HOME | DD

Description
Introduction
Congratulations, you have just discovered DeviantART, a global internet community dedicated to promoting the creativity of people from all ages, nationalities, backgrounds, and interests.  The vast population of this website may at first seem overwhelming, but there are unlimited opportunities for you to interact with fellow aspiring artists.  Many of our members’ daily routines involve sharing artwork, aiding others with constructive criticism, and developing lasting friendships…"

…but that, my friend, is not why you are here.  You have quickly determined what misguided fools these deviants are and aspire to a much more lofty goal - popularity.  That’s right, popularity.  If you’re unable to connect to the internet and have hundreds, or even thousands of people anticipating your every action, then what good is this technology?  It’s a fast-paced virtual world and you must figure a way to get the most bang for your buck.  On a large website such as this, how can you achieve popularity while exerting the least amount of effort?

It’s time we start exploring this process.

Day 1
Upon joining DeviantART, you must create an awesome nickname.  You were going to reserve ~popular , but some fucker named Ricardo already has it.  That prick.  All is not lost though, as Ricardo has unwittingly contributed to your grand scheme – simply add a '666' and attach two hyphens and 'x's on each end of your nickname.  -xpopular666x- has been born!

Before you start submitting your masterpieces, it is critically important to find out "who’s who" on DeviantART.  As everyone already realizes, only the best artwork on DA has generated the most "favorites", otherwise they wouldn’t have been there in the first place!  From DeviantART's main page, use the pull-down menu to select Categories > All.  On the resulting page, click the "Popular" link and on the following page, click "All Time".  Visit each gallery, discover the most popular submissions in each tier, and simply "fav" the top three deviations.  Make sure you don’t waste any of your precious time commenting.  After your fifteen minute "+fav" spree, you should have roughly 350 favorites.

Go to sleep, you’ve exhausted enough effort for today.

Day 2
Check your account first thing in the morning.  Out of your 350 favorites, two deviants will have stopped by to say 'hi' and welcome you to DeviantART.  As a matter of fact, one of them has already watched you.  Ha ha, that sucker…you’re so in!  Respond immediately and let her know that you will be submitting something soon.  Ignore the second person.

Using a wide-ruled notebook, draw a stick-figure dangling from a noose, then use a red marker to represent blood.  Scan it, submit it, and title it "H-NGM-N".

Visit the front page and +fav all six Daily Favorites.  Damn, that was tiring.  Let’s return tomorrow.

Day 3
Not a person has commented on your stick-figure masterpiece, and the one deviant who added you on her watch just dropped you.  (she WILL rue the day when you’re more popular!).  Why aren’t you getting any respect from the members of DA?  Can they not grasp what a creative genius you are?  Oh, you’ll show them…

In order to gain more exposure, create a witty avatar.  Say – you happen to LOVE that movie Dogma…why not use a "Buddy Jesus" figurine for your icon?  Ha ha…you’re so witty - everyone will envy your uniqueness.  Immediately after uploading your icon, create a 'DeviantART creative license' with Microsoft Paint.  Other deviants will seethe with jealousy of your singular mind, because nobody’s ever thought of that before.

Day 4
If you haven’t +fav’d 500 submissions by this time, you’re seriously slacking.  You have a kickass avatar, ID, and one submission…but what’s this?  You only have 24 pageviews!  After being a member of DA for an extensive 72 hours, it’s time to enter full-fledged panic mode.  Most deviants make the logistics error of having only one account.  Start five different accounts and separate according to photography, writing, stock, prints, and of course – stick figure death theater.  With all of these accounts, you’re bound to get attention from at least one of them.

Day 5
Your five pages have accumulated a lousy 50 pageviews combined.   Research the thousands of useless groups on DA and join at least ten of these clubs.  After you’ve finished enrolling into ten clubs that do nothing but allow artists to self-promote, submit your first journal entry.

Subject: hi
Journal entry: June 5, 2004
hi!  i r new to da!  this iz kool!  I <3 DA! ^__^

Make sure you attach the icons of the ten different groups you’ve just joined at the tail-end of your journal - everyone will be sure to scoop them out.

So you understand how these groups operates, it's similar to the characters in the movie Gladiator.  The founder is the emperor who tantalizes the crowd by wavering his hand "thumbs-up" or "thumbs-down", the contributors are the bickering Senate members who are looking to overthrow the emperor, and the members are essentially the crowd yelling obscenities.

Day 6
Business is picking up - you now have over 200 pageviews on your primary account!!!  Because of the ten clubs you’ve joined, H-NGM-N just received six +fav’s and there are now eight people watching you!

Yet, you remain unsatisfied.

Find an "adoptee" program.  They’re really cute!  You too, can have a 15 year old as your adopted mother.  In fact, since you have five accounts, feel free to adopt yourself – nobody will notice.  After you establish an entire DeviantART adopted family, including your husband, boyfriend, and three pets, add all of their icons to the end of your latest journal entry.  You should now have at least 17 avatars proudly displayed on your front page.  Your fellow deviants will love you as they wait in anticipation for each individual (mostly anime) icons load.

Day 7
In one week, you have established a steady stream of visitors, and H-NGM-N has twelve fav’s.  -xpopular666x-, it is time to complete your 'Devious Information'

Current Age: 666
Current Residence: i
Interests: hate
Favourite genre of music: my
Favourite artist: life
Favourite poet or writer: and
Favourite game: i
Skin of Choice: hate
Personal Quote: u
Tools of the Trade: 2

CONGRATULATIONS!!! After only your first week on DeviantART you have become a certifiable force begging to be recognized and have a growing fan base to match.  Your userpage is filled with a increasing amount of visiting deviants and comments such as:

-"ur devious information is so deep!"
-"ROFL! I love your ID, I wish I thought of that!"
-"Thanks for the fav, cool work. "
-"Neat avatar, I loved that movie! +watch!"
-"I <3 H-NGM-N, I could only hope to be as talented."
-"Hi Mommy!"

Day 8
Watch another 300 deviants.  Don’t actually say anything…just add them to your watch.  Eventually they’ll get suspicious, wonder what you’re up to, and then they’ll watch YOU.

Day 10
Dish out llamas to as many deviants as possible.  It doesn't matter how pointless these things are, what matters is that it exposes more people to your magnificent stick-figure art.

Day 19

Attempt conversation in one-letter words as often as you can. Avoid proper grammar at all costs.   U r kool and r0x0rs my b0x0rs!  U r l337! !

Day 28

When you visit someone else’s page to thank them for a comment or fav, make sure you aggressively advertise yourself.  Say something like, “I am so honored for your comment on [link] .  The deviant won’t be annoyed; in fact he will be pleased that you used his page as a platform for other people to view your work.  Introducing this into your daily routine, especially on a popular deviant’s page, will make you look more popular.

If you find yourself on a popular member’s page, post, “lovin ur art so wssup?? wat u tink of ma art?”  Stunned by your wittiness, they will be sure to ogle the creativity that simply oozes from your ears.

Day 34
Submit your first poem. Institute a bizarre pattern of lowercase and uppercase letters within the title.  Surf the ‘net and find a photograph of a naked, pale woman who looks like she hasn’t eaten a good meal in weeks.  Use it as your “preview” screenshot without asking the permission of the photographer.

DeAdFlOWerS
Roses are red and violets are gray
Blackness envelops my soul
I draw the blade across my wrists
Thinking about last night’s tryst
I am a whore for you to fuck.
Sweet death envelops me.

Your cult-like following will marvel at your multi-talents.  New visitors, specifically males between ages 12 and 82, will be inexplicably drawn to the screenshot you stole.  Occasionally, a reader will remark, "That’s a great picture!  She looks cool!  +fav".  Respond back and bitterly complain to them that you submitted a piece of writing, not a photograph.  Those dumbfucks, how is anyone going to take you seriously as a writer if all they’re doing is gawking at the naked chick?

Day 42

You notice that you only have 17 avatars linked to the bottom of your journal entry.  If you want to show off how popular you are, you must force anybody surfing to your page to come to an grinding halt as they patiently wait for all the avatars in your journal to load.

Add 83 more icons so that you will have a grand total of 100 avatars on your front page. (by rule, make sure 90% of them are animated and/or have some sort of anime character’s face).

Day 52
Start drama with a deviant way more popular than you.  Though clear that the other person wants nothing to do with you, lie and accuse them of bullying and harassing you.  Complain to the administration about it and create journals that they're using their popularity against you.  That whoremonger.  People are suckers for baseless shit like that and your pageviews will enjoy a nice bounce!

Day 58

Visit DA’s front page and find a poem that has been recently submitted.  Comment, "I hate this, your rhyming sucks, and it’s just absolutely horrible."  When the author becomes offended, mock them and tell them that they don’t know how to handle an honest critique.  Tell that person to leave you alone.  If there were more good writers like you, there wouldn’t be these problems.

Repeat cycle, then rinse.  After several iterations, people will notice you and jump onto your steadily growing bandwagon; everyone will hail you as a great critic.

Day 62

Travel downtown and take a photograph of an escalator.  Submit it.  In your description, let everyone know that they absolutely MUST check out the "full view".  From now on, for every submission you make, type, FULL VIEW RECOMMENDED in your description because it’s obvious the audience isn’t smart enough to figure it out for themselves.  When your visitors click "full view", they will be awed.

Day 67

Visit DeviantART's "Today" page.  Find at least 10 New Deviants, and welcome to DA.  Be sure to kindly provide them with links of other deviants to watch, including yourself.

Day 75
Become a forum whore.  Contribute comments such as "LOL" and "I agree!" and eventually the right people will notice you.  When you’ve made 6,000 forum posts, you have achieved ultimate whorehood.  When someone who doesn’t frequent the forums posts an observation that is similar to something you saw a couple months ago, do not hesitate to chide them.  Inform them it’s "old" and has been "discussed" before.  Act smug.

Day 83
Holy shit, H-NGM-N has 50 favs!  w00t!  It’s time to stop talking in single-letter words.  U have grown beyond that.  To show your creative maturity, leave witty comments on fellow writer’s pages such as "My cat eats cat food."

Day 90
Shoot a picture of your eyeball.  You'll be a certified fucking genius.

Day 92
Remember, when submitting, occasionally make some sort of tribute to DeviantART in the spirit of the "community".  People will think you mean it.   It doesn’t matter if you submit a design or piece of writing that either supporting or deriding what DA is doing; you’re bound to get some sort of attention.  Title it something such as "DTF", "Why is DA so Addictive" or "CRITIQUE" to get yourself noticed.

Day 98
Sucker fellow deviants with an enticing FAQ about popularity that only leads to your user front page, giving you more hits!  For example, FAQ: How do I get more pageviews? .

Day 103

Author a chain-commenting routine using two of your five account names.

KA-POW! You’ve been fucked right up the ass!  Copy and paste this to five of your friends to let them know they’ve been totally fucked.  We hope this ass-fucking will make us a closer community, and we won’t stop until everyone’s bent over and puckered up!  8======> w00t!

-started by -xpopular666x- and –gENerlWhoRe69-  on 6/6/2005-

An entire plethora of chain spam couldn’t possibly irritate anyone - everyone will love it.

Day 112

Draw your favorite cartoon character; chances are there are several thousand deviants who like the exact same character.  They will fav it and tell you how “kawaii” it is.  If you don’t have one, search DeviantART to see what everyone else is doing.

Day 116
Take a carton of eggs and draw a cartoon face on it.  Fry the other ones.  Take a snapshot with a piece of shit throwaway camera.  Submit it.  Do this again at least once a week for the next two months.  Soon every crap photo you submit will be fav'd by your mindless fans and become some of the most popular deviations ever, proving once again that DA is the epicenter of the art world.

Day 121

A couple miles outside of town is a lone tree standing in a vast pasture.  During your time on DA, you can’t remember seeing anyone submitting a photograph like that.  Go to the spot in which you’ve discovered the tree and take a photo.  Submit it.

Day 134
Dye your hair black and avoid natural sunlight for at least two straight months.  The only light you should be exposed to is the luminescent glow from your computer monitor while you surf DeviantART.  After said two month period, dab black lipstick (dark red, brown, purple, or even blue will also work).  Put on a black dress that exposes the wonderful soft green glow from your carefully nurtured alabaster skin.  Take a picture of yourself.  Submit it.

Day 135
Take a picture of yourself, but from a different angle.  Submit that.  Repeat the process for the next three days.  You'll find yourself on the all-important DeviantART front page every time.

Day 138
Deviants are beginning to call you a sell-out, so it's time to push the envelope of your artistic talent and summon the courage to share your boobies with DeviantART.  Drop a strap from your black dress over your shoulder and expose a nipple.  The effects achieved by shooting yourself in the mirror with your camera flash are unparalleled.  Title your self-portrait "Flash Photography”.  Ha ha – you’re so witty!

Day 140
Yes!  Your refusal to compromise your artistic merit in the face of scathing criticism has finally paid off!  "Flash Photography" received a daily deviation and now has hundreds of comments akin to "Wow that's hot!" to accommodate 3,000 favorites.  It warms the soul to know your breasts reside deep in the hearts of deviants worldwide.  Be proud of your community boobies.

Day 147
Find a deviant who is nearing a pageview mile mark.  Take a screenshot of it, and open that sucker up in Microsoft Paint.  Scrawl "w00t" and "woohoo"! And "she’s the greatest" liberally all over the image.  Upload it.

Day 155
You’ve received a lot of attention for your naked-starving-chick-screenshot poetry, but fellow deviants still aren’t recognizing you as a serious writer.  Those exclusive uptight bitches in the writers' community, they really should know by now.  Start titling your work differently, making sure you end your titles with '-ence, '-tude', or '-ity.  It will also help to insert a space break between letters in order to illustrate what a serious writer you are.  For example:

- s t u p i d i t y –
- d e l i v e r e n c e –
- m a g n i t u d e-
- p o p u l a r i t y-

Day 162

Send a message to yourself on your front page and post, "My heart spirals into the black hole of your lust."  Don’t ask why – just do it.

Day 167

Post a new journal entry.  Reply to everyone who comments in your journal, no matter how short or meaningless it might be.  After three iterations your journal should appear under "Today's" Most Popular Journal entries.  Then more people will visit your page, eager in anticipation to make your acquaintance.

Day 173

You’ve become a master of the forums, so you are long overdue in establishing yourself in the shoutbox.  Make sure you log on when there’s someone with a $, @, +. %, or ^ symbol chatting.  Shun everyone else and just talk with them.

Day 186

Someone just gave you a really bad comment on your latest poem, 'w h o r e i t u d e' –  that says, "This poem sucks!  You have no talent!" How dare they do such a thing, to someone so POPULAR??  Tell them to go straight to hell and let them know that you cannot believe this sort of immaturity exists on DA.

Inform them that you would never do such a thing.

Day 187
Dammit, that really pissed you off!  Leave DeviantART.  Make sure everyone who’s watching you knows you’re leaving DA through your journal and personal notes.

Day 190
Everyone demands your to return DA, resulting in another couple thousand pageviews.  Come back three days later.

Day 193
On DA’s front page, there is a 'random deviant' link.  This will direct you to a random person’s page.  Click this link at least 300 times, and leave a comment that says, "Hi random deviant!";  It’ll make people wonder what you’re up to and more suckers will flock to your page.

Day 202
Watch Ricardo.  Offer to have his babies.  This will further ensure total confusion if he ever returns to DeviantART.

Day 209
A week later, visit ~popular 's page again and mock Ricardo because you are now more popular than he is.  Post in a witty fashion.  "I bet `tangledweb created this account just for his Guide!"   Gleefully ignore the fact Ricardo created his account several months before `tangledweb even knew this place existed or two years before the Guide.  Posting that idiotic assertion won't make you appear like a total dumbass with a 5 IQ.

You will look smart.

Day 215
Take a picture of your cat, wondering why the hell you're taking its picture.  Upload that shit.

Day 227
Visit any administrator’s page and check out his or her forum activity.  Surf to that person’s forum threads and agree 100% with everything that person says.  No matter how insanely ludicrous their claims might be, respond, "Right on!  Preach!"  Afterwards, surf to the page of anyone who disagrees and flame them.

Day 236
Every Valentine’s Day, whine to everyone how much you think it sucks.  Manufacture heart graphics that say "UR A HO" and post a whole series of them.  Some people will call you "inventive and witty".

Day 245
Submit a kickass piece of digital art and in the description type a really shitty poem that a 5-year old could write.  Claim that the art and poem are meant to be 'together' and submit it to the Visual Poetry section, even though there's not one word attached to the actual submission.

People will praise you for your lyrical genius and those that don't will be awed by your art anyway.

Day 252
You have 80,000 pageviews, you are so popular!  (H-NGM-N report: 85 favs).  While people are starting to consider you as a serious artist and writer, it’s time to demonstrate how popular you are.  Immediately stop associating yourself with the losers you used to talk with during your first couple months on DeviantART; instead, focus exclusively on other popular deviants who are "cool" like you are.  Make sure that these other deviants have at least 25,000 pageviews, otherwise they’re not worth your valuable time.  As general practice, the more users you talk with that own  a `, @, ^, #, $, %, or, + in front of their name, the better you look.

Day 264
When you receive a favorite or comment from another deviant, avoid the common mistake of responding to that person.  Some people will get curious and wonder why you haven’t responded.  Oh, SURE….you might be tempted to satisfy their incessant catty need for attention and gratification for their support, but you must find a way to squash this nasty impulse.  A marquis artist should be considered beyond the reach of the common masses – those poor filthy bastards.

Day 292
Due to several complaints in the forums, you’re beginning feeling the pressure of having everyone trying to get you to comment on their work.  As an act of charitable contribution, visit 150 random deviations and comment on them..  Exercise CTRL+C and CTRL+V liberally on your keyboard.  "I like the angle, color, and tone," works wonders.

Day 315
Visit the local train station or subway and set up a tripod.  Take a long-exposure photograph.  Submit it.

Day 316
Now resubmit that same photograph in black and white.

Day 326
When someone posts something humorous, chide them for introducing levity into DeviantART.  If they say something negative about DA, make sure you are condescending.  This helps you assert that you are 'da man' or 'da woman'.  Don’t forget to be smug.  If you eventually stumble on something titled The Unofficial Guide to DA Popularity, make sure you admonish the author.  "I take that as a personal attack, and I don’t think that was very funny.  You were very immature, and you should be ashamed of yourself.  Excuse me while I go take a swan dive into the deep depths of the collective rectum."

Day 333
Damn.  That Guide was pretty funny.  Plagiarize it.  Title it "HOW TO BE A GOD ON DA" or "Instant Fame".  Refuse to be creative and use your own ideas.  Originality is for sissies.

Day 336
Holy crap!  One of those adept gallery administrators discovered your plagiarism and awarded you another well-deserved Daily Deviation.  Bask in your increased popularity.

Day 343
After almost a year, your almighty important stats should read something like this:

`-xpopular666x-
· is a One Popular Mofo
· is 2 hot 4 u
· is a deviant since June 1, 2005, 11:24 PM
· has 182,672 pageviews
· is located in the Christmas Islands
· is online
· is currently #1
· Status: deviantART slut
· Deviations: 358
· Deviation Comments: 150
· Deviant Comments: 262
· Deviant Comments Received: 24,632
· News Comments: 0
· Forum Posts:16,421
· Journal Entries: 3
· Shouts: 11, 342
· Favourites: 4262

Day 344
At the height of your popularity, delete everything from your stellar gallery except for H-NGM-N.  Say that you’re leaving DeviantART again, and this time it’s for good.  Mention something about being dissatisfied with the administration because they wouldn’t let you submit your deviation in a certain category.

Day 358
Amid all the stir you’ve raised from removing yourself from DeviantART, you got another several thousand hits.  Return again two weeks later.  Start re-submitting your old work.

Day 364
H-NGM-N is now one of the most popular deviations ever.  Some deviants will fav every single work of yours, so feel free to submit the same thing twenty times in a row; your adoring fans won’t notice.  When someone tells you that you seem to be submitting your old submissions over and over, inform them they’re nothing but jealous whiny bitches, and if they had invested as much time in the community that you have, and had an ounce of talent, that they too would have an inordinate amount of pageviews – because that’s what it’s all about.

:) (Smile) — Description
Introduction
Congratulations, you have just discovered DeviantART, a global internet community dedicated to promoting the creativity of people from all ages, nationalities, backgrounds, and interests.  The vast population of this website may at first seem overwhelming, but there are unlimited opportunities for you to interact with fellow aspiring artists.  Many of our members’ daily routines involve sharing artwork, aiding others with constructive criticism, and developing lasting friendships…"

…but that, my friend, is not why you are here.  You have quickly determined what misguided fools these deviants are and aspire to a much more lofty goal - popularity.  That’s right, popularity.  If you’re unable to connect to the internet and have hundreds, or even thousands of people anticipating your every action, then what good is this technology?  It’s a fast-paced virtual world and you must figure a way to get the most bang for your buck.  On a large website such as this, how can you achieve popularity while exerting the least amount of effort?

It’s time we start exploring this process.

Day 1
Upon joining DeviantART, you must create an awesome nickname.  You were going to reserve ~popular , but some fucker named Ricardo already has it.  That prick.  All is not lost though, as Ricardo has unwittingly contributed to your grand scheme – simply add a '666' and attach two hyphens and 'x's on each end of your nickname.  -xpopular666x- has been born!

Before you start submitting your masterpieces, it is critically important to find out "who’s who" on DeviantART.  As everyone already realizes, only the best artwork on DA has generated the most "favorites", otherwise they wouldn’t have been there in the first place!  From DeviantART's main page, use the pull-down menu to select Categories > All.  On the resulting page, click the "Popular" link and on the following page, click "All Time".  Visit each gallery, discover the most popular submissions in each tier, and simply "fav" the top three deviations.  Make sure you don’t waste any of your precious time commenting.  After your fifteen minute "+fav" spree, you should have roughly 350 favorites.

Go to sleep, you’ve exhausted enough effort for today.

Day 2
Check your account first thing in the morning.  Out of your 350 favorites, two deviants will have stopped by to say 'hi' and welcome you to DeviantART.  As a matter of fact, one of them has already watched you.  Ha ha, that sucker…you’re so in!  Respond immediately and let her know that you will be submitting something soon.  Ignore the second person.

Using a wide-ruled notebook, draw a stick-figure dangling from a noose, then use a red marker to represent blood.  Scan it, submit it, and title it "H-NGM-N".

Visit the front page and +fav all six Daily Favorites.  Damn, that was tiring.  Let’s return tomorrow.

Day 3
Not a person has commented on your stick-figure masterpiece, and the one deviant who added you on her watch just dropped you.  (she WILL rue the day when you’re more popular!).  Why aren’t you getting any respect from the members of DA?  Can they not grasp what a creative genius you are?  Oh, you’ll show them…

In order to gain more exposure, create a witty avatar.  Say – you happen to LOVE that movie Dogma…why not use a "Buddy Jesus" figurine for your icon?  Ha ha…you’re so witty - everyone will envy your uniqueness.  Immediately after uploading your icon, create a 'DeviantART creative license' with Microsoft Paint.  Other deviants will seethe with jealousy of your singular mind, because nobody’s ever thought of that before.

Day 4
If you haven’t +fav’d 500 submissions by this time, you’re seriously slacking.  You have a kickass avatar, ID, and one submission…but what’s this?  You only have 24 pageviews!  After being a member of DA for an extensive 72 hours, it’s time to enter full-fledged panic mode.  Most deviants make the logistics error of having only one account.  Start five different accounts and separate according to photography, writing, stock, prints, and of course – stick figure death theater.  With all of these accounts, you’re bound to get attention from at least one of them.

Day 5
Your five pages have accumulated a lousy 50 pageviews combined.   Research the thousands of useless groups on DA and join at least ten of these clubs.  After you’ve finished enrolling into ten clubs that do nothing but allow artists to self-promote, submit your first journal entry.

Subject: hi
Journal entry: June 5, 2004
hi!  i r new to da!  this iz kool!  I <3 DA! ^__^

Make sure you attach the icons of the ten different groups you’ve just joined at the tail-end of your journal - everyone will be sure to scoop them out.

So you understand how these groups operates, it's similar to the characters in the movie Gladiator.  The founder is the emperor who tantalizes the crowd by wavering his hand "thumbs-up" or "thumbs-down", the contributors are the bickering Senate members who are looking to overthrow the emperor, and the members are essentially the crowd yelling obscenities.

Day 6
Business is picking up - you now have over 200 pageviews on your primary account!!!  Because of the ten clubs you’ve joined, H-NGM-N just received six +fav’s and there are now eight people watching you!

Yet, you remain unsatisfied.

Find an "adoptee" program.  They’re really cute!  You too, can have a 15 year old as your adopted mother.  In fact, since you have five accounts, feel free to adopt yourself – nobody will notice.  After you establish an entire DeviantART adopted family, including your husband, boyfriend, and three pets, add all of their icons to the end of your latest journal entry.  You should now have at least 17 avatars proudly displayed on your front page.  Your fellow deviants will love you as they wait in anticipation for each individual (mostly anime) icons load.

Day 7
In one week, you have established a steady stream of visitors, and H-NGM-N has twelve fav’s.  -xpopular666x-, it is time to complete your 'Devious Information'

Current Age: 666
Current Residence: i
Interests: hate
Favourite genre of music: my
Favourite artist: life
Favourite poet or writer: and
Favourite game: i
Skin of Choice: hate
Personal Quote: u
Tools of the Trade: 2

CONGRATULATIONS!!! After only your first week on DeviantART you have become a certifiable force begging to be recognized and have a growing fan base to match.  Your userpage is filled with a increasing amount of visiting deviants and comments such as:

-"ur devious information is so deep!"
-"ROFL! I love your ID, I wish I thought of that!"
-"Thanks for the fav, cool work. "
-"Neat avatar, I loved that movie! +watch!"
-"I <3 H-NGM-N, I could only hope to be as talented."
-"Hi Mommy!"

Day 8
Watch another 300 deviants.  Don’t actually say anything…just add them to your watch.  Eventually they’ll get suspicious, wonder what you’re up to, and then they’ll watch YOU.

Day 10
Dish out llamas to as many deviants as possible.  It doesn't matter how pointless these things are, what matters is that it exposes more people to your magnificent stick-figure art.

Day 19

Attempt conversation in one-letter words as often as you can. Avoid proper grammar at all costs.   U r kool and r0x0rs my b0x0rs!  U r l337! !

Day 28

When you visit someone else’s page to thank them for a comment or fav, make sure you aggressively advertise yourself.  Say something like, “I am so honored for your comment on [link] .  The deviant won’t be annoyed; in fact he will be pleased that you used his page as a platform for other people to view your work.  Introducing this into your daily routine, especially on a popular deviant’s page, will make you look more popular.

If you find yourself on a popular member’s page, post, “lovin ur art so wssup?? wat u tink of ma art?”  Stunned by your wittiness, they will be sure to ogle the creativity that simply oozes from your ears.

Day 34
Submit your first poem. Institute a bizarre pattern of lowercase and uppercase letters within the title.  Surf the ‘net and find a photograph of a naked, pale woman who looks like she hasn’t eaten a good meal in weeks.  Use it as your “preview” screenshot without asking the permission of the photographer.

DeAdFlOWerS
Roses are red and violets are gray
Blackness envelops my soul
I draw the blade across my wrists
Thinking about last night’s tryst
I am a whore for you to fuck.
Sweet death envelops me.

Your cult-like following will marvel at your multi-talents.  New visitors, specifically males between ages 12 and 82, will be inexplicably drawn to the screenshot you stole.  Occasionally, a reader will remark, "That’s a great picture!  She looks cool!  +fav".  Respond back and bitterly complain to them that you submitted a piece of writing, not a photograph.  Those dumbfucks, how is anyone going to take you seriously as a writer if all they’re doing is gawking at the naked chick?

Day 42

You notice that you only have 17 avatars linked to the bottom of your journal entry.  If you want to show off how popular you are, you must force anybody surfing to your page to come to an grinding halt as they patiently wait for all the avatars in your journal to load.

Add 83 more icons so that you will have a grand total of 100 avatars on your front page. (by rule, make sure 90% of them are animated and/or have some sort of anime character’s face).

Day 52
Start drama with a deviant way more popular than you.  Though clear that the other person wants nothing to do with you, lie and accuse them of bullying and harassing you.  Complain to the administration about it and create journals that they're using their popularity against you.  That whoremonger.  People are suckers for baseless shit like that and your pageviews will enjoy a nice bounce!

Day 58

Visit DA’s front page and find a poem that has been recently submitted.  Comment, "I hate this, your rhyming sucks, and it’s just absolutely horrible."  When the author becomes offended, mock them and tell them that they don’t know how to handle an honest critique.  Tell that person to leave you alone.  If there were more good writers like you, there wouldn’t be these problems.

Repeat cycle, then rinse.  After several iterations, people will notice you and jump onto your steadily growing bandwagon; everyone will hail you as a great critic.

Day 62

Travel downtown and take a photograph of an escalator.  Submit it.  In your description, let everyone know that they absolutely MUST check out the "full view".  From now on, for every submission you make, type, FULL VIEW RECOMMENDED in your description because it’s obvious the audience isn’t smart enough to figure it out for themselves.  When your visitors click "full view", they will be awed.

Day 67

Visit DeviantART's "Today" page.  Find at least 10 New Deviants, and welcome to DA.  Be sure to kindly provide them with links of other deviants to watch, including yourself.

Day 75
Become a forum whore.  Contribute comments such as "LOL" and "I agree!" and eventually the right people will notice you.  When you’ve made 6,000 forum posts, you have achieved ultimate whorehood.  When someone who doesn’t frequent the forums posts an observation that is similar to something you saw a couple months ago, do not hesitate to chide them.  Inform them it’s "old" and has been "discussed" before.  Act smug.

Day 83
Holy shit, H-NGM-N has 50 favs!  w00t!  It’s time to stop talking in single-letter words.  U have grown beyond that.  To show your creative maturity, leave witty comments on fellow writer’s pages such as "My cat eats cat food."

Day 90
Shoot a picture of your eyeball.  You'll be a certified fucking genius.

Day 92
Remember, when submitting, occasionally make some sort of tribute to DeviantART in the spirit of the "community".  People will think you mean it.   It doesn’t matter if you submit a design or piece of writing that either supporting or deriding what DA is doing; you’re bound to get some sort of attention.  Title it something such as "DTF", "Why is DA so Addictive" or "CRITIQUE" to get yourself noticed.

Day 98
Sucker fellow deviants with an enticing FAQ about popularity that only leads to your user front page, giving you more hits!  For example, FAQ: How do I get more pageviews? .

Day 103

Author a chain-commenting routine using two of your five account names.

KA-POW! You’ve been fucked right up the ass!  Copy and paste this to five of your friends to let them know they’ve been totally fucked.  We hope this ass-fucking will make us a closer community, and we won’t stop until everyone’s bent over and puckered up!  8======> w00t!

-started by -xpopular666x- and –gENerlWhoRe69-  on 6/6/2005-

An entire plethora of chain spam couldn’t possibly irritate anyone - everyone will love it.

Day 112

Draw your favorite cartoon character; chances are there are several thousand deviants who like the exact same character.  They will fav it and tell you how “kawaii” it is.  If you don’t have one, search DeviantART to see what everyone else is doing.

Day 116
Take a carton of eggs and draw a cartoon face on it.  Fry the other ones.  Take a snapshot with a piece of shit throwaway camera.  Submit it.  Do this again at least once a week for the next two months.  Soon every crap photo you submit will be fav'd by your mindless fans and become some of the most popular deviations ever, proving once again that DA is the epicenter of the art world.

Day 121

A couple miles outside of town is a lone tree standing in a vast pasture.  During your time on DA, you can’t remember seeing anyone submitting a photograph like that.  Go to the spot in which you’ve discovered the tree and take a photo.  Submit it.

Day 134
Dye your hair black and avoid natural sunlight for at least two straight months.  The only light you should be exposed to is the luminescent glow from your computer monitor while you surf DeviantART.  After said two month period, dab black lipstick (dark red, brown, purple, or even blue will also work).  Put on a black dress that exposes the wonderful soft green glow from your carefully nurtured alabaster skin.  Take a picture of yourself.  Submit it.

Day 135
Take a picture of yourself, but from a different angle.  Submit that.  Repeat the process for the next three days.  You'll find yourself on the all-important DeviantART front page every time.

Day 138
Deviants are beginning to call you a sell-out, so it's time to push the envelope of your artistic talent and summon the courage to share your boobies with DeviantART.  Drop a strap from your black dress over your shoulder and expose a nipple.  The effects achieved by shooting yourself in the mirror with your camera flash are unparalleled.  Title your self-portrait "Flash Photography”.  Ha ha – you’re so witty!

Day 140
Yes!  Your refusal to compromise your artistic merit in the face of scathing criticism has finally paid off!  "Flash Photography" received a daily deviation and now has hundreds of comments akin to "Wow that's hot!" to accommodate 3,000 favorites.  It warms the soul to know your breasts reside deep in the hearts of deviants worldwide.  Be proud of your community boobies.

Day 147
Find a deviant who is nearing a pageview mile mark.  Take a screenshot of it, and open that sucker up in Microsoft Paint.  Scrawl "w00t" and "woohoo"! And "she’s the greatest" liberally all over the image.  Upload it.

Day 155
You’ve received a lot of attention for your naked-starving-chick-screenshot poetry, but fellow deviants still aren’t recognizing you as a serious writer.  Those exclusive uptight bitches in the writers' community, they really should know by now.  Start titling your work differently, making sure you end your titles with '-ence, '-tude', or '-ity.  It will also help to insert a space break between letters in order to illustrate what a serious writer you are.  For example:

- s t u p i d i t y –
- d e l i v e r e n c e –
- m a g n i t u d e-
- p o p u l a r i t y-

Day 162

Send a message to yourself on your front page and post, "My heart spirals into the black hole of your lust."  Don’t ask why – just do it.

Day 167

Post a new journal entry.  Reply to everyone who comments in your journal, no matter how short or meaningless it might be.  After three iterations your journal should appear under "Today's" Most Popular Journal entries.  Then more people will visit your page, eager in anticipation to make your acquaintance.

Day 173

You’ve become a master of the forums, so you are long overdue in establishing yourself in the shoutbox.  Make sure you log on when there’s someone with a $, @, +. %, or ^ symbol chatting.  Shun everyone else and just talk with them.

Day 186

Someone just gave you a really bad comment on your latest poem, 'w h o r e i t u d e' –  that says, "This poem sucks!  You have no talent!" How dare they do such a thing, to someone so POPULAR??  Tell them to go straight to hell and let them know that you cannot believe this sort of immaturity exists on DA.

Inform them that you would never do such a thing.

Day 187
Dammit, that really pissed you off!  Leave DeviantART.  Make sure everyone who’s watching you knows you’re leaving DA through your journal and personal notes.

Day 190
Everyone demands your to return DA, resulting in another couple thousand pageviews.  Come back three days later.

Day 193
On DA’s front page, there is a 'random deviant' link.  This will direct you to a random person’s page.  Click this link at least 300 times, and leave a comment that says, "Hi random deviant!";  It’ll make people wonder what you’re up to and more suckers will flock to your page.

Day 202
Watch Ricardo.  Offer to have his babies.  This will further ensure total confusion if he ever returns to DeviantART.

Day 209
A week later, visit ~popular 's page again and mock Ricardo because you are now more popular than he is.  Post in a witty fashion.  "I bet `tangledweb created this account just for his Guide!"   Gleefully ignore the fact Ricardo created his account several months before `tangledweb even knew this place existed or two years before the Guide.  Posting that idiotic assertion won't make you appear like a total dumbass with a 5 IQ.

You will look smart.

Day 215
Take a picture of your cat, wondering why the hell you're taking its picture.  Upload that shit.

Day 227
Visit any administrator’s page and check out his or her forum activity.  Surf to that person’s forum threads and agree 100% with everything that person says.  No matter how insanely ludicrous their claims might be, respond, "Right on!  Preach!"  Afterwards, surf to the page of anyone who disagrees and flame them.

Day 236
Every Valentine’s Day, whine to everyone how much you think it sucks.  Manufacture heart graphics that say "UR A HO" and post a whole series of them.  Some people will call you "inventive and witty".

Day 245
Submit a kickass piece of digital art and in the description type a really shitty poem that a 5-year old could write.  Claim that the art and poem are meant to be 'together' and submit it to the Visual Poetry section, even though there's not one word attached to the actual submission.

People will praise you for your lyrical genius and those that don't will be awed by your art anyway.

Day 252
You have 80,000 pageviews, you are so popular!  (H-NGM-N report: 85 favs).  While people are starting to consider you as a serious artist and writer, it’s time to demonstrate how popular you are.  Immediately stop associating yourself with the losers you used to talk with during your first couple months on DeviantART; instead, focus exclusively on other popular deviants who are "cool" like you are.  Make sure that these other deviants have at least 25,000 pageviews, otherwise they’re not worth your valuable time.  As general practice, the more users you talk with that own  a `, @, ^, #, $, %, or, + in front of their name, the better you look.

Day 264
When you receive a favorite or comment from another deviant, avoid the common mistake of responding to that person.  Some people will get curious and wonder why you haven’t responded.  Oh, SURE….you might be tempted to satisfy their incessant catty need for attention and gratification for their support, but you must find a way to squash this nasty impulse.  A marquis artist should be considered beyond the reach of the common masses – those poor filthy bastards.

Day 292
Due to several complaints in the forums, you’re beginning feeling the pressure of having everyone trying to get you to comment on their work.  As an act of charitable contribution, visit 150 random deviations and comment on them..  Exercise CTRL+C and CTRL+V liberally on your keyboard.  "I like the angle, color, and tone," works wonders.

Day 315
Visit the local train station or subway and set up a tripod.  Take a long-exposure photograph.  Submit it.

Day 316
Now resubmit that same photograph in black and white.

Day 326
When someone posts something humorous, chide them for introducing levity into DeviantART.  If they say something negative about DA, make sure you are condescending.  This helps you assert that you are 'da man' or 'da woman'.  Don’t forget to be smug.  If you eventually stumble on something titled The Unofficial Guide to DA Popularity, make sure you admonish the author.  "I take that as a personal attack, and I don’t think that was very funny.  You were very immature, and you should be ashamed of yourself.  Excuse me while I go take a swan dive into the deep depths of the collective rectum."

Day 333
Damn.  That Guide was pretty funny.  Plagiarize it.  Title it "HOW TO BE A GOD ON DA" or "Instant Fame".  Refuse to be creative and use your own ideas.  Originality is for sissies.

Day 336
Holy crap!  One of those adept gallery administrators discovered your plagiarism and awarded you another well-deserved Daily Deviation.  Bask in your increased popularity.

Day 343
After almost a year, your almighty important stats should read something like this:

`-xpopular666x-
· is a One Popular Mofo
· is 2 hot 4 u
· is a deviant since June 1, 2005, 11:24 PM
· has 182,672 pageviews
· is located in the Christmas Islands
· is online
· is currently #1
· Status: deviantART slut
· Deviations: 358
· Deviation Comments: 150
· Deviant Comments: 262
· Deviant Comments Received: 24,632
· News Comments: 0
· Forum Posts:16,421
· Journal Entries: 3
· Shouts: 11, 342
· Favourites: 4262

Day 344
At the height of your popularity, delete everything from your stellar gallery except for H-NGM-N.  Say that you’re leaving DeviantART again, and this time it’s for good.  Mention something about being dissatisfied with the administration because they wouldn’t let you submit your deviation in a certain category.

Day 358
Amid all the stir you’ve raised from removing yourself from DeviantART, you got another several thousand hits.  Return again two weeks later.  Start re-submitting your old work.

Day 364
H-NGM-N is now one of the most popular deviations ever.  Some deviants will fav every single work of yours, so feel free to submit the same thing twenty times in a row; your adoring fans won’t notice.  When someone tells you that you seem to be submitting your old submissions over and over, inform them they’re nothing but jealous whiny bitches, and if they had invested as much time in the community that you have, and had an ounce of talent, that they too would have an inordinate amount of pageviews – because that’s what it’s all about.