HOME | DD
this-epiphany —
Shattering.
by-nc-nd
Published: 2009-12-17 16:12:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 10069; Favourites: 287; Downloads: 372
Redirect to original
Description
A woman says take me home and you are struckby the fear that you will not know how to touch her right, that you
have unwittingly made it this far without her knowing that
this was not supposed to be your life, a life your father
does not speak of and your mother doesn't understand, her eyes
heavy and sad. This is the kind of life that the dishes
will be the undoing of, a glass handled carelessly one day will
break in your hands and that will be the thing you finally
can't handle, your body crumpling against the sink, the weight
of your mother's sadness, the bitter emptiness of your father's
goodbye on the phone, your last trace of him, sterile and distant,
the endless ringing of every attempt after, the acrid taste of
the day you stopped calling, the despair, this life was never
what you wanted.
A woman says take me home and you say yes,
because how could you not?
Related content
Comments: 81
Thank you so much for this comment. I love thoughtful comments, especially on old pieces, because I get to go back and re-read it through someone else's eyes. I wish I had a better response, but I just finished a final paper and I'm all out of words.
My parents and I drift together and apart. I don't know that my relationship with my mother will ever be the same, but that's okay. I am old enough to forgive her (and myself) for all the little ways we fail each other without even trying to.
Thank you, again, for this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hmm yes I always think the most beautiful things are those done in reckless abandon.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Visceral, and powerful. I can feel the fear because in some ways, I feel it is my own. Beautiful.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
You did such a wonderful job at portraying the emotions in this piece; a very well deserved DD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Deafeningly sad. To overcome that which haunted our parents seems outright impossible at times. Fear is crippling but yet there is hope. It all starts with a selfless sense of self. If you follow my train of thought.
Still this is a very honest, well crafted and visceral poem. The cyclical ending is particularly effective. It puts me in the mind of an inner monologue and then jumping back to the moment of the decision.
My only regret is that there is no artist comment. I know that poetry should speak for itself, but some background could bring some interesting insight. Thank you for sharing this of yourself.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow, very thought provoking. Interesting piece.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Perhaps you have received way too many comments now, but it doesn't hurt I suppose for one more person to say
this really touched me.
because honestly, it did.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I appreciate every single comment I receive, even though I don't always respond to them all.
I'm glad it touched you. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow... This... is probably one of the most powerful pieces of writing I've ever read. (Mind you I do not give that compliment lightly)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I don't take compliments like that lightly, either. thank you so much.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow. This is very...poignant. Powerfully emotional and strong. It's wonderfully communicative for a short piece, and I love the flow of it. The breaking of the lines adds a break that adds a specific tone of voice and pace to the poem that adds clarity and definition that really makes this piece. Amazing job. This poem is most certainly worth the DD that it received.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
OH wow, this is really well written. It's poignant and succinct but flows beautifully. It feels like maybe you went through this exact thing. Maybe not. If not, then extra wow because you're writing from the heart.
Awesome, awesome. Congrats on the DD!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I did, in parts.
thank you so much.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I read this through first, just somewhat assuming from the opening line that you were male. No offence intended, I actually didn't realize you weren't till I checked out your page for some other poems.
First time I read this through, I was dumbstruck.
I think, putting background into this poem, as suggested somewhere above, would stop me being able to read this poem, and relate it directly to my life. That's what hit me first time round. I love it for what it is right now.
Thank you for sharing this.
Just to be clear, I still love it knowing you're a girl. Not that it makes any difference, we're all the same when you get down to it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
No, I completely understand. that's why I don't make a point of broadcasting my gender in my poetry, or the gender of the addressee in my poems - usually. I like it to remain open so it applies to as many people as possible, you know? so that it's easier to relate to.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Stunning and so much emotion for something so short. Are you at all inspired by Richard Siken? It reminds me of his work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
you're the second person to have commented on this piece saying that! Siken is my favourite poet; I am in the process of getting a line from "Scheherazade" tattooed on my arm. the fact that anything I write comes even close to reminded someone of his work is one of the best compliments I have ever received. thank you
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
No problem =] Siken is my favourite poet too!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
oh my gosh. thats so huge. and deep. its good.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
It's an OK poem, not entirely horrible but, I do find it somewhat cliche and clumsy in the alignment of lines and line-breaks.
Some of the imagery doesn't seem transparent to the message, either, but rather hit-and-miss experimental? A few things here just seem a bit out of line here.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Really great, particularly how the broken glass parallels the character's broken life 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I'm sorry, but this doesn't speak to me. I find it a little cliche and clunky. Just my opinion.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Love this! The first line captures you and the style holds you all the way to the end. Very powerful.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This made me want to cry. It makes me think of what my boyfriend is going through. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Siken was my first thought, and I'm pleased to have it somewhat confirmed by your profile page. I suppose what the poem would most benefit by would be a careful going-over of what is and isn't phrased in the very best way it could be, what's been swept up by the rhythm of the writing but doesn't quite stand apart -- particularly where there's not quite enough solid detail and a tendency towards the abstract (why is the mother sad, what details give this away, etc). Congrats on the DD and best of luck with the piece when you come to redraft.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Siken is my favourite poet and the fact that his name is even mentioned anywhere near my own is... mind-boggling. you're right, of course; this piece absolutely needs going over. it's a rough first copy. I just rarely go so far as to edit my pieces because I merely post them for pleasure purposes. but one day, I will.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Well, a very strong piece indeed.
Congratulations on your DD.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is the kind of life that the dishes will be the undoing of
That line struck me most of all.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I've always liked reading literature DDs, but I think this is by far my favourite. The clarity and detail within this piece is amazing. I almost didn't realise it ended because it lasted so long in my memory ... like the perfect piece of music.
I have to say ... really, well done.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
you
are
a
poetrygod.
One word, three syllables.
add it to your dictionary.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
poetry has three syllables? how do you figure?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Poetry has three syllables, god has one, but if you say with my accent, poetrygod only has three. I speak quickly. Sorry for the confusion.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Chirp, congrats on the DD, it's been twittered. [link]
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I don't think it gets more sincere than that.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Very realistic with good background context for the length
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
| Next =>