HOME | DD

Description
I will start by saying I am not in any way more grand than the pictures plastered of model women with brands whispering "Hollywoodland" down the seams of their fitted dresses and spiked heels. They look down on me through their long lashes and they laugh; they see right through my layered make up and glass eyes. So I plaster them up on my walls but it never pleases them for long, it's not enough to be seen and admired by a girl just like me, they need others that look up to them like I do. They need lightbulbs framing their perfect face leading down to their perfect bodies, shining on their perfect souls. I shower them with praise every morning when I wake but they write me off because I am not one of them. And they say they want an escape, but it is me who wishes I could think of ever getting out. It is I who gets lost in the crowds that you and standing tall and ravishing in the center of. I scream your name but you never listen, you set your pedestals high above my toilet seat while I starve to death, vomitting up all my insides so I can't find the heart to reach up and tear you apart. You dip your thin fingertips down to me, just out of my arm spand, taunting me and wanting me to pull you down to my level. But just as I go to grab you hand, you pull it away, leaving me on the bathroom floor to sleep for the night. I want so badly to to believe you when you say this is right and just, because I already believe you when you tell me I am an insignificant, scared little girl that looks in the mirror at night and dreams of a better world. The words fall from your splendid lips so easily. And just like every night before I crawl back to the bathroom floor on hands and knees; bowing to you, scowering at your feet. And I swear every time you toss your hair back and me I will stop this madness and trying to medicate my flaws, but she kisses my lips and spits ownership into my throat. It's not long before I start to choke and purge so I can breathe. I spit up life and debris from deep inside my gut. I shout lies I've been telling myself to live by into the toilet bowl. I pound my fist on the rim, gripping with the other hand, careful to not fall in. But I am weak, and as I take that first gasp of air I sink in. I sink down. I'm drowning. She waits patiently, sitting on the end of the bath tub with her silky legs crossed, flashing me her teeth. I hear her clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. The tears and rips in my esophagus are trails leading to my bleeding stomach and failing kidneys. I convulse at the feeling, and while my eyes roll back in my head and everything grows dark, I hear her lift her thin physique and lower it next to my decaying body. I feel her press her lips against my ear. It is there and there only she says what she truly means without guilt or secrecy:
"One day you'll be like me."