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Description
This guy.

This fucking guy right here.

Some of my longtime watchers may remeber him. He was my old fursona, between the time I retired Khaz in 2013, until late '14/early '15 when I finalised the current version Risu.

Drawing him again made me start to realise several things. First, is that he exemplifies everything I hate about myself and my life. I unconsciously designed him with all those things in mind. And it's shown by his dreary expressions set, weak build, weaker willpower, and no desireable qualities whatsoever. I mean, honestly, ask yourself this:- Who even would wanna be friends with this guy?

Secondly, is just how exceedingly, unbeleieveably un-fun it was to draw him again. With each pencil stroke, I would groan alittle bit internally. And before I knew it, the rest of this doodle just kinda slid out like an unwanted pregnancy. I was releieved when I finally got done with it, as if a parasite had been surgicaly ejected from my system after having been embedded in me for bloody years. Then I stared at what was on the paper for what seemed like several minutes, like it was an exhibit at the museum for the ugliest biologically-incorrect freak-of-natures ever discovered. It was disgusting. And worst of all, it was ME. My brain didn't register it as one of my cartoon furry characters. At the time, I didn't even ask myself how I could have been capable of conjuring such an abhorrent thing into existance with my very own imagination. But I am now. Seriously, am I really that wretched, morbid, and perturbed?

W'chever. I'm gonna stop glorifying it. And for those of you reading this (thank you btw) thinking, "aww, but he's so sad, he just needs a hug to feel better~!" No. That would be giving it more than it deserves.

.....And yet.....

On the other hand, this whole mini-experience opened my eyes to how much I DON'T wanna be this guy. For the first time in along time, I felt like I really wanted something better for myself; rather than simply becos' my friends tell me I shouldn't be so unhappy. Additionally, it gave me the much-needed motivation to begin to correct my bad habits and negative attributes. So I'm starting now. Even if it's only a matter of "fake it 'till you make it", it's still more than I've done these past 3 years. How long will this feeling last for? We shall see.

Anyhow, that's all for now. Pardon my narcissm. I just needed to get this out there. Perhaps I should've written a Journal for all this instead.....?

Description
This guy.

This fucking guy right here.

Some of my longtime watchers may remeber him. He was my old fursona, between the time I retired Khaz in 2013, until late '14/early '15 when I finalised the current version Risu.

Drawing him again made me start to realise several things. First, is that he exemplifies everything I hate about myself and my life. I unconsciously designed him with all those things in mind. And it's shown by his dreary expressions set, weak build, weaker willpower, and no desireable qualities whatsoever. I mean, honestly, ask yourself this:- Who even would wanna be friends with this guy?

Secondly, is just how exceedingly, unbeleieveably un-fun it was to draw him again. With each pencil stroke, I would groan alittle bit internally. And before I knew it, the rest of this doodle just kinda slid out like an unwanted pregnancy. I was releieved when I finally got done with it, as if a parasite had been surgicaly ejected from my system after having been embedded in me for bloody years. Then I stared at what was on the paper for what seemed like several minutes, like it was an exhibit at the museum for the ugliest biologically-incorrect freak-of-natures ever discovered. It was disgusting. And worst of all, it was ME. My brain didn't register it as one of my cartoon furry characters. At the time, I didn't even ask myself how I could have been capable of conjuring such an abhorrent thing into existance with my very own imagination. But I am now. Seriously, am I really that wretched, morbid, and perturbed?

W'chever. I'm gonna stop glorifying it. And for those of you reading this (thank you btw) thinking, "aww, but he's so sad, he just needs a hug to feel better~!" No. That would be giving it more than it deserves.

.....And yet.....

On the other hand, this whole mini-experience opened my eyes to how much I DON'T wanna be this guy. For the first time in along time, I felt like I really wanted something better for myself; rather than simply becos' my friends tell me I shouldn't be so unhappy. Additionally, it gave me the much-needed motivation to begin to correct my bad habits and negative attributes. So I'm starting now. Even if it's only a matter of "fake it 'till you make it", it's still more than I've done these past 3 years. How long will this feeling last for? We shall see.

Anyhow, that's all for now. Pardon my narcissm. I just needed to get this out there. Perhaps I should've written a Journal for all this instead.....?