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Description
2007

Resolution:
Make first million after starting own business.

Progress:
Applied for a loan. Declined due to excessive account activity. Note: Constant purchasing of rare (albeit mint) wicker chairs is not conducive to bank balance. Wife insistent on selling wicker chairs to find money to start business.
Bought new donut recipe book. Learnt how to make category hard donut, 'Diamond Swizzler'. Delma loves them.
James offered to lend the money if he can become a business partner. Potential.
First million still a long way off. Wife still nagging.
Spent savings on replacing the roof of the conservatory when neighbor's tree uprooted in the November storm.

Update: Dogs should never be fed over two donuts a day. Next Year's Resolution likely…? Find enough money to take Delma to the vets. And make more realistic resolution idea.

2008

Resolution:
Find an appropriate business idea.

Progress:
Neighbor's rebelling. Tree apparently 'not their fault' and so they refuse to pay compensation. Bank account dangerously low.
Wife threatening to burn the chairs if they're not sold by the end of the summer. Note: Wife is always wrong.
James pitched 'Chaposta' a new taxi service that incorporates both Chaperoning and the relaxing coffee blends found in Costa. I suggested 'Costaroning'. Not well received. Idea has potential. Wife unconvinced.
Finding affinity for donut making. Could this be a potential career? Note: Delma is recovering nicely.
Felt down one day, so bought a new car. Wife still nagging. Unimpressed with car.

Update: Bonfire night was unusually bright this year. Wicker chair collection dwindling.

2009

Resolution:
See last year's resolution.

Progress:
'Chaposta' ridiculed in monthly newsletter 'Taxiing for the Masses'. Costa suing. Wife may have been right about the business idea.
Neighbors moving. Too much hate mail.
Wife becoming fat. I don't know why.

2010

Resolution: Buy donut shop.

Progress:
Started selling donuts to the local community. Great success. Wife still getting fatter. May be the donuts.
James is moving to Canada. Costa cannot sue him there. He mentioned he has family living in Climax, in Saskatchewan. Note: Learn to stop laughing at Climax..
Wicker Chairs insurance came through. Less than half promised. Paid off outstanding payments on the car. Wife wants to spend excess on gym membership.
New neighbors. Worse than before. Heavy rockers.
Delma worsening.
Realised I haven't made any progress towards donut shop. Found local shop, 'Little Gems' closing. Started enquiries to renting property.

Update: Bought the rights to 'Little Gems' retail plot after relocation. Cheap price due to owner getting hit by car.

Update 2: Wife admits she hit the owner of 'Little Gems' in our new car. That explains the dents. Missed funeral.

2011

Resolution:
Open business.

Progress
None.

Update: Delma died.
Update 2: Wife left.

2012

Resloution:
Find apartment. Find enough money for food.

Progress:
Wife took everything in the divorce settlement. Except 1,500 premade donuts for the shop that never opened. I fear they've gone stale. Missing Delma.
Found apartment. Named all thirteen resident cockroaches.
James found wife in Climax. Joined threesome. Note: If I ever find money again, move to Climax.
Wife claims I hit owner of 'Little Gems'. Manslaughter trails start soon. Outcome: unhopeful.
Becoming known as 'local' at nearby foodbank.
Accidently killed Samuel Cockroach. Moving funeral.

Update: Despite everything, Climax still hilarious.

2013

Resolution:
Stay alive.

Progress:
Still alive.
Pen runn ng out.

Up ate: S arted play ng lotte y.
U da e 2: P n alm s out.

2014

Res l tio :
Win lo t ery

Progress:
Done. £150 million Jackpot.
Bought new pen.
Moved to Climax.
Found new wife.
Bought new dog. Named Delma the Second.
Opened 'Donuts Galore'.
No wicker chair beyond grasp.

Update: Life is finally perfect.

Final word from Doctor Lewis Talbot

Diagnosis:
Patient suffering from final stages of CDF (Chronic Delusional Fantasy), brought on by stress following divorce.

Medication:
450mg of Diaproxaline
200mg of Antimorphaltrexaline

Prognosis:
Recovery unlikely. Delusion has become reality. Credit crunch still in effect. Ex-wife still obese. Cockroaches recently exterminated.

Delusional preferable.

Bullet; Black — Description
2007

Resolution:
Make first million after starting own business.

Progress:
Applied for a loan. Declined due to excessive account activity. Note: Constant purchasing of rare (albeit mint) wicker chairs is not conducive to bank balance. Wife insistent on selling wicker chairs to find money to start business.
Bought new donut recipe book. Learnt how to make category hard donut, 'Diamond Swizzler'. Delma loves them.
James offered to lend the money if he can become a business partner. Potential.
First million still a long way off. Wife still nagging.
Spent savings on replacing the roof of the conservatory when neighbor's tree uprooted in the November storm.

Update: Dogs should never be fed over two donuts a day. Next Year's Resolution likely…? Find enough money to take Delma to the vets. And make more realistic resolution idea.

2008

Resolution:
Find an appropriate business idea.

Progress:
Neighbor's rebelling. Tree apparently 'not their fault' and so they refuse to pay compensation. Bank account dangerously low.
Wife threatening to burn the chairs if they're not sold by the end of the summer. Note: Wife is always wrong.
James pitched 'Chaposta' a new taxi service that incorporates both Chaperoning and the relaxing coffee blends found in Costa. I suggested 'Costaroning'. Not well received. Idea has potential. Wife unconvinced.
Finding affinity for donut making. Could this be a potential career? Note: Delma is recovering nicely.
Felt down one day, so bought a new car. Wife still nagging. Unimpressed with car.

Update: Bonfire night was unusually bright this year. Wicker chair collection dwindling.

2009

Resolution:
See last year's resolution.

Progress:
'Chaposta' ridiculed in monthly newsletter 'Taxiing for the Masses'. Costa suing. Wife may have been right about the business idea.
Neighbors moving. Too much hate mail.
Wife becoming fat. I don't know why.

2010

Resolution: Buy donut shop.

Progress:
Started selling donuts to the local community. Great success. Wife still getting fatter. May be the donuts.
James is moving to Canada. Costa cannot sue him there. He mentioned he has family living in Climax, in Saskatchewan. Note: Learn to stop laughing at Climax..
Wicker Chairs insurance came through. Less than half promised. Paid off outstanding payments on the car. Wife wants to spend excess on gym membership.
New neighbors. Worse than before. Heavy rockers.
Delma worsening.
Realised I haven't made any progress towards donut shop. Found local shop, 'Little Gems' closing. Started enquiries to renting property.

Update: Bought the rights to 'Little Gems' retail plot after relocation. Cheap price due to owner getting hit by car.

Update 2: Wife admits she hit the owner of 'Little Gems' in our new car. That explains the dents. Missed funeral.

2011

Resolution:
Open business.

Progress
None.

Update: Delma died.
Update 2: Wife left.

2012

Resloution:
Find apartment. Find enough money for food.

Progress:
Wife took everything in the divorce settlement. Except 1,500 premade donuts for the shop that never opened. I fear they've gone stale. Missing Delma.
Found apartment. Named all thirteen resident cockroaches.
James found wife in Climax. Joined threesome. Note: If I ever find money again, move to Climax.
Wife claims I hit owner of 'Little Gems'. Manslaughter trails start soon. Outcome: unhopeful.
Becoming known as 'local' at nearby foodbank.
Accidently killed Samuel Cockroach. Moving funeral.

Update: Despite everything, Climax still hilarious.

2013

Resolution:
Stay alive.

Progress:
Still alive.
Pen runn ng out.

Up ate: S arted play ng lotte y.
U da e 2: P n alm s out.

2014

Res l tio :
Win lo t ery

Progress:
Done. £150 million Jackpot.
Bought new pen.
Moved to Climax.
Found new wife.
Bought new dog. Named Delma the Second.
Opened 'Donuts Galore'.
No wicker chair beyond grasp.

Update: Life is finally perfect.

Final word from Doctor Lewis Talbot

Diagnosis:
Patient suffering from final stages of CDF (Chronic Delusional Fantasy), brought on by stress following divorce.

Medication:
450mg of Diaproxaline
200mg of Antimorphaltrexaline

Prognosis:
Recovery unlikely. Delusion has become reality. Credit crunch still in effect. Ex-wife still obese. Cockroaches recently exterminated.

Delusional preferable.