIS IS FUCKING IMPORTANT.
▼: YOU BETTER STEEL YOURSELF, ASSMUNCH.
▲: im going to try and hold back my smart remarks
▲: hurry its becomin difficult
▼: OK.
▼: I UNDERSTAND THAT'S TOUGH.
▼: SO.
▼: HERE WE GO, YOU SASS-FLAPPED NOOKSUCK.
▼: WHEN WATCHING A ROMCOM, SHOULD YOUR POPPED GRUBCORN BE SWEET OR SALTY?
▲: swweet
▲: seadwwellers cant eat salt asshole
▼: OK, I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT AND THAT KIND OF STYMIES THE IDEA YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TASTE AND DISCRIMINATION, BUT YOU'RE RIGHT, CARAMEL GRUBCORN IS FAR SUPERIOR TO SALTY.
▲: of course
▲: are you gonna make me some grubcorn kar
▲: thats so nice
▲: wwe can share
▲: and cry together
▲: cuddle cuddle
▲: cuttle**
▼: YOU DON'T WATCH ROMCOMS WITHOUT GRUBCORN, AND YES WE CAN SHARE, BUT SHOULD AT ANY POINT YOUR HAND BRUSH AGAINST MINE I WILL RIP IT OFF AND BEAT YOU TO A VIOLENT DEATH WITH IT.
▲: wwe're goin to be huggin at one point
▼: NO, WE ARE NOT.
▼: IF WE HUG I WILL BOIL MYSELF IN OIL UNTIL THE OFFENDING EPIDERMAL LAYER PEELS OFF.
▲: wwwwwwhatevver kar
▲: wwe're gonna be sharin a blanket
▲: eatin grubcorn
▲: and cryin
▲: damn im excited
▼: UGH. JUST MEET ME OUT IN THE HALLWAY WITH YOUR LEAST OFFENSIVE FACIAL EXPRESSION AND YOUR OWN GODDAMNED BLANKET, ALRIGHT??
▲: you got it mr vvantas
▼: GOOD. I'LL SEE YOU THERE, ALREADY FULL OF BITTER SELF-RECRIMINATION.
▼: OWN BLANKET. GOT IT?
▲: fine

:( (Sad) — Description
YOU ARE NOW TALKING TO A RANDOM FUCKASS. SAY SOMETHING, ASSHOLE!

▼: I KNOW YOU'RE THERE, YOU SORRY SACK OF SHIT! I CAN ALREADY SMELL MY OWN DISAPPOINTMENT.
▼: SPOILER: IT IS A SMELL I KNOW TOO WELL.
▲: oh my kar
▲: calm dowwn
▲: keep your bulge in check
▲: /mysterious wwink
▼: MY BULGE IS SO IN CHECK IT'S UNDER CONTINUOUS INVESTIGATION, ASSHOLE.
▼: AND IF YOU EVER.
▼: AND I MEAN EVER.
▼: ROLEPLAY A MYSTERIOUS WINK AT ME AGAIN.
▼: I WILL SCREAM SO LOUD AND SO LONG YOUR HEARING CANALS RUN VIOLET WITH BLOOD.
▲: oh
▲: oh my kar
▲: i
▲: am so sorry kar
▲: kare
▲: kar
▲: kar
▲: i cant-
▲: /sensual wwink
▼: OH, MY GOD!
▼: WHAT DID I JUST SAY, DOUCHEMAGICIAN??
▲: i cannot hear you over my immense swwag
▲: forgivve me
▼: WHY DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE "SWAG", IMMENSE OR OTHERWISE, TODAY.
▼: DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD?
▲: probably
▲: might as wwell have
▲: havve
▼: SERIOUSLY, IF YOU'RE CONCUSSED YOU CAN DIE OF IT, SO IF I FIND YOU LATER A COOLING CORPSE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
▲: god i can't even get my fuckin quirk right
▲: evven
▲: fuck
▼: YEAH, YOU'RE DRUNK.
▼: DRUNK OR CONCUSSED.
▲: fef is being a total glubbin problem
▲: kar come on givve me some sympathy
▼: LET ME PRETEND LIKE I ASKED YOU ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.
▼: GIVE ME A SEC.
▼: OK.
▲: this is stupid
▼: TELL ME ABOUT YOUR VAST RANGE OF PROBLEMS WITH FEFERI.
▲: she is all crushin my feelins and shit
▲: its tantalizin
▲: im usually super cool
▼: NO, YOU'RE NOT.
▲: okay maybe not that cool
▼: YOU'RE NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY COOL, ADMIT IT.
▲: you see this
▲: here you are
▲: demeanin me
▲: i am fuckin royalty
▲: and here i am bein demeaned by a mutant blood
▲: this is hilarious
▲: hilariously pitiful of me
▼: AND YET YOU KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE.
▼: YOU KNOW WHY?
▼: BECAUSE I AM THE ONLY ONE GIVING YOU SENSIBLE ADVICE, YOU DUMB FISHY FUCK.
▲: because fef is unfeelin
▼: AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE EXTRA "PITIABLE" OR WHATEVER, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T SEE THAT.
▲: and that too i guess
▲: fuck
▼: NO. LOOK. BRO.
▼: I GET IT. IT'S A COMPLICATED TIME. IT GENUINELY SUCKS WHEN YOUR QUADRANT'S NOT GETTING RECIPROCATED, BUT YOU NEED TO GIVE HER SOME SPACE.
▼: IF YOU KEEP ON GOING BACK DEMANDING HER TIME OR HER ATTENTION YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE THINGS WORSE THAN YOU HAVE ALREADY, AMPLY, MADE THEM.
▼: LAY OFF FOR A BIT, ALRIGHT?
▲: shes ovver there
▲: lovvin it up wwith sollux
▲: fuckin sollux
▲: itd be easier if she didnt choose king dick
▼: HE'S NOT ACTUALLY THE GIGANTIC BULGEMUNCH YOU KEEP MAKING HIM OUT TO BE. IT'S JUST THAT HE CAN'T STAND YOU.
▼: PLATONICALLY, MIND!
▲: oh wwoww i cant evven be hated
▲: wwhat about you kar
▲: kar
▲: do you hate me kar
▼: THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.
▲: /mysterious ww-
▼: YOU JUST COME RIGHT OUT AND ASK IT, DESPERATELY.
▲: wwhat do you mean
▲: oh
▼: AND TRY TO GIVE ME A MYSTERIOUS FUCKING WINK AGAIN.
▲: its not desperation
▲: its casual
▼: HOW IS "DO YOU HATE ME" NOT A SMELLY, FLYSECT-RIDDEN DUMP OF DESPERATION?
▲: i brought that up so fuckin casual
▼: HOW DO YOU NOT EVEN KNOW THESE THINGS??
▼: IT HAD NO LEAD-UP!
▲: kar i live in the ocean
▲: i talk to sea horses
▼: OK. THAT'S ACTUALLY A GOOD POINT.
▼: FUCK.
▼: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS, BUT.
▼: I AM TAKING IT UPON MY OWN MAGIFICENTLY WISE, BRUTAL SHOULDERS TO EDUCATE YOU.
▲: oh wwoww
▼: SOMEONE HAS TO. YOU'RE CREEPING EVERYONE THE FUCK OUT.
▲: teach me your wways
▲: master of the quadrants
▼: GOD AND SAGE OF THEM, YOU IGNORANT GODDAMN SHITHEEL.
▼: OK. THERE WILL BE SOME READING, I WARN YOU.
▼: I AM A HARSH TASKMASTER.
▲: oh fuck nevvermind then
▲: readin is out of line
▲: no not really go on
▼: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS. WE CAN START OFF WITH A FEW EDUCATIONAL MOVIES IF YOU PREFER.
▼: A COUPLE TROLL JULIA ROBERTS, GET THE CLASSICS OUT THE WAY.
▲: hahahahahaha
▼: WHAT. WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING.
▼: THIS IS SERIOUS!
▲: kar youre fuckin adorable
▲: im not watchin fuckin troll casanovva movvies
▼: EXCUSE ME????
▼: ONE, YES YOU GODDAMN ARE.
▲: ovver my hot body
▲: dead*
▲: sorry it just slips out
▼: TWO, I AM ABOUT AS ADORABLE AS A BULLET TO THE THINKPAN. A BULLET OF QUADRANT KNOWLEDGE AND INTELLECT.
▼: NO.
▼: YOU MEANT TO TYPE 'HOT'.
▼: THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM.
▲: wwoops
▼: INSINCERITY OOZES OUT OF YOUR EVERY SAC, DIPSHIT.
▲: evvery orifice
▼: WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR ORIFICES NOW OR EVER.
▲: mmm
▲: okay wwhatevver
▲: /suavve hair flip
▼: PLEASE IMAGINE THAT I JUST ROLEPLAYED A WHOLE, NOISY HOST OF NOISES AT YOU LIKE 'GAGGING' AND 'BILIOUS RETCHING.'
▲: lets wwatch your creepy films
▲: oh shut it kar
▲: you knoww you dig it
▼: I DO NOT WANT TO DIG ANYTHING OTHER THAN AN INFORMAL CORPSE PIT TO JUMP IN AT THE THOUGHT OF TRYING TO GET THE CONCEPT OF 'ROMANCE' THROUGH YOUR SKULL.
▼: BY THE WAY, YOU'LL BE BRINGING A NOTEPAD AND A PEN.
▼: I DON'T EXPECT, LIKE, PARAGRAPH SUMMARIES BUT I DO EXPECT YOU TO TAKE NOTES.
▲: okay bullet points
▼: YEAH, SURE, WHATEVER. MAYBE SOME DIAGRAMS.
▲: can i doodle
▲: i like to doodle wwhen i take notes
▲: kar am i going to cry
▲: i really dont wwant to cry
▼: YES, YOU ARE GOING TO CRY.
▼: LONG AND HARD.
▼: UNTIL YOU ARE EXHAUSTED AND CAN CRY NO MORE.
▲: i knoww somethin else thats long and hard
▲: okay im sorry
▼: NO.
▼: NOT YET SORRY ENOUGH.
▼: IF I HEAR ONE MORE SHITTY SEXUAL INNUENDO OUT OF YOU I WILL CEASE YOUR TRAINING.
▲: okay
▲: aww man
▲: from here on out
▼: AND, BY THE WAY, NO WEIRD COMMENTS DURING ANY LOVE SCENES OR PASSIONATE KISS MOMENTS, DON'T MAKE A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT ODD FOR ME.
▲: sigh
▲: that wwas gonna be the best part kar
▲: you are seriously no fun
▼: ROMANCE IS NOT MEANT TO BE FUN, DOUCHELORD.
▼: IT'S A SERIOUS MATTER WORTHY OF INTENSE CONSIDERATION.
▲: intense
▲: got it
▲: /wwritin this dowwn no joke
▼: GOOD. SEE? YOU CAN LEARN, IT JUST TAKES ITS SWEET FUCKING TIME TO GET THROUGH YOUR LOBES.
▼: I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED NOBODY COULD BE THIS OFFENSIVELY STUPID UNLESS THEY WERE ALSO IGNORANT.
▼: THIS PROBABLY CALLS FOR SOME TROLL MEG RYAN FIRST THING, TOO.
▲: oh damn
▲: i quit i cant handle this
▲: i wwill just resume my life of lonesome
▼: NO. NO, WE'RE DOING THIS. WE ARE DOING THIS AND YOU WILL GOD DAMN LIKE IT.
▼: SO HELP ME. I'M COMMITTED.
▲: im just
▲: gonna copy and paste that into wword
▲: and savve it
▲: those twwo lines
▲: brb
▲: no seriously okay i wwill try
▲: ill wwatch wwhatevver terrifying movvies of lovve and loss you havve to show me.
▼: THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG WITH YOU THAT I CAN'T ACTUALLY BEGIN TO PINPOINT WHERE THE TRUE ROT LIES. BUT IT WILL BE FINE. SOON YOU WILL LEARN TO APPRECIATE MEG RYAN'S CHARACTERS WITH ALL THEIR NUANCED VULNERABILITY HIDDEN UNDER QUIRKY EXTERIORS.
▲: that period is there to show sincerity
▼: QUIRKY EXTERIORS ONLY TROLL KEVIN KLINE CAN PENETRATE.
▲: jesus help my soul
▼: YOUR SOUL CAN BELONG TO WHATEVER MENACING TROLL GOD YOU CHOOSE, BUT YOUR ASS BELONGS TO ME NOW.
▼: AND PLEASE DON'T TAKE THAT SEXUALLY.
▲: im also savving that
▼: YOU ALREADY TOOK IT SEXUALLY, DIDN'T YOU.
▼: FUCK.
▲: you can just assume
▲: and it wwould be correct
▲: /mysterious wwink
▼: ERIDAN, I'VE SEEN YOU 'WINK.' IT JUST MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE BLINKING REALLY HARD.
▼: IT IS A FUCKING ATROCITY.
▲: its actually a fuckin birth defect
▲: asshole
▼: OH.
▲: no not really
▲: but thanks for lowwerin my self conscience buddy
▼: I HOPE YOU DIE IN A RAVENING BULGE FIRE.
▲: wwere makin progress here i can see it
▲: lovve you too kar
▼: THE OTHERS BETTER APPRECIATE THE LENGTHS I AM GOING TO, HERE.
▼: WELL.
▼: NOT THAT WATCHING ROMCOMS IS A HARDSHIP.
▼: BUT THERE ARE STILL LENGTHS AND I AM GOING TO THEM.
▲: it must be so difficult for you
▲: to bear me
▼: STOP POUTING, I DON'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.
▲: im cryin kar
▲: purple tears
▲: runnin down my wwell sculpted cheeks
▼: LOOK, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. YOU'RE ONLY SEVENTY PERCENT UNBEARABLE, OK?
▼: THAT MEANS YOU'RE THIRTY PERCENT BEARABLE TO ME.
▲: +4 self confidence
▲: awwesome
▼: MAYBE SEVENTY-FIVE FOR THE 'WELL-SCULPTED CHEEKS' COMMENT.
▲: i cant help it
▲: my fingers have thinkpans of their owwn
▲: seriously its becomin a problem
▼: ONLY THE UGLY CURIOSITY THAT RIDDLES MY HIDEOUS, MALFORMED BODY DEMANDS I ASK: EXPLAIN.
▲: i havve a slight problem
▲: of speakin before i think
▲: nothin too big
▼: OH. YEAH. WE ALL KNOW THAT ONE, MAN.
▼: IT'S PRETTY BIG, HOWEVER.
▲: god forbid
▲: all you do is yell and tell me wwhats wwrong wwith me
▲: wwhat about that
▲: thats not a very good personality trait
▲: vvery
▼: HEY. HEY! IT'S EDUCATIONAL. OTHERS WOULD BE THRILLED TO HAVE ME AROUND TELLING THEM EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH THEM.
▲: look at me gettin all emotional
▲: i get that from evverybody else too
▲: i dont need the wwhole fuckin caste to do it
▼: NO, THEY JUST TELL YOU YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MESS THEY DON'T WANT TO BE NEAR, KISS OR ENDURE.
▼: I AT LEAST GIVE YOU ADVICE.
▲: i wwould put a sad face emoticon
▼: PLEASE, DON'T.
▲: if i could swwalloww my pride
▲: actually
▲: i havve no pride kar
▲:
▼: FOR.
▼: FUCK'S.
▼: SAKE.
▼: DON'T DO THAT.
▼: IT'S WORSE THAN PITIFUL.
▲: look its multiple
▲: (
▼: OH MY MISERABLE LUMPSHITTING GOD, I DIDN'T SAY THE 'P' WORD EITHER.
▼: NO, NOW YOU'RE DOING A CATGIRL.
▲: signifies just howw deep my depression runs
▼: LOSES SOMETHING IN THE DOING.
▲: ((
▲: 33:
▲: y':
▼: HOW MANY MOUTHS IS YOUR DEPRESSION CAUSING YOU TO GROW??
▲: ))))))))))))))))))))))));
▲: too many kar
▲: too many
▲: i am run ragged here
▲: growwin mouths by the dozens
▼: RIP OFF THE EXTRANEOUS MOUTHS RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. I'M NOT HAVING YOU HIT UPON SOME NEW QUIRK BECAUSE YOU THINK IT WILL MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BAD FOR YOU.
▼: CHEER UP, YOU RUINOUS SHITSMEAR.
▼: I WILL FIX YOU.
▲: this is my neww quirk
▲: it wwill remain this wway
▲: until you say i am 45% bearable
▼: THIS IS EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL.
▲: or 0%
▲:
▲: shhh kar its okay
▲: wwell not for me
▲: im in tatters
▲: (((((((
▼: I THINK YOU MEANT "100%," BUT I'LL TAKE THAT ONE AND RUN WITH IT OFF INTO THE BACKDROP.
▼: OH MY GOD, JUST STOP THAT.
▼: I CAN'T LOOK AT IT ANY MORE.
▲: no
▼: IT IS GIVING ME A PHYSICAL PAIN.
▲: i meant 0
▲: /mysterious wink
▲: /wwwwink
▲: /wwwwwwwwwwwink
▼: ERIDAN, MANY PEOPLE WOULD SAY YOU WERE ZERO PERCENT BEARABLE.
▲: im drawwling out the wwink
▲: thatll fill at least one quadrant
▼: THERE IS NO QUADRANT DEVOTED TO FINDING PEOPLE TEDIOUS, YOU FUCK, OR EVERYONE WOULD BE CLAMORING FOR YOU IN IT.
▼: JUST STOP THE WINKING AND THE MOUTHS.
▼: THEY DO NOT APPEAL TO ANYONE.
▲: are you sure kar
▲: are you sure
▼: THOROUGHLY.
▲: wwe're gettin nowhere
▲: you are a horrible teacher
▲: wwhat the fuck vantas
▲: vvantas
▼: YOU DEFINE 'GOOD TEACHER' BY 'WILL LET YOU HIT ON ME', DON'T YOU.
▲: haha that sounds adorable
▲: " waantas"
▲: perhaps
▼: I LOATHE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.
▲: hot
▲: come on kar take a joke
▲: i hate you just as much
▼: NO, YOU DON'T.
▼: YOU CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO PRETEND YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD.
▲: i dont wwant to pail wwith evvery bipedal creature
▲: only the special ones
▲: kar
▼: JUST THE ONES YOU TALK TO.
▲: /myst--
▼: NO!!!!!!!!!
▼: I WILL FUCKING EXPLODE.
▼: MY BONES WILL SHATTER OUT MY CHESTCAGE IN A FURIOUS WHIRLWIND EXPLOSION OF 'NO.'
▼: I WILL EXTRUDE ACRID ANGER-PISS FROM MY FURY BLADDERS.
▼: I WILL DO ANYTHING.
▼: JUST.
▼: DON'T.
▼: WINK.
▲: /bloww kiss
▲: // ooo mr vvantas oo
▼: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.
▲: ahhh
▲: ahhhhhhhh
▲:
▲: im sorry kar i tried
▼: I GIVE IN. I DON'T THINK YOU'RE TEACHABLE.
▲: no no no
▲: you are the best teacher
▼: I TRIED MY DAMNDEST.
▲: dont givve up on me kar
▲: im a lost soul
▼: IT WAS A LONG, WHAT, TEN MINUTES.
▲: all of these other trolls are idiots
▲: come on
▲: i need your advvice
▲: as much as i hate to say it
▼: GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD PASS ON TO YOU - AN INCORRIGIBLE BULGEGRIEFER -- THE FULL WEIGHT OF MY WISDOM.
▼: BETTER THAN THAT.
▼: BECAUSE THAT WAS AN ALRIGHT REASON.
▲: because
▲: i wwill be culled if i dont get help
▲: do you wwant me to die kar
▲:
▼: IF I TAKE PITY ON YOU, WILL YOU AGREE TO NEVER CYBER-WINK AT ME AGAIN.
▼: NO. SCRATCH THAT. VOW IT.
▲: thats a stretch for me
▼: PROMISE. SWEAR AN OATH.
▲: ..
▲: i swwear on my gills
▲: i wwill not cyberwwink at you
▼: IS THAT A LEGIT SEADWELLER PROMISE.
▲: the most legit
▲: wwithout our gills
▲: wwe are no longer highbloods
▲: i think wwe are evven considered lowwbloods
▲: like
▲: beneath you
▲: fuck
▼: YEAH, YEAH, YOU DON'T NEED TO GIVE ME A LONG, LOVING DESCRIPTION OF THE BLOOD CASTE AND HOW BENEATH IT YOU WOULD BE.
▲: im just showwin sincerity
▲: i knoww howw much you care about small things
▼: I KNOW YOU'RE SINCERE. YOU'RE SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
▼: I'LL DO IT.
▼: NO MORE TAKE-BACKS.
▲: hey can i wwink if its a sad face
▼: WHY WOULD YOU BE MISERABLE, YET WINKING??
▼: EXPLAIN THAT, DIPSHIT.
▲: you know
▲: w
▲: its like
▲: a
▲: comeee onnn
▲: face
▲: fuck kar i dont knoww
▲: nevver mind
▲: );<
▲: example
▲: purely an example
▼: IT LOOKS AS THOUGH ONE OF YOUR EYES HAS BEEN POKED OUT, BUT WHAT THE FUCK EVER, I DON'T CARE.
▼: MISERY-WINK IF IT FLOATS YOUR AQUATIC VESSEL.
▲: okay cool
▲: that makes it better for me
▲: wweakens the bloww
▲: youre so nice
▲: oo mr vvantas ooooo
▲: wantas
▲: haha
▲: cant get ovver that
▼: OH, I'M ALREADY OVER IT.
▼: LONG SINCE OVER IT, IN FACT.
▼: I WAS ABOUT TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON DISCOVERING I DID, IN FACT, HAVE A SOFTER, KINDER SIDE, BUT THEN YOU REVEALED THE DEPTHS OF YOUR SARCASM.
▼: SO: FUCK YOU TWICE.
▲: not today
▲: /glub yeah
▼: I AM IGNORING THAT FOR MY OWN PERSONAL SANITY.
▼: ON TO MORE IMPORTANT MATTERS, I HAVE ONE LAST QUESTION FOR YOU.
▲: shoot
▼: THIS QUESTION WILL DICTATE AS TO WHETHER YOU ARE ACTUALLY TEACHABLE OR NOT, SO DON'T JUST THINK YOU CAN SAIL ON THROUGH AND GET IT RIGHT FIRST THING.
▼: THIS IS FUCKING IMPORTANT.
▼: YOU BETTER STEEL YOURSELF, ASSMUNCH.
▲: im going to try and hold back my smart remarks
▲: hurry its becomin difficult
▼: OK.
▼: I UNDERSTAND THAT'S TOUGH.
▼: SO.
▼: HERE WE GO, YOU SASS-FLAPPED NOOKSUCK.
▼: WHEN WATCHING A ROMCOM, SHOULD YOUR POPPED GRUBCORN BE SWEET OR SALTY?
▲: swweet
▲: seadwwellers cant eat salt asshole
▼: OK, I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT AND THAT KIND OF STYMIES THE IDEA YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TASTE AND DISCRIMINATION, BUT YOU'RE RIGHT, CARAMEL GRUBCORN IS FAR SUPERIOR TO SALTY.
▲: of course
▲: are you gonna make me some grubcorn kar
▲: thats so nice
▲: wwe can share
▲: and cry together
▲: cuddle cuddle
▲: cuttle**
▼: YOU DON'T WATCH ROMCOMS WITHOUT GRUBCORN, AND YES WE CAN SHARE, BUT SHOULD AT ANY POINT YOUR HAND BRUSH AGAINST MINE I WILL RIP IT OFF AND BEAT YOU TO A VIOLENT DEATH WITH IT.
▲: wwe're goin to be huggin at one point
▼: NO, WE ARE NOT.
▼: IF WE HUG I WILL BOIL MYSELF IN OIL UNTIL THE OFFENDING EPIDERMAL LAYER PEELS OFF.
▲: wwwwwwhatevver kar
▲: wwe're gonna be sharin a blanket
▲: eatin grubcorn
▲: and cryin
▲: damn im excited
▼: UGH. JUST MEET ME OUT IN THE HALLWAY WITH YOUR LEAST OFFENSIVE FACIAL EXPRESSION AND YOUR OWN GODDAMNED BLANKET, ALRIGHT??
▲: you got it mr vvantas
▼: GOOD. I'LL SEE YOU THERE, ALREADY FULL OF BITTER SELF-RECRIMINATION.
▼: OWN BLANKET. GOT IT?
▲: fine