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wolfboy193 — A Life's Mistake Ch1 'R D'
Published: 2008-11-01 07:03:04 +0000 UTC; Views: 186; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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Description                                               1.  A New Life

  What’s happening to my body? What are those people doing to my body? I need to escape but I can’t move in this tank. Why are they looking at me and why am I getting sleepy? Wolfgirl help! Somebody Help!
  Where am I? Who am I? Whose voice is that? Kid hey kid wake up! I hope you’re not dead.
  “Who are you?” I asked.
  “Oh so your not dead. Great my name is Samus. What’s yours?”
  “I don’t remember” I replied
  “Well get up I’ll take you to my place. You look like a friend of mine. His name is wolfboy. Maybe you’ll get to meet him.”
  “OK I’ll come.”
  “Wolfgirl have you seen wolfboy I want to introduce this kid to him.” said Samus when we got to the castle.
  “No I haven’t he’s been missing since yesterday. Probably got lost again in the woods.” Replied Wolfgirl
  “Hi what’s your name?” asked Wolfgirl
  “I don’t know I think it starts with a G but I’m not sure.” I replied surprised that I remembered at least that much.”
  “You look just like Wolfboy when he was your age. Of course he was human then.”
  “What’s a human?” I asked wondering what a human was.
  “You don’t know what a human is?”
  “Nope”
  “I’ll show you then.”
  Me and Wolfgirl walked into a room were I saw a tall skinny man with blue hair talking to Samus. But right after that I was surprised to see a sword there and the room was different compared to the other it was huge and had lots of books. But not only were there that man and Samus but another woman and man reading the books.
  “This is Marth the human who owns this castle.” Wolfgirl said as she introduced me to the tall skinny man talking to Samus.
  “Who are those two reading books?” I asked.
  “That is Ellis and Roy” Marth replied.
  “Wolfgirl who is this?” asked Marth.
  “This is a boy Samus found lying on the ground near the castle and no one around to claim him.” She said
  “Wolfgirl you’re a sucker for lost kids.” said Roy
  “You too, Samus.” Said Ellis
  A couple of minutes later Wolfgirl is chatting with Roy and Ellis leaving me with Marth and Samus.
  “You’re so cute” said Samus
  “Leave the kid alone Samus.” Marth said “you’ve been looking at my sword for awhile”
  “Fire Emblem is missing. Isn’t it, Samus?”
  “What you know about the fire emblem!!!” Marth and Samus said at the same time.
  “Yea I know where it is. The only problem is I don’t remember where. But I’ve seen it at where I used to live.”
  Just as he finished speaking they heard a crash from Marth’s room.

  “Come here Gin! Gin!!!!! Where are you? I know you’re here I can smell you.” A voice came from Marth’s bedroom.
  “Gin… whose Gin? Ellis asked.
  “I think it him.” said Wolfgirl.
  “Stay here. Roy come with me where going to check it out.” Said Marth and then they left.
Second’s past and then there was a figure running past the door. The figure stopped turned and she just looked like a younger Wolfgirl except with white hair and red eye’s.
  “Gin!!!” said the girl happily.
  “Who are you?” I asked
  “Quit playing around. The masters are worried about you. You’re in big trouble already. So hurry up and get away from here Gin”
  “I don’t know you so go away.” I said
  “Gin how you could forget your own sister I’ll never know!”
  “Sister! You have a sister!” said Wolfgirl
  “Give me a break before I fell of the cliff and into the river I don’t remember anything else.”
  “No wonder they called you a failure you always forget everything after a day or two except when you’re with me!” screamed the girl
  “What’s your name?” asked Samus
  “Sherry, My name is Sherry.” Sherry said crying.
  “Gotcha!” yelled Marth. “Ouch! She bit me!” yelled Marth as she ran into Roy’s legs.
  “Sherry we just want to talk to you not hurt you.” Said Roy
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Comments: 1

silverfire113 [2008-11-07 01:03:35 +0000 UTC]

good job, though you should consider putting in more description. It will make the story longer and more enjoyable.
It's only a rough draft though so that's okay.
Also, no one would really know what Wolfboy and Wolfgirl would look like. You should say what they look like. Example: I saw a tall skinny man with blue hair.
That's pretty good though you could add some more stuff in or use a thesaurus to pick out words that are more interesting.
Like...I saw a tall, skinny man with midnight blue hair and eyes of the same color.
You also made a mistake somewhere I think.
I'll stop criticizing now You probably already know most of this stuff anyway. Great start!

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