HOME | DD
Published: 2003-12-25 21:13:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 222; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 7
Redirect to original
Description
I stand there stood in my dark baggy pants, black coat, hair falling slightly over my face… the way I like it… I don’t want people to look at me… but no one does… I’m a teenager… and as everyone knows teenagers are angry and easily provoked… or so the stereotype goes… as I stand there at the bus stop waiting for the bus… a light drizzle falls… I hardly notice it… my music blaring loudly into my ears… loud enough for everyone else to hear every beat… it’s like a shield… don’t talk to me, I can’t hear you and don’t want to talk to anyone… I glance at the other people stood at the bus stop… the usual assortment of freaks that get the bus… everyone normal drives cars… this makes me wonder… does that make me one of the freaks… the thought is quickly dismissed… the answer is an obvious yes… but I don’t care… I notice the bus pulling up so I step forward… in front of an old lady… I don’t care… this generation don’t have manners… so It’s not really a shock to the old lady… I slip one earphone out… not turning off my music and as the dirty bus pulls up and opens it’s door… I step on… I look at the driver… not saying a word put down the correct money… flash my pass at him like one of the cops on TV… he issues the ticket and I take it…I turn and look down the bus… thankfully no one I know is on it… I’m not in the mood for idle chitchat… I move to around half way down the bus… going far enough that I won’t have people stood over me looking at me… I want to just fade into the background and have no one notice me ever… but not so far down that I’m sat at the back of the bus with the scallies… they are the standard stereotype teenagers… selfish, angry, and anti-social… but then so am I… I don’t sit in the window seat; if I do that then someone can sit next to me… I don’t want that… I want everyone as far from me as possible… I want my own little world…
The other freaks from the bus stop have got on and have all sat down… I look down the bus… my music still blaring out… everyone can hear it… I notice an old lady staring at me… judging me… but that’s ok because her generation won the war for our freedom… that gives her the right… at least that is what she thinks… as I look at her… she looks away hoping that I wouldn’t notice her staring at me… I look around the bus… noticing the young mother sat at the front of the bus… she can’t be more than early 20’s but she is there with two young children… I realise that I’m presuming that they are hers… that I’ve become no better than the old woman… judging someone I don’t even know… I forget her from my mind and look out towards the window…
The bus has pulled out and now is stuck in traffic… all those little cars surrounding the big dirty bus… all of them pumping out their toxic little fumes… but then I realise this isn’t something I care about… what I care about is celebrities and partying… I try to pretend to myself that I’m better than others but I’m not different… I’m just as selfish and self-centred… I look at this long line of cars… everyone so in a rush to get to the places they are going that no one gets anywhere… I look down at the sports car next to the bus… the young guy in it is on his phone… I think to myself… he isn’t even at work and he’s already working hard… and wonder if that will be me in a few years… driving to work in my dead end job, not changing anything, just saving up money and buying a fast car to get to work faster to work to buy and even faster car to get to work even faster… I don’t care about the time though… I’m just happy to drift off into the world I create inside my head… a world where I am the centre and everything happens around me…
While I’m in my world time seems to pass faster… I notice we are no longer stuck in traffic… I look down the bus… the freaks have changed… the old set have gotten off and a new set have got on… doesn’t matter… the old lady who judged me is still there… and the young mother has changed to another… just the same though… wrapped in gold jewellery… but I realise once again I’m judging someone I don’t even know… so I forget it… I think for a moment… everyone judges others, so isn’t me judging her just and step to me becoming normal… but I decide that I’ll never be normal… I won’t let myself… my music is blaring away still… as I fade into my world that disappears too… it helps… because I know all my music beat for beat, word for word… I can predict it… there are no surprises to distract me from my inner world… but now I’m out of my world and there is no time for me to fade back into… I guess it’s time for me to face reality… the bus is quite full… but the driver pulls up to a stop full of freaks… they all pile on… he’s cramming them on like sardines in a tin… I notice that I’m the only person on the bus that has no one sat next to them… there are people down at the front still stood… no one wants to sit next to me… I wonder is it the music that advertises that I want to be left alone… or that I sit in the aisle seat… or maybe it’s just the fact I’m a teenager… a man is walking towards me… he looks at me… without saying a word… he is also listening to music… it’s almost like telepathy… I move over sitting next to the window… I hate that… because when you want to get up you have to move the other person and it’s colder… I am slightly touching the mans leg with mine… I pull my body as close as I can to the window… I don’t want to be touched… I can’t stand people looking at me… being touched by a stranger is just torture… I look out at the window… it’s steamed up… I’d wipe it… but I don’t want to let go of my bag… it covers my chest… almost like a suit of armour against the world… but I notice my stop is getting close… the traffic has made me late… but I don’t really care… I’m part of the apathetic generation, we don’t care about anyone or anything but ourselves really… or so the media tells me…
I stand still not saying a word to the man next to me… it’s like telepathy as he stands and moves out of my way… and I step out… I walk carefully down the bus not wanting to draw attention to myself by falling or doing anything embarrassing… I wish I were invisible… I hate myself… but I realise that no one cares that I hate myself… It’s not that they hate me… it’s just that they don’t care… they neither hate nor like me… they wouldn’t miss me if I was suddenly gone… I get to the front of the bus as he pulls up… for some reason as I step past the driver I turn and look at him and thank him… I don’t know why… I think to myself… why have I done that, he gets paid, he doesn’t care… but I’ve done it now… as I step off… out into the cold world ready for the walk to my fun life at college… the drizzle still falling wets my long hair which hangs still over my face… I walk with my head slightly down… I used to wear my hat for hiding… but now there is no need… as I walk the familiar route to college not really needing to think about where I am going… I drift off again into my world… the only place where I could live forever… I wonder to myself what will I learn today… what will happen… and then I realise that the answer always has been and always will be… nothing…
Everything I’ve ever known or learnt or done means nothing… does it matter that a circle has area ðR2 does that make a difference to my life… the only difference it makes is that I will get a job that means I can buy my fast car and pretty things… and live the rest of my life working my balls off in a dead end job to buy all the pretty things that the world tells me I need…
And then I realise… I’ve arrived… I can’t tell you anything about the walk up because I wasn’t really paying attention… I was too busy in my world… and now I have my fun day of learning ahead of me…
Related content
Comments: 6
JennyB [2004-07-27 22:47:14 +0000 UTC]
Normally I'm not fond of writing without an obvious structure, but I like this, especially the way the thoughts run straight off the last one. Instead of a story, the way it’s written makes it seem more like actual thoughts that someone's written down, which appears to be what you intended.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
cariadav [2004-07-22 19:25:31 +0000 UTC]
well. I like it
I told you this just now.... and I mean it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Romily [2004-05-18 13:30:36 +0000 UTC]
i thought this was really good. i feel almost like i know you know. and i like that there are no paragraphs, cause it flows, they are thoughts, they dont have fucking paragraphs do they. you had so many good points, and so many things i could relate to. keep up the good work, man. you are interesting.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
unknown-entity In reply to Romily [2004-05-18 13:31:48 +0000 UTC]
thanks i'd forgotten i'd submitted this piece, not read it in ages.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Larikko [2003-12-26 00:39:50 +0000 UTC]
Nice, and I understand what your saying. But, there is no paragraphs, and it's be eaier to read if there was. Also, the "..." got annoying after a while. It's okay for every once and a while, but so many "..." made it annoying.
Great start Ur gonna be good.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0








